made it to 5 dates and then dropped like a bad habit - advice

[RonningtonIV]

Hi all, bit of advice on how to proceed from this, even though deep-down I know the answer lol...

Had 5 good dates over the period of 3 weeks with this lovely Mexican 30yo (I'm 34yo).

first date: drink and game of pool (was positive and fun, flirting, both said we'd like to meet again).
second date: cinema and dinner (kissed at the end of the night a couple of times)
third date just a few days after: went for dinner at her request and around the city after, she asked me to go Snowboarding with her in a few days, dropped her home. (kissed a few times, but she didn't invite me in)
fourth date: we went Snowboarding together for the weekend with her friends who we were staying with. Awesome time, lots of flirting and pda constantly.

fifth date (and this is where I think i F**'d up): on the previous date she said she was thinking about getting a deep-tissue massage one day, so I thought I'd use my initiative & assertiveness and book us a couple's joint thai-massage session at a nice resort for the afternoon. She loved the idea, but insisted on going halves (she was always like that), I said we would sort it on the day. Anyway, the day came, I picked her up, we kissed again before, it went well... but I kinda simped and paid for the whole thing - thinking I was doing the gentleman thing because it was my idea... - she kissed me straight after "you shouldn't have!" etc. Then we picked her friends up from the airport in her car, dropped them home, got back to her place about 9pm (this was a Sunday evening). We kissed again, she didn't invite me in again.... but I knew she had work early the next day and had literally just moved into a new place the day before... but I was like hmm okay maybe next time.

Then the next couple of days we went from msging on-and-off every day where she used to sometimes msg me Morning txts, to nothing or she would reply with a short msg and maybe ask how my day was lol... at this point I knew it was dying a slow death... on the Wednesday I asked her what her plans were this weekend and she said "hey, I'm going Snowboarding again with my friends this weekend " no offer of do you want to come etc... It was my birthday weekend and I said I'd be out with mates staying in the city. She said "well (sic) have to celebrate when I'm back!"..

The following Mon-Weds comes and same/less enthusiastic communication from her, on the Wednesday I again ask her "what are your plans this weekend?" she replies with "hey I might be going snowboarding again or camping", I reply with "oh cool, I'm going camping too this weekend, was wondering if you wanted to join me?", she replied "oh me and my friends booked it in advance two weeks ago " me: "okay have a great time! Maybe we can catch up next week when we are both back." - I noticed the 'might' and then 'we booked it in advance' contradiction from her.... it's a plane crash in slow motion....

She msgs back 24 hours later with "you too. Yes, I would like to catch up with you again." I read it and carried on with my day thinking I'll reply to it later.

Then.... the killer blow... about 20 minutes later she sends another msg: "I'm going to be super-honest with you, I would really like to catch up with you again, but I don't see us progressing as anything more than friends at this stage. Let me know if this would work for you and if you would like to catch up again?" (WTF who kisses on dates as much as we did as 'friends'? Lol)

so I reply with: "Nahh that's not going to work for me. I don't do the friends thing with women I've dated etc. I'm an all-or-nothing guy. Take care and all the best."
her: "You too. I understand, all good."

I immediately deleted her msgs and went no-contact. That was 6 days ago. I did notice she didn't block me though... which I thought maybe she would. Anyway it's toast isn't it? Perhaps I was too blunt, but that's the first time in years I've been friend-zoned (she didn't mean fwb I'm sure) and I have zero-tolerance for that bs. I'd rather cut it off straight way than be some girl's 2nd/3rd option. Modern day dating is amusing to say the least.


to summarise: She got railed by a chad after our thai-massage date, friend-zoned.

[xbluexhawkx]

doesn't really matter the reason she stopped talking to you, it is what it is, people read way too into it

I've stopped talking to girls when they did literally nothing wrong, didn't meet some Stacy or something when we were talking

[sooby]

doesn't really matter the reason she stopped talking to you, it is what it is, people read way too into it

I've stopped talking to girls when they did literally nothing wrong, didn't meet some Stacy or something when we were talking

this. you're going to mentally phuck yourself into crazy land trying to conjure up reasons why it happened the way it did. For all you know it could have happened because your elbows are too pointy. there doesn't haven't do be a reason aside from sloots are gonna sloot. The only, perhaps mistake you made was paying for the whole massage (which honestly is not much of a loss). Other than that it sounds like you did good although it's possible you goofed somewhere. I don't think you were too blunt. If anything I think it's better to ask these sloots directly what they are looking to get out of setting up these dates and their intentions as to avoid some of the mixed feelings after. It also filters out the sloots that just want to mess around with you.

it's toast brah, just move on to the next chick. she's was just taking you along for the ride. don't gas these women up like you need them. you have your wants so don't compromise it on some sloot that's going to play silly games.

