Stuck in diet hell. Help!

[Slomo77]

I am 46, male. 6', 250. I have a decent amount of muscle as I have worked out consistently for years. I carry the fat alright....I look a little chubby, but not really that fat. I spent most of my 20's around 170, never ripped, but in pretty athletic shape. Use the old P90 bodyweight videos to get into shape back then, have owned a few weight machines over the years.

Covid hit my family and I hard. My young son lost a lot of friends during that time period, I was stressed and ballooned from 185 to 250 over a year or two. I had been doing some long fasting in 2019 and was in solid shape, I feel incredibly pathetic that I let myself go so badly.

I was conscious that I was gaining some weight over 2020, but I felt like since I had fasting as a tool, it wouldn't be hard to lose it. Man was I wrong.

A year ago I made a conscious effort to start eating healthier, I picked up my workouts, started trying to build up my cardio. I put in a pretty decent effort and lost 10 pounds. Then I suddenly hit this wall. I felt like **** eating healthy, and I started craving ice cream and sweets so badly that I could barely function. Over a few weeks I started cheating here and there and eventually put the 10 back on and another 3 on top of it. While not being perfect on my diet, I also was eating around 2500 cals a day and working out daily.

I redoubled my efforts, and I tried to go Keto and fast 16:8, as I realized that the more carbs I eat, my inflammation goes through the roof. Again, lost some weight. After a few days, I got basically despondent, almost depressed, and again felt bad and went into eat everything mode.

I have done this now with multiple eating plans. Tried slow carb, tried tracking macros, tried eating 90% clean and calorie counting....I used to be able to make up my mind and drop 20 or 30 pounds in two months, no problem. For some reason, when I get a few days into a diet, I start feeling sick to my stomach, the restricted food choices seem incredibly miserable. I end up waking up around night three or four of eating better and raiding the fridge. Fast food becomes not only hard to resist, it feels like I require it in order to stay sane.

It may be my age, and my life is very stressful, I am raising an autistic son mostly by myself. My sleep is bad when his sleep is bad. Still, I carry almost all of this weight on my gut. It seems that I could motivate myself to at least get a flatter stomach, I hate the way I look. But I am failing big time. It feels mostly mental.

Anyone experience anything like this? Anyone hit mental barriers and have methods of overcoming? Any advice hugely appreciated.

[faithbrah]

calories in calories out, if it fits your macros, flexible dieting, forget the concept of cheating and clean/dirty foods

[Horizon92]

calories in calories out, if it fits your macros, flexible dieting, forget the concept of cheating and clean/dirty foods

This.

OP, I understand and can relate to many of your struggles. What you need to realize, however, is that none of them are actually relevant to the food choices you make. Now don't get me wrong, I've rationalized many a poor choice - diet or otherwise - by looking to my life circumstance. But I am sure you can agree that overeating has never - not once - helped your life. So, when you are struggling, eating poorly does not make logical sense. So I want you to firstly acknowledge to yourself that you have been rationalizing behavior and doing yourself a major disfavor, and it needs to stop.

You talk a lot about different dieting approaches. As faithbrah insinuated in his post, you need to forget about all of that crap and focus on the core mechanic of weight loss! The core mechanic of weight loss is calories in, calories out. The fat on your body is proof that you have consumed more calories than you have burned for the last few years. To lose it, you must consume fewer calories than you burn - that is how fat gets metabolized and removed from your body. No other way bar surgery!

So, understand that intermittent fasting, keto, paleo and all those other diet fads out there are different approaches or strategies to obtain the goal of caloric deficit. The main issue with these approaches is that the people who promote them lie about how they work and why they work. If you honestly and truthfully want to do keto because it ACTUALLY fits you better than a more middle of the road approach to achieve sustainable weight loss, then sure - have at it. But for most of us, the sustainable option will be much less extreme.

