Question for the ladies~~~

**Motivatedmom** · 10-13-2006, 07:32 AM

I'm not a big fan of negative posts but I would like to open a discussion about something that concerns me...

What is with the hate that gets thrown our way (by some) for making our bodies muscular and not sticking to the Victoria's Secret-ideal type of body that men/some women think we "should" have? Maybe I'm being paranoid here but the more muscular I get, the more comments I get that sound like this~ "You look so great, but you don't want to get toooooo muscular".... almost like a warning. What the hell is that? What is tooooooo muscular and who made you the judge? (is what I want to say). There's a girl who competes that comes into the gym every now and then and she looks so amazing...just perfection. I really admire this girl and she's really nice, too. Well, after she leaves a lot of the guys in the gym say mean things about her, eluding to how masculine she is, she's on steroids, etc. She looks completely natural to me and is anything but masculine. I just want to smack some of these guys because I think they are idiots for being so closed-minded.

I recently (last 6 weeks or so) started bringing a protein drink to the gym to have while I'm weight-training and to give me some simple carbs to use for fuel. It consists of a banana, some skim milk, protein powder, a few scoops of maltodextrin, and ice. Well, lately I keep getting a lot of comments about the fact that I'm taking "something" in that shake and that's why I'm getting muscular. At first I thought it was just harmless joking (and it's coming from a lot of the male locals who are at my gym a lot of the time) but it's starting to get on my nerves. I'm still breastfeeding, for God's sake so the only supplements I'm taking are prenatal vitamins but now I feel like I have to defend myself. It's just weird, is all.

Do any of you deal with this or am I just being over-sensitive?

Sorry for the rant!

Jamie

**arose70** · 10-13-2006, 07:42 AM

No, not over sensitive. I think that we all have pride in what we work hard at and what is important to us. For those of you that compete, you've worked SO hard to acheive the bodies that are ready to step on stage and you are proud of that. If someone then tries to undermind your work, you get upset. I do it too (although not in the bodybuilding sense as I am no where near competitor status

). That's just what these people are doing---you MUST be taking SOMETHING because you look awesome. You COULDN'T have done it all on your own! *sarcasm* The guys probably feel ridiculous because they don't have the nice lean muscle-y look that you do and they need a way to justify it to themselves why you look better, besides using the obvious...diet and hard work in the gym.

I think its natural and no need to think you are being over sensitive. They are YOUR feelings and they are valid. Some people just need to let others be and get out of their business.

I don't know how to deal with it, I'm sorry I can't offer much advice.

**giuliagoolia** · 10-13-2006, 08:34 AM

funny you post this, because my husband and I were talking about this very thing lastnight. He made the comment to me that it seems I'm not very liked at the gym and I asked him to explain he said "you don't see all the nasty looks you get from the other girls in the gym?!" I was actually relieved when he said that, because up until then, I thought I was being paranoid and it was all in my head. I even get nasty glares by some of the guys.
So, to answer your question, yes I've experienced crummy attitudes and negative comments. I've been told by two women co-workers that I look awful "with all that muscle, women are meant to look soft" I think it's so bothersome because we take pride in our acheivements, dedication and commitment and when someone finds it so easy to crap on that, it's like they totally dismiss all our hardwork (mentally, physically and emotionally), and that sucks

I just try my best to ignore it, though sometimes it's hard to, but honestly, it makes me work that much harder in the gym. I figure if they are going to dislike my muscles then I want to make sure there is plenty there for them not to like

**arose70** · 10-13-2006, 08:36 AM

Originally Posted by giuliagoolia

I figure if they are going to dislike my muscles then I want to make sure there is plenty there for them not to like

Awesome

.

**Ruth** · 10-13-2006, 08:45 AM

Just a matter of what is generally considered aesthetically attractive, really. Most people are led by the general standard in a particular age.

As for muscle: I personally find huge female BBers aesthetically displeasing, though I would never say so to them, since it's their own business.

I feel the same about very huge male BBers. The owner of my gym (a champion) I consider to be unattractive and freaky-looking. I think it looks weird when you can't walk normally and can't lower your arms fully but walk with them quite a space from your sides, and I find the huge bulging veins ugly. Still, it's what he wants and good luck to him.

**bluescorpion** · 10-13-2006, 09:45 AM

I think a lot of them are just jealous!

