the 24th year...

[rendylee]

It was an amazing experience for me and so glad I was able to go down and cheer for Brian and Dean. Two very incredible people who love this sport and their passion shows

[Lou1se]

Oh I had been thinking of you Ren! How amazing to be there! I would have whistled!!!

I had to google the General -



General Anthony Clement "Nuts" McAuliffe was the United States Army general who commanded the 101st Airborne Division troops defending Bastogne, Belgium during the Battle of the Bulge in World War II.

[bcapprentice]

Nuts!- General Anthony McAuliffe










I need a few days to process but the good general (if you relate the term and situation to me & bb'ing) sums it up exactly.

I am looking forward to a translation of what this means!

[ArchAngel'73]

“Phuck you, I won't do what you tell me.”




Drug tested bodybuilding can kiss my fat un-striated glutes.
ATM, I am disgusted with it and my inability to answer the call and bring to stage what the judges want.
So, phuck you.

I got beat by 2 bodybuilders.
I then got beat by 4 guys with abs, 1 of which didn't have the respect enough to hang around for the finals.
Phuck that.

We had to change and do our pre-stage thing in the back walk way. No dressing rooms, no privacy, no respect.
Phuck that too.

Then I talked to a judge.
He offered to prep and “help” me for next time.
Gee, that's awfully nice of him!
Then I do my homework, this judge is part of a prep team along with the head judge and a few more that also happen to be integral figures in this federation.
Are you phucking kidding me??
I see the politics happening here, I see the money grubbing and potential for bullsh*t.
Phuck that three.

Then I take a 2nd look on what I'm being judged on.
There are no points awarded to muscularity, symmetry, proportion or even conditioning for that matter.
1 I dominate in, 2 I definitely hold my own, and conditioning I concede dead last.
If you aren't going to judge me on muscularity wtf am I training for?
Sheeat, I can do crossfit and jump bosu balls to compete.

This is not bodybuilding.
I have lived bodybuilding inside and out.
This is not bodybuilding.
This is business.

Phuck you.

I have a fantastic track record of 5th and 6th place showings (that sounds much better than last place brahs).
I'm not that stupid.
I get it.
Even down 14 lbs. from my last show and I'm last.
What's the phucking point continuing this.
I accomplished NONE of my bodybuilding goals this year.

But I am in full control of all of my mental faculties once again, physically healthy and debt free.
This I do owe to bodybuilding.

I have lost a total of 96 lbs. of pure fat and kept it off, know how to lose it if necessary, and changed my entire lifestyle.

My value to this earth and the people in it will not be undermined by lack of striations and the presence of loose skin.

I have looked at this vid quite a few times (thanks to Vangaurd1965 and his son) and I suggest watching it from 3 perspectives-I'm outta the vid about ½ way through.
1. Watch my bro Dean kick some azz in his 1st comp and earning 2nd!
2. Watch my militaristic style of posing flop, me mis-hear the most muscular call, and see how my fatness affects the placings. (not crying, 'tis a true story).
3. Now, watch for the beef. Even if I lost another 20, I'd still have it.



I have some pics.
I'm holding those pics for ransom for the pics that others took that I have not received.

The Good
-Met Dean, gave him a few pointers, empathized strongly with his 1st show, and made a new and amazing friend.
-I showed my friend “rendy-lee” what this was all about so she could make an informed decision on whether she was going to compete next year. She also renewed my faith in the goodness of people.
-This was the 1st time my mother saw me compete. She has watched Pumping Iron almost as many times as I have and knows I read all the “old muscle books”. I am her only child and I did her proud.

I prepped sanely and did not do anything drastic nor stupid, unlike almost every other show I've done.


The Bad
Can it get much worse than what I've mentioned?


The Ugly

The Demons
The demons every competitor (and some non) is the mental arguing of logic and emotion. The weaker you are physically from prep the more they get to you and the more bad things they tell you.
One should take heed in what they say but not direct your decisions solely on them.

Tuesday night I decided not to compete.
Wednesday morning I decided to show off my hard work and open the doors to my world to a few who have never seen it.
Both decisions were correct and wrong at the same time-competing and stepping on stage are two different things.


So this leads to my post competition reply of;

Nuts!


During the latter part of WW2 the Americans were taken off guard by a surprise German attack and basically had their asses kicked all the way to some little inconsequential town called Bastogne, fortified by outnumbered, outgunned, and low on ammunition American paratroopers.
Against tons or armour, artillery, and infantry.
The Germans offered the Americans a chance to surrender.

“Nuts!” was the reply.