Any weight loss plan is a waste of time unless you can actually keep the weight off once you're done losing weight. This is also why extreme deficits and diet fads like keto etc are bad - they are unsustainable long term. You and most everyone else who struggle with weight management do so because there is so much tasty food out there that we want to eat, but which just makes us go up in weight. For some people, this isn't an issue because their bodies or their minds signals for them to stop eating much earlier. But for those of us who this doesn't happen to, we have to figure out a way to control our weight. This is a skill which requires experience with how we work emotionally, socially and what sort of foods we respond best to both in terms of satiety, taste, practicality and cost.

The reality is that with a properly set up diet plan tailored to you specifically based on your prefered eating patterns (meal frequency, type of meals etc) that hits the right caloric target based on your expenditure (which can ofcourse be altered through activity and exercise) will not be particularly challanging. The challenge lies in developing the proper plan and sticking to it. This is why its so toxic with todays information overload. A very simple subject gets so confusing because there's so much junk info out there.

At the end of the day, you have to figure out approximately how many calories you burn per day through tracking your food accurately and logging your weight, then deciding on a sustainable caloric deficit, and work on the habits and tactics you need to hit that deficit consistently until the weight is off. Its important to realize that this road will be bumpy with set backs around every corner, but as long as the core principles are adhered to, you will succeed. Once you arrive at your destination using this sustainable plan, all you need to do is keep doing what you've been doing. The biggest danger to dieters is following a diet which "ends", because the only thing that works long term is a plan that is forever.

[air2fakie]

It feels mostly mental.

It's all mental, you're making it more complex than it needs to be and making excuses as to why it's so hard for you. You're also in denial that you're "not really that fat".

Just eat less in a sustainable fashion consistently & long term - no fad diets, no fasting, no only eating clean & healthy, no re-doubling efforts, no Keto, etc. It doesn't matter how restrictive whatever you do is, if you can't stick to it past midnight.

Eat less food in amounts and variety that you can stick with consistently for the long run.

[paulinkansas]

[Slomo77]

Thanks for the responses, appreciated.

Let me clarify that I am in no way in denial of being fat. I was saying that I don't look huge in clothes, which has kept me telling myself it isn't a huge deal. When I take off my shirt I am sickened.

I totally get the cals in/cals out thing. What I said about inflammation though....anything starchy or sugar inflames the hell out of me. I tried a really clean diet, inflammation stopped after two days. A few days later I started getting stomach aches and felt terrible. Stress with my autistic kid got bad and I just broke down and ate some ice cream and fast food. Felt immediately better mentally and stomach stopped hurting. Inflamed again the next day. So while cals in/out is the bottome line for weight loss, apparently I have trained my gut to accept crap and deny healthy food, which seems insane.

I assume the inflammation is like some kind of pre diabetic ****, with my age and weight.

I am going to attempt to track cals really well and keep my diet mostly clean with the occasional unhealthy food.

Anyone deal with constant stressors that makes their lives incredibly stressful, like a caretaker, etc? Tips for destressing, fighting through cravings, would be awesome. Thanks!

I

[Camarija]

Your candida is probably overgrown, which means it's likely you're diabetic or pre-diabetic.

Willpower is choosing consistency.

You don't need to make MASSIVE changes at once.

A little goes a long way, if you are consistent.

For example, no more sugary drinks. Only zero sugar drinks from now on. That includes alcohol.

Maybe don't commit to the gym X days a week, start with committing to 6,000 steps a day no matter what.

Stepping stones to reach your goal.

Good luck.

[air2fakie]

Thanks for the responses, appreciated.

Let me clarify that I am in no way in denial of being fat. I was saying that I don't look huge in clothes, which has kept me telling myself it isn't a huge deal. When I take off my shirt I am sickened.

I totally get the cals in/cals out thing. What I said about inflammation though....anything starchy or sugar inflames the hell out of me. I tried a really clean diet, inflammation stopped after two days. A few days later I started getting stomach aches and felt terrible. Stress with my autistic kid got bad and I just broke down and ate some ice cream and fast food. Felt immediately better mentally and stomach stopped hurting. Inflamed again the next day. So while cals in/out is the bottome line for weight loss, apparently I have trained my gut to accept crap and deny healthy food, which seems insane.

