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  1. #31
    💙💙💙💙💙🪳 snailsrus's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Cass40 View Post
    So you are not vegetarian anymore? I think it might be easier for you not to be unless it's purely ethical in which case it's a toughie.
    I just feel it's so much easier to be relaxed with your diet when you don't have restrictions like that.

    KETO cereal? Really? I think all that "hey let's make KETO foods that mimic carbs but actually are not", is just ridonkulous.
    keto food is a scam…. BRB buy a 10 dollar box of cereal that will help you lose weight even though it has 5 times as many calories as regular cereal.
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  2. #32
    Registered User DustinTheHuss's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by snailsrus View Post
    Please follow intuitive eating, restricting sweets will lead to binges. It’s more important to find balance than super clean eating. You’re battling the most deadly mental health disorder. Playing with good and bad foods, or restricting /never eating a cookie, is like telling an alcoholic to just drink 1 drink and use controlled drinking. Which always fails.

    I would listen to your doctors not people on a forum about your meal plan

    This book helped my step mom out a ton
    https://www.amazon.com/When-Food-Lov...184/ref=nodl_#



    Also both my mom and step mom had to take soy supplements during menopause and it helped a lot. When you have less estrogen, you are more prone to bone loss, leading to osteopenia/osteoporosis. Soy can help with this.
    Thanks snails. Yeah my eating disorder nutritionist follows intuitive eating, which of course the ED part of my brain regrets. But I need to do this for my daughter as she’s at a really low weight with anorexia. She heard me on video conference with my nutritionist.

    You’re right it is deadly and creates a lot of mental health issues. My daughter fainted multiple times and so have I. I have to take medication from the acid effects of bulimia. Yeah just having a bagel sandwich now is giving me anxiety and desserts at Thanksgiving and Christmas do as well.

    I’ll check out that book.

    Thanks for the info on soy!
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  3. #33
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    Originally Posted by Cass40 View Post
    So you are not vegetarian anymore? I think it might be easier for you not to be unless it's purely ethical in which case it's a toughie.
    I just feel it's so much easier to be relaxed with your diet when you don't have restrictions like that.

    KETO cereal? Really? I think all that "hey let's make KETO foods that mimic carbs but actually are not", is just ridonkulous.
    Sorry I’m on my phone so I can’t multi-quote. I’m still a fish eating vegetarian but I was almost vegan for about a year. Now I’m adding eggs and Greek yogurt back in. I’ve always had butter and cheese lol. I couldn’t give those up!
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  4. #34
    Registered User DustinTheHuss's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by snailsrus View Post
    keto food is a scam…. BRB buy a 10 dollar box of cereal that will help you lose weight even though it has 5 times as many calories as regular cereal.
    I know! I just bought my second bag and it’s delicious but either the fiber or the monk fruit doesn’t work for me in terms of digestion. Ugh! I bought applesauce for the first time in years and I was in pain all night. Food changes are tough.
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  5. #35
    Quarantined Finja Cass40's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by snailsrus View Post
    keto food is a scam…. BRB buy a 10 dollar box of cereal that will help you lose weight even though it has 5 times as many calories as regular cereal.
    I just think it's insane how we are artificially try to change food groups to be something different because we can't eat it for whatever reason. We are really detached from normal relationship with food. If you wanna eat keto, eat meat and if you want to be vegetarian, eat veggies. No cereals that are not carbs or sausages that are not meat, that already sounds disordered to me and I know nothing about that topic.
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  6. #36
    💙💙💙💙💙🪳 snailsrus's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DustinTheHuss View Post
    I know! I just bought my second bag and it’s delicious but either the fiber or the monk fruit doesn’t work for me in terms of digestion. Ugh! I bought applesauce for the first time in years and I was in pain all night. Food changes are tough.
    sugar alcohol upsets most people’s stomachs, idk if that’s in it. I can’t eat anything though made by fiber one, their granola bars taste great but it’s tooooo much fiber.

