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  1. #1
    Registered User pwoL's Avatar
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    brutal BPD breakup... need to vent. tldr warning.

    She just broke up after 6 years. like we've had plenty of fights but always made up and kept it going.

    6 years of the most amazing times, some absolutely terrible times, and everything in-between. 6 years of riding the BPD rollercoaster.

    We were perfect together. Codependent AF but we were just so fcuking good together. Neither of us went out with friends much or were social. We just went out and did so much fun shiet together. We were legit a great match. Toxic AF at times, but toxic together I guess. Neither of us were perfect.

    After enough of her episodes I just had enough, I wished we would break up and have her leave me alone. I couldnt deal with it anymore and didnt want to have to deal with the same crazy shiet over and over for the rest of my life. This was like 1-4 years into the relationship. I tried to break up a couple of times but she was obsessed and always fought for me. I thought I was stuck, and there were bad fights where I wish she would find a new victim, there were times where I thought I should go full beta so she naturally loses attraction. We always got back together though and rode the rollercoaster back up.

    We had a big fight like 2 years ago. She lets some srs bombs go when she's mad, so I shot back and told her I never wanted to get married and dont want to have kids. This fcuked her up big time and she never got over it.

    I've been working 60+ hrs for the last year straight. I'm physically and mentally drained when I get out. I havent been a good BF the last year. Just super comfortable and was coasting. Over the last year, she's been complaining here and there that this relationship isn't progressing like it should. That she needs to have atleast 1 kid and be married. The last year has just been a blur to me, just so much work and stress. Looking back now I realize that I was a piece of shiet person.

    A week or two ago I guess she had enough and said she's done for good now. She said she's tired of waiting for me. I was like OK, here we go again. We go through the fighting routine, packing all my shiet up, both of us sending paragraphs, no contact, etc. She sent me shiet about how she's not handling the breakup well. That she has barley eaten any food the last couple days cuz I used to mention her weight... that she feels fcuked up at work and can barley work, etc. Just so much building up inside of her.

    No contact for a week. Then she calls me today asking me to drop off a couple of her things that I have. I start talking to her normally, she says "Do you think this breakup is a joke? I'm serious, I FCUKED somebody else yesterday"

    Dropped that bomb. At first I didn't even care. Partially not surprised, partially pissed that couldn't just move on without telling me that shiet, partially relived that I don't have to think about possibly getting back with her anymore... dont have to think making things work like we always did. Finally got what I wanted, free from her. I stopped giving 100% in the relationship years ago due to the BPD ****, but at the same time was codependent and cared alot.

    But now it's fcuking me up boyos. It's so frustrating because I actually cared so fcuking much about her (despite wishing I never met her when she had srs episodes. You guys would be shocked if I went in detail what those episodes were like.) I could see this legit pure, good person she was deep down inside... I could see that she wanted to be that person all the time. I wanted to help her be that person I saw inside. But sometimes the switch would flip and it's like a demon took over her. After the episode she would feel like absolute shiet, would be just so upset with herself. It ****ing killed me man, seeing her afterwards wishing so bad that she didnt lose it like that. Like I wanted to save her. I wanted to help her be the person I saw deep inside. I kinda learned how to ride the storm out and help her come back to her senses. She was 18 when we met, and she's matured alot over the last 6 years. The episodes became ALOT less frequent over the years, almost down to none the last year or so. But the trauma it put me through made me always think she could flip the switch at anytime. I know it's a serious diseases with no cure. It's brutal. I could see the episode boiling and waiting to surface during the break up. I couldnt do shiet this time though. I dropped off the stuff she wanted. I was just going to drop it off in front of her door, knock and leave. But she opened the door before I could knock and she said hello... in her post bpd episode tone and mood. I didnt say a word, I didnt even look at her. Just dropped her stuff turned around and left. I didnt want to drop her **** off but didnt want her making a scene at my place so whatever.

