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  1. #1
    Registered User smallasian721's Avatar
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    Life's a b****... A little asian kid's quest for confidence

    I started a thread here a long time ago, but then my dad shut down our internet for a year, so I had to let it go. Now that it's back, I want to start a new journal.

    But this isn't going to be just a typical workout journal. Instead, it's going to be a SELF IMPROVEMENT journal, including academics, confidence, and much more. I want you guys to motivate me. Give me a kick in the ass when i'm whining, pick me up when I'm depressed, and shove me when I'm lazy.

    Some background info-------- (Sorry, it's a long read, but try to read it please.)

    I've always been a depressive kind of kid. Never had many friends, and never had anything to be confident about. Your typical "skinny-fat" asian computer nerd. I always looked down in a conversation, didn't know what to say, always embarassed myself, and let others use me as a tool to do their work for them in school. Never hugged a girl in my life, even until now. (In many ways, this hurts me the most.)

    I guess the path to this site started when I was about 10. The day I looked at the other guys and girls playing all the stupid elementary school games while I sat down by myself, and said to myself "Why do I feel rejected"? I was fat, short, nerdy, and shy. It didn't help that I was asian, and even in elementary school the little ****ers hammered into my brain that asians were losers, asians were social rejects, asians could never get girls, asians were unathletic, asians were whatever-the-hell.

    Everything got worse as I aged. 11 was bad. 12 was a nightmare. I would cry myself to sleep every other night... It didn't help that my dad would strap me for "talking back" or not getting good enough grades in school. One night, I decided to make once change I could do- I was fat. I could change that. So that summer, I ran on the treadmill 5 miles every day, no matter WHAT. Within 3 months, I had dropped 19 pounds, and looked normal. But in the end, I finally realized nothing much had changed. And I still hated my body, my situation, everything.

    At the age of 13, something impacted my life like nothing else, whether for better or worse. What was this huge influence, you might ask? It was an internet game...YES, an INTERNET GAME called Runescape. (To all you geeks out there, an MMORPG.) Amazingly enough, that game is almost solely responsible for teaching me how to talk. I didn't know these people IRL, so what did their opinion matter? I talked however I wanted. And somehow, this carried over to the real world.

    HOWEVER, because I was addicted to runescape, my grades plummeted, from a straight A student to getting B's and even one C. I don't think I was ever beaten as badly as the night my dad got my end of year report card. So I had to quit Runescape, but I had learned what I could from it.

    At 14, life was better, but something was missing. I had friends, and my grades were good. But girls? Damn puberty to hell... once again, I was a utter failure. I don't think I've ever been noticed in my life by a girl. Seems like whenever I walk into the room there's a big sign pointing to me saying "Desperate loser."

    But I somehow got deluded by all those ****ing stupid ads that being "ripped" would get girls to notice you. And at 14, being "ripped" means having a 6-pack. So I started dieting more, and more, and more. But I carried it too far, and got ANOREXIA. I went from 116 pounds to 93 pounds... In 1.5 months. All my friends, parents, teachers were worried about me. Girls stopped talking to me altogether. I was in the deepest ****ing pit of my entire life.

    When my parents and some friends staged medical intervention, I knew I was in deep ****. But finally, I broke the anorexia. That night, looking back on my excuse for a life, something snapped inside of me. Instead of "Why me?", it was now "**** you God, I didn't choose this." I didn't choose to be depressed, ugly, a stereotyped minority, anorexic, insecure... I realized that the world is a hell of a place, and the we can do is fight.

    As the school started, I "bulked" and lifted weights. However, because of all these retards who tell anyone who's underweight to eat 4000 calories a day, I ended up screwing up my first bulk and getting a slight gut. So then I slow bulked, and did an occasional 2 week "quick-cut" to shed off a bit of fat. I got my grades together.

    So here is where I am now. And I know where I want to be. And I know how I'm going to get there.

    -Cliffs-
    -I was always a depressive fat, shy kid, bullied all my life.
    -Lost some weight, learned how to talk on an internet game.
    -Life seemed ok, until I got anorexia.
    -Got intervention, ****tiest pit of my life. Reality hits, and my attitude changes.
    -Learned about BB'ing.
    -Bulked wrong at first, gained too much fat.
    -Started bulking slowly and right.
    -And here I am. I know what I want and I know how to get there.


    So that's my excuse of a life.

