Any brahs been engaged and have it end?

[KevC]

Hey brahs,

Wondering if any of you boys have been through this? Ended a 3 year relationship recently and a few months of engagement (4 months) after getting cold feet and not being happy with the relationship in general. I kind of hit her with it out of left field, she didnt see it coming at all and I feel horrible about it. Shes a good person and she didnt deserve it, cant help but think of all the backlash she is getting from family and friends. I think I saw some redflags (not that I dont have any myself) and decided against it. Its been painful to say the least. I am going to pick up the remainder of her stuff from her parents tonight, its going to be real awkward to say the least...and oh , she is not giving the engagement ring back, which I guess is fair since I'm the one calling it off..

Anyone else here?

edit : i am 33 years old professional, she was 32 year old and a professional - we made approx the same income, with her having better benefits and a pension

Edit again: Based on what I gleaned from some posts below, I was experiencing what was called "deadbed room" which was leading to my frustration, feelings of being unwanted and not being loved in the relationship. Seems to happen more than people would think. There is actually a reddit / deadbedroom with TONS of posts with people going through this similar issue - if anyone else out there is in my situation take a read here, i recommend it..

[thatsnarf]

Hey brahs,

Wondering if any of you boys have been through this? Ended a 3 year relationship recently and a few months of engagement (4 months) after getting cold feet and not being happy with the relationship in general. I kind of hit her with it out of left field, she didnt see it coming at all and I feel horrible about it. Shes a good person and she didnt deserve it, cant help but think of all the backlash she is getting from family and friends. I think I saw some redflags (not that I dont have any myself) and decided against it. Its been painful to say the least. I am going to pick up the remainder of her stuff from her parents tonight, its going to be real awkward to say the least...and oh , she is not giving the engagement ring back, which I guess is fair since I'm the one calling it off..

Anyone else here?

Good thing you didn't splurge on a diamond ring

[KevC]

Good thing you didn't splurge on a diamond ring

Im out about 8k CAD which is 6.3k USD

[Imnew1]

and oh , she is not giving the engagement ring back, which I guess is fair since I'm the one calling it off..

No that’s not fair. A woman isn’t entitled to an 8k severance package that she’s going to sell bc the relationship didn’t work out. She’s being a selfish bitch. Any decent woman would give it back and want nothing to do with it. If you married her then yeah she would have every right to keep it and do whatever with it.

[DustinTheHuss]

What were the red flags (obviously the obvious is keeping the engagement ring).

I had a family member who kept the engagement ring as the guy told her to, and she sold it to pay for her future wedding dress lol.

[GeezersPalace]

If you she didn't give the ring back you made the right call.

With regards to your question, Yes I did and it was hard, like being dumped myself, one thing you pointed out did happen in that her family were ****ing pissed at her. They were like ****, this guy is good and you ****ed it up, the mother clearly knew about the red flags before I found out. I offed this bitch, because it was clear we weren't on the same page about family. We wanted a family, but I made it clear that she wouldn't be a stay at home mom forever, she would eventually have to get back to work. I made a call that she would **** me over after a kid was born. That was a hunch back then, looking back it now, I have no doubt she would of done that.

It was a tough 6 months didn't feel good til about April last year, and this was all before COVID and being in New York would of been a nightmare having this woman home all day, but it was hard, I got fired at my Banking job for poor performance, well just not working which is true, but usually when you get fired you end up with a better job anyway, I'm chilling in Mexico City now, I'm healthier, stopped smoking, working on my own consultancy business on the side, and likely gonna move back to Asia when this covid **** is over. Just have faith you made the right decision, get someone close to confirm it. My sister would see I was down and remind me that I 100% made the right decision, that helped. I've got a mate who's going through something similar, he dropped his fiance, doesn't regret his decision, and i know he made the right call. but has been pissed a lot recently, even wrote off an AMG drunk driving. I had an old investment banking boss that went to college with my dad in Australia who did something similar, even if you break it off, you smash the piss a lot and **** can happen so be careful.

Was it tough like almost being dumped yourself, Yeah it was. do I regret the decision, nah it was the right thing to do for me. My life would of been miserable with her, It's likely you are like me and questioning whether the modern relationship family is for you. Although I want more kids, I can see now that all relationships have an expiry date and as a man in Western Countries in 2021, that's a problem.

My advice is try not to consume hundreds of hours of red pill content. Although that stuff can be good, as they do have some points, its just a big waste of energy that can be put on something else.

[KevC]

What were the red flags (obviously the obvious is keeping the engagement ring).

I had a family member who kept the engagement ring as the guy told her to, and she sold it to pay for her future wedding dress lol.

