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  1. #3001
    ~~MsFit~~ Lou1se's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Mark1T View Post
    Hi Ms. Looeez. Happy New Year to you.

    Thank you and congratulations for making the 3000th post on this unbelievable thread.

    A Happy New Year to you too, Mark! Hope it will be a great one for you. My resolution is to do more of the same. I don't like to set the bar to high lol

    3000th post eh, well I never


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  2. #3002
    Getting Toned steffo99's Avatar
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  3. #3003
    ~~MsFit~~ Lou1se's Avatar
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    I took a urine test at the hospital today, this kleptomania's getting out of hand.
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  4. #3004
    ~~MsFit~~ Lou1se's Avatar
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  5. #3005
    ~~MsFit~~ Lou1se's Avatar
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  6. #3006
    In Witness Protection mtpockets's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lou1se View Post


    Priceless!

    Keep em coming Louise.
    Air Force Veteran 1976 - 1999

    Real Heroes don't wear capes.


    Keep your squats low and standards high.
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  7. #3007
    ~~MsFit~~ Lou1se's Avatar
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    I live in constant fear that someone will kidnap and murder my mother in law who lives all alone at 48 W Main St, bldg C, Apt 32 on the 3rd floor!!..
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  8. #3008
    ~~MsFit~~ Lou1se's Avatar
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    And jokes about menstruation are just plain wrong. PERIOD.



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  9. #3009
    ~~MsFit~~ Lou1se's Avatar
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    A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks.
    "I'm going down to give blood."
    "How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
    "About $20."
    "Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman angrily gets off the elevator.

    The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.
    "Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"
    "Sperm bank," she says with her mouth full.




    Simply enjoying winter

    Last edited by Lou1se; 01-12-2017 at 12:12 AM.
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  10. #3010
    ~~MsFit~~ Lou1se's Avatar
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  11. #3011
    ~~MsFit~~ Lou1se's Avatar
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    It's the end of the week for me, enjoy your day everyone..bok bok

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  12. #3012
    Registered User EdwardTheGreat's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lou1se View Post
    Another
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  13. #3013
    S1NN3R G0N3 G00D NotBigEnough206's Avatar
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    Not a joke
    but I might be getting fired

    its cold
    23F here today
    got in Elevator
    this heavy set chick walks in with me

    titttaysss for days
    low cut shirt exposing bra and all
    stands in front of me

    goes
    its so cold out goodness

    im staring at her tittttayyyyy
    and guess what I wanted to say
    yes I wanted to say brrrrr yeah

    I said motor boat yeah

    and Im not even kidding
    she goes excuse me?

    replied brrrr and walked out quick
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  14. #3014
    Call me Ishmael Tikibeast's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by NotBigEnough206 View Post
    Not a joke
    but I might be getting fired

    its cold
    23F here today
    got in Elevator
    this heavy set chick walks in with me

    titttaysss for days
    low cut shirt exposing bra and all
    stands in front of me

    goes
    its so cold out goodness

    im staring at her tittttayyyyy
    and guess what I wanted to say
    yes I wanted to say brrrrr yeah

    I said motor boat yeah

    and Im not even kidding
    she goes excuse me?

    replied brrrr and walked out quick
    Lets be real...all of us have considered doing this at least once.



    At the revolution school the other weekend a guy walked into the second classroom session late, sweating profusly, hair straight up with dirt all over him. He sat down, raised his hand and said: "please explain brake fade to me". -CSG @Corral.net

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  15. #3015
    ~~MsFit~~ Lou1se's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by EdwardTheGreat View Post
    Another
    [youtube]CZImvKiDGQE[/ youtube]
    I like this version better.




    Uh oh have to add this one haha

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  16. #3016
    ~~MsFit~~ Lou1se's Avatar
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    Ahhh snow. The only 3 inches that can keep a woman in bed all day...
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  17. #3017
    ~~MsFit~~ Lou1se's Avatar
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  18. #3018
    ~~MsFit~~ Lou1se's Avatar
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    I never let my children watch big band performances on TV. Too much sax and violins.





    Henry the Eighths wives are buried on top of each other on a golf course.
    Anne Boleyn is one under Parr.




    There's a special place in Hull for the inventor of Autocorrect.




    Girl - Baby I'm wet.
    Boy - Want a paper towel?
    Girl - No, I want more then that
    Boy - Want 2 paper towels?
    Girl - No, baby, I want sumthin' big and round
    Boy - Damn, you want the whole roll?
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  19. #3019
    ~~MsFit~~ Lou1se's Avatar
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  20. #3020
    ~~MsFit~~ Lou1se's Avatar
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  21. #3021
    S1NN3R G0N3 G00D NotBigEnough206's Avatar
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    American
    Russian
    Bosnian
    are sitting at a fire on one evening at a camping trip.
    And men being men of course are going to try and tell some tall tales to impress each other over drinks.

