Daughter wants to move far away

[lotusdeva]

My middle daughter wants to move away to Seattle for college. She is 17 and she has never been there. I have made a lot of sacrifices to make sure that she goes to a good university. She got accepted to a small school near Seattle and she wants to move there just because "it rains there, and I love the rain, I want to move far away from Virginia". To me it is not a valid argument to go to university for which I am paying for. Anyway, do I just let go or do I put my foot down? I cannot travel to Seattle often. I am so torn

[ChazWood]

I got peeps there who can keep an eye (nothing creepy, totally pro) on her for $250/month.

All for her safety of course. Definitely not spying. Sign up tonite and get the first month free.

[Darkius]

She can come home from breaks. But if she gets in an abusive relationship, you might not see signs. Drug use can be hidden from far away.

Video chat with her most weeks. Assure her you are on her side and just want to warn her about red flags if they appear.


Will she lose friends she has in Virginia?
Seattle has beautiful rain forests to hike in, and many vegan restaurants.

[GrouchyUSMC]

It's tough, no bones about it. Mine aren't there yet but my oldest will be. As much as I hate to say it, sometimes you have to let them jump out of the nest and see how they land. You raised her the best way you know how, so sometimes you just have to trust she is going to make the right decision. Just let her know if she does make bad choices and needs a place to come lick her wounds, at home with you is always available.

This doesn't mean you can't check up on her - weekly video chat, phone call, whatever. Definitely try to visit. Seattle is a weird place though.

[lotusdeva]

I got peeps there who can keep an eye (nothing creepy, totally pro) on her for $250/month.

All for her safety of course. Definitely not spying. Sign up tonite and get the first month free.

This is like my second post on this forum I got to pay in cash?

Seriously, I know I might come off weird, but I am a Russian mama, and I don't get it. I got to pay for a university because she likes a weather there? I guess I don't understand

[ChazWood]

My middle daughter wants to move away to Seattle for college. She is 17 and she has never been there. I have made a lot of sacrifices to make sure that she goes to a good university. She got accepted to a small school near Seattle and she wants to move there just because "it rains there, and I love the rain, I want to move far away from Virginia". To me it is not a valid argument to go to university for which I am paying for. Anyway, do I just let go or do I put my foot down? I cannot travel to Seattle often. I am so torn

LD Dude, you've done your heavy lifting. I reckon maybe U gotta switch over to spotter mode with this one. No doubt she's a takenochit badass like her Mom.

[lotusdeva]

It's tough, no bones about it. Mine aren't there yet but my oldest will be. As much as I hate to say it, sometimes you have to let them jump out of the nest and see how they land. You raised her the best way you know how, so sometimes you just have to trust she is going to make the right decision. Just let her know if she does make bad choices and needs a place to come lick her wounds, at home with you is always available.

This doesn't mean you can't check up on her - weekly video chat, phone call, whatever. Definitely try to visit. Seattle is a weird place though.

Exactly. Wtf is she going to do there? There is nothing special about the school, schools in DC are much better. She is this little girl (she is 17, looks 12), I am going to seriously loose my chit sending her away to Seattle

But thank you for advice. My Russian family says no, I am paying for her school, I get to decide where she goes. But we live in US, and she is American, I don't want to pressure her.

[ChazWood]

This is like my second post on this forum I got to pay in cash?

Seriously, I know I might come off weird, but I am a Russian mama, and I don't get it. I got to pay for a university because she likes a weather there? I guess I don't understand

haha, oh that.

Well, I'd say be prepared to adapt and perhaps yield in order to withstand forces we cannot control. Seams like something wise to me anyway.

[lotusdeva]

LD Dude, you've done your heavy lifting. I reckon maybe U gotta switch over to spotter mode with this one. No doubt she's a takenochit badass like her Mom.

Thank you, I am really trying. Just wanted to see if you guys let your kids go too

[ChazWood]

I am going to seriously loose my chit sending her away to Seattle

Nah, just feels like that now. That's cool.

Meaning they just feelings. Thoughts is all.

[lotusdeva]

She can come home from breaks. But if she gets in an abusive relationship, you might not see signs. Drug use can be hidden from far away.

Video chat with her most weeks. Assure her you are on her side and just want to warn her about red flags if they appear.


Will she lose friends she has in Virginia?
Seattle has beautiful rain forests to hike in, and many vegan restaurants.

She says she doesn't care about friends here. I have never been to Seattle, I don't get why you want to just move away from your family. I never moved anywhere because my family is where I am and it is the most important thing to me.

I am trying to be understanding here

[Pterodactyl314]

I was reading that Seattle has really gone downhill in the past year when it was already in bad shape. Maybe make a trip there? To see if she really does like it.

[lotusdeva]

Nah, just feels like that now. That's cool.

Meaning they just feelings. Thoughts is all.

So in US, you guys just let your teens go? Srs question.

[ChazWood]

Thank you, I am really trying. Just wanted to see if you guys let your kids go too

Well, me, I have no kids cuz of an unfortunate accident involving the lid of a Webber portable BBQ. Not an image anyone wants during BBQ season for obvious reasons, which is why I generally don't mention it in the summer. Apologies to Pete and anyone else reading this from down under.