    Originally Posted by Cass40 View Post
    I just think it's insane how we are artificially try to change food groups to be something different because we can't eat it for whatever reason. We are really detached from normal relationship with food. If you wanna eat keto, eat meat and if you want to be vegetarian, eat veggies. No cereals that are not carbs or sausages that are not meat, that already sounds disordered to me and I know nothing about that topic.
    well I do buy black bean burgers, tempeh and tofu. So that might fit under that category, but think beyond meat/impossible burgers are ridiculous.

    But I do agree. My ex who was really into lifting would spend so much time looking up things like low carb protein bread/deserts just so he could spend more time making it and eat it all in one sitting. While, I’m thinking wouldn’t just having the real thing in moderation be easier? I even think most protein bars are over priced and ridiculous. It’s basically a candy bar with added whey
    Last edited by snailsrus; 12-22-2021 at 10:45 PM.
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  7. #37
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    Originally Posted by snailsrus View Post
    Please follow intuitive eating, restricting sweets will lead to binges. It’s more important to find balance than super clean eating. You’re battling the most deadly mental health disorder. Playing with good and bad foods, or restricting /never eating a cookie, is like telling an alcoholic to just drink 1 drink and use controlled drinking. Which always fails.

    I would listen to your doctors not people on a forum about your meal plan



    Also both my mom and step mom had to take soy supplements during menopause and it helped a lot. When you have less estrogen, you are more prone to bone loss, leading to osteopenia/osteoporosis. Soy can help with this.

    I agree. Which is why I wasn't suggesting a meal plan or giving comments on her diet. I was simply saying that I don't do well on soy. Not everyone does. It's just a simple fact, not advice.


    Originally Posted by snailsrus View Post
    keto food is a scam…. BRB buy a 10 dollar box of cereal that will help you lose weight even though it has 5 times as many calories as regular cereal.
    That and the fat-free crap. Wow, what a scam. I know a 250-lb, very unhealthy vegan. All she eats is processed food labeled "vegan". It's a damn shame.


    Originally Posted by DustinTheHuss View Post
    Thanks snails. Yeah my eating disorder nutritionist follows intuitive eating, which of course the ED part of my brain regrets. But I need to do this for my daughter as she’s at a really low weight with anorexia. She heard me on video conference with my nutritionist.

    You’re right it is deadly and creates a lot of mental health issues. My daughter fainted multiple times and so have I. I have to take medication from the acid effects of bulimia. Yeah just having a bagel sandwich now is giving me anxiety and desserts at Thanksgiving and Christmas do as well.


    Thanks for the info on soy!
    I personally like intuitive eating. It solves many dieting problems, especially if you're aware of food triggers, etc.

    You're doing great. Just stay focused and accept where you are each day.

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  8. #38
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    I'm not sure about intuitive eating because everything nowadays is marketed and processed to make foods highly palatable. Even the coloring of the packages are made to market for you to overeat so how are you supposed to listen what signals your body is giving? But if you can do it, great.
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  9. #39
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    Originally Posted by Cass40 View Post
    I'm not sure about intuitive eating because everything nowadays is marketed and processed to make foods highly palatable. Even the coloring of the packages are made to market for you to overeat so how are you supposed to listen what signals your body is giving? But if you can do it, great.
    Excellent points. I do believe that if you know your food triggers (which I happen to know - and have ignored plenty of times ), and you know what foods are healthy versus highly processed foods which are rarely healthy, then intuitive eating can work for most people. If I weren't paying attention to my food triggers, I'd be eating a dozen keto ice cream bars a day because my body is telling me it wants keto ice cream bars. I've never actually eaten a dozen in one day, but I probably could if I gave myself the latitude.

    Intuitive eating, in my humble opinion, should be done by folks who are attuned to the messages their bodies are sending, and who are able to respect those signals. Not everyone can, or wants, to do this.

    My two cents.
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  10. #40
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    Sorry I’ll type more on my computer but the book Intuitive Eating explains the process.

    I remember reading it in 1996 when I was battle the ED and it said to give your body permission to foods you’ve restricted and then your body will learn to want fruits and veggies. So I went out and bought doughnuts and sweets and of course I gained weight so I stopped.

