Already lost confidence in self 10x, already failed, no zeal for life, nothing to live for except to minimize suffering, hate my appearance, hate my personality, hate how I talk, how I move, how I do everything, hate everything about myself.
Probably dying, have been chitting blood for days randomly and not sure why. Prolly have turbo cancer. Maybe this is the gift the universe is finally sending me to put me down. I don’t have to keep doing this.
The princess of England just got cancer, maybe I also have cancer too.
Just started a new job, I have 0% confidence in my ability to succeed. Have no energy, can’t concentrate, get overwhelmed and stressed too fast. Just want to lay in the dark in bed, that’s all I’m good for.
Fukup loser POS, what a cruel world this is.
It’s over, I mean it’s really over. Maybe if I have cancer I can go on hospice or something.
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03-22-2024, 03:59 PM #1
Anyone ever just feel like it’s over
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03-22-2024, 04:02 PM #2
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03-22-2024, 04:03 PM #3
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03-22-2024, 04:04 PM #4
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03-22-2024, 04:07 PM #8
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03-22-2024, 04:11 PM #9
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03-22-2024, 04:15 PM #12
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03-22-2024, 04:17 PM #13
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03-22-2024, 04:18 PM #14
Yes I'm right there with you
Life keeps beating you down and beating you down. Up until now I kept fighting back getting back up and staying positive despite the repeated blows. Eventually you get tired though. You cannot beat life. No matter what's its eventually going to win and you are going to stop getting back up fighting against it all. I feel like I'm there now. Don't even want to get up and try. Don't even think I can anymore if I wanted to.
Cliffs:
-It's over
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03-22-2024, 04:23 PM #15
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03-22-2024, 04:28 PM #16
I don’t want to come across like I’m lazy or something I was working 3 days after I got out of the hospital for alcoholic liver failure, literally at a new job with fluid still in me all swollen
Started exercising and getting back in shape, it actually was going well for like 6 months but late last year I started going downhill again, didn’t even start drinking again, just started going down
Quit my last job cuz I fuked it up and it got to be too much. Now starting a new one. I just know I’m gonna fuk it up. I’m gonna disappoint everyone and myself. I’m gonna alienate everyone, and nobody is gonna like me.
I can only keep doing this for so long. I’m really trying but just fukin suck at everything man I can’t do anything right, ded srs I’ve never been good at anything.
Why can’t someone just murder me or something? Like srsly or why can’t I choose to just leave this life?
Why do I have to stay here trapped?
I don’t even count how many days sober I am anymore, it doesn’t even matter. Who cares?
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03-22-2024, 04:34 PM #17
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03-22-2024, 04:35 PM #18
you hate your appearance/personality/how you talk/how you move
How do you expect to look?
What kind of personality do you want?
How do you want to talk?
How do you want to move?
If you start naming off people you want to look and sound and move like, then you've already failed. If everyone behaved like one single person, life would be boring The things that make you different are what make you stand out (in a good way). If you try to act like "someone else" people will pick up on that. Its a HUGE cliche, but you'll be more comfortable if you just be yourself.
As for the whole cancer thing. There are over a dozen different reasons why you may have blood in your stool. If you're under the age of 35 then its highly unlikely its cancer.
-What color is the blood? If its dark then its coming from much further up in your intestine or even from your stomach (an ulcer=fix your diet)
-If its bright red and only shows up as a "streak" on your stool that means you have a hemorrhoid or an internal fissure from straining too hard
-If you have loose blood, it could be a polyp (which are mostly benign) that got torn
-Or it could actually be a food item you're eating and you don't even know it. If you eat beets raw, your toilet can look like a murder scene.
As for your anxiousness and not wanting to do anything...Everyday make an effort to do one thing outside of your comfort zone. Ride your bicycle, walk through a busy park read a book at a public library, just be in public around people. Over time you'll get use to it and you won't feel so awkward...in fact you'll realize that everyone is weird and awkward. Its just that you are hyper-aware of your awkwardness.
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03-22-2024, 04:36 PM #19
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03-22-2024, 05:17 PM #20
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03-22-2024, 05:30 PM #23
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03-22-2024, 05:35 PM #24
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03-22-2024, 05:41 PM #25
Could worse OP, imagine you lived in the UK
Tsar Ivan IV Grozny:
“And if you, having a dog's mouth, want to bark for fun—that's your custom as a serf: it is an honor to you, but it is disgrace for us to think of you, let alone to snarl back at you, and there is naught worse in this world than to bark along with you, and if you want to bark, find yourself a serf like you, and bark with him."
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03-22-2024, 05:44 PM #26
- Join Date: May 2011
- Location: Coalinga, California, United States
- Age: 33
- Posts: 48,214
- Rep Power: 451772
I'm just cruising through life at this point, mindless self indulgence and little else. Been pretty fun.
Short cuts to success are often paved with lies.
1/13/16: Massive hernia.
5/10/16: Finally back to lifting, light but improving.
Why Teens shouldn't cut/Lack of progress thread- http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=169272763&p=1397509823#post1397509823
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03-22-2024, 06:09 PM #27
I haven’t taken a single dose of addy in like 2 weeks bro I’m saving it for when my job starts
I’m only in training today and next week
I’m saving it for when I need it
Bet you didn’t expect that? I took the addy for several days and then stopped. I can take it whenever I want, and stop whenever I want, and when I took it I felt fine
The addy is my last resort to help improve my behavior and level of function. It could be a godsend for me. Like a diabetic requiring insulin. My brain lacks prefrontal cortex activity and dopamine production.
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03-22-2024, 06:16 PM #28
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03-22-2024, 06:17 PM #29
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03-22-2024, 06:17 PM #30
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