Stuck mentally

[Artorias9]

Hey Guys I'd like to get your opinions on a decision.

I was a fat kid and lost alot of weight and started weight training....I did a dirty bulk which made me fatter and stronger...I am a 100kilos (200lbs) bodyweight now and squat and deadlift around 100 kilos (and I'm stuck)... I am working on my mobility and go with a learning mindset into every session. My body has a good amount of muscle and fat...When i stand i look strong and when i sit i look strong with a big belly. At one point I had to realize that I am probably eating not enough food.

Thing is i am very hesitant of eating more food because i was fat my whole life and i will get fatter when bulking even if i do it as clean as I can. The belly tough kinda is always an annoying factor in my time out of the gym and it always reminds me of the fat kid i was so many years ago. (It really is something that makes me uncomfortable troughout the day)

The reason why I write in the strongman/powerlifting section is because I love lifting more weights and adding those pounds to my squat and deadlift and Overhead Press. But there is noway I'm getting stronger with the amount of food I eat now. Technique gets better, never known muscles start to come out of the woodwork and my squat and deadlift feel more and more stable until I hit a hundred kilos.

I'm just curious what some of you guys would do. Of course one should have no problem with bulking up and getting as strong as possible before leaning down. But it kinda makes me super uncomfortable. And according to my friends...no one really thinks im fat because my physik (shoulders and chest) hide it well (until I sit down). Because there is a big belly there

What would you guys decide? Stop being a bitch and eat that food thats needed to get stronger....or leaning down to calm myself down mentally...??

[PhDPepper1111]

The main thing my guy is just to keep at it.
The specific questions here are ones that probably require individualized support and expertise, meaning... work every day at your chosen path, and then consult an in-person coach, nutritionist, what have you. Discuss your goals, your limitations, etc. then keep at it some more!