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  1. #1
    Registered User BuuTheGod's Avatar
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    Unhappy Dealing with BPD is hell

    Man I've only been dating this girl for 4 months and she almost broke me. Thank god my self esteem and mental health is much better than it was 2-3 years ago. I still need therapy because of childhood issues but that's another story.

    This girl denies all reality and makes EVERYTHING my fault. If I make the smallest mistake possible, I am a demon and she ghosts me for long periods. I even started questioning my own reality, maybe I am the reason we have issues, maybe I am evil, etc. (I am exactly opposite of that)

    I had no idea she had BPD until I did research, she probably doesn't even know it either. Thankfully she's now been ghosting me for like 10 days and we haven't had any contact. I am praying to god that she doesn't come back.

    Anyway, I just wanted to vent, you guys can comment, share your own BPD stories or offer some support. I can't imagine dealing with this insanity for YEARS, some people marry these.
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  2. #2
    Registered User SikhAndDestroy's Avatar
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    Dated a BPD girl for 3.5 years
    Basically you have to become a psycho too and have blackmail on her so she stays in line (srs)
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  3. #3
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    Pretty sure dealing with ASPD is worse.

    Know those feels though
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    You could do 100 things 'right' but once you do one thing that triggers her adbandonment issues, it's over.

    It will NEVER be enough. Just walk away.
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    Originally Posted by BuuTheGod View Post
    Man I've only been dating this girl for 4 months and she almost broke me. Thank god my self esteem and mental health is much better than it was 2-3 years ago. I still need therapy because of childhood issues but that's another story.

    This girl denies all reality and makes EVERYTHING my fault. If I make the smallest mistake possible, I am a demon and she ghosts me for long periods. I even started questioning my own reality, maybe I am the reason we have issues, maybe I am evil, etc. (I am exactly opposite of that)

    I had no idea she had BPD until I did research, she probably doesn't even know it either. Thankfully she's now been ghosting me for like 10 days and we haven't had any contact. I am praying to god that she doesn't come back.

    Anyway, I just wanted to vent, you guys can comment, share your own BPD stories or offer some support. I can't imagine dealing with this insanity for YEARS, some people marry these.
    I think I've dated two or three girls with BPD. One was MEAN, just started arguments out of thin air. They were such pointless arguments I thought she was busting balls and would play into it, then she would flip out and I was so god damn confused.

    She knew she was crazy, too. I remember her mentioning someone had called her a sociopath in the past, but that ain't it at all. She was textbook BPD.

    Another one was pretty BPD too, but the opposite type. She was really self-hating. Always depressed, suicidal ideation. Something about her just sucked the life out of you...and no, it wasn't her mouth around your penor. Just hanging out with her and conversing with her drained your life source away. Didn't like being touched, either, would sleep on the couch. Really knew how to drag you into her muck. Kinda like Gloria on Sopranos, honestly.

    I only dated each of these women for a few months. The only correct decision is to bail entirely. After dating them back-to-back I lost most interest in dating, in general.
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  6. #6
    Fuk off, Lahey! LargePeter's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Silencespeaks View Post
    Pretty sure dealing with ASPD is worse.

    Know those feels though
    You live with it every day
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  7. #7
    Paddling to New Zealand Bodhy's Avatar
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    This sounds terrible, OP. What are the signs of this BPD in a girl? How do you distinguish from narcissism, or just batchit insanity?


    I met a girl at the university who is like this. I made a thread in here years ago. Basically, always whinges about something or other. Hates her life. Always complaining about everything. Only ever talks about herself and her own narrow and obscure interests. Always steers the conversation to herself, and no awareness at all that she's boring someone chitless.

    Even when you're talking about something else or yourself, she will even interrupt mid sentence and go back to talking about herself even if its a total non-sequitur.



    Not sure if that's BPD or just narcissism, or being a socially retarded bitch or what.
    Back off, Warchild.