    Now onto the vitals.
    Last edited by smallasian721; 08-18-2007 at 08:38 PM.
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  2. #2
    Registered User cal62887's Avatar
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    Nice intro. Dont get too down on yourself tho. It seems as though at the age of 16 that you've learned a lot and been through/overcome a few obstacles that most people don't need to deal with. Remember that getting girls isn't all about abs, it has more to do with your personality and confidence than anything. From reading your intro, i can tell that you have a very intense, almost obsessive person, from the video games to dieting (i am too)...everything i do i invest my time into and my dedication towards. Keep this in mind and let BBing be apart of y our life but not run your life. You should enjoy what you're doing, not feel obligated. Good luck with everything.
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  3. #3
    Registered User smallasian721's Avatar
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    My stats-
    Weight- 126
    Height- 5.6

    Bench Press- 150 x 3 (I guess around 160-165'ish max then.)
    Squat- 205 x 2
    Pull-Ups- BWx7

    I have had a weak spine all my life. I tried deadlifting once, and my coach told me to stop before I break my back. I tried doing all I could to correct my form, but my back already seems to slump over unnaturally even when I sit down/walk around. I guess I never really deadlifted again.

    Supplements-
    Whey
    Creatine (Just started taking like 2 days ago.)

    Diet-
    I don't have a set diet, but I eat decently clean, and get BW+ g of protein a day.

    Other stats-
    Like I said, this isn't going to just be my workout journal, but my ENTIRE improvement journal. So...

    Academics- Currently enrolled in an IB (Internation Bacchealeaurate) program. Grades last year were straight A's except for a B in Spanish II.

    This year grades- YEAR NOT STARTED YET.
    SAT Score- NO PRACTICE TESTS TAKEN YET.

    Confidence-
    I am still EXTREMELY shy around everyone, but this becomes 100000x worse around girls. I have never hugged a girl in my life, nor do I think I have ever been liked by one. I usually don't make eye contact while talking, I let people use me as a tool, and I never make jokes/talk unless someone else initiates a conversation. I'm just morbidly afraid of embarassment/rejection.

    I need work here. Desperately. I've read around, especially on "Pick-Up Artist" skills, and I think I know what I need to do. I'll record some of the conversations I have with girls/guys, and have you guys help me out on what I might have done wrong.

    So now onto my goals/plan.
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  4. #4
    Registered User smallasian721's Avatar
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    My goals are for the end of this school year...(I start my sophomore year of high school in 2 days.)

    Attain a bodyweight of 140, with at most 12% bodyfat. *Currently 126 with around 12-14%.

    Bench 200. *Currently at 160-165. (No bouncing, touch-and-go.)
    Squat 270. *Currently at 210-215. (ATG, of course.)
    Do BWx12 Pull-Ups *Currently at BWx7. (Medium-Grip)


    For academic goals-
    Attain Straight A's the full year, NO EXCEPTIONS.
    Achieve a 2150+ on any SAT test. (Tons of "practice SAT's" out there, most are usually previous SAT's.)

    For confidence goals-
    NOT GIVE A **** WHAT PEOPLE THINK ABOUT ME AND BE WHO I AM x50000000000.
    Break my habit of not making eye contact when talking.
    Get a hug from a girl.
    Ask a girl out. (And not care WHEN I get rejected, because I will be.)


    Now on to how I'm going to achieve those goals, and what I'll be updating you guys with.
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  5. #5
    Registered User goingdaextrarep's Avatar
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    WOW! You're like my asian twin (kinda). I used to be chubby then got down to 95 pounds. Now I'm 5'6 120 pounds at 14% bf. I've also never had a girlfriend (I do get my fair share of hugs though) Good luck, I'll be following
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    Registered User cal62887's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by smallasian721 View Post
    For academic goals-
    Attain Straight A's the full year, NO EXCEPTIONS.
    Achieve a 2150+ on any SAT test. (Tons of "practice SAT's" out there, most are usually previous SAT's.)

    For confidence goals-
    NOT GIVE A **** WHAT PEOPLE THINK ABOUT ME AND BE WHO I AM x50000000000.
    Break my habit of not making eye contact when talking.
    Get a hug from a girl.
    Ask a girl out. (And not care WHEN I get rejected, because I will be.)


    Now on to how I'm going to achieve those goals, and what I'll be updating you guys with.
    ^^^^^ now THOSE ARE GOALS....keep it up
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    Joey - 10/16/2011
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  7. #7
    Registered User smallasian721's Avatar
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    How to achieve these goals.

    Workout----
    IMPORTANT----*Note I usually take ALL sets to either failure, or 1 rep away from failure.

    Monday- Bench Day
    Bench Press 3x2-4
    CG Bench 2x4-6
    DB Bench 2x6-8

    Tuesday- Squat Day #A
    Squat 4x3-6
    Pull-Ups 3x?? (All sets to failure.)
    Chin-Ups 2x?? (To failure.)