    The Russian goes - In Siberia, I jumped in to the frozen water to save a baby seal from a Polar Bear.
    Bosnian and American both nod being impressed.
    The American goes - One winter I jumped in to a burning school bus and picked up all the children and carried them outside, saved them all.
    Russian and Bosnian now both nod in agreement.
    The Bosnian does not say anything while stirring the fire and the embers with his Penis.
    EX YU Mafia #1 ----Cant Touch Us----

    (OO==[][]==OO)

    Its not important what they say behind my back, what is Important is whether they stop talking and look down when I turn around.
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  22. #3022
    ~~MsFit~~ Lou1se's Avatar
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    A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff. He thinks he's smarter being a big shot lawyer from New York and has a better education than a sheriff from West Virginia. The sheriff asks for license and registration.

    The lawyer asks, "What for?"

    The sheriff responds, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

    The lawyer says, "I slowed down and no one was coming."

    "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration please," say the sheriff impatiently.

    The lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you can give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

    The sheriff says, "That sounds fair, please exit your vehicle."

    The lawyer steps out and the sheriff takes out his nightstick and starts beating the lawyer with it.

    The sheriff says, "Do you want me to stop or just slow down?"
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  23. #3023
    Getting Toned steffo99's Avatar
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  24. #3024
    Registered User GuyJin's Avatar
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    "On January 20th, I'll already be smarter than the president, have paid my taxes, and have just as much political experience."

    "Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?… Because E.T. eventually went home!"

    Sorry, couldn't resist.
    "Don't call me Miss Kitty. Just...don't."--Catnip. Check out the Catnip Trilogy on Amazon.com

    "Chivalry isn't dead. It just wears a skirt."--Twisted, the YA gender bender deal of the century!

    Check out my links to Mr. Taxi, Star Maps, and other fine YA Action/Romance novels at http://www.amazon.com/J.S.-Frankel/e/B004XUUTB8/ref=dp_byline_cont_ebooks_1
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    List of Oxymorons -

    1. Civil War
    2. Live TV
    3. Act naturally
    4. Found missing
    5. Resident alien
    6. Advanced BASIC
    7. Genuine imitation
    8. Airline Food
    9. Good grief
    10. Same difference
    11. Almost exactly
    12. Government organization
    13. Sanitary landfill
    14. Alone together
    15. Legally drunk
    16. Silent scream
    17. hot chilli
    18. Living dead
    19. Small crowd
    20. Business ethics
    21. Soft rock
    22. Butt Head
    23. Military Intelligence
    24. Software documentation
    25. Great Depression
    26. New classic
    27. Sweet sorrow
    28. Childproof
    29. "Now, then ..."
    30. Synthetic natural gas
    31. Passive aggression
    32. Taped live
    33. Clearly misunderstood
    34. Peace force
    35. Extinct Life
    36. Temporary tax increase
    37. Computer jock
    38. Plastic glasses
    39. Terribly pleased
    40. Computer security
    41. Political science
    42. Tight slacks
    43. Definite maybe
    44. Pretty ugly
    45. Twelve-ounce pound cake
    46. Diet ice cream
    47. Working vacation
    48. Exact estimate
    49. Microsoft Works
    50. civil engineer
    51. Politically correct
    52. Fighting for peace
    53. high class prostitute
    54. Hell's Angels
    55. seriously funny
    56. virtual reality
    57. clearly confused
    58. constant variable
    59. tragic comedy
    60. sweet tart
    .
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    ~~MsFit~~ Lou1se's Avatar
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    In 1965, at age 90 and with no heirs, Calment signed a deal to sell her apartment to lawyer André-François Raffray, on a contingency contract (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Life_estate). Raffray, then aged 47 years, agreed to pay her a monthly sum of 2,500 francs (€381.12) until she died. Raffray ended up paying Calment the equivalent of more than €140,000 which was more than double the apartment's value. After Raffray's death from cancer at the age of 77, in 1995, his family continued the payments until Calment's death. Calment's comment on this situation was reported to be, "In life, one sometimes makes bad deals."
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  27. #3027
    Rekisteröity Käyttäjä Cass40's Avatar
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    How was she able to smoke 96 years?
    Hello darkness my old friend
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    ~~MsFit~~ Lou1se's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Cass40 View Post
    How was she able to smoke 96 years? : eek:
    Chocolate and wine. Time to stock up










    A retired man sits around the house all day so one day his wife says,



    "Trevor, you could do something useful, like vacuum the house once a week."



    The guy gives it a moments thought and says; "sure why not. Show me to the vacuum."



    Half an hour later, Trevor comes into the kitchen to get some coffee.



    His wife says, "I didn't hear the vacuum working, I thought you were using it?"



    Exasperated, Trevor answers,



    "The stupid thing is broken, it won't start. We need to buy a new one."



    "Really," Trudy said, "show me - it worked fine the last time."



    So he did...



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    ~~MsFit~~ Lou1se's Avatar
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    Dutch response to President Trump..


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    ~~MsFit~~ Lou1se's Avatar
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    A bone doctor and an eye doctor were telling each other jokes. The bone doctor's jokes were humerus but the eye doctor's jokes were cornea.
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