    I’m not doing that now but I can tell I’ve gained body fat so this sucks but I’m also trying to prevent from starving at 2am and this binging. I think I’ll increase my protein this week with Christmas.
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  11. #41
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    I've been to Overeaters Anonymous meetings as well as the Eating Disorder Anonymous meetings are few and far between, and OA puts you on a really strict meal plan.

    For them abstinence is no sugar or white flour, and they get chips like in AA if you're "abstinent" for 30 days, etc.

    I didn't really like that approach as I don't want to give up sugar at all, just have it in moderation.

    Gosh it's really hard to find a "cure" for this.

    My friends who have EDs are worse though. My neighbor lost most of her teeth from bulimia and is less than 100 lbs. She walks up hills like crazy and strangers at the coffee shop we go to compliment her on her arms as they have stringy muscles. She's gained a few lbs and looks better, but she really needs to get over 100. I don't know how she's still alive, but she's like me as she's had it for 25 years so it's hard to completely recover.
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  12. #42
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    I totally forgot I had this thread with Christmas, etc.!

    I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas.

    I still felt sick but I was able to make it on Christmas.

    - Then I started to feel better on Sunday and went to the gym to do legs in the evening.
    - Monday I did chest and tri
    - Tuesday I walked for 3 miles, up some hills.

    But Monday night I got the booster shot, and by last night (Tuesday night) I got a 100 degree temperature, chills and aches. Ugh. So I haven't done anything today but sleep and take care of some stuff online and on the phone.

    It's not supposed to rain tomorrow, so hopefully I can do a walk.

    My chiropractor said I can try F45 classes, maybe on Sunday or next week.
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    Slowly getting over the booster shot.

    I went on a 2 mile walk yesterday, very slowly as I was still really dizzy.

    I ate more than I liked last night but that’s NYE. So far today has been healthy - grits and greek yogurt with fruit.

    Happy New Year everyone!
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    Yesterday I returned to the gym for the first time since the booster shot and did a tough workout of back and bis. I feel the soreness today.

    - Warmup set of 20, 2x12 on the back machine where you pull down the bars
    - Warmup set of 20, 2x14 on the lower back machine
    - Warmup set of 16, 2x15 on the lat pulldown with pulleys
    - 3x12 of the straight lat pulldown pulley with the straight bar
    - 3x12 seated bicep curls
    - 3x12 bicep extension on the pulley
    (I do some really unique exercises based on my former trainer)
    - 50 reps on the ab machine

    I'm still mostly on machines given my back, but I branched out on some of the pulleys yesterday. I have some stiffness this morning, but I also was cleaning out the cabinets during commercials from the Niners games.

    It's time to get back on track for eating and drinking as I had some leftover Brut last night and I feel it this morning. It also resulted in me eating more food than I normally would. I've had a problem of drinking leading to binge eating, as my therapist has a diary card with a grid, and you can see binges happen after I have more then 1 drink.

    Anyhow it's nice to feel normal again, as I really was scared on Thursday/Friday of the dizziness and vertigo, as it really felt like something was wrong with me that wasn't there after the second shot. I swore at Dr. Fauci a lot last week lol.
    Last edited by DustinTheHuss; 01-03-2022 at 10:12 AM.
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    Originally Posted by DustinTheHuss View Post
    Yesterday I returned to the gym for the first time since the booster shot and did a tough workout of back and bis. I feel the soreness today.

    - Warmup set of 20, 2x12 on the back machine where you pull down the bars
    - Warmup set of 20, 2x14 on the lower back machine
    - Warmup set of 16, 2x15 on the lat pulldown with pulleys
    - 3x12 of the straight lat pulldown pulley with the straight bar
    - 3x12 seated bicep curls
    - 3x12 bicep extension on the pulley
    (I do some really unique exercises based on my former trainer)
    - 50 reps on the ab machine

    I'm still mostly on machines given my back, but I branched out on some of the pulleys yesterday. I have some stiffness this morning, but I also was cleaning out the cabinets during commercials from the Niners games.

    It's time to get back on track for eating and drinking as I had some leftover Brut last night and I feel it this morning. It also resulted in me eating more food than I normally would. I've had a problem of drinking leading to binge eating, as my therapist has a diary card with a grid, and you can see binges happen after I have more then 1 drink.