    Wednesday- Shoulders/Biceps (This is a shortened school day.)
    Military Press 4x3-6
    Upright Rows 2x4-6
    EZ Bar Curls 2x6-8

    Thursday- Squat Day #B
    Front Squat 4x3-6
    Calf Raises 2x6-8

    Friday- Bench Day
    Bench Press 3x2-4
    Wide-Grip Bench 2x4-6
    Tricep Pushdowns 2x6-8




    Diet---
    Obviously, I will be bulking.

    *Obtain at least BW+ g of protein a day.
    *Carbs must be MOSTLY good carbs, such as oatmeal, WW bread, etc.
    *Drink at least 1/2 gallon of water a day.
    *Intake 25g of whey + 30g of dextrose +5g creatine always PWO.
    *Never go more than 500 calories above maintenance.

    Academics-
    ALL homework will be completed PROMPTLY upon arriving home. Projects will be completed with GOOD QUALITY ALWAYS 2 days before they are due.

    NOTEBOOK WILL BE CLEAN AND ORGANIZED. (I don't know how many of my grades have been hit by notebook checks.)

    1 HOUR OF EXTRA STUDY TIME WILL BE DONE EACH WEEKDAY. 2 HOURS EXTRA ON WEEKENDS. Suitable topics- SAT Mathematics, Competition Mathematics (Advanced nerd ****.), SAT Vocabulary (God damn these word flash cards.), SAT Reading/Writing Skills.
    *This is the hardest, but most important part. Studying is a bitch, but I HAVE TO DO IT.



    Confidence-
    Dress nicely every day.

    Have a conversation with at least 1 girl each day, the more the better.

    Look everyone in the eye when speaking.

    (Probably need more, but will update as needed.)
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  8. #8
    Registered User smallasian721's Avatar
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    I'll go ahead and include my last day of summer break, since I had a workout today. This is my last day of membership in the YMCA also, what a coincidence. But luckily, I won't need the YMCA anymore.

    Workout-
    Bench Press-
    150x3 FAIL
    145x3
    135x5 FAIL
    135x4 FAIL

    DB Bench-
    50x8
    50x7 FAIL

    Military Press- (Shoulders were tired by now.)
    75x6 FAIL
    75x5 FAIL
    75x4 FAIL

    Lat-Pulldown Machine- Wide-Grip
    130x8
    130x8

    They don't have a facking squat rack. WTF. My squat probably went down 30 pounds this summer, since I only get to go to the other YMCA monthly (With a squat rack.)

    Over-all workout? Meh, ok. Benched the same as last time, but it might be because I was just a tiny bit sore, so maybe I can do more next time. I started taking creatine, so hope next time will be better, along with the fact that I'm trying to bulk.

    Studying-
    Well, I have been taking hard-ass summer classes in my dad's college this summer... C Programming and Calculus. (A in Calc, C in C ) Not bad for a 15 year old sophomore with taking classes with college guys.

    But anyway, today I hit the SAT Word Flashcards for an hour and a half. Should have done 2, but MY GOD THEY ARE BORING. Sitting there reading long ass words for hours straight. 3/4 of the first out of 2 stacks memorized well, need to get more.


    Confidence-
    Went to the bank to activate my bank account. As I talked to the banker (Some 40 year old woman) I tried to keep direct eye contact, smile, and even cracked a joke. She laughed.

    Got a bank account with 600 dollars in it now.

    Otherwise, spent the day browsing the Misc And reading on PUA skills.
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    Keep up the good work bro. You'll get to your goals as long as your confidence is there. I'll be following along.

    Mike
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    Registered User smallasian721's Avatar
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    well, today is an off day, but of course this isn't a standard workout journal.

    Today at church, this hot chick and her sister that I've known for a while walked in, obviously this was her first time visiting our church.

    My first confidence trial in front of a hot girl, even though she was sort of a friend.

    This is sort of how it went-
    Me: Hey hannah! (Her name.) How's it going? *Big Smile

    Her: Hey *Smile

    Me: How was your summer? (Yeah, lame I know.)

    Her: It was great! *Smile How was yours?

    Me: It was horrible.

    SomeOtherChickIKnow: Oh yeah, you should hear this.

    Me:My dad wants me to be a super-computer nerd or something like that. *Smile So he signed me up for classes in college. So yeah, so my summer sucked. But I appreciate my dad wanting me to be smart.

    Her: I understand *Smile
    (A bunch of my friends then grab her attention talking about a show they're going to. I head in church.)

    Incidentally, her family chose to sit down next to ours. So I sit down close to her, but I look in her eyes and smile again right before I sit down.