    Seriously.
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  8. #8
    Registered User skinnyfat88's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by BuuTheGod View Post

    Thankfully she's now been ghosting me for like 10 days and we haven't had any contact. I am praying to god that she doesn't come back.
    She can't come back if you make the choice to block her...
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  9. #9
    5'3" 300lbs Fudge Rounds Jasonw1178's Avatar
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    I know what you mean OP. Been there, done that. When things are good, they are great. When they are bad, they are horrible. It was always my fault for her bad behavior. You learn to feed her so to speak, and she comes back around and the love bombing starts again and that crap is addictive. Having a cluster B mother I grew up learning to deal with them. Often they go for narccistic types because that feeds them, but then there are guys like me. My ex called me recently and told me how she misses how I could always make her happy no matter how bad it got. She just won't ever see what it was doing to me. Not going to lie, I think I'm a bit damaged by it.

    Originally Posted by SikhAndDestroy View Post
    Dated a BPD girl for 3.5 years
    Basically you have to become a psycho too and have blackmail on her so she stays in line (srs)
    Yep, they only start to care when you stop caring.
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  10. #10
    Registered User Jayarbie's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by BuuTheGod View Post
    Man I've only been dating this girl for 4 months and she almost broke me. Thank god my self esteem and mental health is much better than it was 2-3 years ago. I still need therapy because of childhood issues but that's another story.

    This girl denies all reality and makes EVERYTHING my fault. If I make the smallest mistake possible, I am a demon and she ghosts me for long periods. I even started questioning my own reality, maybe I am the reason we have issues, maybe I am evil, etc. (I am exactly opposite of that)

    I had no idea she had BPD until I did research, she probably doesn't even know it either. Thankfully she's now been ghosting me for like 10 days and we haven't had any contact. I am praying to god that she doesn't come back.

    Anyway, I just wanted to vent, you guys can comment, share your own BPD stories or offer some support. I can't imagine dealing with this insanity for YEARS, some people marry these.
    BPD is tough because almost all BPD people have anxious avoidant insecure attachment taken to the absolute extreme. Typically, the sex is off the charts at the beginning when the anxious attachment controls the relationship and she is in the idealization phase where you can do no wrong and she is out to fukk you into staying with her forever. Eventually, something will trigger the avoidant insecurity and she will enter the devaluation cycle and will blame you for everything and fight constantly. It is a never-ending cycle of this idealization and devaluation that eventually just becomes batchit crazy. While the sexxors in the idealization phases are the best you're ever going to have, in the long run, it's not worth the crazy. Your best bet is to block her while she's ghosting you and move on.
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    Originally Posted by Jayarbie View Post
    BPD is tough because almost all BPD people have anxious avoidant insecure attachment taken to the absolute extreme. Typically, the sex is off the charts at the beginning when the anxious attachment controls the relationship and she is in the idealization phase where you can do no wrong and she is out to fukk you into staying with her forever. Eventually, something will trigger the avoidant insecurity and she will enter the devaluation cycle and will blame you for everything and fight constantly. It is a never-ending cycle of this idealization and devaluation that eventually just becomes batchit crazy. While the sexxors in the idealization phases are the best you're ever going to have, in the long run, it's not worth the crazy. Your best bet is to block her while she's ghosting you and move on.
    Having gone through similar several time, this is TEXTBOOK as to how to handle the situation.

    BLOCK HER, DROP HER FROM ANY AND ALL SOCIAL MEDIA, AND GO NO CONTACT
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  12. #12
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    any update OP?
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    sounds like she has neurotic traits
    Subjecting yourself to self imposed discipline is the surest way to increase the quality of your existence

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  14. #14
    Registered User Jayarbie's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Bodhy View Post
    This sounds terrible, OP. What are the signs of this BPD in a girl? How do you distinguish from narcissism, or just batchit insanity?


    I met a girl at the university who is like this. I made a thread in here years ago. Basically, always whinges about something or other. Hates her life. Always complaining about everything. Only ever talks about herself and her own narrow and obscure interests. Always steers the conversation to herself, and no awareness at all that she's boring someone chitless.

    Even when you're talking about something else or yourself, she will even interrupt mid sentence and go back to talking about herself even if its a total non-sequitur.



    Not sure if that's BPD or just narcissism, or being a socially retarded bitch or what.
    BPD and NPD are both cluster B personality disorders, so there is significant overlap in the emotional swings and constant fighting. BPD is not necessarily focused on oneself, though. Narcissists want everything to be about them and how great they are. BPD in the idealization phase is more about you and how great you are, even to the point of mirroring your interests and activities in order to be more like you. BPD in the devaluation stage where everything is about how bad you are and how everything is your fault is easier to confuse with NPD because of the constant blame and gaslighting associated with both, but there is a subtle difference between her always being right (NPD) and you always being wrong (BPD).
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    Originally Posted by Jayarbie View Post
    BPD and NPD are both cluster B personality disorders, so there is significant overlap in the emotional swings and constant fighting. BPD is not necessarily focused on oneself, though. Narcissists want everything to be about them and how great they are. BPD in the idealization phase is more about you and how great you are, even to the point of mirroring your interests and activities in order to be more like you. BPD in the devaluation stage where everything is about how bad you are and how everything is your fault is easier to confuse with NPD because of the constant blame and gaslighting associated with both, but there is a subtle difference between her always being right (NPD) and you always being wrong (BPD).
    I think this is mostly right, except not all narcissists are focused on how great they are. Pretty sure my ex had what is called covert NPD (and possibly a mix of that with BPD). I definitely experienced the devaluation where I was always wrong and being gaslighted.

    This describes my ex exactly, and I only really snapped out of being a devalued zombie after getting some intel from the therapist I agreed to go to at her insistence and after reading this and a couple other articles.

    https://www.verywellmind.com/underst...issist-4584587
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    ๐Ÿ…ณ๐Ÿ…ฐ๐Ÿ†‚ ๐Ÿ…ธ๐Ÿ†ƒ Luc1fer's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by BuuTheGod View Post
    I even started questioning my own reality, maybe I am the reason we have issues, maybe I am evil, etc. (I am exactly opposite of that)
    Ye, it's gaslighting. I experienced the same thing.

    The main thing I remember is frequent arguments and drama out of nowhere, often ruining an otherwise good time. That's called "walking on eggshells".
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  18. #18
    U Mirin? bradlehman's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Luc1fer View Post
    Ye, it's gaslighting. I experienced the same thing.

    The main thing I remember is frequent arguments and drama out of nowhere, often ruining an otherwise good time. That's called "walking on eggshells".
    This was my life for years. Expending tons of mental energy on trying not to do anything to trigger a random fight over nonsense that would interrupt a fun night, vacation, etc. Walking on eggshells full time for years is enormously exhausting.
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    My ex (HPD/BPD cross) called me about a week ago. I've met her new BF and I feel bad for him. He seems like a legit good guy. Who knows what he thinks of me because I'm sure he's been told some tales but he will learn. One que that he's still fooled is he thinks she does the things she does because of how she was treated in the past.

    So her business has done well so she's decided to do a fundraiser. Nobody is interested so she posted all these vids online basically shaming people for not supporting her cause and that has gotten her a lot of backlash, which of course isn't her fault, and now she thinks she's being bullied, but she continues to post these vids. She's going to lose a lot of money on this fundraiser and the fallout is going to be bad.

    She posts all these things about her and her new BF and how happy and in love she is but then some mutual friends said she's not happy with him. She's even planning to move out of his apartment and get her own. She called me telling me how he likes getting BJ's a lot and she's really worked on her technique telling me how I should feel what she can do now. She said she really misses me eating her pu***. She also told me about some guy she met, and how they hit it off so she had to cut contact with him because she would end up sleeping with him. Somehow, I have a feeling they have smashed already and are probably doing things on the side.
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    Originally Posted by bradlehman View Post
    This was my life for years. Expending tons of mental energy on trying not to do anything to trigger a random fight over nonsense that would interrupt a fun night, vacation, etc. Walking on eggshells full time for years is enormously exhausting.
    I remember Iโ€™d go out with the mindset that Iโ€™m intentionally not going to do _anything_ wrong, so if she starts drama Iโ€™ll 100% know it was purely her bad behavior and canโ€™t be gaslighted into questioning my own actions as a cause.

    You have to be on the defensive like that all the time.
    ๐•ฎ๐–๐–†๐–˜๐–Š ๐–† ๐–ˆ๐–๐–Š๐–ˆ๐•ถ, ๐–“๐–Š๐–›๐–Š๐–— ๐–ˆ๐–๐–†๐–˜๐–Š ๐–† ๐–‡๐–Ž๐–™๐–ˆ๐–

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    Recently started dating a woman with BPD. Absolute no way I would want a serious relationship because she acts nuts, but the sex is good. After the first 4 weeks I broke up with her and this sent her into full mania for 1 week. She kept hitting me up and now we're FWB.

    I'm still not sure if this is a win. Might just go no contact.
    Last edited by MusicProducer; 07-29-2023 at 10:58 PM.
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    Originally Posted by MusicProducer View Post
    Recently started dating a woman with BPD. Absolute no way I would want a serious relationship because she acts nuts, but the sex is good. After the first 4 weeks I broke up with her and this sent her into full mania for 1 week. She kept hitting me up and now we're FWB.

    I'm still not sure if this is a win. Might just go no contact.
    If she is truly borderline, it seems unlikely that she'll be able to keep it FWB without drama.
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    I've already posted enough about my recent ex here.

    Also made another thread in reg misc a few days ago. She called me just to tell me she fukked someone else (way older than her) with the pure intention to forget me, and was talking trash about how he treated her better than me. He has a wife and kids.

    I've never met a girl who is more fukked up than her. She was hot but I wish to god I never met her

    What others said is true about the signs

    -in the beginning you are literally a god to her. She loves everything you do and praises you all the time

    -sooner or later, youll do ONE THING which makes her feel like you don't care/are about to abandon her, and she splits you. She know thinks you're going to betray her even if it was such an innocuous thing.

    -She will start a fight about it but will NOT listen to any reason and is convinced her suspicion of you is justified

    -She will get over it a few days later, but there will be another thing you do (or the same trigger from before, she will bring it up again) and you'll have another fight. Again - you won't be able to get her to see sense.

    -INSANE JEALOUSY. Wants to know every girl you interact with and assumes unless you're a kunt to them, you're fukking them behind her back

    -calls/texts 24/7 under the guise of caring but actually wants to control you

    -if she passes a threshold of abandonment fear she will split you, end the relationship and ghost you - nothing you can say will get her to see reality

    In this period she will FOR SURE fukk someone else (cos she assumes that you already did). This is if she hasn't pre-emptively cheated before she broke it off as an insurance policy.

    Then once she has discarded you and got new supply, she will come back into your life to hurt you and make sure you don't forget her (if you allow it like I stupidly did).

    Mine fukked a guy and made sure I found out about it, meanwhile she was texting me pretty normally and saying she missed me.

    Sometimes, it's tempting to get revenge/mess with her mind - however because they have no morals/ethics/need to win/are crazy, they operate on a different plane

    They will stop at nothing to destroy you because they are soulless.
    Last edited by smashedurgfx10; 08-12-2023 at 07:09 AM.
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    Originally Posted by Jayarbie View Post
    If she is truly borderline, it seems unlikely that she'll be able to keep it FWB without drama.

    It's been 3 weeks since I made that post and you're 100% correct. The drama she was trying to create was wild (wasting too much of my time), had to break it off.

    It was extra weird because me NOT reacting to her attempted s**t stirring just made her attempts worse and more aggressive. Stay safe brahs.

    She has diagnosed BP1 and BPD2, and during the brief time we were dating she was put on an involuntary hold at the mental hospital for a week, so her situation is real.



    Originally Posted by smashedurgfx10 View Post
    I've already posted enough about my recent ex here.

    Also made another thread in reg misc a few days ago. She called me just to tell me she fukked someone else (way older than her) with the pure intention to forget me, and was talking trash about how he treated her better than me. He has a wife and kids.

    I've never met a girl who is more fukked up than her. She was hot but I wish to god I never met her

    What others said is true about the signs

    -in the beginning you are literally a god to her. She loves everything you do and praises you all the time

    -sooner or later, youll do ONE THING which makes her feel like you don't care/are about to abandon her, and she splits you. She know thinks you're going to betray her even if it was such an innocuous thing.

    -She will start a fight about it but will NOT listen to any reason and is convinced her suspicion of you is justified

    -She will get over it a few days later, but there will be another thing you do (or the same trigger from before, she will bring it up again) and you'll have another fight. Again - you won't be able to get her to see sense.

    -INSANE JEALOUSY. Wants to know every girl you interact with and assumes unless you're a kunt to them, you're fukking them behind her back

    -calls/texts 24/7 under the guise of caring but actually wants to control you

    -if she passes a threshold of abandonment fear she will split you, end the relationship and ghost you - nothing you can say will get her to see reality

    In this period she will FOR SURE fukk someone else (cos she assumes that you already did). This is if she hasn't pre-emptively cheated before she broke it off as an insurance policy.

    Then once she has discarded you and got new supply, she will come back into your life to hurt you and make sure you don't forget her (if you allow it like I stupidly did).

    Mine fukked a guy and made sure I found out about it, meanwhile she was texting me pretty normally and saying she missed me.

    Sometimes, it's tempting to get revenge/mess with her mind - however because they have no morals/ethics/need to win/are crazy, they operate on a different plane

    They will stop at nothing to destroy you because they are soulless.


    It's creepy how spot on your description is to my experience. Fortunately I only knew this woman 2 months so I wasn't attached and didn't have much feelings when s**t hit the fan. Just used the situation for sex and entertainment, but then it got too weird.
    Last edited by MusicProducer; 08-12-2023 at 10:41 PM.
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    Originally Posted by MusicProducer View Post
    .


    It's creepy how spot on your description is to my experience. Fortunately I only knew this woman 2 months so I wasn't attached and didn't have much feelings when s**t hit the fan. Just used the situation for sex and entertainment, but then it got too weird.

    For me stuff didn't start getting weird until about 4 months in. I put up with it cos I just saw it as regular female jealousy/insecurity and she was young.

    But it just got worse. Arguments out of nowhere and they never ended. Truly believed you're a bad person out to hurt her

    Then cos she argued all the time, never trusted you etc it would get too much and you'd back off/put in less effort or ask for space (you can guess how that went down) so then her abandonment gears feel justified

    Everything she does/did is a manipulation to get what she wants (to feel like you care). She can get this even if she hurts you because if you react you care.

    She told me she loved me super quickly and apparently also loves her new guy, but has only been with him a few weeks (and he's married).
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    Originally Posted by MusicProducer View Post
    It's been 3 weeks since I made that post and you're 100% correct. The drama she was trying to create was wild (wasting too much of my time), had to break it off.

    It was extra weird because me NOT reacting to her attempted s**t stirring just made her attempts worse and more aggressive. Stay safe brahs.

    She has diagnosed BP1 and BPD2, and during the brief time we were dating she was put on an involuntary hold at the mental hospital for a week, so her situation is real.







    It's creepy how spot on your description is to my experience. Fortunately I only knew this woman 2 months so I wasn't attached and didn't have much feelings when s**t hit the fan. Just used the situation for sex and entertainment, but then it got too weird.
    Itโ€™s eerie how similar people with this sort of issue are, even down to using almost exactly the same words when theyโ€™re going off.
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