O/T Gas problems due to your diet? Put those powers to use!

[mudley]

These are some techniques I have used due to my new-found abilities, do not underestimate the power to fart on demand.

Feel free to add to this list!

The Fart n' go: This is where you are hurrying through some crowded place, the mall, workplace, crowded public event, and you rip one off while you're walking at a fast speed. Nobody will know who did it, and you won't be lingering around to take the blame.

The Creaky floor: This is a normal fart, but as soon as suspicion lands on you, you quickly blame some inanimate object that is unable to defend itself, such as the floor, or your tennis shoes.

The Sneaker: This is where you are sitting down, and lean over to one side, pretending to pick something up. Really you are spreading your asscheeks apart so the sound of your fart goes unheard. *good for formal events*

ADVANCED MOVE: If you are with suspecting family members who know of your habits, you can quickly perform the fart n' go right afterwards. Most likely the smell will trail behind you, not leaving much with your party.

The Boasting Fart: This is where you fart loudly and obnoxiously, taking all the blame, or credit, however you may see it. You can see how obnoxious you can get with these. I like to do them right when my girlfriend is behind me and she leans over to grab something off the floor.

The Death Trap: This fart is great, but it's not for those looking for stealth. In this maneuver, you fart while you're in the car and then hold the power windows in the up position. In most newer cars, if one person is already holding the power windows buttons, the windows won't budge when the other person tries to use his or her side.
*warning* you may get hit for this one

The new and Improved Dutch Oven: Everyone knows that a dutch oven is when you fart and pull the covers over your significant other's head... Well now your farts are 10 times more potent, and you can almost fire one off on command. What better time to give this one a go. I like to do this one to my girlfriend, and the best part of it is, you've been working out, so her resistance will be futile.

Disclaimer: I am in no way responsible if these techniques get you thrown out, beat up, or outcast from society.

[rockhuddy]

The Boasting Fart: This is where you fart loudly and obnoxiously, taking all the blame, or credit, however you may see it. You can see how obnoxious you can get with these. I like to do them right when my girlfriend is behind me and she leans over to grab something off the floor.

The new and Improved Dutch Oven: Everyone knows that a dutch oven is when you fart and pull the covers over your significant other's head... Well now your farts are 10 times more potent, and you can almost fire one off on command. What better time to give this one a go. I like to do this one to my girlfriend, and the best part of it is, you've been working out, so her resistance will be futile.

We'll see how long she sticks around.














Seriously though, funny post. I'm sure we all have our own specialties. Mine are the fartn'go and the boaster.

[Home_Slice]

I like them.

Although I call the Fart N' Go the "Crop Duster". I like the sound of that way better.

[pumpedgator]

I typically utilize the fart n go and the sneaker.

[mudley]

I like them.

Although I call the Fart N' Go the "Crop Duster". I like the sound of that way better.

Haha, the crop duster, I like that better too.

[alan aragon]

These are some techniques I have used due to my new-found abilities, do not underestimate the power to fart on demand.

Feel free to add to this list!

The Fart n' go: This is where you are hurrying through some crowded place, the mall, workplace, crowded public event, and you rip one off while you're walking at a fast speed. Nobody will know who did it, and you won't be lingering around to take the blame.

The Creaky floor: This is a normal fart, but as soon as suspicion lands on you, you quickly blame some inanimate object that is unable to defend itself, such as the floor, or your tennis shoes.

The Sneaker: This is where you are sitting down, and lean over to one side, pretending to pick something up. Really you are spreading your asscheeks apart so the sound of your fart goes unheard. *good for formal events*

ADVANCED MOVE: If you are with suspecting family members who know of your habits, you can quickly perform the fart n' go right afterwards. Most likely the smell will trail behind you, not leaving much with your party.

The Boasting Fart: This is where you fart loudly and obnoxiously, taking all the blame, or credit, however you may see it. You can see how obnoxious you can get with these. I like to do them right when my girlfriend is behind me and she leans over to grab something off the floor.

The Death Trap: This fart is great, but it's not for those looking for stealth. In this maneuver, you fart while you're in the car and then hold the power windows in the up position. In most newer cars, if one person is already holding the power windows buttons, the windows won't budge when the other person tries to use his or her side.
*warning* you may get hit for this one

The new and Improved Dutch Oven: Everyone knows that a dutch oven is when you fart and pull the covers over your significant other's head... Well now your farts are 10 times more potent, and you can almost fire one off on command. What better time to give this one a go. I like to do this one to my girlfriend, and the best part of it is, you've been working out, so her resistance will be futile.

Disclaimer: I am in no way responsible if these techniques get you thrown out, beat up, or outcast from society.

ahahahahaha fluckin brilliant post.