    Church ends, and my dad greets their mom. He jokes around saying "You have 2 pretty daughters." Their mom jokes around back, saying "Your son should be the one telling me that."

    I just look at both of them, smile, and tell them "Sorry... that's my dad, he's a little kooky." They both laugh hard.

    Afterwards, my 3 buddies and I talk with the 2 of them. We start cracking jokes (Mostly rascist jokes, but funny.) I come up with a few, and make them laugh. We're just all fooling around. It was a great time. Then my parents call me to leave, so I say "Bye" to them all, smile, and walk out.


    NOTES----
    I looked her DIRECTLY in the eye the entire time, smiled a lot, and I guess I did pretty well. I made them both laugh quite a bit, along with my friends. Although I think I'm pretty firmly stuck in the "Friends Zone" with her, I guess it still helps to practice.

    I noticed a BIG PROBLEM that I have is I can't usually make myself the Alpha Male of the Group. Anyone have some tips on how to make yourself the Alpha Male, or take that position away from someone else?

    Otherwise, I feel a lot more confident today. I pulled it all off smoothly, kept eye contact, joked around, had fun, even when talking with 2 smoking hot chicks."


    Still gotta study 2 hours today, will update later if I studied. School starts tomorrow.

    EDIT- 2 hours studying completed Eclectic is such a b**** of a word. Just a few flashcards away from being done with the first stack of words.

    Will post my diet tonight... Too bad there's no workout to post.
    Last edited by smallasian721; 08-19-2007 at 01:40 PM.
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    Awesome job man! Keep it up.

    Mike
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    Originally Posted by smallasian721 View Post
    well, today is an off day, but of course this isn't a standard workout journal.

    Today at church, this hot chick and her sister that I've known for a while walked in, obviously this was her first time visiting our church.

    My first confidence trial in front of a hot girl, even though she was sort of a friend.

    This is sort of how it went-
    Me: Hey hannah! (Her name.) How's it going? *Big Smile

    Her: Hey *Smile

    Me: How was your summer? (Yeah, lame I know.)

    Her: It was great! *Smile How was yours?

    Me: It was horrible.

    SomeOtherChick: Oh yeah, you should hear this.

    My dad wants me to be a super-computer nerd or something like that. *Smile So he signed me up for classes in college. So yeah, so my summer sucked. But I appreciate my dad wanting me to be smart.

    Her: I understand *Smile
    (A bunch of my friends then grab her attention talking about a show they're going to. I head in church.)

    Incidentally, her family chose to sit down next to ours. So I sit down close to her, but I look in her eyes and smile again right before I sit down.

    Church ends, and my dad greets their mom. He jokes around saying "You have 2 pretty daughters." Their mom jokes around back, saying "Your son should be the one telling me that."

    I just look at both of them, smile, and tell them "Sorry... that's my dad, he's a little kooky." They both laugh hard.

    Afterwards, my 3 buddies and I talk with the 2 of them. We start cracking jokes (Mostly rascist jokes, but funny.) I come up with a few, and make them laugh. We're just all fooling around. It was a great time. Then my parents call me to leave, so I say "Bye" to them all, smile, and walk out.


    NOTES----
    I looked her DIRECTLY in the eye the entire time, smiled a lot, and I guess I did pretty well. I made them both laugh quite a bit, along with my friends. Although I think I'm pretty firmly stuck in the "Friends Zone" with her, I guess it still helps to practice.

    I noticed a BIG PROBLEM that I have is I can't usually make myself the Alpha Male of the Group. Anyone have some tips on how to make yourself the Alpha Male, or take that position away from someone else?

    Otherwise, I feel a lot more confident today. I pulled it all off smoothly, kept eye contact, joked around, had fun, even when talking with 2 smoking hot chicks."


    Still gotta study 2 hours today, will update later if I studied. School starts tomorrow.
    Good luck from one asian to another. I used to play Runescape too Lol
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    1015 total at 162lbs on 10/25/2011. Goal for a 1000 total before 20, achieved.

    Goal - 1200 Total by age 22

    Current - 1190
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  13. #13
    Registered User smallasian721's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Young_One View Post
    Good luck from one asian to another. I used to play Runescape too Lol
    It seems so stupid now how that could be so addicting... But I was level 80 something-ish with 70 attack and like 83 strength and a bunch of other sh*t... a PKer.

    But swear to god, that's where I learned how to talk to other people without f*king up badly. Because there I didn't care what people thought about me, since it's not like I knew those people IRL.

    Aaaaw my life is so sad.
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    Originally Posted by smallasian721 View Post
    It seems so stupid now how that could be so addicting... But I was level 80 something-ish with 70 attack and like 83 strength and a bunch of other sh*t... a PKer.