I assume the inflammation is like some kind of pre diabetic ****, with my age and weight.

I am going to attempt to track cals really well and keep my diet mostly clean with the occasional unhealthy food.

Anyone deal with constant stressors that makes their lives incredibly stressful, like a caretaker, etc? Tips for destressing, fighting through cravings, would be awesome. Thanks!

I

You have to stop thinking in terms of clean vs. unhealthy foods. Part of not doing anything too restrictive or extreme is so you don’t have cravings/binges because you’re eating things you enjoy everyday, aside from the fact that a lot of healthy food tastes good too. You don’t have to eat bland, plain food just because you’re eating healthy. Whether you choose to binge every night is something you have total control over.

Also, the fact that you think you’re somehow unique because you have a lot of stress is just an excuse as I said above. I don’t doubt you have a lot of stress, but most of us do too. Whether you let it stand in the way of eating towards your goals and working out is something you have total control over.

See a doctor if you feel you have any health issues.

[Horizon92]

Thanks for the responses, appreciated.

Let me clarify that I am in no way in denial of being fat. I was saying that I don't look huge in clothes, which has kept me telling myself it isn't a huge deal. When I take off my shirt I am sickened.

I totally get the cals in/cals out thing. What I said about inflammation though....anything starchy or sugar inflames the hell out of me. I tried a really clean diet, inflammation stopped after two days. A few days later I started getting stomach aches and felt terrible. Stress with my autistic kid got bad and I just broke down and ate some ice cream and fast food. Felt immediately better mentally and stomach stopped hurting. Inflamed again the next day. So while cals in/out is the bottome line for weight loss, apparently I have trained my gut to accept crap and deny healthy food, which seems insane.

I assume the inflammation is like some kind of pre diabetic ****, with my age and weight.

I am going to attempt to track cals really well and keep my diet mostly clean with the occasional unhealthy food.

Anyone deal with constant stressors that makes their lives incredibly stressful, like a caretaker, etc? Tips for destressing, fighting through cravings, would be awesome. Thanks!

I

1. Regarding being fat or not, I totally understand what you are saying here. Its so hard to notice even substantial weight gain in the mirror - oftentimes, its when people see pictures of themselves that it finally dawns on them how much weight they've gained. No reason for you or anyone else to kick you over it though. The key is you've estbalished you're not happy about your weight, and you are ready to take action.

2. I would be careful about being too sure about whether or not you're inflamed and exactly what is causing it. With that said, we all react to different foods differently, and you should obviously aim to eat things that makes you feel good. A lot of food that tastes really good and fits me in other aspects makes my digestive system act up, so I avoid it or limit it. With that being said, if you suspect some foods cause stomach issues and other causes inflammation etc.. Look, the chances of bias and other factors like emotional ones playing in here are so large that I think you need to take a much more scientific approach if you want to actually get to the bottom of your issues. I would start off just going to the doctor and get his or hers opinion on it.

3. As air2fakie said, you have to stop thinking about food as clean or unclean, good or bad. Everyone is different, you need to find food that meets your specific requirements in terms of satiety, calories, how you feel on it, cost and practicality. For some people, thats going to be frozen pizzas and protein shakes. For others, thats going to be chicken and rice, cottage cheese and omelettes. And for others again, it might be anything in between. Figure out some core meals that fits your requirements and stick to them.

4. And again as air2fakie said, everyone deals with stressors. It may very well be that you have way more stress than others, and that may make it more challenging to succeed in other areas. But when it comes to your diet especially, as I tried to convey in my first post: there is no logical connection between your stressors and overeating or making bad food decisions. Its only excuses and rationalization. You eating unhealthily will not help your stress in regards to your challenges. In fact it will both short and long term make it worse! And your life stressors are not forcing you into making bad decisions. You are totally free to make the correct decisions. You are just deflecting blame and responsibility from yourself and over to your life circumstance because that feels better and is easier. But here is what you must realize: the ONLY person in the entire world that can EVER solve your weight problem is YOU. And the way you do that is by taking actual control over your diet and doing what needs to be done. You know how unhealthy it is to be overweight, how it makes you feel like chit physically and mentally - and you know you're the only person that can do anything about it. So stop screwing around and get to it.

