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  1. #1
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    How to open a restaurant that is doomed to fail

    Over the past few decades I have seen many restaurants come and go. Have seen many trends come and go. I see new restaurants popup in the neighborhood and think, I should try that place, only to find them shut down before i try them. What I have noticed are a few ways to make sure that your restaurant fails almost guaranteed:

    Step 1. Open for strange, broken hours during the day. For example, open from like 11-3, then close, and open back up at 5-9 or something like that. The people who eat late lunches or older people who eat earlybird dinner just LOVE this.

    Step 2. Close on random non-consecutive days. For example, close on Sundays and Tuesdays. Sole proprietor and don’t want to work every day, and too cheap to hire help to work on your days off? not to worry, soon you won’t have to pay one cent towards this lousy business.

    Step 3: Bonus points! Close random days AND random hours. For Example, close On Mondays and Thursdays, where Wednesday you are open 11-7, but Fridays 9-9, and mondays like 6-3. This is sure to get rid of those pesky customers who get hungry at random times on various days.

    Step 4: Make the restrooms for employees only. Those annoying customers can hold it.

    Step 5: Close for “family reasons” more than once. Its cute the first time you take care of family first. The second time, maybe you should just stay home. for good.

    Step 6: Don’t open on the days and times on your window sticker hours. Or just leave the sticker blank. Its also good to confuse customers by making your Yelp/Google hours different than actual hours.

    If you follow these simple steps when opening up your restaurant, you are well on your way to collecting that unemployment check by the end of the first year.
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    Registered User snailsrus's Avatar
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    So where did you go to eat tonight that was closed when you got there? What did you get instead?
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    [300 Spartan Royal King] BlackHeart.au's Avatar
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    You know we're all getting old here, when we read posts like these now
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    I'd have to respekfully disagree here.

    I worked in some of the busiest restaurants as a teen that were operated just as you described. When the food is good, you'll develop a regular crowd and it makes sense to be open fewer hours if you can make bank off of just your regular crowd.

    Do fewer things, do them better. Sacrificing some potential customers needs to be an accepted consequence of that motto.
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    Step 7: Don't accept cash. Credit card only. I don't know if it is covid related, but I've been to 2 places in the last month that did not accept cash. I just walk around with cash, a knife, a pen, my phone, and a Square credit card reader.
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    Quite a few of the reasons you mentioned about being closed random days/times is also due to staffing issues. A lot of restaurants are struggling to find and keep workers.
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    Even popular restaurants often don't make $ at the end of the day, so some of the stuff you're describing are just business decisions for profit margin purposes even if they seem odd.

    Regardless, most restaurants are doomed to fail no matter what you do.
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    Super Spreader desslok's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by snailsrus View Post
    So where did you go to eat tonight that was closed when you got there? What did you get instead?
    This little sushi place nearby. the food is pretty good, but you need like a rosetta stone to decipher when they are open. I ended up driving the opposite way to Chipotle as their hours are always the same.

    I have seen these same reasons cause places to close near my house and 20 miles away by my office downtown. i’m talking over the past 25 years, not just Covid related staffing issues.
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    Super Spreader desslok's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by BlackHeart.au View Post
    You know we're all getting old here, when we read posts like these now
    Yeah when you are young, everything is just a one-off. Bt when you get older, you see patterns. Same as stock market and weather. Kids freak out when the stock market falls or the weather gets hotter or colder. But us older folk have seen them go up and down in long term patterns.
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    You know a restaurant is already on the last leg of its terminal illness when you get reams of too-good-to-be-true coupons...

    Went one place a week or so ago to use one of them. Their normal hours had them opening at 11:00, and when I walked up to the door, I found that it was locked. Before I turned around, the manager unlocked it, peeked out, and said "Hey, we're doing some remodeling. We're actually open at 11:30 [despite the print decal on the door]." I told him thanks, but I didn't have enough time to wait and told him to have a good day. I went back the following week at 11:30. This time the door was still locked, and there was a paper sign taped to the inside stating that the dining area is closed and it's drive through only now.

    I've seen a lot of places normally always in operation having irregular hours now. All the stimulus money has driven up unemployment.
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    Originally Posted by EliKoehn View Post
    Went one place a week or so ago to use one of them. Their normal hours had them opening at 11:00, and when I walked up to the door, I found that it was locked. Before I turned around, the manager unlocked it, peeked out, and said "Hey, we're doing some remodeling. We're actually open at 11:30 [despite the print decal on the door]."
    Think that means they're still cleaning up Billy Batts off the floor.
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    Originally Posted by air2fakie View Post
    Think that means they're still cleaning up Billy Batts off the floor.
    Lol...

