I need a mental break

[bodyhard]

I am not sure what has been going on with me lately, but I am extremely irritated and angry. Nothing in my personal/professional life has changed, everything is the same, yet I find myself angry throughout the day and when I ask myself what the fck is wrong with me I can't pinpoint it.

Last night at the gym there was this guy working out right next to me. I was on the squat/deadlift platform and adjacent to the platform is the smith machine, he placed a bench between the smith and the platform and started doing dumbbells' presses, no biggie people find areas to train especially when it is packed. But then he started talking on his headset and had a conversation while doing his sets and in between sets. Normally while someone talking its annoying I can tune them out, but last night this got to me more than normal and after about 1/2 an hour of this guy talking and talking and talking I lost it and told him, Yo can you just shut the fck up! Are you here to fcking workout or talk on the damn phone?!

Immediately after I exploded I thought to myself WTF? And I apologized and said, my bad man I haven't been myself, I am extremely sorry. The guy was so kool and said understand man we all go through that.

I packed up my bag and went home I dind't even finished my workout.

I need a mental break.

[AlBHappy]

People get ornery sometimes. I think with a lot of people since the pandemic, you get so used to lack of traffic, crowds, etc. And now they're all back. Your expectations changed and now that reality has changed you have to adapt to it.

We all have our chit. I woke up this AM a little down. I am frustrated and upset with my 22 year old son who is incapable of getting his chit together and was dishonest with me yesterday. I'm miffed at some in my extended family as well. I reached out to my cousin in law with a condolence text, and then an hour later an opportunity at work presented itself. And things turned around.

You can only control what you can control I guess is what I'm saying. You can let outside circumstances make you angry of which you have no control over or roll with the punches.

Life isn't about highs and lows, it's about a steady hum. You're jacked, healthy, have a good family, a wife that still loves you and a good home. What else do you need? Focus on the positive stuff.

[mtpockets]

I am not sure what has been going on with me lately, but I am extremely irritated and angry. Nothing in my personal/professional life has changed, everything is the same, yet I find myself angry throughout the day and when I ask myself what the fck is wrong with me I can't pinpoint it.

Last night at the gym there was this guy working out right next to me. I was on the squat/deadlift platform and adjacent to the platform is the smith machine, he placed a bench between the smith and the platform and started doing dumbbells' presses, no biggie people find areas to train especially when it is packed. But then he started talking on his headset and had a conversation while doing his sets and in between sets. Normally while someone talking its annoying I can tune them out, but last night this got to me more than normal and after about 1/2 an hour of this guy talking and talking and talking I lost it and told him, Yo can you just shut the fck up! Are you here to fcking workout or talk on the damn phone?!

Immediately after I exploded I thought to myself WTF? And I apologized and said, my bad man I haven't been myself, I am extremely sorry. The guy was so kool and said understand man we all go through that.

I packed up my bag and went home I dind't even finished my workout.

I need a mental break.

I have been kicking around this forum long enough to know your history with anger. You realizing you are having issues speaks volumes and is testimony of the journey you have taken over the last few years, you have come miles John. Take that mental break, do whatever you have to to get grounded again. I am a firm believer that ones mental health is just as important as physical health. You got this brother.

[PhDPepper1111]

I have been kicking around this forum long enough to know your history with anger. You realizing you are having issues speaks volumes and is testimony of the journey you have taken over the last few years, you have come miles John. Take that mental break, do whatever you have to to get grounded again. I am a firm believer that ones mental health is just as important as physical health. You got this brother.

Agree.
Might want to talk to a trusted person and just sort through if there is anything, but in general just doing some self care will get you there (and keeping up with the workouts!). You can do this!

[mdonnelly80]

I get it... Over the last five-six years, I've had to take a big step away from just about anything or anybody that could raise my blood pressure. I've worked hard over the last 15 years to keep my temper in check and the news, social media and some people were seriously p-ssing me off.

[sakustoms]

I can understand where you're coming from. Over the past many months I've noticed myself losing my sh*t more often than I ever did.

I hate driving and have a 30 or so minute drive to/from work every day. I find myself getting extremely angry and yelling at other drivers over shyt that shouldn't bother me. Just this morning I was having a peaceful drive and then got stuck at like 3 red lights in a row and it just pissed me off. I did notice it and had to tell myself to just take it easy and not let unimportant crap bother me.