So when the Germans finally deciphered what “Nuts!” actually meant they became infuriated and unleashed a brutal attack and those battered bastards of Bastogne held that insignificant town and never let it fall despite the odds.
That ground meant something to them all the way out in 1944 Belgium.



The demon came to me and it said;
“We have kicked your ass every fight up until now and the next one nothing new shall be expected. You are a failure at this, there is no sense in chasing this and sacrificing more. Give up, quit, walk away so we don't have to continue kicking your ass. Go do something else, be like other people, have fun.
You ARE done.”

The Fiend stated to the demon;
“You have indeed beat me at every contest we've been in.
You're right, I should quit.
But I still think I have shot of of taking you out.
Every time you beat me I come back again, stronger.
And I only need to beat you once.
I'm ALWAYS going to be here.
You are not.

Go to hell.
I just got out.”


I have until June 2013 to play bodybuilder before I move on to my new career that might not mix well with this endeavour.
In 2012 I was out for redemption.
I realize now I don't need no stinking redemption.
My placing, your placing, my opinion of you, your opinion of me or anything else along those lines...that sh*t don't matter.
What I got trumps that and can never be take away.
Honor.




Even in defeat.


To my demons;
Phuck you, I won't do what you tell me.











-a special thanks to forum members;
Vytis-my corner guy, couldn't have done this without you
rendy-lee- my irl friend met through bb.com
ironwill2008- over”anal”yzing one's own training can lead to an early retirement from this sport, your feedback at such times is/was appreciated

and anyone who reads my journal. This is my outlet, my toilet of thoughts if you will. Mostly full of crap but once in a while something good gets dropped in there and is worth retrieving.

[hazto]

Great write up, like how you call it the way it is. Props for stepping on stage. The pic looks great, great def in back and wheels look huge. What's the new career next year?

Also thanks for the pointers that you have given me the past year.

[latebloomingmom]

B I know you worked damn hard for this
you step on a stage and into an arena that very few will ever attempt or understand
I have mad respect for you

[ArchAngel'73]

[ArchAngel'73]

[ironwill2008]

^^^^ These pics made me smile, Brian.



That was a great writeup.

[rendylee]

I have some pics.
I'm holding those pics for ransom for the pics that others took that I have not received.

The Good
-Met Dean, gave him a few pointers, empathized strongly with his 1st show, and made a new and amazing friend.

-This was the 1st time my mother saw me compete. She has watched Pumping Iron almost as many times as I have and knows I read all the “old muscle books”. I am her only child and I did her proud

OKAY, OKAY, OKAY...got the hint, called Stacy this morning !!

...but I do see that my pic taking skills were not too bad, lol

Meeting Dean and his wife was quite nice and your mom is a lovely lady, and I still think you are the spitting image of her....well a few feet taller

B I know you worked damn hard for this
you step on a stage and into an arena that very few will ever attempt or understand
I have mad respect for you

^^^^This X's infinity!!!

[Lou1se]

LOL Nice write-up and pics. You looked great and I'm proud of you!

You're a winner for getting up there, it takes guts and tremendous effort!

So great your mum came along!

hehe love the pussycat

[jtroster]

Great write-up Brian.

[Vytis]

I'm glad that you competed and had fun in the process. Lovin' the pics too!

[HoustonTXMuscle]

Brian, thanks for posting the pictures (especially the ones with your cat). Thought that your write up of the show was great, and from my perspective, again found many points with which I could identify. You are and continue to be a real inspiration to noobs (like me with much less experience).

[drudixon]

Wow, some great writing. I didn't expect all that, but am glad I read it. I love your resolve. That's the only way to go about it. I keep trying to watch the vid, but it hangs before starting. Will try again later. Keep on keeping on! Cheering for you, always.

[Bo_Flecks]

Are you on a self imposed hiatus right now, Brian???

[drudixon]

Are you on a self imposed hiatus right now, Brian???

^^^^^?

[ArchAngel'73]

Great write up, like how you call it the way it is. Props for stepping on stage. The pic looks great, great def in back and wheels look huge. What's the new career next year?

Also thanks for the pointers that you have given me the past year.

Thank-you!
Alas it was not enough for the bought and paid for judges and their non-existant judging criteria.

I will be some sort of caseworker (social worker) but I am able to specilialize in an as of yet undiscovered position. I will be very busy...

It has been my pleasure hazto!

B I know you worked damn hard for this
you step on a stage and into an arena that very few will ever attempt or understand
I have mad respect for you : )

True and true, but not hard enough I guess.
Thank-you, as I do for you lbm.

^^^^ These pics made me smile, Brian. : )



That was a great writeup.

Crappy news is always best served with a side dish of fat cat, lol.

