Girlfriend -bulimia

[slicedbread]

My girlfriend recently told me that when i first met her about 6 months ago she suffered from a eating disorder for 2 years ( bulimia ) ... she has not puked for about 4 months, and we have been dating for 3.

What can I say/do for her to give her support that she won't do this to her body again, and that she conquered it?

thanks

[SexyChic]

My girlfriend recently told me that when i first met her about 6 months ago she suffered from a eating disorder for 2 years ( bulimia ) ... she has not puked for about 4 months, and we have been dating for 3.

What can I say/do for her to give her support that she won't do this to her body again, and that she conquered it?

thanks

Tell her that she is beautiful the way that she is, and doesn't need to be thinner to be attractive.
Try to get her motivated to work out with you to lose weight.
Or you can just let her sign up here and there is lots of support from people here that have gone through the same problem.

[jlay]

yes, just be supportive of her and encourage her to come and talk to you if she has the urges to do it again. Sometimes coming to someone and talking about your urges will help talk yourself through them without acting on them. Also encourage her to eat many small meals throughout the day and never let herself get to hungry because a lot of the time throwing up is a result of binging because you had been starving yourself. Also binging is emotional. I don't know if she binged or not though. I am in recovery from bulimia myself. I was in inpatient rehab for 2 and a half months and have been out since Oct 2003, but I still struggle with poor body image. Just realize relapse is still a huge possiblility for her but it does not mean she is back to square one. please feel free to ask more questions about this or have her post on here as well. I can honestly relate.

[slicedbread]

Thank you so much both of you. Your words really helped. So much!

She is really into fitness and is an personal trainer. She used to be in amazing shape, then for 2 years she suffered from the eating disorder and now is trying to get back into great shape. She always talks about her body and that she doesnt like it.

A week ago, she ate several cookies and then didn't throw up, but she said that thought about it??

Plus, she is just now starting to get her period again, which is great news!

[ShannonC_77]

The fact alone that you're looking to support her in anyway is going to be tremendously great for her. Just try not to compliment her too much on her body and may pay more attention to her personality, so she knows that it's her personality that you love, not how she looks. The odd compliment that she looks good would be fine, but I just wouldn't reinforce this too much or she may take it the wrong way.

[slicedbread]

my girlfriend is staying with her parents right now, who lives out of the city. And she just called me up and said she had another "episode"...Im really worried and scared. what do I tell her?

Last night she had some cookies, and chocolate and some other "cheat" food, and today she said she was going to eat nothing but fiber and water...and she said she got really bloated and her stomach hurt...then she just called me and said she felt sick and made herself puke.

Im very worried, I need help to what to say

[Pink]

I am just really curious about EDs and know very little. When I was younger I used to have super control over every morsel I ate, and I also would then binge alot. But I would never puke, just starve myself more for the next week.

Since our culture values women primarily for their appearance, it is my understanding that a woman who suffers from an ED begins to develop it because they feel their self-worth and worth to others is based on their looks. I realize it's more complex than that, but it would seem to me that Shannon77 is correct that if you compliment based on appearance, you are just reinforcing that her value is based on that. I would think it would be more appropriate to appreciate her for her character and other qualities that make her uniquely her, unrelated to her appearance.

I am not an expert by any means, or even a sufferer of an ED. But I have, like many women, been taught by my culture to hate my body because it is not good enough. I have since grown older and wiser, but still am able to find many things wrong with my body, so I do have empathy with the woman who has ED. But I am curious and would like to understand more.

[jlay]

I agree with what someone else posted about not always focusing just on her looks-just let her know how much you love as a person inside. Instead of focusing on her relapse, let her know it does not have to set her back in that viscous cycle, because trust me that is what it becomes. Help her explore other options when she is having the feelings of binging, such as journaling or talking to you even if it requires her to pick up the telephone. I am not expert and if she is not getting any professional help it might be a good thing to suggest her seeing a therapist. You being such a support person and the fact that she is admitting her lapses to you is a huge deal.

[slicedbread]

thank you so much, She tells me that most of her "episodes" happen when she goes back home, she is 25 now, and moved out years ago, but there are a lot of bad memories at her home. She goes home to see her nieces and nefphews.. and to see her parents, but she usually has an "episode" when she goes home..

She tells me that i should not worry, that she is only hurting herself, and that is why she has not allowed anyone in her life in years because of this.

How am i suppose to respond to that? since she is my girlfriend and I should care about her health.

[SexyChic]

This isn't meant to be offensive in any way, but she needs to see a therapist if she is relapsing.
It is great that you are trying your best to support and help her, but sometimes that just isn't enough.
I thought you said that she has gotten over it and doesn't do it anymore, but your recent post says otherwise.
It is probably a much deeper issue than just food, since she does it when she goes back home.

