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  1. #1
    Registered User simonsaysgoham's Avatar
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    Lost myself a bit after breakup

    Or rather poured my heart and soul into my ex of 3 years and now don't have many women in my life. I miss the random texts throughout the day she sent me. However I'm getting better (talking to other women isn't really replacing that emptiness I feel) but I'm really starting to actually work on myself now unlike before. How do you *genuinely* enjoy your own company? I'm not sure if it's unhealthy or normal to be craving so much touch and affection (is this 'withdrawal' or is this my mind saying put yourself tf out there?) srs I don't really understand my own emotions at times
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  2. #2
    Registered User Piatek's Avatar
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    Yes it's just withdrawal like drugs. The only thing that fixes it is time (going cold turkey on drugs) or replacement (replacing the drug with another drug)
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  3. #3
    Registered User simonsaysgoham's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Piatek View Post
    Yes it's just withdrawal like drugs. The only thing that fixes it is time (going cold turkey on drugs) or replacement (replacing the drug with another drug)
    Dope. Got me out of my head

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  4. #4
    Registered User skinnyfat88's Avatar
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    What do you enjoy in life outside of female affection?

    Do that as much as possible.

    Also, learn new things/self-improve/etc to become more confident.
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  5. #5
    Registered User simonsaysgoham's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by skinnyfat88 View Post
    What do you enjoy in life outside of female affection?

    Do that as much as possible.

    Also, learn new things/self-improve/etc to become more confident.

    A lot of things, I just lose focus easily (actual ADDer checking in) however my meds help with that
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  6. #6
    Registered User Ninshark's Avatar
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    Hey man, I'm a clingy guy, I crave that love and affection more than anything. I experience extreme dread and loneliness after a break up and just recently had one myself. I gotta say, I had a solid 6 weeks of HELL! But eventually you get used to it, stop thinking about it. Eventually, with time, your brain just forgets naturally. It's not like your ex is forgotten, more like it is pushed back a bit behind more relevant things in your life. I honestly can't think of anything that will help you feel better, you just need to wait it out. Having people to talk to about your struggle is good temporary relief to help the mandatory waiting period go by faster, but you will not recover until the waiting period is over. No amount of drugs or sex will reduce the amount of time you need. It's like cold medicine. There is no cure for the cold, cold medicine only relieves symptoms while your body fights off the virus naturally. It will take the same amount of time regardless of medicine or not for you to heal from the cold. So unfortunately you will have to just wait it out. Please do not do anything self-destructive while you are in your healing period, or you will emerge from it worse off than before.
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  7. #7
    Registered User TallSaint's Avatar
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    Just got broken up with 2 days ago too.

    I've never experienced such pain. It's just gruelling.
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  8. #8
    Registered User simonsaysgoham's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ninshark View Post
    Hey man, I'm a clingy guy, I crave that love and affection more than anything. I experience extreme dread and loneliness after a break up and just recently had one myself. I gotta say, I had a solid 6 weeks of HELL! But eventually you get used to it, stop thinking about it. Eventually, with time, your brain just forgets naturally. It's not like your ex is forgotten, more like it is pushed back a bit behind more relevant things in your life. I honestly can't think of anything that will help you feel better, you just need to wait it out. Having people to talk to about your struggle is good temporary relief to help the mandatory waiting period go by faster, but you will not recover until the waiting period is over. No amount of drugs or sex will reduce the amount of time you need. It's like cold medicine. There is no cure for the cold, cold medicine only relieves symptoms while your body fights off the virus naturally. It will take the same amount of time regardless of medicine or not for you to heal from the cold. So unfortunately you will have to just wait it out. Please do not do anything self-destructive while you are in your healing period, or you will emerge from it worse off than before.
    Thanks
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  9. #9
    Registered User simonsaysgoham's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by TallSaint View Post
    Just got broken up with 2 days ago too.

    I've never experienced such pain. It's just gruelling.
    Gets better man. I promise--you'll start lookin up sooner than you'd think
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  10. #10
    Registered User NBFan1984's Avatar
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    Try and get in some activities you like as much as you can. Anything outdoors helped me the most, and the gym was key. Just getting in there and focusing on bettering myself every workout. It takes some time man. Hang in there
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  11. #11
    Registered User skinnyfat88's Avatar
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    Also - don't creep their social media. Block them if they post often and seeing their posts triggers you.
    If you're worried about the optics of block them, send them a message telling them you're just doing it to help yourself move on and no hard feelings.
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  12. #12
    Registered User simonsaysgoham's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by skinnyfat88 View Post
    Also - don't creep their social media. Block them if they post often and seeing their posts triggers you.
    If you're worried about the optics of block them, send them a message telling them you're just doing it to help yourself move on and no hard feelings.
    Yeah blocked her on everything a little over a month ago--feeling better now
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  13. #13
    Registered User Casser1242's Avatar
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    You know what to do. NC.

    I promise you'll get better after a while. Takes time. Stay active/busy.

    Took me a while once I broke up after 6 years. Was hell at first but now its a distant thought. I use to be emotional about the break up at first but as time passes it gets easier.
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  14. #14
    Forever Motivated BuildKing's Avatar
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    What was the reason for the break up?