[latverian41]

calories in calories out, if it fits your macros, flexible dieting, forget the concept of cheating and clean/dirty foods

Pretty much what I was about to type out.

It's a number game mate.

[Slomo77]

Thanks guys. This is what I needed to hear. I know I am making excuses. My kid requires constant care and I deal with it alone. But it is just an excuse.

I hear you on the dirty/ clean mindset. I am going to try and hit 2000 cals a day, getting in a good amount of protein and a mix of carbs and fats, probably like 40/35/25. Not focusing so much on eating perfect but hitting numbers.

I hit the weight machine and free weights daily pretty hard. Going to try and get in at least 20 minutes cardio a day. I love lifting, have to force myself to stay strict on
cardio.

Thanks for the kick in the ass. I needed it.

[faithbrah]

Thanks guys. This is what I needed to hear. I know I am making excuses. My kid requires constant care and I deal with it alone. But it is just an excuse.

I hear you on the dirty/ clean mindset. I am going to try and hit 2000 cals a day, getting in a good amount of protein and a mix of carbs and fats, probably like 40/35/25. Not focusing so much on eating perfect but hitting numbers.

I hit the weight machine and free weights daily pretty hard. Going to try and get in at least 20 minutes cardio a day. I love lifting, have to force myself to stay strict on
cardio.

Thanks for the kick in the ass. I needed it.

oh and don't use macro percentages, they're an outdated concept from like... the 1990s or early 2000s? a minimum of 0.7g of protein & 0.4g of fat per pound of bodyweight is a good goal, and since you're overweight, you should probably calculate those based on your goal weight. cardio is good for general health and burning extra calories, but it's totally not needed to lose fat. i did very little cardio when i went from ~27% to 12% bf

what is your program like? granted it doesn't matter too much if you're just trying to lose weight, but if you want to retain as much muscle as possible (maybe even build a small amount), it's a good idea to do an actual program

[Slomo77]

oh and don't use macro percentages, they're an outdated concept from like... the 1990s or early 2000s? a minimum of 0.7g of protein & 0.4g of fat per pound of bodyweight is a good goal, and since you're overweight, you should probably calculate those based on your goal weight. cardio is good for general health and burning extra calories, but it's totally not needed to lose fat. i did very little cardio when i went from ~27% to 12% bf

what is your program like? granted it doesn't matter too much if you're just trying to lose weight, but if you want to retain as much muscle as possible (maybe even build a small amount), it's a good idea to do an actual program

I have been doing a four day split. Using a rep scheme where I do 12 10 8 6, going up in weight on each set, then I drop the weight back a bit and do 12 reps or until near failure.
Basically hit one exercise per bodypart, then Ill do another exercise to fail. For example, BP for 12, 10, 8, 6, 12....then Ill hit chest flies for one set to fail. Next workout I will do different exercises to hit different areas of the muscle.

I do a body part split of Chest/tri/shoulders one day, next day do Back/ legs/bi. I throw in calves, forearms, abs twice a week.

Ive maintained and put on some muscle doing this a few times in my life. I hate cardio, but I try to do it for my lungs, as Ive gained weight eating too much my heart and lungs are ****.

I would love to hear any workout suggestions on going from 27% bf to 12% with little cardio.

[Camarija]

I would love to hear any workout suggestions on going from 27% bf to 12% with little cardio.