Anyways, this ain't aboot me this time, it's aboot u and I say u already know what u gotta do and I reckon that's whatchu believe to be in her best interests.

but first let the feels run they course. U got this.

[lotusdeva]

I was reading that Seattle has really gone downhill in the past year when it was already in bad shape. Maybe make a trip there? To see if she really does like it.

She said she made up her mind and she wants to do early decision. But yes, I am going to try to go visit.

[ChazWood]

I was reading that Seattle has really gone downhill in the past year when it was already in bad shape. Maybe make a trip there? To see if she really does like it.

excellent idea.

Now that help has arrived, I'll shut up.

[lotusdeva]

Well, me, I have no kids cuz of an unfortunate accident involving the lid of a Webber portable BBQ. Not an image anyone wants during BBQ season for obvious reasons, which is why I generally don't mention it in the summer. Apologies to Pete and anyone else reading this from down under.

Anyways, this ain't aboot me this time, it's aboot u and I say u already know what u gotta do and I reckon that's whatchu believe to be in her best interests.

but first let the feels run they course. U got this.

I am sorry about the accident thank you for your advise!

[Pterodactyl314]

She said she made up her mind and she wants to do early decision. But yes, I am going to try to go visit.

Yeah doesn’t sound like there’s any talking her out of it. She can always transfer if she changes her mind.

[lotusdeva]

Yeah doesn’t sound like there’s any talking her out of it. She can always transfer if she changes her mind.

Well, I can put my foot down and say I am not paying for it. I know it sounds weird, but to me she is this little girl (she seriously looks 12), that is going to end up in a bad situation. But is it the right thing to do?

[BlackHeart.au]

Well, I can put my foot down and say I am not paying for it. I know it sounds weird, but to me she is this little girl (she seriously looks 12), that is going to end up in a bad situation. But is it the right thing to do?

She's made a decision. Remember when you dumped a boy and he begged for you back? But you already had it in your mind weeks back?

Nothing stopping this gravy train, unless you want to be "Cutt off" directly

[lotusdeva]

She's made a decision. Remember when you dumped a boy and he begged for you back? But you already had it in your mind weeks back?

Nothing stopping this gravy train, unless you want to be "Cutt off" directly

Thank you! I feel like I worked hard to make sure that my girls go to good college and she is doing this stupid chit. Everyone I know in Russian community decides where their kids go to school. I wanted to know what do you guys do in this situation?

[Pterodactyl314]

Well, I can put my foot down and say I am not paying for it. I know it sounds weird, but to me she is this little girl (she seriously looks 12), that is going to end up in a bad situation. But is it the right thing to do?

I don’t see a good solution. If you don’t support her decision I can see her resenting it for the rest of her life. I wouldn’t want my kid to move far away either but I can’t hold them back forever. Is there really no other school she wants to go to? There has to be more of reason than it rains.

[lotusdeva]

I don’t see a good solution. If you don’t support her decision I can see her resenting it for the rest of her life. I wouldn’t want my kid to move far away either but I can’t hold them back forever.

thank you! I get it, it is a hard pill to swallow tbh. I don't see this little girl by herself in Seattle. At all. But she tells me that we are not in Russia, and it normal here

[Pterodactyl314]

Did you move here from Russia?

[lotusdeva]

Did you move here from Russia?

Yes. But my girls were born here, so they have a different mentality

[eternalnoob]

My sister moved far away for college. Let's just say you're daughter isn't not planning to **** lots of black guys.

[Corbi]

Seattle is cool to visit but not sure i'd want to live there as it definitely has a different vibe and the panhandlers are easily the most aggressive I have met anywhere in all my years of traveling. Lot would depend on the school, location of housing and the exact reason why undertake such a big move at a young age? I'd take bets she has someone influencing her to move out there most likely online. I'd be extremely leery as it's a fukked up world and lot of creeps try to take advantage of young girls.

[supramax]

My middle daughter wants to move away to Seattle for college. She is 17 and she has never been there. I have made a lot of sacrifices to make sure that she goes to a good university. She got accepted to a small school near Seattle and she wants to move there just because "it rains there, and I love the rain, I want to move far away from Virginia". To me it is not a valid argument to go to university for which I am paying for. Anyway, do I just let go or do I put my foot down? I cannot travel to Seattle often. I am so torn

I responded to this thread on the other over 35 forum, so I'll just copy and paste that response here:

Put your foot down! I don't have children and I know that girls are supposed to mature earlier than boys, but 17 is still a child and her reasoning screams immaturity. Her resentment, if she has any, will pass.

[spradish]

Assuming it's not a financial problem and the school is accredited for whatever she wants to study, I'd let her go. She's going to be living on a university campus, right? It doesn't really matter if that campus is in the next town over or across the country. She's graduating and leaving the nest. People do this every day.

I also don't see the problem about being 17. That's the age when you pick a university and often the age when people enlist in the military.

[Mark1T]

Ms. Deva. Sorry you are going through this. You have time. I agree with you that it is a bad decision on her part. Tell her to apply on the East Coast and that she is not going to Seattle. Period. She will get over it.

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