[CoolKnees]

5 dates, didn't fuk, simped it never even began.

[elterrible987]

you didnt bang her after 5 dates? anyway still could have been ghosted even if you banged her good.

also some women will insist on splitting the bills when they arent attracted to you, its their way of feeling no guilt like they dont owe you anything and can have a clean break. of course cant really predict with this either, some dont give a fuk getting everything free. And then some want to show they dont want to take anything from you when they like you and insist on splitting the bill.

so basically you can get ghosted because she found Chad no matter what you do. Even scottie pippen, multi millionaire 6'8'', massive BBC, 6 NBA championship rings, 50 year old ex wife is still searching for an upgrade. lmao

[Azrairc]

3 dates without getting laid u bounce

[PrisonWallet]

3 dates without getting laid u bounce

My wife was a 26 year old virgin and didn't tell me. Almost ghosted her after 3 dates and nothing more than kissing. Asked her if we're ever going to have sex during 4th date. I can't remember the rest, but your mother's a whore.

[skinnyfat88]

You were acting like a couple with these full weekend hangouts with her friends and you never even slept together.

IMO unless you're in college and partying/going out in groups all the time, stick to 1 on 1 dates at the beginning.

She didn't block you because she still sees you as a decent acquaintance to have and seeing your social media or w/e doesn't make it harder for her to move on or anything because her feelings were never strong for you.

[Azrairc]

My wife was a 26 year old virgin and didn't tell me. Almost ghosted her after 3 dates and nothing more than kissing. Asked her if we're ever going to have sex during 4th date. I can't remember the rest, but your mother's a whore.

good for you, communication is an important thing. Did she give it up finally?

[PrisonWallet]

good for you, communication is an important thing. Did she give it up finally?

Yes, took almost a month but she requested a nice hotel and the wine did the rest.

Should have known if a woman avoids sex for 26 years, she will avoid it during marriage as well. She's a fantastic Wife, but my wang chung ain't having much fun.

[WishIWasJawBrah]

She's not into you so move on................

Snowboarding in the summer?

[RonningtonIV]

Yeah basically I should've initiated smash on the 3rd or 4th date. But the weekend we went Snowboarding together (which we did on our own, not in a group) we were staying in her friend's lounge who also had three other housemates and she was uncomfortable about getting it on. It is what it is and sounds like she got Chad'd just before or after our last date.

Historically, when I've made it to the 3rd date with a woman then it's all on from there and pretty much going great from then onwards. This took me by surprise because it's the first time ever I've had 5 dates and then died after, despite us being all over each other up to the 5th date.

But this is my first foray into modern-day dating for over three years and I can already tell it's a more brutal ultra-competitive world these days - where you are either Feasting or you're in Famine. I have more self-improvement to do... I'm 35yo now and I have zero problems attracting milfs/single-mums who are 6s/7s/8s etc; I can literally have a few of them lined up for a weekend if I want. However, when it comes to attracting what I really want - wifey material types, 24-35yo, 7s/8s/9s with no kids - then it seems harder compared to when i was 32yo...

[ButWhoWasNoodz]

Probably one of her friends got jealous and told her something like "omg he is too xxxx you can do better haha."
Been there a few times. It's always the ugly friend who does it out of jealousy. You don't want a girl who listens to her friends. Move on.

[blueberryboy]

The fact is you went 5 dates and didnt escalate further than kissing

Last summer i had 4-5 dates with a chinese phd student...didnt even kiss once. I got the same " friend " talk after

On the other hand , i've never got the friend talk bs from girls i hooked up with or atleast got further than kissing by the 2-3 date.

[blueberryboy]

She's not into you so move on................

Snowboarding in the summer?

This where tf are u snowboarding

[RonningtonIV]

This where tf are u snowboarding

Queenstown in New Zealand

[goonsondeck]

she lost interest because u didn't escalate from kissing

women lose interest very fast if they haven't bonded through intimacy

a new interesting chad sparked her interest and she already erased you from her mind

[Nicky161200]

Yes, took almost a month but she requested a nice hotel and the wine did the rest.

Should have known if a woman avoids sex for 26 years, she will avoid it during marriage as well. She's a fantastic Wife, but my wang chung ain't having much fun.

that's wise tbh

[RonningtonIV]

Help: this afternoon I got a msg from her in my fb messenger, I haven't opened it/read it yet... how should I proceed?

1. don't open msg, delete msg and block
2. read msg and then block her
3. reply to msg (depending on what it says) and ask her back to mine for netflix & chill (which I SHOULD have done instead of booking the stupid thai massage!) - this would be simping in my mind, I don't want to be her 2nd option/fall back. Never happened to me in the past and I don't want it to be a first

I'm thinking number 2

**could be a red flag maybe - despite going on the 5 dates together, she never added me as a friend on fb, we just msged through fb messenger... Something she was hiding or a bit odd? Normally girls want to add me on fb after the 1st or 2nd date, or just before the 1st date to stalk etc.