    Anyhow it's nice to feel normal again, as I really was scared on Thursday/Friday of the dizziness and vertigo, as it really felt like something was wrong with me that wasn't there after the second shot. I swore at Dr. Fauci a lot last week lol.
    just a thought, but have you considered just cutting out drinking? I mean I know you don’t have an issue (or at least it seems you don’t ) but it does seem to have a negative effect and without much benefit. Of corse my mind, being a recovering alcoholic) thinks “1 drink what’s the point?, you won’t even get drunk. You need at least a fifth”, But, then again I know I can’t drink because I over do it, my life becomes unmanageable and I’m powerless to stop after the first drink.
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    Originally Posted by snailsrus View Post
    just a thought, but have you considered just cutting out drinking? I mean I know you don’t have an issue (or at least it seems you don’t ) but it does seem to have a negative effect and without much benefit. Of corse my mind, being a recovering alcoholic) thinks “1 drink what’s the point?, you won’t even get drunk. You need at least a fifth”, But, then again I know I can’t drink because I over do it, my life becomes unmanageable and I’m powerless to stop after the first drink.
    Yeah during the pandemic I was going to NA meetings as a guy I dated went to them and he thought they would help me come off of Valium. Well most people were coming off of illegal drugs so I didn't really relate. I did; however, stop drinking for 5 months and I was proud of myself. They consider alcohol a drug in NA as well, so hanging out with people like that were helpful.

    Most of my friends now drink socially and they enjoy wine tasting, so that's an issue when they invite me bar and/or winery hopping.

    I'm glad you stopped drinking. It's not an issue with the alcohol itself as I have on average 1-2 drinks a week and stop there, but it is an issue with overeating, and that affects my ED of course. Cutting out the drinking again would be a good 2022 goal.
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    I went for a walk on the 4th with my neighbor for about 2 miles. But then I couldn't get to sleep until 2:30am.

    Last night I crashed at 8pm so I'm up early and I'll see if I can do a walk this morning.

    My darn chiropractor has Covid so he I went all of the way down to his office and he wasn't there. I really need some work done on my back.
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    in my days as a personal trainer, i had a client who only drank when she went out to social dinners with her husband and his friends. on those nights, she'd overdrink and --- subsequently -- overeat. when i asked her if she could stop at one drink, she said, "no. you don't understand. i hate his friends. drinking is the only way i can tolerate them." yet she acknowledged that she overate and overdrank when she had even one drink. social drinking is a two-edged blade for sure.

    it takes guts to tell your friends that you need their support. what would happen if you told them that even one drink leads to overeating for you, and that you need to cut out the drinking so that you don't overeat? tell them you still want to hang out with them, but that your behavior will be different from theirs? i'm just curious. lots of "friends" proceed to subtly sabotage others' efforts to stay sober or eat right, etc.
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    Originally Posted by Athena View Post
    in my days as a personal trainer, i had a client who only drank when she went out to social dinners with her husband and his friends. on those nights, she'd overdrink and --- subsequently -- overeat. when i asked her if she could stop at one drink, she said, "no. you don't understand. i hate his friends. drinking is the only way i can tolerate them." yet she acknowledged that she overate and overdrank when she had even one drink. social drinking is a two-edged blade for sure.

    it takes guts to tell your friends that you need their support. what would happen if you told them that even one drink leads to overeating for you, and that you need to cut out the drinking so that you don't overeat? tell them you still want to hang out with them, but that your behavior will be different from theirs? i'm just curious. lots of "friends" proceed to subtly sabotage others' efforts to stay sober or eat right, etc.
    Well, as an update I have elevated liver enzymes which could be contributing to the constant dizziness, so my Dr. wants me to cut out Tylenol and alcohol for a month and see what happens with my bloodworm then.

    I've been taking a lot of Tylenol for my back injury and also a lot with my fevers from the booster shot, so I may have done it with both.

    That way I won't have to worry about overeating with drinking this month.
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    Thursday I was back at the F45 gym for the first time in 2 months since I hurt my back. Of course it was mostly focused on lower body! Ugh.