Its not like it used to be, not as it should be anymore Will. Makes me wanna puke.
There is no more bodybuilding, like all sports it is a business and I do not like it one iota.

OKAY, OKAY, OKAY...got the hint, called Stacy this morning : D!!

...but I do see that my pic taking skills were not too bad, lol : p

Meeting Dean and his wife was quite nice and your mom is a lovely lady, and I still think you are the spitting image of her....well a few feet taller : )



^^^^This X's infinity!!!

Thank-you so much "corner lady"! It was my honour to have you there and you helped immensly!
Lunch will go beter when there is power.

LOL Nice write-up and pics. You looked great and I'm proud of you!

You're a winner for getting up there, it takes guts and tremendous effort!

So great your mum came along!

hehe love the pussycat : )

I had 2 great ladies helping me, L and my mother and met some great folks, and Dean was very deserving of his #2 spot in both classes.

I love that pussycat very much too.

Great write-up Brian.

Thank-you, Joel.

I'm glad that you competed and had fun in the process. Lovin' the pics too!

Woulda been worse without you.
Thank-you R for your help and helping me decypher all the b.s that crossed through my mind.
You helped change my perspective to a better one.

Brian, thanks for posting the pictures (especially the ones with your cat). Thought that your write up of the show was great, and from my perspective, again found many points with which I could identify. You are and continue to be a real inspiration to noobs (like me with much less experience).

Wow, I'm no inspiration.
I'm full of perspiration but not an inspiration.
Thanks Bob.

Wow, some great writing. I didn't expect all that, but am glad I read it. I love your resolve. That's the only way to go about it. I keep trying to watch the vid, but it hangs before starting. Will try again later. Keep on keeping on! Cheering for you, always.

Thanks Dru.
I shoot from the hip and hold nothing back in here.
Hope it worked later for ya?

Are you on a self imposed hiatus right now, Brian???

+

^^^^^?

Kinda.
Since October 20th I've stepped foot in the gym a grand total of 4 times until today (Nov. 17, 2012).

Even on my lifting anniversary (Nov. 11, completing the 24th year) I did not go to the gym and it felt fukking GREAT!
Not 1 macro counted, not a single phuck was given too!

Even when I did train, it was not "training", it was lifting.


I know almost a month off isn't the best call to make, but ya know what?
I DON'T GIVE A RAT'S AZZ!
24 straight years in the gym with no longer then 2 weeks off due to injury, year after year...

yeah, I earned that and ain't nobody gonna tell me different.



Competiton wrap up coming up next post, then I'm out of here.
The 24th year is over, and so will this journal be.
Stay tuned to this section and my sig, another coming.

[ArchAngel'73]

They start off this group with us all lined up backstage, there's young, old(er), females and males, figure/fitness/and bodybuilders, with 1 guy who only did this one class.
Our former picture is displayed and our story read.
I help the president pronounce "endocrine disorder" because he's dumb and can't read.

-that's me about 3 bills


Then we go out and show the audience the current goods.



I am the biggest phucker in this show and bb'ing audiences want to see some gawd damn muscle;
so before I go back to backstage I crank out the crab and hands clasped mm and show them what everbody else doesn't have as much as I.
Beef.
(no pics, sorry, go watch the damn video, hard to miss me)

I figure its between me, the old lady, and the skinny dude with the hams standing beside me.
Skinny dude wins, but the old lady (60) has got the crowd going, but my sob story + present physical condition should a put me 3rd in this class.

Only 1st was counted so we'll never know but I'll settle with deluding myself in this class and say I did well, coming in 3rd-5th.

All these folks did an awesome job, great people to chat with backstage and we all shared our triumphs together!



Bodybuilding aside, I'm gonna suck my own d*ck for a minute.
I weighed 216 that day, 13 lbs. lighter than last show, bringing me to a grand total of 94 lbs. of pure fat lost and kept off since Oct. 24, 2009.



I'm done playing someone else's game.
From now on I play my game and my game only.
This has cost me much, I have sacrificed so much I often question my sanity doing this.

Bob Cicherellio wrote in MD recently that amateurs do not get to "retire", they are amateurs, not pro's.
Those who opt for this option in fact, "quit".

I don't know what is going to happen, I don't have any plans/goals, I don't have any answers.
All I do know is

that
I
do
NOT
quit.

[bcapprentice]

Glad to see that you are back in the land of the living and NOT planning to quit.

[latebloomingmom]

I don't know what is going to happen, I don't have any plans/goals, I don't have any answers.
All I do know is

that
I
do
NOT
quit.

Amen B
whatever it is that comes next