The Empty Nest Syndrome is SO tough

[DustinTheHuss]

I couldn't even put more than 3 ornaments on the Christmas tree. I just was too depressed.

Daughter went away to college in August, so it was tough but at least she visited some weekends and I knew she'd be home for holidays and school breaks, but her university was filled with hard drugs and guys groping her in the dorms, so she was miserable and left.

Then she decided she needed to be closer to the beach to overcome the depression from that college experience so she moved out and is working until she can find a college that isn't a party school. It's brutal because I miss her happy voice, hearing what music she would play from her room (sometimes 70s, sometimes 90s), decorating the Christmas tree, having friends over, etc.

Still, I'm happy she made the mature decision to get away from a toxic college and not go down the road of becoming a drug addict.

The house is just so......quiet. I text with her but it isn't the same.

I knew this day was coming but wow, it's tough. I just need to move on and start a new life.

[Evantus]

At least she has a supportive family. That's something. I work with a huge amount of nurses and let me tell you, breaks my heart seeing so many lovely girls hitting 30s and still can't find a decent partner. Very sad because I know the consequences for the loneliness and misery

[Bando]

Daughter went away to college in August, so it was tough but at least she visited some weekends and I knew she'd be home for holidays and school breaks, but her university was filled with hard drugs and guys groping her in the dorms, so she was miserable and left.

My Daughter went through this, maybe not the groping part. She was 17, in a bar and another girl spit in her face. As a Dad I'm asking why are you in a bar at 17, but then I'm being insensitive and overbearing. Worst part is I still gotta pay for everything.

Don't sit around and mope, hit the gym, hit a club, hit Dollar General I don't care, but you gotta let the birdies fly.

[DustinTheHuss]

At least she has a supportive family. That's something. I work with a huge amount of nurses and let me tell you, breaks my heart seeing so many lovely girls hitting 30s and still can't find a decent partner. Very sad because I know the consequences for the loneliness and misery

Thank you. It is hard for young people to find decent partners these days. Then many rely on dating apps, which is the worst place to find a life partner.

My Daughter went through this, maybe not the groping part. She was 17, in a bar and another girl spit in her face. As a Dad I'm asking why are you in a bar at 17, but then I'm being insensitive and overbearing. Worst part is I still gotta pay for everything.

Don't sit around and mope, hit the gym, hit a club, hit Dollar General I don't care, but you gotta let the birdies fly.

Thanks. Yes, you never can seem to say the "right" thing to a teenager!

I guess what's been hard is I'm recovering from a bad case of Covid, my first ever Covid, so I haven't physically been able to do much, although today I was able to go to work and the store afterwards instead of just collapsing at home and falling asleep, so that's progress!

I hope to get back to the gym next week. Luckily I have a holiday event this weekend as well.

[mtpockets]

I couldn't even put more than 3 ornaments on the Christmas tree. I just was too depressed.

Daughter went away to college in August, so it was tough but at least she visited some weekends and I knew she'd be home for holidays and school breaks, but her university was filled with hard drugs and guys groping her in the dorms, so she was miserable and left.

Then she decided she needed to be closer to the beach to overcome the depression from that college experience so she moved out and is working until she can find a college that isn't a party school. It's brutal because I miss her happy voice, hearing what music she would play from her room (sometimes 70s, sometimes 90s), decorating the Christmas tree, having friends over, etc.

Still, I'm happy she made the mature decision to get away from a toxic college and not go down the road of becoming a drug addict.

The house is just so......quiet. I text with her but it isn't the same.

I knew this day was coming but wow, it's tough. I just need to move on and start a new life.

Sorry to hear this Dusty, it's something many of us parents go through and it's not easy. For the most part, I think the mom's have a more difficult time with it. (there are exceptions of course)

I hope your weekend holiday event is awesome and helps you with this.

Take care.

[DustinTheHuss]

Sorry to hear this Dusty, it's something many of us parents go through and it's not easy. For the most part, I think the mom's have a more difficult time with it. (there are exceptions of course)

I hope your weekend holiday event is awesome and helps you with this.

Take care.

Thanks pockets! I figured I wouldn't post this in the kiddie Misc as they couldn't relate and would just troll me.

I have a friend whose only child is away at college. I think it's even worse when it's your only child as our world is so wrapped up with that one kid.