    It legit kills me inside because we talked about BPD like 3 years go. She had no idea what it was. She ended up doing some research and had a little break down because she realized that's 100% what she has. I told her you cant self diagnose, that I cant diagnose her, and urged her to see a specialist but that didnt happen. I know they have treatments that can help out. Seeing her cry so much because she realized what she is destroyed me. Hearing her cry and say "I just want to be normal... I dont want to be like this" was brutal. I tried to save someone you cant save. Now it's fcuking me up because she was pretty chill the last year or so things were looking pretty smooth and stable in my mind, alot better than the first couple of years.

    She's 8 years younger than me, has 38DDD tits, treated me like a king, did everything for me, and put up with a lot of my own shiet (she was getting fat though which really ruined my physical attraction to her). She was obsessed. I can admit that alot of the pain is knowing that I probably won't find anyone like here again. And that's in a good/bad way at the same time. Built up such a tolerance to this drug and feel like I'll be chasing the dragon now.

    Now I feel fcuked up. IDK if I was fcuked up going into this relationship, or if I grew my own issues dealing with her. This bpd rollercoaster became my life, it's all I know now and I'm dealing with the shock / withdrawal. There hasnt been an episode in a while, so I got used to the smooth sailing. I keep bouncing back and forth between relief / withdrawal. Idk if I'm going to be able to have a normal relationship now. Idk how long it's going to take before I'm ready or capable of even dating again. She was my person, we did so much fcukign shiet together its crazy. I used to be social af back in the day but dont have friends now, no social media, etc. I'm motivated to get my **** together and bounce back, but at the same time feel like my tour is over. She liked me and put up with me to a fault, so much that I got way too complacent and got used to being a piece of shiet that would be updatable for any other girl.. It's going to take alot of work for me to get back to normal.

    Idk if anyone is actually going to read this but I need to vent and let this out, dont have anyone I can really tell all of this to.
    Last edited by pwoL; 09-18-2022 at 10:24 PM.
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  2. #2
    JDM as fuk backmarker's Avatar
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    That person you believed she was, isnt real.
    DO NOT give in, push forward.

    Go NO CONTACT right now, what she told you was absolute disrespect. You let her know that it hurts you, and she will laugh at you at every turn.

    MOVE forward, dont look back. Their are better girls, dont waste time dwelling.
    Learn from this, and MOVE forward
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  3. #3
    Registered User keels141's Avatar
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    It's funny because an ex-gf with BPD from like 10 years ago just got in touch with me out of the blue, trying to suck me back in with her BS and mind games.

    She used to be very attractive, but one of the symptoms of BPD is poor impulse control and she put on 60kg in about 2 years and it hasn't come off again.

    It took me a good few years to extricate myself from that mess, but it is definitely worth it. It was a fkn nightmare living with someone with BPD, hope you don't go back to it OP.
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  4. #4
    Top Tier Manlet Jasonw1178's Avatar
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    Bro, 10yr almost with a HPD (similar to BPD) girl. The good times are great, the bad times are horrible. You can't live like that. I realized that as long as I was with her I'd be drained and miserable.
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  5. #5
    No Guts | No Glory 6-SPEED's Avatar
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    BPD girls... been there and done that. I never want to get on that ride again. For me, the ex/gf I had with BDP was clinically diagnosed and was already going to therapy when I met her. I really didn't take it seriously until she started having episodes around me and directed at me. Usually, I would kick a girl to the curb but I thought I could stay by her side and help her through it since she was going to therapy and trying to improve. However, as I got to know her I started seeing patterns. Extremely small things that I would do could trigger her into an episode, however, she worked as a nurse at a stressful clinic and NEVER once had an episode directed at a patient or her a-hole supervisor. I could tell she's 100% able to control it WHEN SHE WANTS TO.

    If you allow anyone to cross your boundaries, they lose respect for you and have no real reason to alter their behavior. My ex-gf would also often show remorse after she had an epsidoe and was disrespectful towards me, but I honestly think she would also rationalize it to make herself believe that I was the problem so that she didn't have to feel bad about herself too long. I'm not perfect, but 98% of the fights we had were started by her, she just hated that I didn't allow myself to be her doormat and I'd call out and check her bad behavior. She used however I responded to her bad behavior as her proof that I'm a bad guy and she started to talk ish about me to her friends/family so she could manipulate them to think she's just an innocent girl being abused in a toxic relationship.