    Also is it just me or most guys actually want to build a solid stable thing while most girls just randomly break up after a year or 2 or 3??
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  15. #15
    Registered User simonsaysgoham's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by BuildKing View Post
    What was the reason for the break up?

    Also is it just me or most guys actually want to build a solid stable thing while most girls just randomly break up after a year or 2 or 3??
    I broke up with her because at the end because she started taking the relationship not as seriously and I felt unwanted. Fuark that

    I obviously still miss her but am trying to remain logical even though it sucks
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  16. #16
    Registered User BobbyBench99214's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by simonsaysgoham View Post
    I broke up with her because at the end because she started taking the relationship not as seriously and I felt unwanted. Fuark that

    I obviously still miss her but am trying to remain logical even though it sucks
    Girlfriend of 1.5 years said we needed a break....moved out...found out she was on bumble. Packed up what was left of her stuff and moved her out. She was a freeloader and was not a good person but having lived with her for the last year during COVID it has been very hard on me. I have gone full NC, she reached out to get the rest of her stuff and I told her just to deal with my brother.

    Basically asked me if "We are going to hate each other" I never responded. Her problem, her choice. Still stings but I have to accept the loss and move on.
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  17. #17
    Registered User SikhAndDestroy's Avatar
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    Going thru this rn. 1.5 years down the drain.
    Sad part is I didn't even want to marry her but now that she's gone I can't think of anyone else.
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  18. #18
    Registered User FlexLex's Avatar
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    Hitting the feels. Just lost a relationship of 3 years. Kinda saw it coming slowly but still sucks to lose a lover, specicifically when they are the ones that end things. Right now sleeping on a couch. Cant help but think of all the good times and good memories, seems selective when we miss someone.
    Been through this before, even worse. In for a long struggle boyos. Lets come out stronger
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  19. #19
    Registered User TallSaint's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by BuildKing View Post
    What was the reason for the break up?

    Also is it just me or most guys actually want to build a solid stable thing while most girls just randomly break up after a year or 2 or 3??
    For me, she said she wasn't over her ex-fiancee of 4 years who she broke up with last year. And that she realized that she can't be with me right now.

    This is the worst break-up I've gone through as everything was going so well with this girl...no arguments/fights, red flags, flakiness, gaslighting etc...she just dropped this atomic bomb out of nowhere while we were grabbing tea after a dinner date.

    Haven't talked to her since the break-up two weeks ago and I'm still having trouble processing it.
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  20. #20
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    Best way to get over a bish is get on top of a new bish. Not just a one time hookup with a slampig, but find a cute/hot girl who's reasonably fun to be around and have a mini-relationship with her. Don't gotta commit, have any srs intentions, any of that. Just have fun
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  21. #21
    Registered User Beatsqt's Avatar
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    Going through this myself yet again. How do you 30+ guys handle the fear of not finding someone good enough. Lets be real, the older we get the more lower quality women (appearance/baggage/other issues) there will be to chose from. I couldn't handle the rudeness and coldness of my ex so there was no way to stay, even though it is painful, but now I fear I won't find anyone with equal interests and life plans (no kids).
    Last edited by Beatsqt; 05-07-2021 at 10:11 AM.
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  22. #22
    Registered User simonsaysgoham's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Beatsqt View Post
    Going through this myself yet again. How do you 30+ guys handle the fear of not finding someone good enough. Lets be real, the older we get the more lower quality women (appearance/baggage/other issues) there will be to chose from. I couldn't handle the rudeness and coldness of my ex so there was no way to stay, even though it is painful, but now I fear I won't find anyone with equal interests and life plans (no kids).
    It's not worth worrying about imo. If it's meant to be it's meant to be. Just keep striving/work on yourself again
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  23. #23
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    Winners are judged during the hard times! Decide it yourself
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  24. #24
    Registered User NoNonsenseBrah's Avatar
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    NoNonsenseBrah is a jewel in the rough. (+500) NoNonsenseBrah is a jewel in the rough. (+500) NoNonsenseBrah is a jewel in the rough. (+500) NoNonsenseBrah is a jewel in the rough. (+500) NoNonsenseBrah is a jewel in the rough. (+500) NoNonsenseBrah is a jewel in the rough. (+500) NoNonsenseBrah is a jewel in the rough. (+500) NoNonsenseBrah is a jewel in the rough. (+500) NoNonsenseBrah is a jewel in the rough. (+500) NoNonsenseBrah is a jewel in the rough. (+500) NoNonsenseBrah is a jewel in the rough. (+500)
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    Originally Posted by Beatsqt View Post
    Going through this myself yet again. How do you 30+ guys handle the fear of not finding someone good enough. Lets be real, the older we get the more lower quality women (appearance/baggage/other issues) there will be to chose from. I couldn't handle the rudeness and coldness of my ex so there was no way to stay, even though it is painful, but now I fear I won't find anyone with equal interests and life plans (no kids).
    Date younger. Work on yourself. Get rich. There's an abundance of options there. Don't fall into that scarcity mindset.
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