It's 70% diet 25% sleep 5% everything else
Lose up to 1% bodyweight a week on average
Weight loss can stall for up to 3 weeks at a time
If after 3 weeks you're still not losing (enough) weight, eat less
Sleep at least 7 hours uninterrupted every night

Me at new years


Me this week


For now, just focus on eating less. Not starving, nor following a fad diet; those will lead to your binging. Just less than you have been eating.

faithbrah's diet suggestions are 100% correct

If you follow an actual program, you'll look and feel better

https://forum.bodybuilding.com/showt...hp?t=159678631

But honestly, at this stage, just focus on diet, eating less, walking 6,000 steps a day, and 7 hours of GOOD sleep a night

* do not take SARMS or st*r*ids - I have never taken them, your situation does not call for it, you will only hinder your health. Not worth it.

[faithbrah]

I would love to hear any workout suggestions on going from 27% bf to 12% with little cardio.

basically calorie control, i was mostly eating 500 calories below my TDEE, 700 at the start of the diet because cutting more aggressively when you're heavier is worth it imo

[air2fakie]

I hate cardio, but I try to do it for my lungs, as Ive gained weight eating too much my heart and lungs are ****.

I would love to hear any workout suggestions on going from 27% bf to 12% with little cardio.

You’re more than 27%, and you’re not getting down to 12%. Again, don’t think in extremes for any of this. Just build good, consistent habits and you’ll get to a better place.

And do some cardio dude, sitting on a spin bike for 30 minutes after a workout playing on your phone or listening to music really shouldn’t be a big ask when you’re overweight, in bad shape and nearing 50. Make sure you’re still alive for your kid in 10 years.

[Slomo77]

You’re more than 27%, and you’re not getting down to 12%. Again, don’t think in extremes for any of this. Just build good, consistent habits and you’ll get to a better place.

And do some cardio dude, sitting on a spin bike for 30 minutes after a workout playing on your phone or listening to music really shouldn’t be a big ask when you’re overweight, in bad shape and nearing 50. Make sure you’re still alive for your kid in 10 years.

Unfortunately I don't have a spin bike, but I do have a treadmill and a few cardio dvds. I plan on doing some.

I am at 31% BF according to my scale, which isn't insanely accurate, but pretty close. In 2018 I fasted from 230 to 180, three day fasts over and over, and a ten day fast, took two months. Wasn't even that difficult really, flat stomach with visible upper abs and Ilooked good, felt 25. As far as being old or weak, I still bench 240 and I'm curling 45's, all of my lifts are ok, I'm not old and weak.....it is really just my damn gut. All of the fat sits there and it isn't gooey overlap fat, it is like solid and hard. Which is unhealthy as hell and so I will get this done.

I know it is possible for me to do it. Covid crap really messed with everything for me mentally, pisses me off that I could have kept it up and now I have to go through the fat loss again.

But ah well.....I'm back at it today.

[air2fakie]

Unfortunately I don't have a spin bike, but I do have a treadmill and a few cardio dvds. I plan on doing some.

I am at 31% BF according to my scale, which isn't insanely accurate, but pretty close. In 2018 I fasted from 230 to 180, three day fasts over and over, and a ten day fast, took two months. Wasn't even that difficult really, flat stomach with visible upper abs and Ilooked good, felt 25. As far as being old or weak, I still bench 240 and I'm curling 45's, all of my lifts are ok, I'm not old and weak.....it is really just my damn gut. All of the fat sits there and it isn't gooey overlap fat, it is like solid and hard. Which is unhealthy as hell and so I will get this done.

I know it is possible for me to do it. Covid crap really messed with everything for me mentally, pisses me off that I could have kept it up and now I have to go through the fat loss again.

But ah well.....I'm back at it today.

You bench 240 when you weigh 250 and you talk about how easily you lost 50 lbs in 2 months 5 years ago doing 3 day fasts... the things you repeatedly say are just being in denial of what type of shape you're in & going back to the idea that going to extremes is the way to achieve sustainable success. I do wish you the best though & hope it works out.

[Slomo77]

You bench 240 when you weigh 250 and you talk about how easily you lost 50 lbs in 2 months 5 years ago doing 3 day fasts... the things you repeatedly say are just being in denial of what type of shape you're in & going back to the idea that going to extremes is the way to achieve sustainable success. I do wish you the best though & hope it works out.

Thanks. It will.