    But swear to god, that's where I learned how to talk to other people without f*king up badly. Because there I didn't care what people thought about me, since it's not like I knew those people IRL.

    Aaaaw my life is so sad.
    Haha me too, I got 92 strength and cheered. I remember spending hours chopping wood and picking flax Lmfao.
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    Unhappy So my first day of school was a failure.

    No workout today I'll have to switch around my schedule for this week only... The damn weight room was being used by the coach for teaching noobies how to do lifts...

    Otherwise, my day completely stank. I can't carry a conversation worth ****. I feel worthless.

    Some conversations...
    *SBH means Hot Bitch... Followed by a number, means exactly how hot.

    Me: Hi! Did you guys have fun this summer?

    HB 9: Yeah, it was great.

    Me: Did you go anywhere?

    HB 9: Well, I went to Puerto Rico, and Kansas.

    Me: That sounds awesome. *Smile

    HB 9: Well, how was your summer? *Smile

    Me: It sucked.... I had to take classes. But I had fun the last week. I'm feel sooo wrecked right now because I was at a concert till' 12 last night.

    HB 9: What bands were playing?

    Me: (Goes on to describe some of the bands playing.)

    HB 9: That's cool.

    She then turned away to talk to her little buddies and I was completely ignored the rest of the day.

    Had a couple more conversations. 1 or 2 were good. The others I completely bombed.... It's like I'm some kind of ****ing stink worm no one wants to notice... It's getting so depressing. Girls/guys will talk to me for like 20 seconds, but it's then they just go and talk to someone else and completely ignore me. It's like they're trying to get me the **** away when I'm just being friendly. What the **** is wrong with me


    And to cap it all, at the end of the day I started asking for rides home. So much for thinking I have friends, no one would give me a ride home. So I walked ALL ****ING 7 miles by myself. No friends, no confidence, weak, no life. That's me.




    Academics-----
    Did my homework assignments promptly upon arriving home.

    Studied an extra 3 HOURS on top of homework. I guess studying dulls the pain of failure and rejection.


    Diet-----
    I tried today, but I ended up only eating 5 meals. I ****ing forgot my lunch, and my snack for school. So I ended up eating at 6, then at 11:30, with no meal in between.

    But I'm confident I got 130+g protein, soon as I hit my pre-bed meal.



    I feel worthless, and rejected. Can't wait for my workout tomorrow. I'm going to study some more and go to sleep, I don't want to think about life. .

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    Originally Posted by smallasian721 View Post
    I feel worthless, and rejected. Can't wait for my workout tomorrow. I'm going to study some more and go to sleep, I don't want to think about life. .

    The whole be nice to you for 20 seconds then move on routine is classic for "HB's" (as you put it ) to do. I get it all the time. There's nothing wrong with you there.
    Walking 7 miles sucks, but remember, it's just one day, one isolated incident, You're much stronger then me (double bench), you seem to be a lot more confident, and with your newly found confidence I'm sure friends will be popping up in no time
    With lifting, I'd suggest Rippetoes. I'm sure you've heard about it, but I think it would be a great fit.
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    Originally Posted by goingdaextrarep View Post
    The whole be nice to you for 20 seconds then move on routine is classic for "HB's" (as you put it ) to do. I get it all the time. There's nothing wrong with you there.
    Walking 7 miles sucks, but remember, it's just one day, one isolated incident, You're much stronger then me (double bench), you seem to be a lot more confident, and with your newly found confidence I'm sure friends will be popping up in no time
    With lifting, I'd suggest Rippetoes. I'm sure you've heard about it, but I think it would be a great fit.
    thanks, yeah, rippetoe's is an awesome program. Spent my first 4 months of lifting on rippetoe's, but then my schedule got completely f*ked cause of weightlifting class. Basically, we have to workout all 5 days of the week, so I thought a split might be better here.

    But yeah I had great gains on Rippetoe's. Thanks man.
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    My workout was a little crazy today because I couldn't lift on monday. But here it goes- I tried to cut edges on both workouts and do my monday and tuesday workout in one workout....

    Bench- All sets to failure.
    145x3 ( I totally f*ked up here... Not used to school bars, I gripped it MUCH more narrow then I normally grip bars. I was doing a half close-grip. Did really bad, barely squeezed out the last rep. I am extremely chest/shoulder dominant, am my tris are weak as ****)
    135x5
    135x4
    135x3

    CG Bench- All sets to failure.
    105x8
    115x4
    Tris are weak as ****.

