I think I married a gold digger

[joshuason77]

We have been dating for three years and living together for almost 1 year. I'm 34 years old she's 25...I think she only has me as a provider, just because I have money and pay the bills, I regret living together and I'm still at legal risks if we split up. I am not rich but I have a decent financial life, my apartment, car paid off etc. Girl who lived on poor neighborhood, poor family, partied a lot, was riding the cock carousel and now she has a provider to support her and be able to give a better life. She always said that she wanted to leave her parents' house and took advantage of me. Is she gold digger? Or she's with me just too confortable for her? She helps very little financially, we already talked but it is very rare for her to help, I try to understand, I know she earns less but it is complicated. I pay all the bills and she's with me just because I can provide! I have marriage trauma, I have been married before to a gold digger and a scammer before and I know what I had. I honestly don't know what to do, I need to talk to her but I don't know how!

[DustinTheHuss]

Yes she is.

[trapspot]

She ain’t messin with no broke _____

[skinnyfat88]

Not necessarily a "gold digger" but at least some combination of being oblivious to the fact she's a dependent/having different expectations than you.

If she came from "nothing" her life skills/knowledge might be lacking. If this is the case she's going to need to re-evaluate her entire view/understanding of the world, how she got to this point, and what she wants for herself moving forward (independently of her relationship).

Open up the can of worms if you want but in the end she needs to want to make these changes herself and not do it to appease you.

That being said, if you're going to go down that path you probably need to be vulnerable and understand you're coming from a place where you got burned in the past and are thus overly sensitive to the subject and may be at risk to be taken advantage of again.

It sounds like both of you need to work on yourselves - potentially therapy/counselling on your own and possibly together if you're going to continue this relationship given the current dynamic.

[pandaboy89]

What’s her “real” bodycount

[Kev1972]

Why marry someone who isn't financially secure? What were you expecting to get out of it? A sex slave? Lol that's not how it works. They're your sex slave when they are trying to get you to commit. Not after you commit. String them along then on to the next.

[FingerFood]

With that age difference what do you expect?

You seeing it the way you are implies you know she is taking advantage.

Find a partner around your own age and a lot of these uncertainties clear up.

If I was dating someone a decade older than me I would make sure they paid for it.

[Luc1fer]

Not clear from the info you provided, but the fact you made a thread about it implies so.

[Silencespeaks]

With that age difference what do you expect?

You seeing it the way you are implies you know she is taking advantage.

Find a partner around your own age and a lot of these uncertainties clear up.

If I was dating someone a decade older than me I would make sure they paid for it.

This

If you date a decade younger then money is almost always going to play a big part in that dynamic.

If she wanted to date a guy on her level then she would just date someone her own age. That age gap is dependent on money.

[BigElephant]

She probably is but I wouldn't have a problem with it unless she's cheating on you.

[Luc1fer]

Curious if her behavior changed after marriage OP

[RyanJLuu]

TBH she's trying to use you to get out of her situation. I messed around with a girl like this before and she was a mess. She hated her currently living situation and tried to get me to buy her things. When I didn't she withheld physical contact. She even went as far as telling me her mom is my mother in law. Luckily i knew what I wanted from her, and she couldn't be the person I needed her to be. So we broke it off. If I were you, I'd find some way to break it off with her and find someone who shares your drive and/or support/push you to be better you. Obviously she also should have a drive herself.

[Ninshark]

I don't think she's a golddigger. I think you just offered too much. It doesn't sound like you expected her to pay anything at all. You prob just wanted her company 24/7 and so she moved in with you. Later on you got a little tired of her and starting picking on her not paying anything. It kinda sounds like you created this situation.

[Luc1fer]

I don't think she's a golddigger. I think you just offered too much. It doesn't sound like you expected her to pay anything at all. You prob just wanted her company 24/7 and so she moved in with you. Later on you got a little tired of her and starting picking on her not paying anything. It kinda sounds like you created this situation.

Pretty much sounds like this.

[elterrible987]

OP just get her to commit a set amount a month towards bills because she isnt paying chit right now and doesnt seem inclined to volunteer. A lot of mid 20s sloots are like this, they lived with their parents and didnt pay chit there, they move in with an older more successful guy and expect him to do the same and whatever money they make is just expected to all be theirs. been there before and thats part of why i would never marry her.

You prob paid for everything "at first" so she could pay off her debts and get settled expecting she would act like an adult and start to contribute on her own but seeing that isnt happening, just set an amount that is comfortable to you every month. Also not a lawyer but have to be careful, if you own your place and are pay mortgage she might be able to sue post break up for whatever equity she supposedly has. she is prob too stupid to realize that though but if people whisper ideas into her head she might find out. Then just have her solely pay the utility bills and groceries instead of "rent"