    I can't always count because I'm keeping track of the videos and the countdown

    - Hamstring curls on the exercise ball 3x8
    - Lunges with shoulder press 3x 10
    - Ab exercises on the mat 3 sets of ?
    - Quad press on the large box 3 sets of ??
    - Deadlift and overhead press on the band 3 sets of ???
    - Step overs on the box with a kettlebell 3 sets of ???
    - Barbell squats with the barbell in the elbows 3 sets of 8-10
    -Good mornings (I struggled with these)
    - Swinging dumbbells (I didn't do this, I just did bicep curls)

    There were 15 exercises so I can't remember all of them lol. My back is OK but my legs were sore!
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    Saturday was Tom Brady's TB12 workouts as I was exhausted with my new medication for dizziness.

    Sunday I went for a 2 mile jog/walk

    Today I did F45 cardio. I felt like I was going to die midway through the class, so it was tough to get to the end and also keep my back safe.
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    I forgot I had this journal. I’ve been doing well with lifting and walking. I even could play a little tennis Monday night.

    But I saw a photo of myself with a friend and relapsed with the bulimia last night. I was doing so well making peace with food and ordering sandwiches and even pizza for dinner! But of course that with weight training means bulkiness while my friend runs, does high impact exercise and looks so much fitter than I do.

    I feel like that’s why she has a good boyfriend and I just want to stay hidden from the world. It’s easier to do in the winter but not the summer.
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    Originally Posted by DustinTheHuss View Post
    I forgot I had this journal. I’ve been doing well with lifting and walking. I even could play a little tennis Monday night.

    But I saw a photo of myself with a friend and relapsed with the bulimia last night. I was doing so well making peace with food and ordering sandwiches and even pizza for dinner! But of course that with weight training means bulkiness while my friend runs, does high impact exercise and looks so much fitter than I do.

    I feel like that’s why she has a good boyfriend and I just want to stay hidden from the world. It’s easier to do in the winter but not the summer.
    Sorry to hear about the relapse. I hope you're able to get it under control. I don't have any advice unfortunately, but I understand the struggle to see pics of yourself at your most fit. My avi pic was me at the best shape of my life and I get down quite a bit when I allow myself to think about how far I have to go to get back there. I let myself go and am about 18# heavier than I was in that pic. I have also recomped in reverse; I lost muscle and gained fat. I still look good for a 50 year old guy, but I do long for the days when I was lean.

    Remember, you are still an attractive woman....you know this as I've read your posts talking about all the young 'chads' you have after you. Chin up!

    Oh, and thanks for the reps. I'm still on spread as I don't rep people enough. And about the rep comment, it takes one to know one!
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    Originally Posted by bustasinclair View Post
    Sorry to hear about the relapse. I hope you're able to get it under control. I don't have any advice unfortunately, but I understand the struggle to see pics of yourself at your most fit. My avi pic was me at the best shape of my life and I get down quite a bit when I allow myself to think about how far I have to go to get back there. I let myself go and am about 18# heavier than I was in that pic. I have also recomped in reverse; I lost muscle and gained fat. I still look good for a 50 year old guy, but I do long for the days when I was lean.

    Remember, you are still an attractive woman....you know this as I've read your posts talking about all the young 'chads' you have after you. Chin up!

    Oh, and thanks for the reps. I'm still on spread as I don't rep people enough. And about the rep comment, it takes one to know one!
    Oh thanks. I guess I could call it a slip more than a relapse. The problem is that I have these photos in my memory of when I was at my leanest, and you obviously do in your avi. Yet I also know the diet and discipline that went into getting that physique and how it wasn’t natural for me to keep it as even my body was backfiring against trying to eat like that for a long period of time.

    I was able to hide the weight gain for a few years until I started doing more social activities where people wanted to take group photos. Then it became more realistic. My therapist is doing exposure therapy where I had to stare at my face 5x a week and feel the feelings, and now it’s moving on to my body, which is miserable to have to stare at.

    I’m sure that isn’t helping me right now as I have to face the weight gain instead of hide from it. I know even my former trainer said after her contest that her body image tanked since she was binging on pizza and ice cream. I can see what you mean about a competitive size.