    Squat- NO sets to failure. ATG.
    145x8
    165x5
    185x4
    195x3

    Nothing different, just a standard workout. No maximal efforts yet.

    I didn't like this workout. I screwed up my first set of bench, and I have terrible stamina, so my next sets obviously were worse than my first set. I think I could have easily done 1-2 more reps if I gripped right. Squats were fine.


    Diet-
    Ate like **** today, but at least I got 130+ grams of protein. Had to settle for a PB+J and a chocolate milk for PWO instead of whey/dextrose. I forgot it. Then had to go to McDonald's, so I got chicken nuggets (10 piece.)

    Studying-
    I had to run around like crazy today. Boy Scouts (Stop laughing) took up all of my time, so I could only study 1 hour on top of doing my homework, which I finished at 11 PM. I need the Eagle Scout rank though, because it's a great thing to put on a resume/college acceptance letter.

    Confidence-
    Didn't do anything special. Had a few conversations, and I pussied out several times because girls were with friends/or approach anxiety just beat me. Met a girl I knew well last year. She's not super hot hot but I like her, and probably a lot better than I'll ever get.

    Me: Hi *Smile

    HB 7.5: Hey Joseph (My name.)

    Me: I couldn't recognize you from before, you dyed your hair. But I like it *Smile

    HB 7.5: Thanks *Smile

    Me: So what Spanish teacher did you get this year?

    HB 7.5: I got (Spanish Teacher).

    Me: Lucky. I got (Other Spanish Teacher). Everyone tells me she's hard as hell.

    HB 7.5: *Laughs* Sucks for you. Hey, I need to run. Cya later.

    Me: Alright, cya.

    Had a couple of other conversations. Bombed 1, but no worries. WHAT THE HELL I'M NOT FUNNY ENOUGH. I don't understand how guys make the chicks laugh with HALF the words that come out of their mouths.

    I'm hopeless. Sucks. But at least I'm better than last year.




    Anyway, another workout tomorrow. Yah.
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    Hey smallasian,

    I just read through your whole journal so far. You sound like a very intelligent, studious and hardworking lad, big things will come your way in the future. You're so young, plenty of time to make something of yourself. I wish you the best in all your endeavours
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    Not that it will help much, but when I was your age I had a lot of troubles with confidence. I was incredibly shy, and it really crippled my life in a big way. Middle school/High school can be really hard years. The good news is that as I got older things happened both physically and mentally that made me a far more outgoing, happy person.

    If there's one suggestion I can make, it's not to be afraid to put yourself out there. It takes time to get good at it... people can generally sense your confidence levels. They can tell if you are trying hard to talk to them, or if you are just being casual. These aren't things you can just turn off and on... give it time. I know it took me until I was 19 or so before I really came out of my shell, and working out played a big role in that.
    -toefur-

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  21. #21
    BELIEVELAND!!! mikeye3313's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by asianbabe View Post
    Hey smallasian,

    I just read through your whole journal so far. You sound like a very intelligent, studious and hardworking lad, big things will come your way in the future. You're so young, plenty of time to make something of yourself. I wish you the best in all your endeavours
    Feel exactly the same way bro!

    I don't know you but am really proud of what you've become already!

    Looks like you have a pretty good set up so far and I want to offer my help to you about anything. I'm not saying I am an expert or anything by any means, but I'd glady help you whenever you have questions!

    GOODLUCK!
    Last edited by mikeye3313; 08-21-2007 at 08:21 PM.
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    hey, i think i remember this journal, i was subscribed awhile back..
    *subscribed*

    also, in your workouts, do you warmup at all? gl
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    Today-

    Jesus christ the weight team workouts are f*cking crazy. I hate 2 hour marathon lifting sessions, but apparently it works because our school has won state for like 3 years in a row.

    Military Press-
    5x75
    5x85 New Personal Record
    2x90 (Started getting tired here...)
    4x85 (The last one took like 10 seconds to get up.)

    Pull-Ups
    BWx10 New PR... Wow I did lat. pulldowns all summer, and now I can do 3 more pull-ups than before.
    BWx8

    Wide-Grip Chins
    BWx9 (Class ended now.)

    A little bit later after school---- Continued the weight team workout.

    Bench Press- (Holy sh*t my chest was sore, and my shoulders were already exhausted. )
    95x5
    115x5
    125x5
    135x3 (Sore... Plus shoulders were exhausted beforehand. Half of what I'd normally get.)

    DB Bench-
    45x12
    45x10

    Dips-
    +35 Pounds x 5
    +35 Pounds x 4 (My god... I feel wrecked.)

    Not a bad workout. I was sore as hell for the bench, because I benched yesterday. But I set easy PRs for military press and pull-ups.