    It wasn't the most quality establishment in the first place. A chain called Del Taco. Not sure if it's a regional thing or not, but tough market going up against the established giants of the faux Tex-Mex fast food world. Taco Cabana was one but AFAIK it failed too.
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    Originally Posted by EliKoehn View Post
    Lol...

    It wasn't the most quality establishment in the first place. A chain called Del Taco. Not sure if it's a regional thing or not, but tough market going up against the established giants of the faux Tex-Mex fast food world. Taco Cabana was one but AFAIK it failed too.
    I haven't seen a Del Taco in a looooong time, but I've seen it referenced (negatively) in more recent movies so think it's a decent sized chain. Unlimited salsa toppings bar is what I recall from when I ate there.
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    What actually kills resturants when youre not a weirdo crybaby bitch like OP...


    1. Have ****ty or weird hipster food.

    2. Have ****ty service

    3. Enforce stupid ****ing arbitrary covid rules.
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    Originally Posted by EliKoehn View Post
    Lol...

    It wasn't the most quality establishment in the first place. A chain called Del Taco. Not sure if it's a regional thing or not, but tough market going up against the established giants of the faux Tex-Mex fast food world. Taco Cabana was one but AFAIK it failed too.
    Yeah its like a wanna be taco bell. I went a couple times but both times the lettuce they put in the tacos had seen better days. If you are gonna skimp on lettuce, what else are you gonna skimp on.
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    I think the mid-day closing is not terribly common but not unheard of. But separately, we've been trying to go to a few restaurants in town recently and think they ended up short staffed and had to close. Including chains like Red Lobster...
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    Originally Posted by desslok View Post
    Yeah its like a wanna be taco bell. I went a couple times but both times the lettuce they put in the tacos had seen better days. If you are gonna skimp on lettuce, what else are you gonna skimp on.
    They had a fish taco (which AFAIK Taco Bell doesn't do) and it was actually not bad. Just fried cod like you would find anywhere, in a tortilla you would find anywhere, but not a combination you could find anywhere.
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    Step 8: Charge more for the food on the weekends and give a smaller portion. I called out the owner on this. They threw my money back at me, took my food away and told me "you go now, you no come back, no come back."
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    Originally Posted by Underwrought View Post
    What actually kills resturants when youre not a weirdo crybaby bitch like OP...


    1. Have ****ty or weird hipster food.

    2. Have ****ty service

    3. Enforce stupid ****ing arbitrary covid rules.
    Incorrectly calls OP a crybaby, then proceeds to cry about 3 things.
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    The worst thing they can do is serve lousy food and or food that's not fresh. People will tolerate all the stuff you mentioned if the food is worth it but serve people a bad meal and you've likely lost them forever, especially if it was their first time.

    Also skimping on things like extra sauce or ketchup packs when I'm paying $20 for a basic af meal.
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    Originally Posted by paulinkansas View Post
    Step 8: Charge more for the food on the weekends and give a smaller portion. I called out the owner on this. They threw my money back at me, took my food away and told me "you go now, you no come back, no come back."
    Step 9: Take vengeance by denying their kid an education when her application comes before the scholarship review board you sit on.

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    The show is a bit before my time so I don't usually comment but I'm amused how your Seinfeld references tend to end threads. It's happened a few times now.
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    Originally Posted by EliKoehn View Post
    The show is a bit before my time so I don't usually comment but I'm amused how your Seinfeld references tend to end threads. It's happened a few times now.
    Hah, I never noticed that. The soup nazi was a real dude with a little soup shop (initially), and the soup really was that good. PinK getting his $ thrown back at him & kicked out reminded me of it.
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    Originally Posted by air2fakie View Post
    Hah, I never noticed that. The soup nazi was a real dude with a little soup shop (initially), and the soup really was that good. PinK getting his $ thrown back at him & kicked out reminded me of it.
    I have been to one in NYC, but after the show it became a chain due to the popularity of the show, so I never actually got to see “him”. The Monk’s diner is still there also i believe(at least it was last time I was there a couple years ago)
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    Originally Posted by desslok View Post
    I have been to one in NYC, but after the show it became a chain due to the popularity of the show, so I never actually got to see “him”. The Monk’s diner is still there also i believe(at least it was last time I was there a couple years ago)
    Yup. I walked by the original place when I lived in NYC for at least a year or so on my daily commute during that time. The actual soup nazi was looooooooong gone.
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    Originally Posted by desslok View Post
    I have been to one in NYC, but after the show it became a chain due to the popularity of the show, so I never actually got to see “him”. The Monk’s diner is still there also i believe(at least it was last time I was there a couple years ago)
    Yeah, the real restaurant has always been there - there was even a somewhat-hit song about it in the 80s before it was on the show.

    True story - Seinfeld went to Soup Kitchen Intl a few weeks after that episode and the soup nazi cursed him out and kicked him out with no soup.
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