Blocked my ex and her daughter

[ccie23373]

My ex left me some time ago, she never made an attempt to reconcile. My son and her daughter kept in touch via video calls while playing online games.

Now that my son moved in with me (he lived with his mom in another country previously) my ex's daughter started to call even more often.

Last week, during one of the video calls, my ex popped up to say hi to my son, then she kept talking on the background for a while, I also heard a man's voice behind. In this case was my ex's daughter father but sometime in the future could me some guy my ex could be dating.

I felt this was too much for me and for my mental health to hear a male voice and my ex on the background so I blocked my ex and her daughter from my son's phone and terminated their friendship.

I sent a text to my ex explaining why, breaking 7 months no contact. Looking back i probably should not have texted her, only blocked. Text bellow:

"I don't feel comfortable you talking to my son on the phone while I'm in the house. I wanted to be with you and the kids but you decided to leave, therfore you and your daughter need to completely go from our lives. I'm not interested in having any connections, including the kids, unless we are dating."

What you guys think?

[GnomeSaiyanBruh]

Was she the best man?

[DigDeeper1]

Did she have the phattest ass?

[DustinTheHuss]

I think your son and her daughter should have a relationship since they lived together, but not video calls where she could get involved and create drama.

[skinnyfat88]

I don't think you should stop your son from having a friendship with her daughter but yes set boundaries to minimize the chance of you being triggered.

[Ninshark]

how old are they? Maybe they can go hang out without your presence. I bet they are pretty attached and shared all sorts of stuff together.

[BullittEV]

Would it be incest if you bang the mom after the son and daughter hook up?

Intredasting.

[Kev1972]

Your son probably already banged your ex and his sister. Just like on bang bros.

[Luc1fer]

Maybe you should be more worried about the 2 of them banging

[Kiop]

Good
no remorse

[VanWylder]

Trying to tell your son who he can and cannot talk to is a little much imho. And I wouldn’t say the part “unless we’re dating”. Sounds like an open invitation instead of a go **** yourself. You need to get to meh— the mental and emotional state of complete ambivalence and indifference towards your ex.

[ccie23373]

Trying to tell your son who he can and cannot talk to is a little much imho. And I wouldn’t say the part “unless we’re dating”. Sounds like an open invitation instead of a go **** yourself. You need to get to meh— the mental and emotional state of complete ambivalence and indifference towards your ex.

Well its done now, I can't really go back on my word and let the kids talk again, otherwise she will lose even more respect for me, not that it matters at this point.
Yes the unless we are dating part was stupid but it's done.

I guess after the block and my msg, if the kids connection is that important to her, she will eventually reach out, if not I case is case closed. After my obvious last msg where I hint I'd be open to date again I have no face to go chase after her.

[skinnyfat88]

Well its done now, I can't really go back on my word and let the kids talk again, otherwise she will lose even more respect for me, not that it matters at this point.
Yes the unless we are dating part was stupid but it's done.

I guess after the block and my msg, if the kids connection is that important to her, she will eventually reach out, if not I case is case closed. After my obvious last msg where I hint I'd be open to date again I have no face to go chase after her.

Your reasoning as still all about you.
Her losing respect for you.
You hinting you'd be open to date again.
Assuming it's up to her daughter to reach out to your son.

This isn't about you. Plus, she may respect the fact you can own up to a mistake.

"Sorry I overreacted. It's cool if the kids want to game together so long as we continue NC with each other and each others kids."

[ccie23373]

Your reasoning as still all about you.
Her losing respect for you.
You hinting you'd be open to date again.
Assuming it's up to her daughter to reach out to your son.

This isn't about you. Plus, she may respect the fact you can own up to a mistake.

"Sorry I overreacted. It's cool if the kids want to game together so long as we continue NC with each other and each others kids."

Yes in an ideal world the kids would remain friends, hang out and me and my ex would communicate friendly for the sake of the kids. When we broke up, for at least couple of months, I would drive my kid to her door for the kids to hangout, she was always hiding in the toilet. Once I called her from the outside, asked if she wanted to come outside to say hi, she answered no need. Very cruel. But my kid went a few months abroad to his mom and now has been back for 3 months. She never once contacted me to ask how he was.