[slicedbread]

This isn't meant to be offensive in any way, but she needs to see a therapist if she is relapsing.
It is great that you are trying your best to support and help her, but sometimes that just isn't enough.
I thought you said that she has gotten over it and doesn't do it anymore, but your recent post says otherwise.
It is probably a much deeper issue than just food, since she does it when she goes back home.

I know she needs to see a therapist or group support. she explains that she has gone and she thinks she is way to strong to go. She thinks that its a "control issue". When she goes back home to see her family, she has NO control, so she gives herself control, by controling her body.

I know, When I stated this thread I thought she did not have another "episode" for 4 months, now she told me she had another one at her familys house 2 months ago, and she called me yesterday to tell me she had another yesterday.

[sillyvent]

Hey- I read this and it hit home. My little sister who I love dearly used to be anorexic. We would try to force her to eat and my whole family was so worried we started blaming ourselves.....I said well if I didn't go away to school, my mom said when she was little she made this one fat comment about some lady, my dad thought it was b/c he worked too much....

The fact of the matter is, she didn't listen to any of us and we actually just pushed her further into her ed. My mom made her go to a doctor and she hated every moment of it. The best thing is to be VERY supportive. Eventually if she really wants to change she will. There must be a very negative aspect at her home- maybe her parents are very negative about her body image, maybe she needs to feel that sense of control by throwing up.....
The thing is you never really 100% get over an ed, my sister now is healthy. My mom paid for her to go to a nutritionist and she is constantly asking me about certain foods and exercises. She's majoring in nutrtion.....but she STILL has a negative body image. The difference is she saw what she was doing to herself and how concerned my whole family was. She had to decide on her own that she was willing to change, but you better believe my whole family was there to support her.

Let me tell you, my sister ALWAYS lied about having an ed. ALWAYS! So if your grilfriend is telling you like once a month she is throwing up, she may very well be lying to you. The key is for her to realize she has a problem and go see a doctor. She thinks she has control, but she obviously doesn't and she is killing her body. I'm not sure this is much help...#1 be supportive #2 help her get help.

Hope it works out for you!

[ohtm27]

What can I say, I know your pain. I have a sister that is 7 years older than me. She started her road when she was 20 yrs. and now 35 yrs. She went through a ED camp in AZ, support groups, counseling. What your girlfriend is going through, is something that you will never be able to understand. My sister's inside's look like a 70 yr. That's what her Dr's. say. This is 15 years of having the problem and not being able to beat it. My sister uses it as a way to controle her weight. She also has major issues like being abused by ex's and sexually abused when she was little. Their self worth, and esteem is way low. There will normally be everything done is excessive amounts. When she started weight training, she went to town on the cardio 60 -90 min of running, and hard core weight training. They also over spend money, again everything in excessive. They will normally, throw up with water running in the bathroom (shower, toilet). Sometimes they will do this in garbage bags due to the amount of binging and purging.

They will LIE< LIE!!!!! This is very hard on relationships you will never change her. She is the only one that needs to wake up and educate herself and get the will power to do this. There are support groups and other ways. If she thinks she is too strong to see a counselor that has knowledge of the situation than she is not willing to help herself yet. If she is lying on when she has done this than look and see (I bet she has lied about stupid stuff too!)

Its like a disease, they become pathological lyers in my experience. If you want to help her give her compliments on her figure, support her. But don't say it's ok if she doesn't seek professional advice. This should be mandatory to continue with the relationship.

Sorry its so long, but these are the realistics of the situation. Your in for a rough road. Remember sometimes leopards don't change their spots.

[RawFitBitch]

My girlfriend recently told me that when i first met her about 6 months ago she suffered from a eating disorder for 2 years ( bulimia ) ... she has not puked for about 4 months, and we have been dating for 3.

What can I say/do for her to give her support that she won't do this to her body again, and that she conquered it?

thanks

You really need her to increase her clean carb intake, preferably fruit. For example I have a ten banana smoothie most mornings. I actually had bulimia for years and overcame it by increasing my carbohydrate intake (made sound too simple but it worked). When our trillions of cells aren't getting enough glucose then we will binge out on nasty stuff and some of us will follow this with purging as I did. Show her my video >>

[re4l]

This crap is starting to piss me off, why do all these women think being real skinny looks good? It doesnt look good, a woman should have some meat on her bones with curves.

[UnaChispita]

This post is from 2005. Hopefully, OP's gf got a handle on her situation.

RFB: Advising someone to eat 10 bananas in a smoothie to cure a deadly psychological illness seems unwise to me.