    Eventually, I had enough and had to let her go but I was able to do it in a very mature way that didn't cause a bad breakup. What I learned from dating her is never let a woman cross your boundaries because doing so causes her to lose respect and once that happens it's very difficult to keep the relationship healthy. Sure you can have small breakups and get back together, but eventually the same pattern returns. It's better to never ever allow the pattern to start in the first place.
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  6. #6
    Registered User skinnyfat88's Avatar
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    A few thoughts:

    1. As much as people can say "I told you so," "You can do better," etc etc, your feelings are real and valid and if you have access to a therapist I recommend going to see one to help you through this time.
    2. You can't change someone and moving forward you shouldn't date someone because of their potential and/or how great they could be if they just listen to you/accept your help. Disregard the fairytales about people meeting someone at a low point and being "saved" by their partner. These are exceptions, not the norm.
    3. We accept the love we think we deserve. The "why" behind this is different for everyone but it almost always holds true and is worth reflecting on to figure out what you need to work on moving forwards.

    BOL man and better times ahead.
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  7. #7
    Registered User Jayarbie's Avatar
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    BPD is a hell of a drug. You definitely need a clean break and move on. She's his problem now. If you don't go full NC, she will keep trying to suck you back into her drama for every tiny imaginable thing, and you won't even get the wild sexxors to make up for it anymore, either. I empathize with you because every word of your post rings true. Just rest assured, you can't fix BPD and in the long run, you can't deal with it, either. Good luck.

    PS, read up on fearful avoidant insecure attachments. That is the mental condition that underlies almost every case of BPD (it's almost like BPD is fearful avoidant to the extreme where it becomes a disorder that makes life unmanageable). If you can recognize FA early, you can avoid BPD in the future.
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  8. #8
    WOATbrah of peace :) sooby's Avatar
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    you can't play cap'n save a ho

    everyone has their own problems and demons but to play savior to a person with such obvious and glaring unresolved mental issues is not going to work for you
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  9. #9
    Registered User goonsondeck's Avatar
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    you will forget about her in 6 months
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  10. #10
    Registered User the700level's Avatar
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    She sounds like a drug and you’re addicted

    Ween off it
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  11. #11
    Registered User Kev1972's Avatar
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    At least she's not schizophrenic. I thought BPD was bad til I dealt with that chit.

    There's always another girl around the corner. Don't get too attached. Own your own chit, have your own life. Treat women like an accessory to your life.
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  12. #12
    Top Tier Manlet Jasonw1178's Avatar
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    Honestly, there should be guides written on how to get rid of a BPD or similar cluster B personality woman. Conventional means will only fuel her. It's not easy getting away while not triggering the abandonment response. Pro-tip, built her up to think she doesn't need you anymore and she has outgrown you, but challenge her to prove that she has overcome her former weaker self. I'll yell you, you are basically trying to guide her to taking the cheese out of the mouse trap without getting snapped. Got to play it right.
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  13. #13
    Trollesque DustinTheHuss's Avatar
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    There is help out there such as Dialectical Behavioral Therapy for BPDs, but if she isn't willing to get help, then you have to take care of yourself and remove yourself from her.

    Otherwise you'll just be on a miserable roller coaster with a mentally ill person who needs help and you're not her therapist.

    I've spent a lot of time with BPDs since I do Dialectical Behavioral Therapy and I did a year of group sessions with them. I know that even with treatment relationships are tough with them. There usually is a lot of cheating and emotional distress.
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    Pretty hard to feel sorry for you since you knew what you were getting into with this mentally ill person. Like you said you enjoyed it and sounds like you'd actively seek that kind of thing out again out of codependancy so you should definitely see a psych and get a diagnosis yourself.

    BPDs are pretty well considered among psychs aa the hardest to treat out of all the cluster disorders.
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    Time to go to North Carolina OPie.