    I just have to chin up, not restrict today, drink a lot of electrolytes and get back on track.
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    I'm definitely back on the mend as purging makes me feel so horrible the next day and the bloating lasts for days that I remember why I gave bulimia up. Plus it causes weight gain as you don't get all of the food up. Your body already absorbs a lot of the food.

    I was busy this past weekend:

    - Took salsa dancing lessons with a partner which was odd but fun on Friday
    - Went on a hike with a group on Saturday
    - Pushed myself after being depressed after the Niners game to do a F45 workout at home with my app
    - I did chest and tri last night

    I went back to my intuitive eating book and followed that. They only had croissants with chicken salad (chickpea salad for me) for lunch at the hike and then pizza afterwards so it was a little stressful but then I just remembered that it's just food. I could easily add as many calories with just a salad for lunch given the dressing and extras. A slice of pizza doesn't have that many calories. Plus I'm not supposed to count calories. Just watch my hunger and fullness levels.

    I had a scoop of ice cream and I said you know what, I'm not hungry to eat the rest of this and put it in the freezer. I would have NEVER have done that before. I'd have eaten the whole thing and go back for more, which is why I won't buy ice cream but only get a scoop at Baskin Robbins. It's my family that buys junk food that's so tempting and then my daughter sent me nasty texts to stop eating other people's food because I'm 50 and not 3. She is struggling with anorexia herself and said my therapist should be helping me to lose weight instead of body image exposure and intuitive eating. That definitely had me crying after my hike.

    My problem area as I hit 50 is lower abdominal area, as I seem to store fat there now. Then I get nervous about it with the 24 year old model and tried to find lingerie that covers it, as he's tall and slim and I think that he may not like it. I remember before my weight loss in June he wanted to see Snapchats of me and I was like nooooo and he said "I've seen you before and you look great". I keep thinking he's just saying that. Weight definitely impacts me in terms of dating. But then he complained that he can't get weight on him without eating a ton of food, so I guess we all have our body insecurities.

    But for me just having my face and a slim body would mean I could model again even at my age. He can do that since he has a great face and men's modeling doesn't mean you have to be a bodybuilder, unless you're doing fitness modeling. I

    I don't even know why that's so important at 50, and why it was so important at 42 to wear a bikini and heels at the Olympia pool party in Vegas. My health should be more important as I enter this stage of my life. Eating disorders are known to take years off of one's life, and or end one's life early. Eating disorders are the highest cause of death for young women behind suicide. I definitely felt those urges when I was anorexic and before I entered the hospital. Thankfully I didn't act on them, and once I got food in me the thoughts went away.
    Last edited by DustinTheHuss; 02-03-2022 at 08:11 AM.
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    Originally Posted by DustinTheHuss View Post
    I'm definitely back on the mend as purging makes me feel so horrible the next day and the bloating lasts for days that I remember why I gave bulimia up. Plus it causes weight gain as you don't get all of the food up. Your body already absorbs a lot of the food.

    I was busy this past weekend:

    - Took salsa dancing lessons with a partner which was odd but fun on Friday
    - Went on a hike with a group on Saturday
    - Pushed myself after being depressed after the Niners game to do a F45 workout at home with my app
    - I did chest and try last night

    I went back to my intuitive eating book and followed that. They only had croissants with chicken salad (chickpea salad for me) for lunch at the hike and then pizza afterwards so it was a little stressful but then I just remembered that it's just food. I could easily add as many calories with just a salad for lunch given the dressing and extras. A slice of pizza doesn't have that many calories. Plus I'm not supposed to count calories. Just watch my hunger and fullness levels.

    I had a scoop of ice cream and I said you know what, I'm not hungry to eat the rest of this and put it in the freezer. I would have NEVER have done that before. I'd have eaten the whole thing and go back for more, which is why I won't buy ice cream but only get a scoop at Baskin Robbins. It's my family that buys junk food that's so tempting and then my daughter sent me nasty texts to stop eating other people's food because I'm 50 and not 3. She is struggling with anorexia herself and said my therapist should be helping me to lose weight instead of body image exposure and intuitive eating. That definitely had me crying after my hike.

