Going to stand in back yard and beg aliens to abduct me

[OldFartTom]

That's it, I've had enough of this planet. I'm going out to stand in my backyard and beg aliens to abduct me. I can't stand any more.

The final straw that broke the camel's back? This... https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-englan...shire-56565683. It's a ridiculous unrealistic thing anyway... it's smiling

[Karl_Hungus]

That's it, I've had enough of this planet. I'm going out to stand in my backyard and beg aliens to abduct me. I can't stand any more.

The final straw that broke the camel's back? This... https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-englan...shire-56565683. It's a ridiculous unrealistic thing anyway... it's smiling

[Mark1T]

Virtue-Vanity Project. The double V!

Karlito, your empty words have stolen my dreams, as my parents cruise the Mediterranean in their poverty yacht

Take me, you aliens. Take me now.

[ChazWood]

That's it, I've had enough of this planet. I'm going out to stand in my backyard and beg aliens to abduct me. I can't stand any more.

The final straw that broke the camel's back? This... https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-englan...shire-56565683. It's a ridiculous unrealistic thing anyway... it's smiling

Nonsense. The solution is to answer back with our own statue.

Something like Bodyhard flexing or LWW lifting something with his teeths.

Besides, you're forgetting aboot some of the not so enjoyable stuff aliens are known to do to their abductees.

[OldFartTom]

Chas, you're right.
After some internet research, which is always accurate (seemed a good use of work time today) it seems that aliens disproportionally favour abducting people with an extra toe from extreme rural areas and that this abduction-return process usually involves rectal probing at some point. I'm starting to think that my chances in a world with life-sized Greta statues (which makes them pretty small really, like sour faced smurfs) might be no worse than the alien option that first seemed the most reasonable alternative.

I have this terrible nightmare that I open the bedroom curtain and there's a smiling Greta statue a few feet outside looking back at me. If I can reach some form of binding agreement with the aliens that all probing will be skipped, I'll still consider the options of getting a prosthetic 11th toe and drinking Mountain Dew until my teeth fall out (to put myself in the running, being British that'll take only 2 or 3 bottles maybe), as it could be just the free ride off this planet I need.

[PhDPepper1111]

Chas, you're right.

I have this terrible nightmare that I open the bedroom curtain and there's a smiling Greta statue a few feet outside looking back at me. If I can reach some form of binding agreement with the aliens that all probing will be skipped, I'll still consider the options of getting a prosthetic 11th toe and drinking Mountain Dew until my teeth fall out (to put myself in the running, being British that'll take only 2 or 3 bottles maybe), as it could be just the free ride off this planet I need.

If you want to be really scared, replace your nightmare with the Dr Who scene from weeping angels with Gretas.
You're welcome. :P

[steffo99]

Besides, you're forgetting aboot some of the not so enjoyable stuff aliens are known to do to their abductees.

She might be that alien just preparing all our behinds for a good poking, who knows? Things would make a whole lot more sense that way.
Feel I should apologize aboot all this as a Swede, but I had nothing to with it. I swear.

Hey, maybe we should make our own wood sculptures, as aspiring woodworkers, in the shape of infamous O35'ers?

[gym62richard]

Chas, you're right.
After some internet research, which is always accurate (seemed a good use of work time today) it seems that aliens disproportionally favour abducting people with an extra toe from extreme rural areas and that this abduction-return process usually involves rectal probing at some point. I'm starting to think that my chances in a world with life-sized Greta statues (which makes them pretty small really, like sour faced smurfs) might be no worse than the alien option that first seemed the most reasonable alternative.

I have this terrible nightmare that I open the bedroom curtain and there's a smiling Greta statue a few feet outside looking back at me. If I can reach some form of binding agreement with the aliens that all probing will be skipped, I'll still consider the options of getting a prosthetic 11th toe and drinking Mountain Dew until my teeth fall out (to put myself in the running, being British that'll take only 2 or 3 bottles maybe), as it could be just the free ride off this planet I need.

A prosthetic toe might be a bit extreme, just move to Norfolk, I hear a lack of teeth and additional toes are a source of pride amongst the natives.

O and be prepared, always keep some lubrication close at hand.

[OldFartTom]

... just move to Norfolk..

I like Norfolk and might even move there some day (I'd prefer Shropshire or Gwynedd but the Mrs and Kids wouldn't like those). But agreed, Norfolk is definitely banjo territory.
Now you point this out, so much is starting to make sense. That must be why the Aliens chose Rendlesham Forest (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rendle...orest_incident) on Suffolk/Norfolk borders, for their last major appearance over here. It has all the necessary qualifications -- very rural areas, banjo playing 11 toed locals with dental problems who work on pig farms and a local source of trigger-happy armed Americans. They must have thought they were in West Virginia.
You're right, I'm in the wrong location, I'd better fire up www.rightmove.co.uk quick!

[Redfish225]

I could call the homie bibble and ask him to come pick you up op.

[OldFartTom]

...replace...weeping angels with Gretas...

It' a close call, not quite sure which is worse

I could call the homie bibble and ask him to come pick you up op...

Thank you, much appreciated, just don't forget to mention the No-Probing thing though, that one's a deal-breaker

[mtpockets]

just don't forget to mention the No-Probing thing though, that one's a deal-breaker

[ChazWood]

Chas, you're right.
After some internet research, which is always accurate (seemed a good use of work time today) it seems that aliens disproportionally favour abducting people with an extra toe from extreme rural areas and that this abduction-return process usually involves rectal probing at some point. I'm starting to think that my chances in a world with life-sized Greta statues (which makes them pretty small really, like sour faced smurfs) might be no worse than the alien option that first seemed the most reasonable alternative.

I have this terrible nightmare that I open the bedroom curtain and there's a smiling Greta statue a few feet outside looking back at me. If I can reach some form of binding agreement with the aliens that all probing will be skipped, I'll still consider the options of getting a prosthetic 11th toe and drinking Mountain Dew until my teeth fall out (to put myself in the running, being British that'll take only 2 or 3 bottles maybe), as it could be just the free ride off this planet I need.

Tom, I likes the way you write. You got a way with words. You're not by chance an aspiring novelist, currently making ends meet penning greeting cards and corporate website "aboot us" pages?

and we're not yet done with you down here on earth old chap.

She might be that alien just preparing all our behinds for a good poking, who knows? Things would make a whole lot more sense that way.
Feel I should apologize aboot all this as a Swede, but I had nothing to with it. I swear.

Hey, maybe we should make our own wood sculptures, as aspiring woodworkers, in the shape of infamous O35'ers?

I freakin' love your plan. But who do we sculpt???

and Dude, you have lifetime credit thanks to Ikea. I freakin' love that flatpacked glued sawdust and melamine veneer furni-blocks with the wacky names. And I dont even wanna know what's in the "meatballs" they got, cuz they da bomb.