    Bodyweight- 126.2 pounds. Apparently I gained .2 pounds, most likely water weight anyway.
    God, I feel like an anorexic chick.

    Confidence---- (AKA Talking to chicks.)
    Well, an interesting day today. This girl I know from church offered me a ride home after she was done running cross country. The thing is, she's best friends with like 5 of the f*cking hottest chicks I've ever seen.
    Like, if you go to the Misc and look at all the ******** threads... 10x hotter than that.

    So I tried to act natural in the car, smiled a bit, and talked with all the girls. I guess I did fine, but I think whenever I talk I make my words come out too fast, and I always feel insecure around hotties.

    Got out of the car, smiled, said thanks for the ride and bye. They all smiled back at me, waving bye.

    It feels like they laugh and talk with me because they PITY me. I don't f*cking want PITY, I'd rather have them all be bitches than pity me. I guess I'm somewhat fun to hang out with, but honestly I can't compare to some of the arrogant douchebags out there just full of **** that chicks love.

    *Note To Self: I have no hope in hell of ever getting a hottie, but I HATE giving up. If I give up, I might as well curl up and die because then I would be a complete waste of space on this earth.


    Diet-
    I'll get my protein again today (130+g), but I didn't have a perfect PWO. All I had for PWO was a couple 2 cartons of lowfat milk and 1 carton of strawberry lowfat milk. How the hell do I bring whey + creatine to school without getting arrested for carrying brown colored crack?

    Academics-
    Did all my homework promptly. In fact, I finished the entire week's homework and an additional long assignment due 2 weeks from now.

    I'm pooped. Gonna study SAT Math for like an hour later tonight, but I'm sick of working. But whenever I don't work, I feel angry at myself and at life.


    F*ck this.
    Last edited by smallasian721; 08-22-2007 at 03:00 PM.
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  24. #24
    SLAP Repair Comeback 7/22 ah25's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by smallasian721 View Post
    It feels like they laugh and talk with me because they PITY me. I don't f*cking want PITY, I'd rather have them all be bitches than pity me. I guess I'm somewhat fun to hang out with, but honestly I can't compare to some of the arrogant douchebags out there just full of **** that chicks love.
    You know from what I've gathered with this thread is that you do have a strong drive to succeed. But I do think that your thinking is flawed when it comes down to this situation. Now I'm just speculating, but I think you need to realize that this girl was just honestly being nice. It's your insecurity that causes this false perception of negetivity.

    Now I was a Asian at a predominantly white school, and let me tell you that it's YOUR actions that either perpetuate these stereotypes or they could define you as a man.

    BTW your lifts are really impressive...I hope they aren't E-Stats...
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    Alpha Male -
    1.Be better than everyone else at a sport
    2.Talk a lot, tease the girls, act tough but avoid going over the top where you look stupid or where they tease YOU a lot so always stay serious and calm in your mind dont over-do your actions.
    3.Make fun of the other guys with you, dont over-do it either cause they are just like you they will get you back at any chance.

    Just some steps I can think of that can help you out.
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    Originally Posted by ah25 View Post
    You know from what I've gathered with this thread is that you do have a strong drive to succeed. But I do think that your thinking is flawed when it comes down to this situation. Now I'm just speculating, but I think you need to realize that this girl was just honestly being nice. It's your insecurity that causes this false perception of negetivity.

    Now I was a Asian at a predominantly white school, and let me tell you that it's YOUR actions that either perpetuate these stereotypes or they could define you as a man.

    BTW your lifts are really impressive...I hope they aren't E-Stats...

    Impressive my ass... Honestly, who can't bench 160 after almost a solid year of lifting? I feel embarassed as f*ck.
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    You're 15 years old and 123 lbs. The mass will come with age, and with it... strength. I worked out a lot when I was your age... I got stronger to an extent, but didn't get a lot bigger (a lot of that had to do with diet). As I got older my shoulders got broader and I filled out. About that time my strength exploded

    Don't worry about where you stand compared to others. THere will always be someone bigger or stronger. Just try to be the best you can be. 160 lbs is over 130% of your bodyweight. That is GOOD.
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  28. #28
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    Originally Posted by smallasian721 View Post

    Confidence---- (AKA Talking to chicks.)
    Well, an interesting day today. This girl I know from church offered me a ride home after she was done running cross country. The thing is, she's best friends with like 5 of the f*cking hottest chicks I've ever seen.
    Like, if you go to the Misc and look at all the ******** threads... 10x hotter than that.

    So I tried to act natural in the car, smiled a bit, and talked with all the girls. I guess I did fine, but I think whenever I talk I make my words come out too fast, and I always feel insecure around hotties.