The women want you to be out-of-shape and saggy and the men are afraid you'll outwrestle them.

**pgb2006** · 10-13-2006, 09:51 AM

People who criticize others a lot usually always will put down anything that makes them feel inadequate especially things they have no intentions of doing anything about. Their imagined world is designed to give them an excuse for everything,disclaimers for not doing anything but just what they have to do to survive and provide sufficient entertainment and ego boosting to delude them into thinking they are really hot...when they`re not.

**BlondeAmazon** · 10-13-2006, 09:52 AM

Funny that this came up today as I just posted a thread in the 35 and older section on family perception. I love the way my body is changing- and I love the look of some of the national competitors in womens bodybuilding. Some of the women would be ugly- with or without weights- men also. I have been accepted by MOST men at my gym as one of the guys but I have a pony tail and boobs. I train my son so some of the women think thats cool. But its frustrating as hell with my FAMILY who constantly tell me that women in bodybuilding are gross and ugly when the only information they get is on the news and negative public images. Its to the point now that I do not want ANYONE save my son and bf to go with me to my competition. I simply dont want to hear the crap.

**daYDreAmErX** · 10-13-2006, 10:13 AM

All this is so true ! I heard everything like "she trains so hard and heavy, she must be frustrated in her personal life". WOW ! Maybe I'm confident and feeling good with myself and that's why I'm giving my 100% in the gym !

Yeah, I don't chat or bring my cellphone with me when I squat. Yeah, I sweat like crazy. Yeah, I don't over-do cardio. SO WHAT ?

I know what you mean about protein shake. But if you take the little Carbo bottle of sh*t the gym sells, then you are alright.

And the gym mixes creatine with orange juice in the gym... OMG...

**twinnett** · 10-13-2006, 10:26 AM

I know exactly what you mean. My husband even tells me that "women should be soft". People at the gym are always asking me why I don't run 7 miles a day like I used to and how I'm starting to look "big" and "bulky". I mean, it's hard enough for me to do this b/c of my history, but when people say things that make it seem like I'm just getting huge, it makes me feel really horrible. Then there's the trainer who tells me that I'm lifting too heavy and I need to "burn out" the muscles w/ lots of reps instead. She also tells me that I don't need a postworkout shake w/ dextrose, that eating anything is fine. It's just so frustrating sometimes. Oh, and EVERYONE keeps telling me how "dangerous" creatine is and how I shouldn't be taking it.

Motivated Mom- you look absolutely incredible! I want your abs!!!!

**sassylady** · 10-13-2006, 10:44 AM

Great Post! Here is a good example of men's crazy perceptions. My husband, who is really into weight lifting and has a very muscular physique, tells me that I should not do weight lifting to lose weight becuase that would make me big and bulky. Cardio only, he says, and that if I want to weight lift that I should do really high reps w/ low weights which, in my opinion, is equivalent to doing the hokey-pokey for a half an hour. But don't worry, I tell him he is wrong, totally ignore his opinion, and do what I want to anyway. Anyway, then he shows me pictures of figure competitiors like Amber Little-John and tells me that he thinks she looks hot and has an awesome body. And I say to him, you know those women look like that becuase they train HARD and lift HEAVY and eat clean. And he doesn't get it that that is what I need to do to reach my goals. Men.......OY!

**BlondeAmazon** · 10-13-2006, 11:28 AM

Originally Posted by daYDreAmErX

All this is so true ! I heard everything like "she trains so hard and heavy, she must be frustrated in her personal life". WOW !

LOL!! I actually had one guy tell me once that if I had sex more often I wouldnt be so inclined to need to work such extreme energy off at the gym.... I told him-- I have sex all the time-- I keep Bob and Justin in my drawer in case of emergencies. The dumbells like you though-- I deal with mostly at the gym.... funny-- never saw that guy again.

**fitcajungirl** · 10-13-2006, 11:44 AM

Jamie, I think you look fabulous! Congrats on your progress!

I deal with this all the time. People are dealing with their own insecurities when they say that kind of stuff. I stick on my headphones, load up the plates and get in my own little world. It will get better, the folks at the gym are not used to seeing people's physiques change, because it takes HARD WORK and not alot of people are willing to make that sacrifice. If you are happy with the way you look, then screw everyone else. Besides, pretty soon you will be known as the "chick with the muscles who is serious about her lifting and nutrition"!