    Go to the iron temple, say your prayers and go find another chick that wild honor you like a god.
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    Didn't read past "She just broke up after 6 years." Move on OP and go eternal NC. This person no longer exists, capiche?
    Lulz.
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    Originally Posted by Jasonw1178 View Post
    Bro, 10yr almost with a HPD (similar to BPD) girl. The good times are great, the bad times are horrible. You can't live like that. I realized that as long as I was with her I'd be drained and miserable.
    I just divorced from this. Was horrible and still is. She continues to ruin my life because we have kids. Horrible.
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    I can sadly relate to this post. I hope my demon ass ex-fiance rots in hell.
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    I can certainly relate to this. Currently in the process of getting divorced from my ex who I am 99% confident has what's referred to as "covert" NPD. Characterized by things like (i) very high sensitivity to criticism, (ii) passive aggressiveness, (iii) making self-deprecating comments to bait others into boosting their self-esteem with praise, (iv) shy/withdrawn, (v) grandiose fantasies (which oftentimes is stuff about how they're the best employee at their job and everyone else sucks, but they don't get appreciated), (vi) depression/anxiety, (vii) holds grudges, (viii) envy, (ix) feelings of inadequacy, and (x) self-serving empathy.

    The experience is pretty similar to being with someone who has BPD from what I've heard, except your recollection of her feeling bad and apologizing sounds pretty alien to me. In my case, there were no apologies because I was always in the wrong and victimizing her, even when she started insane fights about nonsense, became physically violent toward me, etc. She knew I wanted kids, and she originally agreed she would be up for that, but she then had two abortions over my objections and blamed it on me for not being responsible enough for her to trust me with having kids (for context, I have a professional career and paid all of our bills/expenses myself, cooked and helped clean around the house, came straight home from work essentially every day and spent all free time with her, etc.).

    In a sort of funny twist, earlier this year she insisted I was such a disaster and piece of chit that I needed to go to therapy to become normal. I started going, and pretty much right away once we started discussing my relationship with my wife, the therapist was able to identify that she was seriously mentally ill and would probably never get any better (and so neither would my life). As others above have mentioned too, the therapist told me there were therapies available but that my wife would have to admit her issue and commit to getting pretty intense, long-term help. As you might imagine, virtually 0% of narcissists are ever going to admit having a problem since their minds can't handle it.

    I had some of the same issues - still love and care about her but simply cannot sacrifice my own happiness indefinitely while gambling on the slim chance she'll ever be "fixed." It's important in these situations when you're going NC to remember that the human mind has a tendency to look back and remember mostly good things and happy times. It can be helpful to make a little list for yourself of crazy things she did/said that hurt you, and you can refer to that when you start thinking about all the fun times you had and potentially thinking you messed up by going NC. My ex and I spent a lot of fun time traveling and doing cool stuff together too, but that can't make up for day-to-day life being an unpredictable rollercoaster with someone like that.
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  20. #20
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    thought i'd chime in here with my experience.

    i could write an essay on this but i'll keep it as short as possible.

    In similarity to what Bradlehman said above, my ex was also one of this 'covert narcissists'. When i started researching the topic more and more, i tried to ascertain what she was (because there was no way i'd bother trying to get her to go to a psych for it, waste of my energy and time) so i just started studying the material and forming my own conclusion.

    She could have been BPD, but she was missing one (and really only one) key trait which was the threat of self harm/suicide if she didn't get her way. She never did that. She was too arrogant to end her life over someone else, hence the NPD verdict.

    She was most definitely a 'covert' type. She hid behind a veil of generosity, humility, kindness to strangers (but only strangers), charity (she was very active in the field of aid, in fact that was her job. She used to go around the world to war stricken countries helping the people there with various missions etc) - which was the perfect cover for her true self.

    I had known her for around 10 yrs and in that time both of us had embarked on varying relationships with other people. We only got together right at the end, and i saw her for about 2 years before cutting contact for good.

    in the beginnig, i.e. 10 years ago, she hadn't gone fully NPD yet. she had some weird tendencies, but i more saw it was poor social skills, and entitlement. something pretty common in a lot of western girls. so i wrote it off as that. in any case, she was bad news. i initially wanted to be with her but her behaviour pushed me away.

    fasting forward 10 years (and skipping a lot of detail in the middle for brevity) we started seeing each other and here's really the crux of the patterns i noticed

    initial phase
    -love bombing. constant texts. i mean constant. there wouldn't be more than an hour where she didn't text me. but if i didn't respond in time or if i left her on read, she wouldn't say a word. she'd just double text me something else. i couldn't do anything wrong. i actually often didn't respond in an effort to get her to stop texting so much but it didn't work.