She doesn't really care, has moved on and wants to punish me because she felt disrespected at her home, when we had a fight that I screamed at her and pushed her.

I think it's more than fair what I did, cut off the kids, and I even explained her with my last msg why I was doing it.

I'm not contacting her anymore, I've tried in the past. I've done more than enough to apologise, to try to fix things. She always ignores me. Even last msg she ignored.

This girl has had 4 serious relationship, and a bunch of flings, I count around 15 if not more, no one ever sticks, she left them all. She uses men like objects and when she gets bored, finds a new toy and cycle goes on.

No point to reach out again, in my experience, explaining, showing your feelings, trying to be nice, doesn't work.. I also need to protect myself. If kids meet I'm gonna have to see her while she is giving me the cold shoulder, knowing that I'm waiting that she throws me a bone. I'm not putting myself in that position again, of going to her doorstep while she ignores me.

So yeah I'm all or nothing. If she wants to work things out I'm here, if not I'm out and so is my son

[user3657]

I don't think you should stop your son from having a friendship with her daughter but yes set boundaries to minimize the chance of you being triggered.

how old are they? Maybe they can go hang out without your presence. I bet they are pretty attached and shared all sorts of stuff together.

Your reasoning as still all about you.
Her losing respect for you.
You hinting you'd be open to date again.
Assuming it's up to her daughter to reach out to your son.

This isn't about you. Plus, she may respect the fact you can own up to a mistake.

"Sorry I overreacted. It's cool if the kids want to game together so long as we continue NC with each other and each others kids."

I didnt read the entire thread but if this woman is triggering you and causing some trauma and then by all means never ever have contact with her, but dont use the kids as power and dont cause trauma to them. This girl will push you to high hell but stand your ground. Get a good support group, get some positive people behind you so it doesnt even dent your armor. If this girl is really trouble then yes you will need to navigate this so you limit the damage she can do.

thats just my 2cents.

[ccie23373]

And for the people who have been following my case, I'll explain here really quick why we broke up.

We met, I was unemployed and had been for a few years. So I became needy, I wanted to spend all my time with her. I was at her place 6 times a week easily with her cooking, cleaning, etc. She became smothered.

Eventually, after we came from holidays meeting my family, she was running out of money. She told me I could work for her company. She became my supervisor. Our department was 4 girls and me. My ex started to give me all the jobs and the other 4 girls and other supervisors started to make pressure on my ex. Eventually I was rusty and some customers complaining too. The job was home cleaning. I'm sure my ex felt a lot of pressure, and if no one liked me at the company, why should she? She lost admiration.

Right that moment, I felt her becoming distant. We didn't have sex for 5 days. One night she told me she didn't know why she didn't feel like having sex and she felt o was smothering her. I told her done, if this doesn't change I'm leaving you. She stood up from the bed and started screaming at me, I screamed back. The bed was behind her and I pushed her onto the bed, wasn't even hard. Then I tried to remove her clothes, I was a bit drunk and so was her. I'm the moment I thought some make up angry sex would make things right. She started screaming more and I said something nasty and stopped. I apologised right there and apologised million times for months.

I tried to talk to her a week later, I went to her house unannounced, she didn't open the door and freaked out.. Eventually she came outside with all my clothes and said its over that I attacked her and I'm acting crazy.. 2 weeks later when I was going to my normal day work, they fired me. I'm sure was my ex. I still chased her for a few months, but she said she would call the police.. This is all

[skinnyfat88]

There's absolutely nothing wrong with her wanting to cut contact from you. She owes you nothing, and you owe her nothing in return.

You seem to be using your children's friendship to try and get back into her life and you shouldn't be.
I would think you can come to an understanding with her and the kids as to allow their friendship to continue while minimizing contact with her or even her kid, and that you can politely tell your son not to talk about her in front of you. It would be a shame for your son to lose a friend over this but if this is a scenario where you're unable to put his best interest before yours so be it. Not the end of the world but recognize this and do your best to put his best interest first when possible.