I think it may be due a lot to 2 of my 3 children and 6 of 8 grandchildren moving/living in AZ and not being able to see them. This stresses me out and has been worse since visiting in August and coming back home to an empty house.

[bodyhard]

People get ornery sometimes. I think with a lot of people since the pandemic, you get so used to lack of traffic, crowds, etc. And now they're all back. Your expectations changed and now that reality has changed you have to adapt to it.

We all have our chit. I woke up this AM a little down. I am frustrated and upset with my 22 year old son who is incapable of getting his chit together and was dishonest with me yesterday. I'm miffed at some in my extended family as well. I reached out to my cousin in law with a condolence text, and then an hour later an opportunity at work presented itself. And things turned around.

You can only control what you can control I guess is what I'm saying. You can let outside circumstances make you angry of which you have no control over or roll with the punches.

Life isn't about highs and lows, it's about a steady hum. You're jacked, healthy, have a good family, a wife that still loves you and a good home. What else do you need? Focus on the positive stuff.

Sorry to hear about your son, but like you said sometimes we also get good news, I understand what you are saying, just hard for me to understand what is triggering me all of a sudden, but your words a well taken.

I have been kicking around this forum long enough to know your history with anger. You realizing you are having issues speaks volumes and is testimony of the journey you have taken over the last few years, you have come miles John. Take that mental break, do whatever you have to to get grounded again. I am a firm believer that ones mental health is just as important as physical health. You got this brother.

Thanks man, truly appreciate it. I am trying to make sense of it and yes I have to get grounded, some way.

Agree.
Might want to talk to a trusted person and just sort through if there is anything, but in general just doing some self care will get you there (and keeping up with the workouts!). You can do this!

I am in fact just got off the phone with Chazz.

I get it... Over the last five-six years, I've had to take a big step away from just about anything or anybody that could raise my blood pressure. I've worked hard over the last 15 years to keep my temper in check and the news, social media and some people were seriously p-ssing me off.

See thats the thing, nothing has been triggering me so I am rather perplexed.

I can understand where you're coming from. Over the past many months I've noticed myself losing my sh*t more often than I ever did.

I hate driving and have a 30 or so minute drive to/from work every day. I find myself getting extremely angry and yelling at other drivers over shyt that shouldn't bother me. Just this morning I was having a peaceful drive and then got stuck at like 3 red lights in a row and it just pissed me off. I did notice it and had to tell myself to just take it easy and not let unimportant crap bother me.

I think it may be due a lot to 2 of my 3 children and 6 of 8 grandchildren moving/living in AZ and not being able to see them. This stresses me out and has been worse since visiting in August and coming back home to an empty house.

Thats what I am doing looking for the root cause, I just haven't figured it out.


As and FYI Chazz and I spoke on the phone and I think, with his help I kind of know where the anger is stemming from, weird how some one you don't know in real life can help asses things.

[x-trainer ben]

So if in fact you have identified it, how do you fix it?
Is it a simple solution or something that will take time?

[snailsrus]

I know your not in aa

But trying googling how to work a 4th step on resentments

And do some writing on it

It might help a lot

[Mark1T]

Johnny, I can't give advice, but suggestion that I agree you need a break. Those packed gyms add to the stress for everyone and why my workouts are in the early AM.

Best to you, brother.

[NorwichGrad]

We all have some type of 'brokenness', John. And each brokenness has different levels of intensity.

We deal with them differently.

I told you this before. But I admire how open you are.

Some of us keep CHIT INSIDE. And BAM! One day the valve is released and we end up on the front page of CNN.

So many factors affect what happens in each of us.

Maybe it's the weather. Days are getting shorter. It's know to increase depression.

Maybe it's social media. Fakebook, for example, is known to make people feel insecure and insignificant, especially when they see their friends live the appearance of good life (at least through iphone).


Maybe it's the food we eat. You're a health freak, as many of us are. Yet we know how dangerous the garbage are at the supermarket.

But the good news is that you have self-awareness. And you are doing something about it.

[Cantplankwell]

I am not sure what has been going on with me lately, but I am extremely irritated and angry. Nothing in my personal/professional life has changed, everything is the same, yet I find myself angry throughout the day and when I ask myself what the fck is wrong with me I can't pinpoint it.