[GYMPsycho]

Help: this afternoon I got a msg from her in my fb messenger, I haven't opened it/read it yet... how should I proceed?

1. don't open msg, delete msg and block
2. read msg and then block her
3. reply to msg (depending on what it says) and ask her back to mine for netflix & chill (which I SHOULD have done instead of booking the stupid thai massage!) - this would be simping in my mind, I don't want to be her 2nd option/fall back. Never happened to me in the past and I don't want it to be a first

I'm thinking number 2

**could be a red flag maybe - despite going on the 5 dates together, she never added me as a friend on fb, we just msged through fb messenger... Something she was hiding or a bit odd? Normally girls want to add me on fb after the 1st or 2nd date, or just before the 1st date to stalk etc.

Depends on what you want. If you still want to give this girl a chance - read the message and if it's something along the lines of "I wanna date you" - then you can hit her up with "alright, let's give it a shot. I'm free this Friday, so you can come over to my place and we can have dinner together. Bring wine, I'll take care of the food ". Simple as.

If you don't care about her it doesn't really matter what you do, but since you're asking us, it's quite obvious that you still do

edit: just read the ******** thing - sounds like she might still be involved with an "ex" to me. Stay safe op.

[skinnyfat88]

Not sure there were any obvious red flags from her behavior, just that you escalated too much dating-wise before you did physically and her interest waned because of it.

By all means proceed with caution if you do but only you know if you'll regret not giving it a shot or if you're good to just move on.

[AlBHappy]

Too much hanging out with her friends too early.

[DustinTheHuss]

She probably found someone else.

[legbroke]

OP, what did that message say

[Tuga88]

Lmao OP is a beta boy.

5 dates.

No smash.

Just kissing lmao.

Cinema on 2nd date LOL.

Even went AWAY together....still no smash.

Also picking up and dropping off her friends like a b!tch.

STILL NO SMASH.

Also this is happening over 3 weeks...you pretty much confirm to her you aren't smashing any other girls.

Every date you made her pussy drier.

Every date she realised a little more you weren't the guy she thought/wants....the masculine, alpha MAN.

[Midi77]

All you had to say is, sure let's be friends, talk about it in person, then make your move OUT of the friend zone. Tell her she's so sexy and you can't control yourself while doing it with a coy smile. If she's kissed you, she's attracted to you, just escalate more, that's it.

Your "all or nothing reply" was wrong, obviously emotional, you did yourself in there more than likely.

[RonningtonIV]

Update: I read the msg (hey, how are you etc) but didn't reply, as I matched with a very cute 30yo 4ft 11in gymnastics coach later that day.

Had the first date together that evening (Friday)... it went very well - another 2nd date guaranteed (my strike rate for getting 2nd dates is very good).

We exchanged some saucy msgs Saturday late night, she msged me on Sunday morning saying she'd like to see me today, so we went and got ice cream & drinks together, then we went for a long drive. Then back to her apartment for some Netflix... it was all on from there... I railed her three times and left at 2am.

She just msged me this morning telling me she has a huge smile on her face and can't wait to see me again on Wednesday.

Life is so much easier with straightforward communication. I know where I went wrong with the other chick and i won't make that mistake again. The stars didn't align and it wasn't meant to be. Feeling great.

[RonningtonIV]

Lmao OP is a beta boy.

5 dates.

No smash.

Just kissing lmao.

Cinema on 2nd date LOL.

Even went AWAY together....still no smash.

Also picking up and dropping off her friends like a b!tch.

STILL NO SMASH.

Also this is happening over 3 weeks...you pretty much confirm to her you aren't smashing any other girls.

Every date you made her pussy drier.

Every date she realised a little more you weren't the guy she thought/wants....the masculine, alpha MAN.

when you make assumptions you make an Asss out of U and Me. We went from her place in her car and she picked her friends up in her car, because i have a two-seater R8. Quit with the try-hard posts.

[cramer1995]

doesn't really matter the reason she stopped talking to you, it is what it is, people read way too into it

I've stopped talking to girls when they did literally nothing wrong, didn't meet some Stacy or something when we were talking

poverty reps for this, don't overanalyze every time someone stops being into to you, there are a million reasons that could be your fault and a million others that could have nothing to do with you.

[Olithad]

Getting married is a big decision, especially if you've never been married before. Before you decide to get married, you should consider whether you really want to marry the person. Do you love him/her enough? Are you ready to give up your freedom? Will you be able to work together to raise children? These are all important questions to ask yourself before deciding to get married.