Hello BB forum/Dear diary,
I am not really looking for a relationship, I just want to date around, gain experience and learn more about what I really like in a woman. But it all is a bit complicated for me. When I really fall in love or something then a relationship would eventually be possible. However, I am feeling content with my life single and don't want to settle unless it feels really good.
I need some advice from more experienced people on how to deal with dating multiple girls. I am kind of a nice person
(not like passive-aggressive nice guy meme, who acts nice to gain what he wants), I treat people in a good way and don't like to hurt people. But this also results that girls see me as relationship potential and want more from me. I just enjoy spending time with women (not just have sex and leave) but don't like to commit myself quickly.
I am always honest and open when girls ask, but it still feels like I am doing something wrong. Even though I expect when I go on a date with a girl, these girls are seeing other guys too.
How do you guys deal with dating multiple girls?
When / how do you end it when your schedule gets too full, and you don't like her that much (like do you break up with them even though you don't even have a relationship)?
Should I tell them right on the first date, that I don't want a relationship, or wait until they bring it up?
Advice/personal experiences are very welcome
Female advice also appreciated
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Thread: Dating multiple woman
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04-20-2021, 12:36 PM #1
Dating multiple woman
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04-20-2021, 07:56 PM #2
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04-20-2021, 08:58 PM #3
Just be upfront and honest, treat them the way you would want to be treated.
I find when I first start talking to women on a first date it just comes out in conversation. I'm currently seeing multiple women myself, partly to try and get over an ex-girlfriend. This is normally discussed at some point so I just say I'm not sure I'm emotionally ready to be in a relationship. After this sometimes we go our separate ways (normally on good terms), sometimes they are happy to keep seeing me and it leads to staying over/sex etc.
I don't think there's anything wrong with this provided it's not done under false pretences. I am a people pleaser by nature and default to telling people what they want to hear, but it's much better to be honest to the point of being blunt so as to avoid issues down the track.***Trapped on prison island crew***
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04-20-2021, 10:24 PM #4
OP your looks and sex game are probably mediocre but you have a stable and "decent" job
women see you as long term material. If you are too good looking they will think you are a player. If your fuk game is amazing they will get jealous thinking you banged out tons of girls. They are insecure and when looking for a timothy to lock down they are looking for a "good enough" guy where income is key and average or slightly above in the other areas but not too good.
I am a CEO and my sex game is on point. But what I have to do is drive around an old rusted civic that I got just for chicks to see so they think I am dirt poor and see me as a sex object only, not a guy they want to settle down with. I have a slam pad that is a small below average apartment that I bring them to, separate from my mansion.
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04-21-2021, 05:21 AM #5
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04-21-2021, 05:28 AM #6
Thanks for reply will rep when I can.
I am also a people pleaser and have been working on being honest as well. And I agree with you that is the best way to go in many parts of my life.
Defenitly, going to apply this in dating aswell.
I am now seeing two girls, and did have sex. But the relationship talk did not come up yet. And it makes me feel guilty a bit, like I am playing a game with them. Even though I never lied about anything.
Thanks for shairng your experience, I am probably overthinking this stuff.
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04-21-2021, 05:35 AM #7
I dont have a job right now, just graduated. Girls tell me I am good looking, but I definitly have a baby face. So it's true I don't look like a player. Mediocre sex game I don't know.
I don't think you're serious in the second part, but that would be pretty funny. Also a lot of dedication.
But I think you are right in the observation that girls see me as a long term thing.
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04-21-2021, 08:34 AM #8
He's a huge troll who is "trying" to be funny. Disregard him.
Yes being up front is the best way, but I can see how you feel guilty seeing multiple girls. I would feel the same. It's not an easy situation but you said you want to keep it casual. Even if you were looking for an LTR there could be hurt feelings if you felt like she wasn't compatible with you long-term. Dating usually means someone gets hurt.Make It a Great Day! Just call me Dusty. It's a Clown 🤡 World out there.
Christian Crew
Positivity Crew
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04-21-2021, 09:02 AM #9
Really sounds like you are overthinking it tbh, I promise it will work itself out.
I think it's unlikely you are actually juggling multiple GF/wife quality women, and if you are, your standards are too low or you don't have enough dating experience and you fall in love with every chick.
Kinda sounds like the latter if you are overthinking it this much from a feelings standpoint.
The main issue with multiple women, whether casual or serious is really just logistics. If you have hobbies/friends and are on a good workout schedule where you need rest, seeing 3 dif girls in a week is exhausting and IMO wasn't worth it.
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04-21-2021, 09:30 AM #10
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04-21-2021, 09:32 AM #11
As others said, let them know early on you're not looking for a relationship, but are still "open" to one under the right circumstances.
Don't do things that may imply it's more serious than it is if you're not having explicit conversations about dating multiple people (talking via text excessively, introducing to friends).
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04-21-2021, 10:17 AM #12
Thanks, it seemed like that, he needs some work on his comedy skills.
Makes sense what you're saying, getting hurt is part of life. And not really my responsibility how other people feel (if im am being honest).
Thanks for your reply, I definitely think I am overthinking this.
No, I am not juggling high wifey material woman. But I think high quality enough to enjoy spending time with them. I think my standards are decent since I am really comfortable being alone. So, I don't think that's the problem. The problem is more I like them enough to spend time with them but not looking for a relationship with them.
After all the comments, I think the problem is more that I am too sensitive about how other people might feel and make too much assumptions. Also, worried about the schedule thing you mentioned.
I am curious to hear more experiences since it is new to me. How would you handle it once your schedule is full and you cut out someone you least like?
Appreciate all comment and will rep on r/c
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04-21-2021, 10:22 AM #13
Unfortunately I am not that cold blooded
Thanks, will definitely do that.
I do avoid texting almost altogether except for setting up dates. I would like to learn more from you guys since it's new for me. Would you bring the whole relationship thing up yourself or just wait until they do it. And once you discussed this, you take them out for drinks/dinner, or that’s too much?
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04-21-2021, 10:50 AM #14
Despite your best efforts to remain transparent about your intentions, women will often want more from you whether they know you're seeing other people or not.
I don't see a reason to overtly say, "Hey I don't want to hang out with you anymore because my schedule is full," unless you genuinely don't want to see them ever again. Things could change in the future for you, so it's best to say you're busy right now, but will get back to her later.
You can frequently remind a girl that things are casual and she may assure you that she feels the same way while covertly forming serious feelings about you. You can't control the way people feel and it isn't your responsibility to prevent them from getting hurt if you're being clear with your intentions.
Would you bring the whole relationship thing up yourself or just wait until they do it. And once you discussed this, you take them out for drinks/dinner, or that’s too much?
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04-21-2021, 11:39 AM #15
It's not even cold blooded. It's normal dating life for good looking and socialized folks. Filter the side girls out when a quality girl stands out among them.
You should know in your gut with women if it has the potential for legs or not. Either they are disqualified from the start due to factors like - they are still in college, too young, too dumb, not good enough looks wise, or they actually do have a chance and qualify as potential gf.
If you can't sort that out, then I'm not sure what to tell you. Dating 1 girl at a time early on is a recipe for disaster.
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