Just the way she interacted with anyone outside of her family and friend group (kind of a karen), had high expectations of me to make her happy yet doing very little for me (IMO), ignored my pleas for some changes and just thought I was joking around such as putting a little effort into her appearance, or stop doing silly faces and noises that were completely annoying and off putting to me, little to no sex life for the last 1.5 years or so and little interest in doing so. I honestly saw me being completely fed up after a few years of marriage and either divorcing anyways, or I end up cheating and getting divorced raped as well.

[KevC]

If you she didn't give the ring back you made the right call.

With regards to your question, Yes I did and it was hard, like being dumped myself, one thing you pointed out did happen in that her family were ****ing pissed at her. They were like ****, this guy is good and you ****ed it up, the mother clearly knew about the red flags before I found out. I offed this bitch, because it was clear we weren't on the same page about family. We wanted a family, but I made it clear that she wouldn't be a stay at home mom forever, she would eventually have to get back to work. I made a call that she would **** me over after a kid was born. That was a hunch back then, looking back it now, I have no doubt she would of done that.

It was a tough 6 months didn't feel good til about April last year, and this was all before COVID and being in New York would of been a nightmare having this woman home all day, but it was hard, I got fired at my Banking job for poor performance, well just not working which is true, but usually when you get fired you end up with a better job anyway, I'm chilling in Mexico City now, I'm healthier, stopped smoking, working on my own consultancy business on the side, and likely gonna move back to Asia when this covid **** is over. Just have faith you made the right decision, get someone close to confirm it. My sister would see I was down and remind me that I 100% made the right decision, that helped. I've got a mate who's going through something similar, he dropped his fiance, doesn't regret his decision, and i know he made the right call. but has been pissed a lot recently, even wrote off an AMG drunk driving. I had an old investment banking boss that went to college with my dad in Australia who did something similar, even if you break it off, you smash the piss a lot and **** can happen so be careful.

Was it tough like almost being dumped yourself, Yeah it was. do I regret the decision, nah it was the right thing to do for me. My life would of been miserable with her, It's likely you are like me and questioning whether the modern relationship family is for you. Although I want more kids, I can see now that all relationships have an expiry date and as a man in Western Countries in 2021, that's a problem.

My advice is try not to consume hundreds of hours of red pill content. Although that stuff can be good, as they do have some points, its just a big waste of energy that can be put on something else.

Hey man, I think the fact that she wants to keep the ring kind of confirms that I made the right decision. I do listen to a lot of red pill content so I am aware of the risks and was deathly afraid of getting divorced rape and I think I would of been dragged through the ringer with this one. As mentioned above, she was in my mind " giving " up since being engaged, although I dont know if it was just the covid lockdown driving me insane but she put little effort into our sex life, her physical appearance and barely did anything of note for me, where she was expecting me to continue to date her and etc etc. Even as I told her I am probably going to break up with her, I brought up all the issues and she barely gave me a coherant response that I was happy with. It was still "we" should rekindle our relationship and "we" can work on it. I really wanted her to just say SHE would work on it (well she did but with a lot of conditions but with great hesitancy), so after this conversation I mulled over it like crazy and decided to break it off..

The social fallout is what kills me, I havent told my own parents yet or anyone at my workplace, I also work in a setting where I interact with a lot of patients so they know a bit of my life too, always feels bad when they ask how's my fiancé and I just answer with she's doing great not wanting to explain further.

Thanks man I'm glad to know that **** like this happens, for some reason i feel like the biggest ******* in the world for breaking this off. I am glad to know there an end to this. With that being said, I am going to pick up the last of my things from her parents (barring the ring lol)

edit: To be fair I am making her sound quite bad, outside of the above things I do think she had all the makings of a good wife as well, good professional job, good cook, generally a good person, good family, quiet, not a sloot (<6 partners), I myself couldnt get over the above issues (which sometimes I am unsure if i overblew them or not )

[GeezersPalace]

Hey man, I think the fact that she wants to keep the ring kind of confirms that I made the right decision. I do listen to a lot of red pill content so I am aware of the risks and was deathly afraid of getting divorced rape and I think I would of been dragged through the ringer with this one. As mentioned above, she was in my mind " giving " up since being engaged, although I dont know if it was just the covid lockdown driving me insane but she put little effort into our sex life, her physical appearance and barely did anything of note for me, where she was expecting me to continue to date her and etc etc. Even as I told her I am probably going to break up with her, I brought up all the issues and she barely gave me a coherant response that I was happy with. It was still "we" should rekindle our relationship and "we" can work on it. I really wanted her to just say SHE would work on it (well she did but with a lot of conditions but with great hesitancy), so after this conversation I mulled over it like crazy and decided to break it off..