    My problem area as I hit 50 is lower abdominal area, as I seem to store fat there now. Then I get nervous about it with the 24 year old model and tried to find lingerie that covers it, as he's tall and slim and I think that he may not like it. I remember before my weight loss in June he wanted to see Snapchats of me and I was like nooooo and he said "I've seen you before and you look great". I keep thinking he's just saying that. Weight definitely impacts me in terms of dating. But then he complained that he can't get weight on him without eating a ton of food, so I guess we all have our body insecurities.

    But for me just having my face and a slim body would mean I could model again even at my age. He can do that since he has a great face and men's modeling doesn't mean you have to be a bodybuilder, unless you're doing fitness modeling. I

    I don't even know why that's so important at 50, and why it was so important at 42 to wear a bikini and heels at the Olympia pool party in Vegas. My health should be more important as I enter this stage of my life. Eating disorders are known to take years off of one's life, and or end one's life early. Eating disorders are the highest cause of death for young women behind suicide. I definitely felt those urges when I was anorexic and before I entered the hospital. Thankfully I didn't act on them, and once I got food in me the thoughts went away.
    First off, I am so very proud of you for acknowledging when you have a slip, accepting that it happened, forgiving yourself (for the most part), and moving forward once again. All of life is a learning curve.

    Secondly, I am sorry to hear that your daughter sent that text. It sounds as if it would be horrible to hear from someone you love so much. I hope your therapist can find a way to give you tools to improve that relationship.

    Next, all of us former competitors are dealing with similar issues. I don't care how "with it" someone appears to be on the surface, underneath it all, I believe, they are paddling up the current in a frenzy just like the rest of us. I have my old contest photos up in the barn as inspiration to work a little harder when I feel like slacking. It has taken quite a while to learn, though, that I will not look like that again unless I let it take over my life for the next three to four years.

    Lastly, with age comes wisdom, if we choose to accept it. Have you set plans for the future? Do you have a goal for yourself, such as hiking a particularly difficult or long hike? Or mountain climbing? When we do that, food becomes fuel. We look at the value contained in each and every item we eat and can ask ourselves, "Will this help support me in my goals?"

    Hope this helps,
    Athi
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    Originally Posted by Athena View Post
    First off, I am so very proud of you for acknowledging when you have a slip, accepting that it happened, forgiving yourself (for the most part), and moving forward once again. All of life is a learning curve.

    Secondly, I am sorry to hear that your daughter sent that text. It sounds as if it would be horrible to hear from someone you love so much. I hope your therapist can find a way to give you tools to improve that relationship.

    Next, all of us former competitors are dealing with similar issues. I don't care how "with it" someone appears to be on the surface, underneath it all, I believe, they are paddling up the current in a frenzy just like the rest of us. I have my old contest photos up in the barn as inspiration to work a little harder when I feel like slacking. It has taken quite a while to learn, though, that I will not look like that again unless I let it take over my life for the next three to four years.

    Lastly, with age comes wisdom, if we choose to accept it. Have you set plans for the future? Do you have a goal for yourself, such as hiking a particularly difficult or long hike? Or mountain climbing? When we do that, food becomes fuel. We look at the value contained in each and every item we eat and can ask ourselves, "Will this help support me in my goals?"

    Hope this helps,
    Athi
    Thank you! Yes, I haven't engaged in any behaviors since then. I did get sick to my stomach as I realized I haven't taken my anti-depressant in weeks and tried to restart it again, but I didn't get sick on purpose and it was pure hell. So I decided to take 1/4 of the dose and then emailed my Dr., and she said it's best to do that and then work my way back up to the full dose again. That could have been part of the reasoning for the slip. Unfortunately that meant no exercise the last 2 days.

    I'm planning a walk tonight with my neighbor and then I'm off on a camping trip.

    Thanks. My daughter is dealing with her own anorexia and I'm afraid I wasn't a good role model there since I was hospitalized for anorexia years ago. But she's seen me meet with therapists and nutritionist and gain weight, so she's seen the recovery side. Our relationship has VASTLY improved thanks to my therapist. 4 years ago my daughter would only say "I hate you" and now she comes over to me and talks about her day or problems with her friends because my therapist said don't give her advice or scold her, just acknowledge what she's saying. I make sure I close my work computer and listen to her, since she's more important than work. It's hard when I hear my instant messages dinging though!