After spending the summer with very low bodyfat and muscle definition from doing 5 shows, (and spending alot of time grocery shopping) I have a new motto:

I like being the freak show at Wal Mart!

Good luck and KEEP IT UP!
Lisa
www.fitlisa.com

**=M=** · 10-13-2006, 01:51 PM

Originally Posted by fitcajungirl

I like being the freak show at Wal Mart!

Good luck and KEEP IT UP!
Lisa
www.fitlisa.com

I imagine that's a much better freak show than what's usually playing at the Wal Mart-500 pounders in their spandex pants with a belly shirt to top it all off!

**vegasgrl** · 10-13-2006, 09:58 PM

hey motivated!
I saw your pictures! they rock!
I also deal what that kind of comments but i decided that i want to define for myself what i consider athletic & sexy..
no ones talk to me at the gym and that's fine 'cause i get the music going on my ipod and go there for punishment..I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels like that..

**MyPumps** · 10-13-2006, 11:36 PM

Originally Posted by =M=

I imagine that's a much better freak show than what's usually playing at the Wal Mart-500 pounders in their spandex pants with a belly shirt to top it all off!

LOL! Freak show or car accident? You know you shouldn't look, but DAMN! You just can't help it! I know there are people out there with medical problems and all who really can't help it, but that has to be a small minority.
If I see anyone muscular, even if it's more muscle than is aesthetically pleasing to me, I still respect all the hard work they put in to get that way. It's the dedication, exertion, overcoming one's own boundries to improve yourself, to make yourself stronger in every way.
Those 500 pounders you mention that insist on testing the limits of spandex, the majority just gave up. They took the way out that requires the least work, will power etc. It makes me sick to see them wear the belly shirts though because they're flaunting their fat like they're proud of it. It's great in a way that they have that self-confidence, but that's going too extreme and crossing the line of good taste.
I would rather see someone male or female "too muscular" and shake their hand. At least you know you're looking at someone with great inner strength who makes the self-sacrifices and effort to improve themselves on their own terms. If anyone has a problem with muscle on a woman (or man) they're jealous of you on top of being ignorant. Tell them to shut their yap and save it for the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade balloons that come bounding out of Wally World or the local buffet because those big-ass balloons need that kind of hot air.
Again, some people really can't help it, and no offense is meant if you suffer from some medical problem, but if you don't, feel free to be offended and work it out in the gym.

**Motivatedmom** · 10-14-2006, 07:36 AM

Thanks to everyone who posted on this thread~ It's nice to know I'm not the only one who senses this from time to time...

arose~ Exactly!!! I can see why natural competitors are so defensive because everyone is so quick to judge and say they are taking something... That's a lot of hard work to go through to have someone "decide" you are taking steroids or something instead of considering that you may be extremely dedicated and focused...

giuliagoolia~ I love your username!!! What is up with all the flippin' hate? Women need to support eachother and not give in to all of that... I see women starting out at my gym all the time and they totally avoid me. I'm always super nice to everyone so eventually they come around and start acting friendly but it's weird that it always seems to start out in such a hostile way. I remember when I was first starting out and totally out of shape... I never "hated on" women who were in there kicking ass. They totally motivated me to work harder, you know? I just wish people weren't so ugly sometimes...
I agree with you that the best way to channel that is to work even harder in the gym...

ruth~ I totally see where you are coming from... it's just funny that our "ideal" is really only a look that 1% of the population even has... We all know that average women don't look like Victoria's Secret models... I wouldn't trade my body with any one of those girls if you offered it to me because I don't really want to look "soft"... I've been skinny before and there was nothing empowering about it other than how it made men react. I'm learning that, for me, bodybuilding gives me so much more strength (mental and physical) and that is so much more valid than making a man's head turn. I love running and not feeling anything jiggle, I love the energy I have, I just love the accomplishment of it.... The kind of man I want is one who finds all of that stuff attractive and not just the "skinny ideal body"... We all have different ideas about what is aesthetically pleasing and I don't want to be super-huge either but I still have a TON of respect for the amount of work and dedication it takes to build that much muscle...

bluescorpion~ I don't know if that's it but it's a nice thought...