    -she bought me gifts all the time. pretty much whenever she saw me, she had a new thing for me.

    -great sex, whenever i wanted it

    2nd phase
    -she started poking at little things i did and voiceing her disapproval of it.
    I quickly shut this down and told her this is me, this is who i am, if you dont like it then we can discuss it but please dont try and change me. She wasn't expecting this for sure. She quickly shut up and that was that.

    -sex got less frequent. was more 'she had to be in the mood' to do it, vs being happy to please me whenever like before
    -the issue was, she had (claimed) anxiety issues - and various home stresses, so often, she wasn't in the mood. I'd bring this up to her and she'd be like you're being selfish and demanding and all you care about it sex. Sometimes we wouldn't have sex for over 1 week, and she'd be like so what, it's not a big deal.

    end phase
    -shed start being very manipulative. especially over text. She'd leave me on read, not respond to messages after writing something that she knew would upset me. Say or do things purely to get a reaction out of me, and then get upset when i reacted. She would try and incite jealousy by openly voicing guys who hit on her, openly talking about guys at work who like her etc.
    -she would start giving silent treatments after we had arguments. so the next day or the day after that she would barely speak to me, if at all. I didn't care about this at first, but the game she plays has you invest more and more you eventually you start caring because your mind tricks you into thinking you should due to your previous investment. so after a while it really bothered me.

    -she'd expect me to drive her everywhere, because she can't drive. when i suggested she get her license, she made excuse after excuse. when i said why dont you look for a cheap car, she said they were too expensive (she got fired from her job, go figure) and asked me to stop shaming her financially.

    -oh yes, guilt tripping. non stop. Be it her 'anxiety', home life, financial life, whatever, there was always some excuse as for her mood, behaviour, whatever. so whenever i called her out on her ****, she was like its due to xyz and you shouldn't 'shame' me because of this.

    -during arguments, she would turn whatever i said onto her. she would sometimes even say verbatim what i just said to her, back to me, like a 10 year old. seriously.

    to sum up,
    manipulation, gaslighting, head games, withdrawal, pity ploys, guilt tripping, lies, jealousy, mistrust (toward the end i didn't trust her at all, i stayed with her to bang a few more times and honestly to get 1st hand experience learning about this personality type)

    yes, i stayed just to learn about those with NPD. I wouldn't suggest this to anyone, i did it because i had identified who she was and i used that as like an escape rope if i ever felt overwhelmed. I knew i could leave anytime. but it is so much more immserive being in a relationship like this than simply learning about it on youtube or whatever. and it would help me avoid it next time.

    if i think of anything else i'll add it.

    other warning signs though, are she can't keep friends long term. she got fired from 2 workplaces. nothing is her fault, always someone elses (especially when you are concerned, it will always be your fault). she will never apologise (because she is never wrong). if you get a faux apology, it'll be like 'im sorry you feel that way BUT... blah blah).

    She expects/demands more and more of your time, as time goes on. but as you spend more and more time with her, the quality of that time decreases. like i said, the sex went down, the arguments went up. so sometimes i was literally with her and i thought why TF am i here, im not even enjoying myself.
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  21. #21
    Registered User Evolutionary1's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bradlehman View Post
    I can certainly relate to this. Currently in the process of getting divorced from my ex who I am 99% confident has what's referred to as "covert" NPD. Characterized by things like (i) very high sensitivity to criticism, (ii) passive aggressiveness, (iii) making self-deprecating comments to bait others into boosting their self-esteem with praise, (iv) shy/withdrawn, (v) grandiose fantasies (which oftentimes is stuff about how they're the best employee at their job and everyone else sucks, but they don't get appreciated), (vi) depression/anxiety, (vii) holds grudges, (viii) envy, (ix) feelings of inadequacy, and (x) self-serving empathy.
    hmmmmm
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  22. #22
    Registered User Evolutionary1's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by smashedurgfx10 View Post
    thought i'd chime in here with my experience.

    i could write an essay on this but i'll keep it as short as possible.