Last night at the gym there was this guy working out right next to me. I was on the squat/deadlift platform and adjacent to the platform is the smith machine, he placed a bench between the smith and the platform and started doing dumbbells' presses, no biggie people find areas to train especially when it is packed. But then he started talking on his headset and had a conversation while doing his sets and in between sets. Normally while someone talking its annoying I can tune them out, but last night this got to me more than normal and after about 1/2 an hour of this guy talking and talking and talking I lost it and told him, Yo can you just shut the fck up! Are you here to fcking workout or talk on the damn phone?!

Immediately after I exploded I thought to myself WTF? And I apologized and said, my bad man I haven't been myself, I am extremely sorry. The guy was so kool and said understand man we all go through that.

I packed up my bag and went home I dind't even finished my workout.

I need a mental break.

You seem to be a person who is fighting some kind of battle all the time...I mean inside, and the outside...on two fronts. Until you give in and get to the bottom of what really is the true issue of your fears and anxieties that has you in fight mode pretty much 24/7 (and yeah we all have them to varying degrees) and just go with the flow its not going to get any better, just worse until you pop somebody real good and end up in jail, or drop dead of a stroke. What the first step is I have no idea, but you seem to freely admit all these issues, maybe thats the first step, but you need to take it further. For awhile you seemed to be doing really well, it looks like you are getting off the rails again. Maybe I missed something but maybe you need to work less on your physical self and get to work on your mental health. The weights will always be there...waiting for you.

[weiss1967]

I am not sure what has been going on with me lately, but I am extremely irritated and angry. Nothing in my personal/professional life has changed, everything is the same, yet I find myself angry throughout the day and when I ask myself what the fck is wrong with me I can't pinpoint it.

Last night at the gym there was this guy working out right next to me. I was on the squat/deadlift platform and adjacent to the platform is the smith machine, he placed a bench between the smith and the platform and started doing dumbbells' presses, no biggie people find areas to train especially when it is packed. But then he started talking on his headset and had a conversation while doing his sets and in between sets. Normally while someone talking its annoying I can tune them out, but last night this got to me more than normal and after about 1/2 an hour of this guy talking and talking and talking I lost it and told him, Yo can you just shut the fck up! Are you here to fcking workout or talk on the damn phone?!

Immediately after I exploded I thought to myself WTF? And I apologized and said, my bad man I haven't been myself, I am extremely sorry. The guy was so kool and said understand man we all go through that.

I packed up my bag and went home I dind't even finished my workout.

I need a mental break.

you are perfectly normal, John. I believe your gym is a better place now, because of what you did. Think of it this way: you saved some other gym-goer from making a shotgun scene. Instead, like lightning rod, you took it through yourself.

it is either that, or I am beyond hope. Maybe it is crazy, telling people how fuскеd up they are.

[bodyhard]

So if in fact you have identified it, how do you fix it?
Is it a simple solution or something that will take time?

When I was seeing a psychiatrist/psychologist they taught me CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and I apply it to many things in my life. I just need to apply it again, but I need to truly pinpoint what is bothering me.

I know your not in aa

But trying googling how to work a 4th step on resentments

And do some writing on it

It might help a lot

Thanks for the suggestion.

Johnny, I can't give advice, but suggestion that I agree you need a break. Those packed gyms add to the stress for everyone and why my workouts are in the early AM.

Best to you, brother.

Thanks Brotha!

We all have some type of 'brokenness', John. And each brokenness has different levels of intensity.

We deal with them differently.

I told you this before. But I admire how open you are.

Some of us keep CHIT INSIDE. And BAM! One day the valve is released and we end up on the front page of CNN.

So many factors affect what happens in each of us.

Maybe it's the weather. Days are getting shorter. It's know to increase depression.

Maybe it's social media. Fakebook, for example, is known to make people feel insecure and insignificant, especially when they see their friends live the appearance of good life (at least through iphone).


Maybe it's the food we eat. You're a health freak, as many of us are. Yet we know how dangerous the garbage are at the supermarket.

But the good news is that you have self-awareness. And you are doing something about it.

Thanks man, means a lot. I try my best to use CBT, but I have fallen off lately and maybe it is something I will have to utilize my whole life and not only use it when I am getting angry.

You seem to be a person who is fighting some kind of battle all the time...I mean inside, and the outside...on two fronts. Until you give in and get to the bottom of what really is the true issue of your fears and anxieties that has you in fight mode pretty much 24/7 (and yeah we all have them to varying degrees) and just go with the flow its not going to get any better, just worse until you pop somebody real good and end up in jail, or drop dead of a stroke. What the first step is I have no idea, but you seem to freely admit all these issues, maybe thats the first step, but you need to take it further. For awhile you seemed to be doing really well, it looks like you are getting off the rails again. Maybe I missed something but maybe you need to work less on your physical self and get to work on your mental health. The weights will always be there...waiting for you.