    Got out of the car, smiled, said thanks for the ride and bye. They all smiled back at me, waving bye.

    It feels like they laugh and talk with me because they PITY me. I don't f*cking want PITY, I'd rather have them all be bitches than pity me. I guess I'm somewhat fun to hang out with, but honestly I can't compare to some of the arrogant douchebags out there just full of **** that chicks love.

    *Note To Self: I have no hope in hell of ever getting a hottie, but I HATE giving up. If I give up, I might as well curl up and die because then I would be a complete waste of space on this earth.

    Self confidence comes from within bro. It's called self confidence because it comes from within, not the praise and respect of others. And if you have confidence in yourself people will automatically be drawn to you and wanna be like you, not the other way around. All you gotta do is like yourself and everything falls into place.

    and if you don't want others to pity you don't whine and say things like "my summer sucked" "my weekend is so horrible" blah blah always keep conversations positive and don't complain especially when you're first talking to somebody.

    also, It sounds like you have a lot of bodybuilding potential. People who put on weight easily but have the discipline to watch what they eat and lift heavy are usually the ones who fare best. And youre starting at a great age.
    The iron never lies
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    SLAP Repair Comeback 7/22 ah25's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by smallasian721 View Post
    Impressive my ass... Honestly, who can't bench 160 after almost a solid year of lifting? I feel embarassed as f*ck.
    When I was your age...I couldn't lift that much... also... do you have progress pictures?

    But on a more serious note...

    I honestly feel the burning desire to get better within you, and with that attitude you really can make a huge leap towards your goals, both bodybuilding wise and socially.
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    Free John White n00bi3's Avatar
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    n00bi3 is just really nice. (+1000) n00bi3 is just really nice. (+1000) n00bi3 is just really nice. (+1000) n00bi3 is just really nice. (+1000) n00bi3 is just really nice. (+1000) n00bi3 is just really nice. (+1000) n00bi3 is just really nice. (+1000) n00bi3 is just really nice. (+1000) n00bi3 is just really nice. (+1000) n00bi3 is just really nice. (+1000) n00bi3 is just really nice. (+1000)
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    Originally Posted by smallasian721 View Post
    Today at church, this hot chick and her sister that I've known for a while walked in, obviously this was her first time visiting our church.

    My first confidence trial in front of a hot girl, even though she was sort of a friend.

    This is sort of how it went-
    Me: Hey hannah! (Her name.) How's it going? *Big Smile

    Her: Hey *Smile

    Me: How was your summer? (Yeah, lame I know.)

    Her: It was great! *Smile How was yours?

    Me: It was horrible.

    SomeOtherChickIKnow: Oh yeah, you should hear this.

    Me:My dad wants me to be a super-computer nerd or something like that. *Smile So he signed me up for classes in college. So yeah, so my summer sucked. But I appreciate my dad wanting me to be smart.

    Her: I understand *Smile
    (A bunch of my friends then grab her attention talking about a show they're going to. I head in church.)

    Incidentally, her family chose to sit down next to ours. So I sit down close to her, but I look in her eyes and smile again right before I sit down.

    Church ends, and my dad greets their mom. He jokes around saying "You have 2 pretty daughters." Their mom jokes around back, saying "Your son should be the one telling me that."

    I just look at both of them, smile, and tell them "Sorry... that's my dad, he's a little kooky." They both laugh hard.

    Afterwards, my 3 buddies and I talk with the 2 of them. We start cracking jokes (Mostly rascist jokes, but funny.) I come up with a few, and make them laugh. We're just all fooling around. It was a great time. Then my parents call me to leave, so I say "Bye" to them all, smile, and walk out.


    NOTES----
    I looked her DIRECTLY in the eye the entire time, smiled a lot, and I guess I did pretty well. I made them both laugh quite a bit, along with my friends. Although I think I'm pretty firmly stuck in the "Friends Zone" with her, I guess it still helps to practice.

    I noticed a BIG PROBLEM that I have is I can't usually make myself the Alpha Male of the Group. Anyone have some tips on how to make yourself the Alpha Male, or take that position away from someone else?

    Otherwise, I feel a lot more confident today. I pulled it all off smoothly, kept eye contact, joked around, had fun, even when talking with 2 smoking hot chicks."


    Still gotta study 2 hours today, will update later if I studied. School starts tomorrow.

    EDIT- 2 hours studying completed Eclectic is such a b**** of a word. Just a few flashcards away from being done with the first stack of words.

    Will post my diet tonight... Too bad there's no workout to post.
    how old were the two girls? just wondering..
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