[ccie23373]

There's absolutely nothing wrong with her wanting to cut contact from you. She owes you nothing, and you owe her nothing in return.

You seem to be using your children's friendship to try and get back into her life and you shouldn't be.
I would think you can come to an understanding with her and the kids as to allow their friendship to continue while minimizing contact with her or even her kid, and that you can politely tell your son not to talk about her in front of you. It would be a shame for your son to lose a friend over this but if this is a scenario where you're unable to put his best interest before yours so be it. Not the end of the world but recognize this and do your best to put his best interest first when possible.

I hear what you're saying.
But I think worse than blocking the kids would be now backtrack and go back on my word. She would see all of this blocking as an attempt to get a reaction from her and beause the attempted failed now I'm back trying to use the kids friendship to get to her. I'm sure that's how she would view all of this.

I think I better quit now while I'm ahead. If the kids friendship is that important to her I'm sure she would put up a fight or reach out to me. She left me and it's not my job to fix this. Also kids, and anything to do with kids like their friendship is for a woman to worry about not me.

It sucks because I still have feelings for her even tho we broke up over a year ago.

Also let's say kids keep talking and want to hangout, I can't see myself going over her house and have maybe some dude open the door to me, or her giving me the cold shoulder. I rather eat xit than ever put myself in a weak position like that see her with another guy and mocking me for example...
I die with honor lol....

[skinnyfat88]

I hear what you're saying.
But I think worse than blocking the kids would be now backtrack and go back on my word. She would see all of this blocking as an attempt to get a reaction from her and beause the attempted failed now I'm back trying to use the kids friendship to get to her. I'm sure that's how she would view all of this.

I think I better quit now while I'm ahead. If the kids friendship is that important to her I'm sure she would put up a fight or reach out to me. She left me and it's not my job to fix this. Also kids, and anything to do with kids like their friendship is for a woman to worry about not me.

It sucks because I still have feelings for her even tho we broke up over a year ago.

Also let's say kids keep talking and want to hangout, I can't see myself going over her house and have maybe some dude open the door to me, or her giving me the cold shoulder. I rather eat xit than ever put myself in a weak position like that see her with another guy and mocking me for example...
I die with honor lol....

Basically what you're saying is:

"It's up to a woman to put her kids first. What's more important to a man is pride. Unfortunately I am too insecure, not level-headed enough, and unable to communicate effectively in a way to set boundaries so that my son does not have to lose a friend over my shortcomings."

I think this issue would be a good reason to seek therapy to understand yourself better and how you can change your ways of thinking to better yourself for the sake of both you and your kid.

[MeFromG]

... I'm the moment I thought some make up angry sex would make things right.

1. You cannot even say and admit what you did to her back then.

It's called rape. You tried to rape her and fortunately stopped before you could finish the rape.

2. Let your son be friends with his "step-sister". Just establish some boundaries with him, e.g. tell him to mute his computer when your ex-gf gets involved.

And encourage him to walk those few meters between your car and her home by himself. You don't need to step out and get right in front of her door, he is certainly not 3 years old anymore, is he?!

[Luc1fer]

1. You cannot even say and admit what you did to her back then.

It's called rape. You tried to rape her and fortunately stopped before you could finish the rape.

Or he tried to have sex with her, but stopped when he realized she didn't want to. There was no rape.

[MeFromG]

Or he tried to have sex with her, but stopped when he realized she didn't want to. There was no rape.

One night she told me she didn't know why she didn't feel like having sex and she felt o was smothering her. I told her done, if this doesn't change I'm leaving you. She stood up from the bed and started screaming at me, I screamed back. The bed was behind her and I pushed her onto the bed, wasn't even hard. Then I tried to remove her clothes, I was a bit drunk and so was her. I'm the moment I thought some make up angry sex would make things right. She started screaming more and I said something nasty and stopped.

Sadly, this is attempted rape.

[Luc1fer]

Sadly, this is attempted rape.

Was his intent to rape her, or to have consensual sex?

Everything he said implies the latter. When she wasn’t interested, he backed off. He was likely too aggressive with his attempt to have consensual sex. As per his apology.