Definitely need to work on my mental health, I think its been lacking since I have been feeling so good prior to this.

you are perfectly normal, John. I believe your gym is a better place now, because of what you did. Think of it this way: you saved some other gym-goer from making a shotgun scene. Instead, like lightning rod, you took it through yourself.

it is either that, or I am beyond hope. Maybe it is crazy, telling people how fuскеd up they are.

As I was telling Chazz on the phone, normally a guy yapping in the gym, while annoying I can tune it out. Hell one time this guy was on his phone talking to another guy in prison and my wife was like, wow I need to get headphones, his is annoying me. And I just laughed and said you have to tune them out.

But this time I dunno man it just got to me, it was building up inside me until I couldn't take it anymore and honestly immediately after I lost it I felt like crap.

[mtnmama]

hey BH - been out a few weeks - got dog a56 sick - been reading thru your thread - and i can say i relate to the general 'need a break' vibe. every month or few months i get what i call uncomfortable in my skin...and get extra irritable, bored, in a darker place.

i've been sober for a hot minute but i used to handle it by just getting extra of whatever my diversion was at the time. now i have to work thru it and NOT take it out on my body, my surroundings, or ppl in my close perimeter. i am convinced that the past couple years is really wearing everyone thin, tho. i mean ppl that are pleasant and never bothered are really starting to show frustration. being sick for a bit was a big equalizer for me - i mean i felt like i was just tryin to hang on another day. but the uncomfortable thing crept back in yesterday - i spent last night and today trying to find comedies and of all things, christmas movies 😂 - to try and center me. i'm fortunate to have a great husband and kiddos that can drag my a56 out of it - and well - God is Good and Reliable - and ultimately always brings me back from the brink - but i feel ya man - and it sucks.

hope you feel normal again soon BH

[weiss1967]

hope you feel normal again soon BH

I am literally crying outloud, mama, he never was not normal. Whats fkn wrong with you ppl, saying things as they are is a crime now? World needs more Johns on their bad day.

And you John, you have done something very genuine, beautiful, and then came here to beat yourself publicly. What a waste. This is whats crazy. I say, go and give them more sнiт.

That fella in a gym doesn't hold it against you. Go and ask. He might actually thank you.

[bodyhard]

hey BH - been out a few weeks - got dog a56 sick - been reading thru your thread - and i can say i relate to the general 'need a break' vibe. every month or few months i get what i call uncomfortable in my skin...and get extra irritable, bored, in a darker place.

i've been sober for a hot minute but i used to handle it by just getting extra of whatever my diversion was at the time. now i have to work thru it and NOT take it out on my body, my surroundings, or ppl in my close perimeter. i am convinced that the past couple years is really wearing everyone thin, tho. i mean ppl that are pleasant and never bothered are really starting to show frustration. being sick for a bit was a big equalizer for me - i mean i felt like i was just tryin to hang on another day. but the uncomfortable thing crept back in yesterday - i spent last night and today trying to find comedies and of all things, christmas movies ������ - to try and center me. i'm fortunate to have a great husband and kiddos that can drag my a56 out of it - and well - God is Good and Reliable - and ultimately always brings me back from the brink - but i feel ya man - and it sucks.

hope you feel normal again soon BH

Thanks I if you mean normal as in feeling like myself? The irony is when I am calm and not letting out how I feel, I don't feel like myself, or as you call it , normal.

I am literally crying outloud, mama, he never was not normal. Whats fkn wrong with you ppl, saying things as they are is a crime now? World needs more Johns on their bad day.

And you John, you have done something very genuine, beautiful, and then came here to beat yourself publicly. What a waste. This is whats crazy. I say, go and give them more sнiт.

That fella in a gym doesn't hold it against you. Go and ask. He might actually thank you.

Man you just made my night, sincerely, I feel cast out, like a stranger in my own skin when I bottle up and try to be something I think I am not...hope that makes sense.

[401Delta]

I will tell you what is wrong with you...you take yourself too seriously.

Seriously.

This session was free, the next one will be at full price.