My daughter's kind of upset with me over something I think is insignificant, so that makes it worse as I would hear her call her Dad last weekend but ignore my texts, so I'm just giving her some space and I hope that we can do things by the beach. She finally texted me back on Monday and Tuesday and didn't sound upset, so that helped a lot.

Sometimes what we think is insignificant is a big deal to teens, so I've worked hard at just giving her space and letting her come to me these past few years. That's been tough, too, as I was so used to playing toys with her and taking her to amusement parks.

I joined an adventure club a few years ago as I felt so empty and had this free time on the weekends when she started hanging out with her friends and not me, so that club was a lifesaver. I might get back into tennis, too. I can see why the transition to being off on their own is slow and the teen years are rough but they help you slowly detach. If she went from playing Barbies with me to moving out I'd have a breakdown.

When she was little those were the best years of my life, so at least I have those memories.

[Payton1221]

I empathize with you, but can't you just go to class, take tests, and graduate without the extra "activities?" I know it's a lot easier when you go to a commuter school, and I'm not saying that either my wife (a nurse with a BSN) or me (an engineer with an M.Eng) didn't do boneheaded things in college, but we kept the main thing (a diploma) the main thing.

[Cantplankwell]

You will get past it.

I have two boys, it was super hard on me when #1 went to Uni, 5 hours away. First couple of weeks I would turn the light on in his room sometimes and close the door, the light seeping through the cracks made it seem like he was home or something. Things we do.

[x-trainer ben]

What do they call kids that return home after college, boomerang kids or is there another term for it?

[DustinTheHuss]

I empathize with you, but can't you just go to class, take tests, and graduate without the extra "activities?" I know it's a lot easier when you go to a commuter school, and I'm not saying that either my wife (a nurse with a BSN) or me (an engineer with an M.Eng) didn't do boneheaded things in college, but we kept the main thing (a diploma) the main thing.

It was tough as her roommate was using Pepsi (the kiddie Misc term for the white powder, expensive substance) so she couldn't get any sleep and drove home to get sleep. I suggested she either get a new roommate or move out of the dorms and get her own place with a friends of hers. She said Pepsi was everywhere and in this college town there was nothing to do on the weekends but party.

But instead she just drove home one weekend and stayed in bed for a week, so we knew it was over. She had done that half of her senior year in high school as she was bullied, sadly.

Then she said she was depressed in our house as well so somehow she convinced her Dad to use her grandfather's inheritance to pay to rent a house closer to the beach because she told him that she isn't depressed there. Then she said she would go to a community college close by and transfer to a 4 year school. Well she's basically throwing her future money away instead of living at home with us, as 99% of kids at community college live at home. But at least she's working to contribute to the living expenses.

Now she says she wants to take a break from college. It constantly changes. it's tough because her Dad and I were like you two where were we both went straight to college and got our degrees. My friends did the same?

I don't know if it's the Zoomer generation or what's going on because my friend said her niece was taking a "gap year" after high school.

You will get past it.

I have two boys, it was super hard on me when #1 went to Uni, 5 hours away. First couple of weeks I would turn the light on in his room sometimes and close the door, the light seeping through the cracks made it seem like he was home or something. Things we do.

Oh that's so hard. Yes, just seeing a light makes you feel like he's there. If you live with someone for 18 years it's hard for them to just go away.

What do they call kids that return home after college, boomerang kids or is there another term for it?

Lol.

In some ways I was hoping that mine would do that. Many on the street are living with their parents well into their 40s, with their families! But we live in a very expensive area so no young family can afford a home on their own.

[DustinTheHuss]

It's getting a little better now that she's texting me. I hope that we can do something near the beach soon. I'm afraid to ask because she changes her mind about me given the circumstances going on in her life.

Her boyfriend just broke up with her so I know that she's upset, so I may give it a few weeks. Many times when she's upset she'll bring up some issues we had in the past. She had similar issues with her Dad but that's never brought up and he gets to go on trips with her and so forth. They stopped allowing me to go on trips with them in 2016 because they said I was too slow and I drink a lot of water so they said I go to the bathroom too often

I almost saw her yesterday at home but I got stuck in traffic.

I just hope we can have lunch at times as I really miss having long conversations with her daily when I was working from home. I'm glad we had the Covid shutdowns in a way as I got to spend a lot of time with her and repair our relationship that got rocky during the early teen years.