    In similarity to what Bradlehman said above, my ex was also one of this 'covert narcissists'. When i started researching the topic more and more, i tried to ascertain what she was (because there was no way i'd bother trying to get her to go to a psych for it, waste of my energy and time) so i just started studying the material and forming my own conclusion.

    She could have been BPD, but she was missing one (and really only one) key trait which was the threat of self harm/suicide if she didn't get her way. She never did that. She was too arrogant to end her life over someone else, hence the NPD verdict.

    She was most definitely a 'covert' type. She hid behind a veil of generosity, humility, kindness to strangers (but only strangers), charity (she was very active in the field of aid, in fact that was her job. She used to go around the world to war stricken countries helping the people there with various missions etc) - which was the perfect cover for her true self.

    I had known her for around 10 yrs and in that time both of us had embarked on varying relationships with other people. We only got together right at the end, and i saw her for about 2 years before cutting contact for good.

    in the beginnig, i.e. 10 years ago, she hadn't gone fully NPD yet. she had some weird tendencies, but i more saw it was poor social skills, and entitlement. something pretty common in a lot of western girls. so i wrote it off as that. in any case, she was bad news. i initially wanted to be with her but her behaviour pushed me away.

    fasting forward 10 years (and skipping a lot of detail in the middle for brevity) we started seeing each other and here's really the crux of the patterns i noticed

    initial phase
    -love bombing. constant texts. i mean constant. there wouldn't be more than an hour where she didn't text me. but if i didn't respond in time or if i left her on read, she wouldn't say a word. she'd just double text me something else. i couldn't do anything wrong. i actually often didn't respond in an effort to get her to stop texting so much but it didn't work.

    -she bought me gifts all the time. pretty much whenever she saw me, she had a new thing for me.

    -great sex, whenever i wanted it

    2nd phase
    -she started poking at little things i did and voiceing her disapproval of it.
    I quickly shut this down and told her this is me, this is who i am, if you dont like it then we can discuss it but please dont try and change me. She wasn't expecting this for sure. She quickly shut up and that was that.

    -sex got less frequent. was more 'she had to be in the mood' to do it, vs being happy to please me whenever like before
    -the issue was, she had (claimed) anxiety issues - and various home stresses, so often, she wasn't in the mood. I'd bring this up to her and she'd be like you're being selfish and demanding and all you care about it sex. Sometimes we wouldn't have sex for over 1 week, and she'd be like so what, it's not a big deal.

    end phase
    -shed start being very manipulative. especially over text. She'd leave me on read, not respond to messages after writing something that she knew would upset me. Say or do things purely to get a reaction out of me, and then get upset when i reacted. She would try and incite jealousy by openly voicing guys who hit on her, openly talking about guys at work who like her etc.
    -she would start giving silent treatments after we had arguments. so the next day or the day after that she would barely speak to me, if at all. I didn't care about this at first, but the game she plays has you invest more and more you eventually you start caring because your mind tricks you into thinking you should due to your previous investment. so after a while it really bothered me.

    -she'd expect me to drive her everywhere, because she can't drive. when i suggested she get her license, she made excuse after excuse. when i said why dont you look for a cheap car, she said they were too expensive (she got fired from her job, go figure) and asked me to stop shaming her financially.

    -oh yes, guilt tripping. non stop. Be it her 'anxiety', home life, financial life, whatever, there was always some excuse as for her mood, behaviour, whatever. so whenever i called her out on her ****, she was like its due to xyz and you shouldn't 'shame' me because of this.

    -during arguments, she would turn whatever i said onto her. she would sometimes even say verbatim what i just said to her, back to me, like a 10 year old. seriously.

    to sum up,
    manipulation, gaslighting, head games, withdrawal, pity ploys, guilt tripping, lies, jealousy, mistrust (toward the end i didn't trust her at all, i stayed with her to bang a few more times and honestly to get 1st hand experience learning about this personality type)

    yes, i stayed just to learn about those with NPD. I wouldn't suggest this to anyone, i did it because i had identified who she was and i used that as like an escape rope if i ever felt overwhelmed. I knew i could leave anytime. but it is so much more immserive being in a relationship like this than simply learning about it on youtube or whatever. and it would help me avoid it next time.

    if i think of anything else i'll add it.

    other warning signs though, are she can't keep friends long term. she got fired from 2 workplaces. nothing is her fault, always someone elses (especially when you are concerned, it will always be your fault). she will never apologise (because she is never wrong). if you get a faux apology, it'll be like 'im sorry you feel that way BUT... blah blah).