It seems more mean-spirited than that but jealousy IS an ugly emotion. The "scary guy" really looks like he hates me or something. Who knows, maybe I remind him of his ex-wife or something...lol.

pgb2006~ That totally makes sense!

blondeamazon~ Hey girl! I can't believe your family isn't supporting you... do I need to come over there and smack some sense into them? That's the very thing that drives me nuts... How can they not see that this is a positive thing for you just because it doesn't fit into their "norm"...???? AAAAAAAAAAA! I'm even getting teased by one of the trainers at my gym and I really liked the guy up until he started doing it... Now I just feel like he's judging me and I never really asked his opinion anyways....grrrrrrr! The "sex" thing is hilarious because I think most people would agree that it improves your sex life. I dated a bodybuilder for 4 years in college and we never had any problems...lol. I feel like an idiot here because the bob and justin thing went right over my head... I can guess what you are talking about but not quite sure.

daydreamerx~ OMG! That is hilarious!!!! What a load of crap... You know what? I think weight-training is one of the best ways to relieve stress, clear your head, and do something positive for yourself on a regular basis... It's not a remedy to life's problems (we've all got them) but how could you criticize someone for doing something positive??? Who raised these people?

twinnett~Girl,you better just put up a wall to all that negativity!!! I can't imagine how damaging those comments could be to someone recovering from an ED... I never even thought about that. Instead of complimenting you on looking healthier than ever and eating so well you are building muscle instead of depleting it, some idiot makes you feel "big".... grrrrrrr. Just put on your headphones and listen to songs with words like "beautiful" in them while you're lifting weights...cuz' that's what you are!!!!

sassylady~That's so true, there is such a double-standard out there about working out. You do see so many women in the cardio-only zone while the men are lifting weights. The sad thing is they would get so much further if they learned how to lift weights vs. walking on a treadmill for an hour. It took me a while to find a trainer who would put an intense routine together for me because he was the first one who listened to me and appreciated my goals.

fitcajungirl~ Thank you so much and that means a lot coming from you!!! LMAO at "the freak show in Walmart"....that conjures up some pretty funny images of the freaks I've seen there (and you definitely wouldn't qualify as a freak in my book). I totally love your attitude and try to think that way, too. It seems like it's becoming more of a challenge due to the reactions I've been getting. I'm going to be working as a PT at my gym and I hope some of these people who may feel intimidated as my peer will want me to train them since they have seen how hard I work. It will be interesting to see how it pans out...

~M~ lol, exactly!

vegasgrl~ OOOXXX, thank you!!! Bump to your post, too! Awesome attitude!

mypumps~ you ROCK! OMG, I almost spit my coffee out...lol.

Have a great weekend ladies!!!!!!!

Jamie

**serinebean** · 10-14-2006, 02:18 PM

I wish I knew.
I do know that no matter which way you go, you will be too thin, too fat, too ugly, too stupid, too this that and the other thing to someone. Its enough to drive you nuts, and it will if you cant decide what you want for you and your body.
I mean I have my images of men...what they "should" look like to be attractive. Personally, I like a little belly and a goatee and a bald head..lol.....but thats not for every one.
And half of the men dont live up to the underwear model standard.
And how much of it is us just judging ourselves?
For the ones that cant understand it.....well change and deviation scare most people. I mean growing up its which one is not like the other, which one does not belong. Throw in a buff woman, and its bound to stirr up some shizzle. Its like the wired dont connect, and they cant understand why you want to be different.
On the flip side.....its just the same as not understanding why the models choose to look the way they do, why gothics dress the way they do, why people join cults, jump out of planes....ect.
All and all we love freaks in this world....they gives us a moment to say "Hey I am not that weird compared to them....I guess I am ok after all." Or just for amusement. And I am not ashamed to say that people amuse me....they are great.
I dont know...my mindless blabble on the topic.

Keep lifting woman....be that change!

**Rune44** · 10-15-2006, 08:10 AM

I must admit that women who are extremely muscular seem masculine and very unattractive to me. I'm not trying to discredit their achievements but I can't help my hormones. But, really really strong guys are considered ugly and freakshows too so try to understand that looks-wise you CAN be too muscular no matter what your sex.

The standards for girls being "too buff" and guys being "too buff" are different and the girl standard is alot lower than the guys (not fair I know but thats how society is these days) as for being accused of steriods, take it as a compliment that means they think your a roid-cake because you look so much more muscular than them.