[weiss1967]

I practically asked my son to consider moving on, since he finished college and started working. He did move out, started full time job and bought a house, like month after. I know if I did not prompt him, he would continue slacking and procrastinating on everything. I miss him being around, but just a little. I think my GF and her mother miss my son more. Must be girly thing.

[DustinTheHuss]

I practically asked my son to consider moving on, since he finished college and started working. He did move out, started full time job and bought a house, like month after. I know if I did not prompt him, he would continue slacking and procrastinating on everything. I miss him being around, but just a little. I think my GF and her mother miss my son more. Must be girly thing.

Yeah I think it's more of a female thing. It's too bad the Female Misc is dead.

I just miss how she used to come downstairs, pet the cats and talk to me about what is going on in her life. It's not the same over text.

But yes, she wasn't doing much at the house besides being in her room so at least after she moved out she's working and signed up for classes in college. So I have to be happy for that.

[Payton1221]

I just miss how she used to come downstairs, pet the cats and talk to me about what is going on in her life. It's not the same over text.

Does she like eating out and can you afford to pick up the tab? I quit doing it when my daughter became a mom (only because the baby who is now four and the apple of my eye), but my daughter and I would have lunch periodically--my treat--and it was a way to get quality time with her alone. I realize that she will always have more in common with my wife (both are women, both are (now) mothers, and both are nurses), but it's nice to talk with her one-on-one periodically.

[DustinTheHuss]

Does she like eating out and can you afford to pick up the tab? I quit doing it when my daughter became a mom (only because the baby who is now four and the apple of my eye), but my daughter and I would have lunch periodically--my treat--and it was a way to get quality time with her alone. I realize that she will always have more in common with my wife (both are women, both are (now) mothers, and both are nurses), but it's nice to talk with her one-on-one periodically.

Oh yes, I would definitely pick up the tab. I'm trying to schedule something with her now.

The problem there is she's on again/off again with communicating with me since she moved out, so that makes it even tougher when she ignores my texts. She gave me some reasons as to why and I really can't control them. I was in the ER quite a bit with pneumonia and then a bad case of Covid and that annoyed her. She thought I was making some of it up to get attention. I actually had a terrible allergic reaction to the Covid anti-viral medication so I really wouldn't choose to go through that again!

But yes, I would love that quality time with her alone again over lunch, especially since she moved to a lovely location about 30 minutes away. I'm sure she'll come around, hopefully after the rush of Christmas.

[Bando]

I actually had a terrible allergic reaction to the Covid anti-viral medication

Been there, done that.

Employer is not requiring it this year, I get to do my work without violent chills and fever.

[DustinTheHuss]

Been there, done that.

Employer is not requiring it this year, I get to do my work without violent chills and fever.

Oh this wasn't the vaccine, it was actually the anti-viral medicine that the Dr. gives you in the early days of Covid. I couldn't swallow and my throat started closing up so they gave me an IV of Benadryl in the ambulance. I was also pacing that morning and couldn't sit still. The Benadryl helped that, but it also gave me a dry mouth, so the pacing started the next morning and the ER told me to come back in.

Then they gave me an anti-anxiety drug, which wore off, so I said screw it and took Benadryl again. I was so bored just waiting for Monday Night Football to come on.

Needless to say the pacing part almost drives you to the point of insanity. I had to apologize to the people in the waiting room and said I couldn't sit longer than 5 seconds.

I had a similar reaction to an anti-nausea medicine 30 years ago and at that time I was pacing all night. Not fun.....!

I won't take the vaccine any longer because I had the violent chills and fever.

[DustinTheHuss]

Well she's texting me again as she had power outages due to storms so that makes sense. Thankfully as I needed that before Christmas!

[x-trainer ben]

Well she's texting me again as she had power outages due to storms so that makes sense. Thankfully as I needed that before Christmas!

Is she coming to you, i have been away?

[DustinTheHuss]

Is she coming to you, i have been away?

She'll be at our house on Christmas Eve and Christmas morning and then we are going to her Dad's family's house.

Thank goodness!

She's up and down. Her birthday is after Christmas and she once asked me not to come to her birthday party a few years ago, which was horrible.

Things were really rough with her from the ages of 12-16 and then we got along great for 2 years.