HELP!! My health, weight and life is spiriling out of control

[MI11AR]

Hey guys,

Firstly I'd like to introduce myself, I'm a 30 year old civil servant, living in the UK, who after leaving the Army and Prison Service has completely screwed everything up.

So yeah recently I've had a huge mental breakdown, I've made several serious attempts on my life, been self harming and drinking in excess, for a multitude of reasons but I won't bore you with the details.

My life is quickly becoming a disaster and I'm on the verge of loosing everything, my lisence, my job, an with that everything else my financial stability relise on to survive, on top of this I'm fighting for access to see my 2 year old daughter.

I was in fairly decent shape before, enjoyed sports, weight lifting was my passion and I was happy.

However the last 24 months due to my breakdown, I've massively stacked on loads of weight, heaviest I've ever been and I'm disgusted to look at myself, last time I checked I was 115kg, however I could be more now, I'm 183cm tall.

I've thrown away all the booze, don't really have much junk food anyway, and I can't sleep with excitement to get started back on my journey.

I'm thinking a low carb diet, loads of water, light cardio before weight sessions and a good cool down, with weight sessions being a muscle group a day 3-5 times a week.

I'm also a member of a submission Grappling club now who have classes 6 times a week and since I'm suspended from work I can go anytime I want, however my confidence, cardio and overall opinion of myself is so low I'm embarresed to even show up most of the time.

In time I want to come off my medication but understand it's far to early for that,

I guess I'm making this post for a few reasons, to gain an insight and motivation from others who have been were I am, advice, to document any progress and to hopefully find like minded people to discuss the lifestyle that I must once again embrace.

I'm at a cross roads in my life, I'm 30 years of age, my worlds collapsing around me, do I continue on the path of self hatred and destruction or do I change my path and work towards a better future, my life expectancy and quality of life all depends on the decisions I make today. If I can't do it for me, then I owe it to the few people I still have left supporting me who I've put so much stress on while they've watched me destroy my life and my health.

Thanks for reading any help, guidance or advice would be greatly appreciated.

[SuffolkPunch]

Welcome to the forum. This section is a bit quiet. The regulars tend to inhabit the nutrition, fat loss, exercises and workout programs sections. All the best basic knowledge is compiled in the "sticky" threads at the top of each of those forums. These are well worth reading.

A quick scan through what you wrote sounds very reasonable. Remember that you don't have to change everything if you can't sustain a sudden change as long as you in control of the basics that give most of the results, namely:
- control your calorie intake. Count calories to keep yourself honest nad to allow you to make meaningful adjustments if thing are not going well
- weigh yourself every morning before eating. Keep a log, remember that your weight will vary day by day because of water changes. Actual fat and muscle don't change suddenly.
- We recommend an expert designed weights routine like those in the Workout Programs sticky threads. This is usually better than rolling your own.
- Get at least 130g of protein per day, mostly from whole foods
- minimise all processed foods - which can include so-called health foods like some fat reduced products. Bulking out each meal with lots of vegetable (which are virtually free of calories) is a great idea.
Good luck.