"I think a lot of them are just jealous! The women want you to be out-of-shape and saggy and the men are afraid you'll outwrestle them." I seriously disagree with this it's not true at all. Being slender and not muscle-bound is NOT "saggy" or "out-of-shape" it's considered a sign of great beauty to be a girl at a slender weight.

**BlondeAmazon** · 10-15-2006, 08:47 AM

Originally Posted by Motivatedmom

blondeamazon~ Hey girl! I can't believe your family isn't supporting you... do I need to come over there and smack some sense into them? That's the very thing that drives me nuts... How can they not see that this is a positive thing for you just because it doesn't fit into their "norm"...???? AAAAAAAAAAA! I'm even getting teased by one of the trainers at my gym and I really liked the guy up until he started doing it... Now I just feel like he's judging me and I never really asked his opinion anyways....grrrrrrr! The "sex" thing is hilarious because I think most people would agree that it improves your sex life. I dated a bodybuilder for 4 years in college and we never had any problems...lol. I feel like an idiot here because the bob and justin thing went right over my head... I can guess what you are talking about but not quite sure.

Jamie

LOL- ok B.O.B.-- battery opperated boyfriend-- Justin Case--- Bobs little brother in case Bob dies... LOL- thank you for your support- yes I get completely frustrated with my family- especially my mother for being SO judgemental of bbing as a whole when she doesnt know ANYTHING save what the media portrays- I love this forum-- helps me immensly-- thanks ladies!!

**BiologyBabe** · 10-15-2006, 08:54 AM

Originally Posted by BlondeAmazon

LOL!! I actually had one guy tell me once that if I had sex more often I wouldnt be so inclined to need to work such extreme energy off at the gym.... I told him-- I have sex all the time-- I keep Bob and Justin in my drawer in case of emergencies. The dumbells like you though-- I deal with mostly at the gym.... funny-- never saw that guy again.

Bob AND Justin ?

lol, j/k... all women deal w/ this all the time, at least the ones that actually go to the gym, lift heavy, get things done and get out

well you MUST be on steroids, or something

insecure is all they are

**Ruth** · 10-15-2006, 11:03 AM

MotivatedMom, "I love running and not feeling anything jiggle"

Lol! Me too! the other week I arrived at school for a parents' evening and was told that my colleague had just suffered the trauma of having one of her boobs break free in front of a classroom full of parents due to a broken bra-strap. She reportedly lost her balance and almost fell, due to the sudden force of gravity. I told the head, "I'm unperturbed: mine could both do a highland fling and nobody would notice."

**star4822** · 10-15-2006, 06:48 PM

Boy am I glad I have this forum to come to and relate to you all girls! If girls don't fit your typical stereotype, then they're considered 'freaks'(to the majority of people). And I'm made to feel even WEIRDER, because I'm a 16 year old female who lifts weights. I don't know any girl my age who is into lifting weights or who has the same interests as me. It's pretty disappointing, but it does make me feel even more strong in the gym, when I see all the girls on the cardio machines for hours on end, while I'm doing tough weight workouts!
People have seen me reading "Oxygen" and have said "Eww, those girls look so gross! Who would want to look like THAT?"..I kind of want to say "Umm, *I* would!" haha, but I don't, because I don't like to draw attention to myself. Lifting weights is weird enough for them.

**Shoshona** · 10-16-2006, 07:06 AM

Interesting thread and so appropriate.
One of the cardio bunnies at my gym approached me one day and asked me if I were having an affair and was that the reason I 'grew' muscles. She was sympathising with me over the problems with my marriage.....

I'd never talked to her before, other than hello as we passed each other in the locker room. She's one of those skinny fatties who thinks a billion hours of cardio is the be all, end all.

Since my husband and I often come to the gym together and we hug and kiss as we work out with our individual routines, I cannot fathom how she got that notion...other than the supposition that she's the one having an affair and thinks all women who get into shape must be doing the same.

**Miranda** · 10-16-2006, 07:37 AM

women ARE small and soft.
nature designed us to sit on our asses and feed the offspring.

it is very difficult - compared to men - for a woman to build mass.
why? because you don't need muscle sitting on your ass all day long feeding the offsping.

in that sense, we're all here working against mother nature

it doesn't mean you 'should' be this or that though. but it explains why people find women with male attributes (ie muscle) unattractive.