    She expects/demands more and more of your time, as time goes on. but as you spend more and more time with her, the quality of that time decreases. like i said, the sex went down, the arguments went up. so sometimes i was literally with her and i thought why TF am i here, im not even enjoying myself.
    is this real life?
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  23. #23
    Registered User goonsondeck's Avatar
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    sounds like my ex

    guess what I moved on and found some one 100 times better

    happily married now to the perfect woman

    you will get over it and she will just be a past memory that you fap to from time to time
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  24. #24
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    I'd rather die than to be with someone like this the rest of my life...
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    Dude, it sucks, but you will move on eventually and find someone better. Straight no contact, delete any trace of her from your life, forget what she even looked like, that's the only way.

    I dated a sociopath/psychopath and it was a similar experience. You'll eventually remember see the red flags for what they are.

    One that sticks out in my mind in my ex:

    She had a friend that she hadn't seen in a while that she wanted to meet up with but it was her weekend to come see me (it was long distance) and the friend was coming close by. Rather than do something we could all do together, she wanted me to drive her to the mall that was an hour and a half away, essentially drop her off so her and the friend could hang out and talk about whatever for a few hours without me, then meet up with them for dinner. Obviously I'm not going to drive back an hour and a half just to drive back an hour an a half immediately after to meet them for dinner, so I hung around the mall shooting the **** by myself. Side note, her dog was chilling in my fenced backyard while we were gone. I looked at the radar while I was at the mall and there was a big ass storm heading out way.

    Me, being a normal human being, texted her and was like "hey, we need to go back by such and such time because your dog is outside in my backyard with no protection from this big ass storm." Her response was "Well I can't just cancel dinner, I'm sure she'll be ok back there." Like, ZERO regard for the safety of her dog, eating dinner with her friend who she'd been hanging out with for 3 hours already was more important than the well-being of something that relies solely on you for everything. So, I drive 1.5 hours back, buy a $300 ****ing doghouse so the dog will have something to shelter in, and drive 1.5 hours back to pick her ass up from dinner. At the time, I didn't even make a big deal out of it because I was that ****ed in the head by her at that point, but typing it out right now still makes my blood boil that she had that much disregard for her dogs safety because she wanted to have a damn cheeseburger.

    Moral of the story: You're going to find someone who makes your life easier, not harder. It's going to take a long ass time though.
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    ^^^ Good on you taking care of doggo. Reps.

    One sign of one of these ASPD types is when they decide to do something, that's what they are going to do and have no consideration for how it effects others and in fact, you not liking it is a stab against them so they become angry fast. You don't give them their way then it's you being against them.
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  27. #27
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    No Contact...

    She should be exiled
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    You're lucky she claimed to have Focked another guy. North Carolina her chubby arse, hit the gym and find a less crazy broad. There are plenty of decent girls looking for a fit guy with a job.
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  29. #29
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    Originally Posted by Evolutionary1 View Post
    is this real life?
    yes it is. and as i said i could have been way more thorough. there are a lot of crazy points i missed out or i'd totally take over the thread.

    which parts stood out to you as hard to believe?
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  30. #30
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    Originally Posted by Evolutionary1 View Post
    hmmmmm
    this can also apply to family members.....



    I can certainly relate to this. Currently in the process of getting divorced from my ex who I am 99% confident has what's referred to as "covert" NPD. Characterized by things like (i) very high sensitivity to criticism, (ii) passive aggressiveness, (iii) making self-deprecating comments to bait others into boosting their self-esteem with praise, (iv) shy/withdrawn, (v) grandiose fantasies (which oftentimes is stuff about how they're the best employee at their job and everyone else sucks, but they don't get appreciated), (vi) depression/anxiety, (vii) holds grudges, (viii) envy, (ix) feelings of inadequacy, and (x) self-serving empathy.
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