[mtnmama]

Thanks I if you mean normal as in feeling like myself? The irony is when I am calm and not letting out how I feel, I don't feel like myself, or as you call it , normal.

yes - i mean feeling normal for YOU

I am literally crying outloud, mama, he never was not normal. Whats fkn wrong with you ppl, saying things as they are is a crime now? World needs more Johns on their bad day.And you John, you have done something very genuine, beautiful, and then came here to beat yourself publicly. What a waste. This is whats crazy. I say, go and give them more sнiт.That fella in a gym doesn't hold it against you. Go and ask. He might actually thank you.

im really glad you are crying out loud - that's funny - no clue what you mean about a crime? As i said - been sick for weeks - maybe i missed something.... i was commenting on the 'i need a mental break' portion - but i think its great you got a kick out of it! side note: agree with giving more **** ALWAYS

[bodyhard]

I will tell you what is wrong with you...you take yourself too seriously.

Seriously.

This session was free, the next one will be at full price.

I think you are 100% correct.

yes - i mean feeling normal for YOU
S

Ok..

[KeepItMoving]

I'm no mental health expert, and I say here what I say with only good intentions. Early in this thread, AIBHappy said that life is not to be lived on the highs and lows, but that's where you seem to live. At least that is alot of what you share here, the highs and the lows. Have you ever been evaluated for bipolar disorder? I have a close family member who is bipolar, so it is something that comes to my mind, perhaps more than it should.

[Silencespeaks]

Your ego is enormous.

Humble yourself.

[supramax]

An old monk and a young monk were travelling along the rivers edge, after a fierce rainstorm. They came upon an old woman trying to cross where a bridge had been washed away. Without hesitation, the old monk picked up the woman and carried her to the other side. After putting her down and returning, the monks continued on their way.

About half an hour later, the young monk could no longer contain himself. "I don't understand! I don't understand!" he said: "We are celibate monks; sworn to never even think of, let alone touch the opposite sex. Yet you picked up that woman and carried her... I don't understand!"

The old monk replied: "Are you still carrying that women around? I put her down half an hour ago."

[bodyhard]

I'm no mental health expert, and I say here what I say with only good intentions. Early in this thread, AIBHappy said that life is not to be lived on the highs and lows, but that's where you seem to live. At least that is alot of what you share here, the highs and the lows. Have you ever been evaluated for bipolar disorder? I have a close family member who is bipolar, so it is something that comes to my mind, perhaps more than it should.

Definitely, when I was going through dark times, they did extensive testing and bipolar was ruled out. However they discovered I had a chemical imbalance in my brain but they gave me medication to correct it, which I took for 2 years. While I am feeling angry, I am not experiencing depression, panic attacks, or suicidal thoughts, just anger.

[bodyhard]

An old monk and a young monk were travelling along the rivers edge, after a fierce rainstorm. They came upon an old woman trying to cross where a bridge had been washed away. Without hesitation, the old monk picked up the woman and carried her to the other side. After putting her down and returning, the monks continued on their way.

About half an hour later, the young monk could no longer contain himself. "I don't understand! I don't understand!" he said: "We are celibate monks; sworn to never even think of, let alone touch the opposite sex. Yet you picked up that woman and carried her... I don't understand!"

The old monk replied: "Are you still carrying that women around? I put her down half an hour ago."

Deep man..

[supramax]

Deep man..

Just be aware of what's happening psychologically WITHOUT trying to do anything about it; which of course, means also being aware of the 'trying to do something about it'.
It's like giving up cigarette smoking. The desire to quit smoking arises from the fact that you smoke. If you didn't smoke, the desire to quit would never arise. Watch the struggle.

[bodyhard]

Just be aware of what's happening psychologically WITHOUT trying to do anything about it; which of course, means also being aware of the 'trying to do something about it'.
It's like giving up cigarette smoking. The desire to quit smoking arises from the fact that you smoke. If you didn't smoke, the desire to quit would never arise. Watch the struggle.

This makes so much sense it's scary.

Thanks for the analogy man.

[bernipes]

Man, this really happens to everyone. Sometimes it only takes a small problem, which is imperceptible at first, to persist for a long time for your days to become heavier and heavier.
Seek a psychologist to try to identify what is making you feel this way.
I see that you are very dedicated to physical care, so dedicate time to your mental health as well.
Be well!

[Bando]

Might want to talk to a trusted person and just sort through if there is anything

Just seeing this. I can talk to you tomorrow late afternoon if you want BH, Lord knows you've talked me through some chit.

[MajorTendonitis]

Road rage , I mean roid rage ?