**Shoshona** · 10-16-2006, 09:02 AM

Originally Posted by Miranda

women ARE small and soft.
nature designed us to sit on our asses and feed the offspring.

it is very difficult - compared to men - for a woman to build mass.
why? because you don't need muscle sitting on your ass all day long feeding the offsping.

in that sense, we're all here working against mother nature

it doesn't mean you 'should' be this or that though. but it explains why people find women with male attributes (ie muscle) unattractive.

And, here I thought we were supposed to gather and cook the food, squat and burp out babies whilst we feed the offspring...and get our men a beer.

**hipshimmy** · 07-04-2009, 12:10 AM

I think a lot of women get bothered about toning as soon as people start to see the muscle make an appearance. I am nowhere where I need to be in terms of cutting and get a contest physique. However, everytime I mention about weight lifting I get the "don't bulk up too much because you don't want to look like a man" comment. My bodyfat is 38 right now, but still the negative reaction to idea of gaining muscle. I guess it is more ideal for me to look like a pornstar rather than a figure competitor. Crikey.

**healthierJ** · 07-04-2009, 08:38 AM

I've explained this to my husband about women. Most of them who make snide catty comments to other women are just jealous that you have more power,muscle,money whatever and want to build themselves up.

My hubs is one of those men who think women should still be soft. He's admitted to me that he doesn't find the women that bodybuild attractive and he'll be jealous that other men will find me attractive. I'm hoping to change his mind with some definition and strength. He's already decided fitness models are a little more attractive then he first thought and he's supporting me in eventually entering a bikini comp. He supports me all the way to the point that I want definition and as big as I can get naturally. That's where he falls off the bandwagon lol

**MegGreenie** · 07-04-2009, 07:57 PM

I get comments from my mom on occasion saying that I am starting to look "bulky" and I swear she think that my whey protein IS steroids! She always makes comments like "what's in that protein shake" or "whey is the devil's food!" (okay maybe not the second, but I swear that is what she is thinking!)

**KyleAaron** · 07-05-2009, 11:53 PM

Originally Posted by twinnett

Then there's the trainer who tells me that I'm lifting too heavy and I need to "burn out" the muscles w/ lots of reps instead. She also tells me -

... she also tells you a load of old bollocks.

I often hear this about personal trainers telling people this or that. What seems to be missing from their advice is trying to make it match your goals.

I don't understand that. I've spent years as a chef, now working at becoming a PT, and my view is - if you order it, I'll try to make it happen. You want your steak burned to a leather shoe sole? Well, I will ask, "are you sure?" and if you are, that's what you get. I don't have to eat it.

Likewise, I may prefer a woman to be soft and curvy, or big and muscular, or small and skinny or whatever - but I don't have to live with your body, you do. If what you want isn't going to kill you, then I'll try to help you do it. It's your body.

I don't know where the **** these PTIs get their qualifications from. I suppose it's like any job, really - most of the people doing it are pretty ordinary, the constructive work is done by a small minority. Oh well.

Originally Posted by sassylady

My husband, who is really into weight lifting and has a very muscular physique, tells me that I should not do weight lifting to lose weight becuase that would make me big and bulky. Cardio only, he says,

Spouses are a bit different to trainers or friends or whatever in that they do have to live with your body somewhat. The thing here is to keep an open mind. I look around at the profiles of different women here and there are many, many different physiques, and many of them beautiful. There's one 220lb woman here with a stunningly beautiful face and luscious dark hair, if it were up to me she'd not lose a pound. And then there's a lean and muscular woman who is also beautiful, I wouldn't tell her to change, either.

There's the thing - very different physiques, but all beautiful. And that's what a man has to realise, that his woman's body can change a lot and still be beautiful.

And in the end, the sexiest thing is confidence and enthusiasm. Better a confident enthusiastic but plain (to me) woman than a self-insulting, bored gorgeous (to me) woman. So if the changes my woman makes to her body aren't my favourite things, but it leads to her being more self-confident and enthusiastic about life and love - well, it's all for the good.

Thread: Question for the ladies~~~

Thread Tools

Search Thread

Question for the ladies~~~

Thanks for the posts!!!!

Bookmarks

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions