Do men get bored of good girls?

[MissAlexandraV]

In my experience I have heard often from men that they only want slutty girls for sex/fun and want a good/wholesome girl for love/a serious relationship.

Things like this are what make them think that a girl is slutty:
-sleeping around
-often dressing provocatively
-posting a lot of photos on social media showing a lot of skin or in provocative poses
-partying/clubbing
-drinking often
-doing drugs
-tattoos
-unconventional piercings
-lots of male friends
-a lot of makeup

However, when I was dating my boyfriend, he would continue to hang out with his sister and sister's sorority friends who have all of these traits except tattoos. I'm 22, he's 24, and his sister's friends are 20-23. I don't have any of those traits. He was very close with his sister and didn't see any issue with what she was doing and defended her and her sister's friends behavior. He said he did not want our relationship to affect his relationship with his sister or her friend group because not only is he close with his sister but he has known her friends since they were 12 and they often throw parties at his house. He likes their half naked pictures of them doing the slutty things I mentioned on instagram. He spent time with his sister and her friends and his friends instead of me during the time period of Christmas and New Years. Despite this, if a guy ever hit on me (even though I'd reject the guy) it would ruin his whole day/week and say it made him put his guard up because he thought he had too much competition and I would eventually meet someone better.

In the first month I dated him he would do all the right things: take me on nice dates that he paid for and picked me up for, text me good morning and good night every day, check up on me throughout the day, try to get to know me by asking me questions, didn't push for sex, got me flowers and chocolate, would respect my boundaries, wanted to go on double dates with my best friend and her boyfriend. He asked me to be his girlfriend after 3 weeks and we dated for 1-2 months before I broke up with him over this situation.

I only found out about the situation with him and his sister's friends after that first month. I also found out that he has done *******, ********, weed, mushrooms, etc and still does mushrooms. I found out he does them with his dad and his sister and her friends too. He said he didn't want to tell me because he didn't want me to think badly of him. I didn't want him to think I thought badly of him and I wanted to bond more with him so I tried mushrooms with him to make him happy even though I rarely even drink and have never even smoked weed. I never did it again because it made me feel sick and guilty.

I just broke up with him. I mentioned gently once or twice before that the slutty friends thing bothered me but I never asked him to change. I wanted to see if he would consider my feelings/our relationship and change on his own or if maybe it would stop bothering me. However I eventually realized that I would rather be with someone who does not do those things because that is who they are rather than be with someone who has to try to change themselves for me and act against their nature which seems like a ticking time bomb. I also started to resent him and I couldn't keep going on any longer like that. I don't understand why he cried when I broke up with him (which surprised me because he's in military special operations) because he ultimately pushed me to this.

I don't have male friends because I think that they're ultimately sexually/romantically interested in me. I felt that he was crushing on some of his sister's friends and would wonder if he would leave me for one of them if they gave him a chance. Although I have had more feelings for him than any guy I've ever dated, I was aware that he was objectively under my league by a lot (physically). I started falling in love with him because he had a lot of great qualities that most men our age don't have. Although I'm pretty and maybe even more than his sister's friends, I was worried that some sort of sentimentality about having known each other since 12 years old or the chase of not having them like him back for so long would give them an edge in case they saw that he got a pretty girlfriend (I was his first girlfriend because he was a later bloomer) and was all of a sudden interested in him. I started to question myself and feel weird for not wanting to do those slutty things and that maybe men thought I was boring. I started to wonder if men were only trying to seem tough to their friends when they would talk about how they wouldn't take a slutty girl seriously but that they actually would take them seriously. After all, I have witnessed men falling in love with these kinds of girls.

Do men get bored of good girls?
Did I do something wrong?
Is a girl boring if she doesn't do these things?
Why do some men end up falling in love with these kinds of girls?
What's your advice/thoughts for me?

[Murph0408]

Do men get bored of good girls?

that's a pretty good question. depends on the person especially at such a young age. when i was 24? yes. that doesn't make any of it ok but I wanted some bad chick who's going to do fun salacious stuff. That's still great to this day but as I grew up I valued things like trust and respect a lot more. I'd value a "good" girl now a lot more than when I was in my early/mid 20s.

Did I do something wrong?

no, and you got yourself out pretty quickly which is smart here. people hang around and get played.

Is a girl boring if she doesn't do these things?

that'd be unfair to say IMO. recreational drug use can be a massive turnoff to people, i never wanted that in a relationship. not doing drugs does not make you boring.

Why do some men end up falling in love with these kinds of girls?

the "fun" chick is something a lot of guys think they want. you think you want this sexy flirty girl that all these other guys are paying attention to. My experience though - that BS is fun at first but if your partner can't turn it off once they're dating you it isn't so cute anymore.

What's your advice/thoughts for me?

you're 22 take it easy on yourself. be you don't change for people. don't compromise what you bring to the table to fit into some guy's image of what he wants.

[skinnyfat88]

Do men get bored of good girls?
Did I do something wrong?
Is a girl boring if she doesn't do these things?
Why do some men end up falling in love with these kinds of girls?
What's your advice/thoughts for me?

You guys are young. If one person is a partier and the other isn't at that age, it's a tough thing to work through.
You did nothing wrong. No - you aren't boring and more mature people might actually find people who do nothing but party boring/disinteresting.
As long as you guys communicate your wants/needs, if he gets "bored" of you or you get "tired" of him then it has nothing to do with you and just preference of what each person is looking for.
Sometimes younger people "think" they're missing out on the single life but when they're single they end up not having the times they hoped they would, missing companionship, and/or end up eventually find it unfulfilling. Again, this rarely has anything to do with their partner and everything to do with them.

Talk to a therapist about these things and in the future, be mindful early on about dating people you have more in common with regarding how you want to spend your free time/weekends.

Both of you had insecurities about the other one "finding someone else" which is normal at that age but also was magnified by him spending so much time around sorority party girls or w/e.
Did he ever invite you out when he partied with that group of people? If he didn't that's a huge red flag fyi.

[Evolutionary1]

/yes, some women think that sitting there and doing nothing is a contribution

[MissAlexandraV]

You guys are young. If one person is a partier and the other isn't at that age, it's a tough thing to work through.
You did nothing wrong. No - you aren't boring and more mature people might actually find people who do nothing but party boring/disinteresting.
As long as you guys communicate your wants/needs, if he gets "bored" of you or you get "tired" of him then it has nothing to do with you and just preference of what each person is looking for.
Sometimes younger people "think" they're missing out on the single life but when they're single they end up not having the times they hoped they would, missing companionship, and/or end up eventually find it unfulfilling. Again, this rarely has anything to do with their partner and everything to do with them.

Talk to a therapist about these things and in the future, be mindful early on about dating people you have more in common with regarding how you want to spend your free time/weekends.

Both of you had insecurities about the other one "finding someone else" which is normal at that age but also was magnified by him spending so much time around sorority party girls or w/e.
Did he ever invite you out when he partied with that group of people? If he didn't that's a huge red flag fyi.

Thank you, this was very encouraging.

I have been talking to a counselor and trying to understand everything. I don’t exactly get all the answers I need since he gives me “woo-woo” explanations and solutions that aren’t practical. So I talked to my friends about it and posted here since I needed a male perspective.

He seemed so wholesome and seemed to share the same values as me at first (the first month). However it seems like he was trying to be someone he knew I wanted rather than himself. When I broke up with him he laid his heart out, one of the things being he had difficulty communicating things that bothered him (not feeling good enough for me, feeling that I’ll meet someone better, feeling like my friends didn’t like him, etc) because he didn’t want to lose me. I think the “living it up” thing was one of those things he hid because of this.

No, he never invited me when he would go out with his sister’s friends. It bothered me a lot but I wouldn’t say anything and just acted as normal because I didn’t want him to think I was clingy/annoying/crazy; I only brought up something along the lines of “Men are usually only friends with women they have romantic or sexual motives with, so I don’t believe in men and women being friends. Because of this, I don’t have male friends and I’m not comfortable with my partner having female friends.” He said he’s known them since he was 12 and he only hangs out with them because of his sister but otherwise doesn’t talk to them on his own. However I don’t even have any male friends like that despite having a lot of opportunities for it. I definitely saw it as a red flag but didn’t breakup with him sooner because I liked him so much, tried to forget about it, tried to understand his point of view, etc. In the end it ate me up inside and I didn’t like myself turning into a very jealous, paranoid, resentful, spiteful person and had to end it.

Is my sentiment about male and female friends right from a man’s point of view?

[MissAlexandraV]

When he's in his 30s he'll have wished he locked you down. But he sounds young, immature and wanted to enjoy life. Just think of it as the right person, wrong time. But also at the same time you 2 don't sound super compatible. And yeah majority of guys want a wholesome GF

Thank you. I wish he would have realized when we were together. Whenever I date someone I do it with the intention of marriage and I feel bad that this didn’t work out- like I made a bad decision. When he’s 30 that ship will have sailed because I’ll probably be married with a family

[MissAlexandraV]

that's a pretty good question. depends on the person especially at such a young age. when i was 24? yes. that doesn't make any of it ok but I wanted some bad chick who's going to do fun salacious stuff. That's still great to this day but as I grew up I valued things like trust and respect a lot more. I'd value a "good" girl now a lot more than when I was in my early/mid 20s.

no, and you got yourself out pretty quickly which is smart here. people hang around and get played.

that'd be unfair to say IMO. recreational drug use can be a massive turnoff to people, i never wanted that in a relationship. not doing drugs does not make you boring.

the "fun" chick is something a lot of guys think they want. you think you want this sexy flirty girl that all these other guys are paying attention to. My experience though - that BS is fun at first but if your partner can't turn it off once they're dating you it isn't so cute anymore.

you're 22 take it easy on yourself. be you don't change for people. don't compromise what you bring to the table to fit into some guy's image of what he wants.

Thanks a lot

What kinds of things does whether or not the guy gets bored of good girls depend on (other than age)?

Would it help me out to be a little bit more “slutty/fun” (more than starting off not like that) to attract a guy I want and then turn it off when he and I get serious?

I guess I shouldn’t change but at the same time I want to appeal more to a guy I like

[Murph0408]

What kinds of things does whether or not the guy gets bored of good girls depend on (other than age)?

All I can do is speak from my own experience and it came from age and appreciation of dating a good person. I had to find out, i guess. Especially dating to the point where you live together and have to actually count on the person and spend quality time together vs. just grabbing drinks with friends and fooling around. any two idiots can do that stuff. When it came to living together, I found out quickly that I wanted somebody who had their life in order.

Would it help me out to be a little bit more “slutty/fun” (more than starting off not like that) to attract a guy I want and then turn it off when he and I get serious?
I guess I shouldn’t change but at the same time I want to appeal more to a guy I like

I don't know on that one. I think you should do what feels right and enjoy yourself when dating. You should be comfortable not putting on an act. Maybe the right person comes along and you find yourself being more of what you call "fun" without even realizing it.

[skinnyfat88]

No, he never invited me when he would go out with his sister’s friends. It bothered me a lot but I wouldn’t say anything and just acted as normal because I didn’t want him to think I was clingy/annoying/crazy; I only brought up something along the lines of “Men are usually only friends with women they have romantic or sexual motives with, so I don’t believe in men and women being friends. Because of this, I don’t have male friends and I’m not comfortable with my partner having female friends.” He said he’s known them since he was 12 and he only hangs out with them because of his sister but otherwise doesn’t talk to them on his own. However I don’t even have any male friends like that despite having a lot of opportunities for it. I definitely saw it as a red flag but didn’t breakup with him sooner because I liked him so much, tried to forget about it, tried to understand his point of view, etc. In the end it ate me up inside and I didn’t like myself turning into a very jealous, paranoid, resentful, spiteful person and had to end it.

Is my sentiment about male and female friends right from a man’s point of view?

Him keeping you from his social circle that included these party girls is a red flag.
Not saying he was cheating but he definitely got some validation from having them around (and possibly vice-versa as well) and he didnt want to lose that part of his life.
Or he thought you just wouldnt fit in that that scene in which case you two should have talked about it earlier as it's up to him to make that decision without your input. People who are serious about eachother should be excited about welcoming the other into all positive aspects of their life.

Men and women can be friends but from my experience, these friendships are usually formed within a social circle of both men and women (often during school or college, or sometimes work).
If you're more of an introvert then yes I understand why this may be abnormal for you. & your gut is usually correct if you think a man is trying to be more than your friend.
Honestly I understand why people take a hard stance on this and don't date people with close friends of the opposite sex but my social circle from highschool stayed close into adulthood thus I have female friends. Lots of the women in the circle met their future husbands relatively young and there weren't really any hookups within the group so that made it a lot easier to keep the friend group going.

Would it help me out to be a little bit more “slutty/fun” (more than starting off not like that) to attract a guy I want and then turn it off when he and I get serious?

I guess I shouldn’t change but at the same time I want to appeal more to a guy I like

You change if that's what YOU want.
Don't change to impress anyone/be someone you're not.

It always helps to actively put effort into your appearance (ie fitness/fashion/etc) but generally if you start dressing "slutty," men will assume you're slutty and thus you'll be more likely to attract men who want just a casual hookup.

[DolphinPilot]

Do men get bored of good girls?
Did I do something wrong?
Is a girl boring if she doesn't do these things?
Why do some men end up falling in love with these kinds of girls?
What's your advice/thoughts for me?

They can, if their values don't align. I heard a woman say once on the subject of "why do good girls go for bad boys?" and her thought was that there is no such thing as "good girls" in such a scenario; a "good girl" is with a "bad boy" because the girl is bad, herself. The bad boy broadcasts his shadow (Jungian phrase) and she sees compatibility with him because that bad side of himself aligns with a similar bad side in herself as well. I don't buy for a second they think they can change anybody. I believe the same is true for good men/bad women, as well. Your boyfriend was likely more attracted to his sister's friends on a subconscious level he wasn't willing to admit. The side he was with you was probably him putting up an act. Either that or he doesn't know what he wants.

No, except dating a guy you weren't compatible with. That wasn't your fault, obviously. It would be if you continued dating him beyond those 1-2 months.

No. Hell no. There is nothing exciting about trashy women who will complicate your life and bring you down.

See above for my answer to the 4th question. Birds of a feather flock together, and your boyfriend was doing exactly that.

Don't try to fit with someone else if you're not compatible. It sounds sappy and cliche but you should be with someone you click with, not someone you have to change your entire personality for.





This is of course assuming you are a legit female and not some guy with too much time on his hands, making this thread.

[Murph0408]

This is of course assuming you are a legit female and not some guy with too much time on his hands, making this thread.

hahahah i know right? i like to think at least if this were the case, we are spreading good advice for others to read, even if OP is fake

[jerrymorelos]

After some time everything gets boring, good or bed

[LargePeter]

Massive wall of text with no cliffs

Tits or GTFO