Need your support. I feel miserable.

[SealReborn]

Hello people,

Before I get into details. I want to share a story that in my head sounds like an excuse, but nevertheless, I just don't know where to put myself psychologically, because frankly nobody gives a damn.

I'm Rob, I'm 27 years old and my whole teenage life and early adulthood was about fitness. In fact, my avatar picture is real and THAT is, or should I say was, my body. (See attached pictures)

Right about the time I was in my best shape I ever had, my father died, unexpectedly, on his birthday night. He was turning 50. I was the first to find him and even tried to revive him out of despair. It was the most painful experience in my life, I do not take it well to this day. In addition, I was stuck in a toxic relationship, was expected to earn more money, to open my business and to provide. All at 21-22 yrs old. Right after that, I lost my well-paid job, we split-up with my now ex-girlfriend (probably for the best) and I was diagnosed with depression and panic attacks. Medication took a huge toll on my body and I gained 100lbs (45kg), I am also, frankly, an emotional eater, whenever I'm having a bad day I just compensate it with McDonald's or some beer. I started drinking, smoking, eating all kinds of junk, just pissing my hard earned money away on alcohol and drugs. However, unlucky as I was, I met my highschool sweetheart to whom I've been in love but too afraid to talk to - she is the reason I am psychologically stable now, we are engaged and I want to get better for her, for myself.

The only thing that I regret, is ending up with my body and mind looking like this. I am weak, like really weak for my weight, which is 269 pounds (122kg) at 6.23 ft (190cm) with 40% of it as fat. I am weak in body and mind, my willpower capacity just vanished and this is the 1st step I am willing to take in order to get back into shape again. I'm addicted to sugar, to junk food, to coca-cola and nicotine. I had enough and want to quit sugar and refined carbs cold-turkey (I tried moderation before it never worked for me). In fact today is my first day of clean eating and I already want candy as I type this. My head hurts, sugar detox probably... I never thought this is going to be so much harder than before. I work 9-5, I come back and I'm low on energy, I don't want to do anything and I feel horrible about it, there were times I tried to force myself to do something but quit mid-workout. Just pure apathy every time. My fiance is trying to be supportive, but sometimes she forgets and exposes me to high calorie food. Can't blame her, she doesn't have issues like me.

Please share what worked for you and how you pulled yourself up.

TL : DR Got depressed, fat, weak and miserable. Addicted to junk food. Willpower is low. How should I get better and proceed? What should I change in my mindset in order to be happy without all those stimulants...I'm planning to quit all sugar, even fruits and eat 3 times a day. I was fit before, but 6 years of misery made me forget who I was.

Please share what worked for you and how you pulled yourself up.

[HomeGymChains]

Hello people,

…

It sounds like you are on the right track and doing the right things. Congratulations!

It is likely that working out can be its own positive spiral if you keep a log, since after such a long layoff you will be able to see your weights increase steadily.

I strongly recommend finding a gym situation that works smoothly for you, whether commercial or home gym. Also, I strongly recommend finding a steady workout partner. I find that makes me feel obligated to show up even if I didn’t really feel like it. Logging workouts here on BodySpace might give you a few people who will “like” your workout posts and help keep you motivated.

Best wishes!

[Darkius]

I don't buy Almond Joy, so I won't be tempted by it. I have bought packs, and have never been able to save any for later. I always eat them all right away or within 10 minutes. Plenty of excuses.


But I don't eat any sugar. Because I just don't buy it.


You need to avoid the drinking temptation by not having beer in your house. Find other hobbies. Posting on this forum is a big distraction, bad for me but good for you.



Good thing about 40% body fat is you can lose weight faster without losing muscle, if you exercise. I'm no expert on how that all works.

[Darkius]

I wish I could find the women who liked me in high school. I live in another state now, and so do many of them. That is the best way to find love. Lucky you.

No one else trusts each other.

[spradish]

Good for you for getting started, OP.

My suggestions would be:

- take care of the low-hanging fruit first. This is stuff like dropping the pop (sugar free/diet is fine)

- know if you're better at abstaining or moderating and then stock your kitchen accordingly. And develop methods to deal with that. If you're an abstainer, for example, you might decide that you can have one dessert every week but it has to be outside your home (I did this--went out for ice cream once per week rather than having a carton of ice cream lurking in my freezer).

- accept that this is a long process

- focus on daily goals

- remember that life happens every day. Don't get stuck on the idea that everything will be different once you've lost weight. Live life now, just do it in a healthier manner.

[Softworn]

I would do the exact same thing if I was still stuck here. I don't know what the solution will be for you, but I am changing my legal identity and leaving the country before my parents die, so I never need to see it. I hope you find whatever you need to get your motivation back (srs)

[xsquid99]

You're only 27 dude! I spent decades in what is basically your current state and barely touched a weight until I was in my early 40's. Now 5+ years after fully dedicating myself to my fitness journey I'm a CPT and now helping others achieve their goals.

It it definitely not too late for you.

I can't answer as to what will work for you, but for the first couple years I basically had to go cold turkey. I made sure there was no junk food in my house, stopped buying alcohol, stopped smoking, and stopped eating fast food.

You need to have a heart to heart with your fiancé and try to get her at least into your headspace so she can understand and support you with what you're going through. Luckily my wife was super supportive, especially when it came to controlling my calories and macros, and she even saw it as a challenge to try to make yummy food that would fit my daily requirements.

Start a routine and stick to it. Best thing you can do is just to get out and MOVE. I started with a 4-day strength training regimen at the gym coupled with 3 days of cardio, but outside of the gym I was doing massive amounts of walking just to keep myself busy and burn more calories. Whatever type of activity you think you might enjoy (walking, biking, hiking, swimming, etc) you need to find that thing and learn to love it and make it part of your routine just like getting dressed and brushing your teeth in the morning.

Begin by going back 1 page and read the Don't Look Past the Basics thread at the top of the forum.

[Darkius]

Walking in a park and seeing trees is a good antidepressant for me. It would be way better if I could jog, but I accept what I can get.

[seanbuzz]

Stop thinking of yourself as weak/lacking will power, you did it before, you will do it again. Change your thinking around your addictions and recognise them for what they are - coping mechanisms, now all you have to do is change them to positive coping mechanisms, give yourself a break, you had a really tough time.

Going keto or low carb for a while might help you break the sugar cravings, you don't have to stay on long term, it just for a month or two to break the sugar craving cycle, then re-introduce healthy carbs. Green tea can help with motivation, it really helps me, i find it very different to coffee, something about the egcg in green tea (but don't reccommend egcg supps as they can be dangerious, but the amount in tea is safe)