    Yeah it's hard when Facebook shows a memory of me in a bikini and heels at the Olympia in Vegas. But it was brutal to get down to that in terms of the diet and fitness regimen, and that also brought back a big relapse.

    I have a goal to play in tennis league again. It's been tough as I've been injured a lot so people drop me as a partner and find someone else when I'm injured. I mean I understand if someone is available to play every Wednesday, then they'll take them over me who might be out for a few weeks with an injury. Still I'll play against the ball machine and I've been a sub for some of the practices. Many times the injuries are from weights so it's tough to balance weight training with tennis at my age, but I like the effects of weights.

    That's very true that food becomes fuel! I dropped out of tennis league last summer as I was only eating 800 calories a day and I told my captain that it's best I get my size down so I can run for the ball more, but I really missed out! Thanks for your insight
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  28. #58
    currently unsupervised Athena's Avatar
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    What weight lifting exercises are you doing? I'm going to suggest that you focus on total body work or specific exercises to support your tennis goal. When we know so much about weight lifting and bodybuilding, it's easy to get caught up in the exercises and do more than we need to. My problem when I first started back was getting my focus -- I started to get stressed about all the various exercises I WASN'T doing instead of saying, "Okay, what's my goal? What do I need to do to support that goal?"

    Have you done dumbbell woodchoppers? Doing dumbbell bench presses? Straight arm pressdowns? Maybe sit and write out a list of exercises that support your goal, and start from there.

    You're doing great, though. Just keep it up!
    Athi

    p.s. you DO remember that if you don't eat enough to support your body, you WILL get injured more frequently, right?
    Last edited by Athena; 02-04-2022 at 08:50 AM.
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  29. #59
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    Originally Posted by Athena View Post
    What weight lifting exercises are you doing? I'm going to suggest that you focus on total body work or specific exercises to support your tennis goal. When we know so much about weight lifting and bodybuilding, it's easy to get caught up in the exercises and do more than we need to. My problem when I first started back was getting my focus -- I started to get stressed about all the various exercises I WASN'T doing instead of saying, "Okay, what's my goal? What do I need to do to support that goal?"

    Have you done dumbbell woodchoppers? Doing dumbbell bench presses? Straight arm pressdowns? Maybe sit and write out a list of exercises that support your goal, and start from there.

    You're doing great, though. Just keep it up!
    Athi
    Since I hurt my back I've been doing just really light weights on my lower body and mostly on the other days: chest/tri, back/bi, shoulders and walking. But I've mostly done those on machines to support my back.

    Like for chest and tris on Monday I did:

    - Decline chest press 3x12
    - Incline chest press 3x12
    - Chest flys 3x12
    - Regular chest press 3x12

    - Skullcrushers 3x10
    - Dips 3x10
    - Tricep pulldowns 3x10

    Those are other good ideas. I'm slowly moving to the bar for bench presses and maybe dumbbells in a few weeks when my back is better.

    Thanks for your support!
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    I hate body image issues.

    I've been seeing this guy half my age who is a model and insanely good looking and super nice. We will talk for hours and text in between at times, although he goes dark sometimes so when he does that I automatically blame my body size and think if I looked as good as girls his age maybe he would text me. I know he's super busy with college though.

    Then he'll turn around and text me.

    I mean I've seen him regularly it's not like a pump and dump but my nutritionist increased my food intake so I wasn't as lean as I was in October. I couldn't see him for awhile with finals and then he got Covid.

    I hung out with him 2 weeks ago to watch the last ever (or so we think) Brady NFL game and we talked the whole time as I'm a big football fan, too. I'm trying to date guys my age but I haven't had a date with a guy over 30 since May .

    I started seeing younger guys when I was 34 and even then 25 year olds didn't want to deal with someone with a small child long term. Now I'm 50 and it's ridiculous. But the pressure to look good and compete with the younger women is hard.

    I read that Demi Moore had terrible body image issues when she was married to Ashton Kutcher.
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