The social fallout is what kills me, I havent told my own parents yet or anyone at my workplace, I also work in a setting where I interact with a lot of patients so they know a bit of my life too, always feels bad when they ask how's my fiancé and I just answer with she's doing great not wanting to explain further.

Thanks man I'm glad to know that **** like this happens, for some reason i feel like the biggest ******* in the world for breaking this off. I am glad to know there an end to this. With that being said, I am going to pick up the last of my things from her parents (barring the ring lol)

edit: To be fair I am making her sound quite bad, outside of the above things I do think she had all the makings of a good wife as well, good professional job, good cook, generally a good person, good family, quiet, not a sloot (<6 partners), I myself couldnt get over the above issues (which sometimes I am unsure if i overblew them or not )

Sounds like your in a dead bedroom and she was entitled, and just hanging on to get married, where she would of owned your ass. She's trying to manipuulate your ass by not giving back the ring, you'll get it back when she realizes its over, right now she still thinks she's in control, you've got a few tough months ahead of you.

Who cares about the social fallout. As an Australian who lives in the US, and essentially associates with the middle/upper sphere of North American society, I do understand the social stigma, it's something you won't find in Australia, or England per say, but the answer is the same, who ****ing cares. Your parents don't know ****, Your dad isn't ****ing her and putting up with her ****, as for your work colleagues don't tell them they don't need to know and if your single and smashing sloots they are obviously going to be jealous, especielly when your partying in Brazil and they are spending twice as much to drive to Rhode Island with other ****tier couples.

Your obviously in the medical field and have done well with life. Good for you, having said you gotta be careful, these chics can i'm not gonna say destroy your career but they can hamper it by their bull****. as someone who is professionally qualified in some medical industry she submits to you and your career, not hers and her bull**** admin assistant at a non profit. Tell your patient's the truth just say it didn't work out and jokingly ask them if they know anyone, It's going to be hard to get away from this bitch for the next few months, be strong though, you'll be fine finding someone better i'm sure.

Check out Deadbedrooms subreddit, You won't question your decision if you read some of that. That's clearly where you are or were heading.

Make no mistake this sloot is going to make your life hell for the next upto a year possibly. She thought she owned you, and her life was set and you've destroyed whats hers and humilated her without a branch to climb onto. Watch your back it won't be easy, but your in a better place.

[KevC]

Sounds like your in a dead bedroom and she was entitled, and just hanging on to get married, where she would of owned your ass. She's trying to manipuulate your ass by not giving back the ring, you'll get it back when she realizes its over, right now she still thinks she's in control, you've got a few tough months ahead of you.

Who cares about the social fallout. As an Australian who lives in the US, and essentially associates with the middle/upper sphere of North American society, I do understand the social stigma, it's something you won't find in Australia, or England per say, but the answer is the same, who ****ing cares. Your parents don't know ****, Your dad isn't ****ing her and putting up with her ****, as for your work colleagues don't tell them they don't need to know and if your single and smashing sloots they are obviously going to be jealous, especielly when your partying in Brazil and they are spending twice as much to drive to Rhode Island with other ****tier couples.

Your obviously in the medical field and have done well with life. Good for you, having said you gotta be careful, these chics can i'm not gonna say destroy your career but they can hamper it by their bull****. as someone who is professionally qualified in some medical industry she submits to you and your career, not hers and her bull**** admin assistant at a non profit. Tell your patient's the truth just say it didn't work out and jokingly ask them if they know anyone, It's going to be hard to get away from this bitch for the next few months, be strong though, you'll be fine finding someone better i'm sure.

Check out Deadbedrooms subreddit, You won't question your decision if you read some of that. That's clearly where you are or were heading.

Make no mistake this sloot is going to make your life hell for the next upto a year possibly. She thought she owned you, and her life was set and you've destroyed whats hers and humilated her without a branch to climb onto. Watch your back it won't be easy, but your in a better place.

Thanks man I just got back home from picking up the last of my stuff, it went without a hitch fortunately, but it truelly signifies the end and i feel it. I dont thikn shes the type to come after me. She blocked me on everything already and told me to never contact her again after I picked up my stuff from her parents.

In my case I think I'll be ok from any revenge stuff at work. She makes as much as I do and maybe even slightly more. I do think she truly loved me but maybe got too complacent (?) but am not sure if she is just attached to me rrather than full in love, I have felt a woman in love with me ... i hink and I wasnt necessarily convinced. I am 100% certain dead bedroom was where I was heading, I am not necessarily a huge beta simp either in that I have had previous girlfriends do monkey double back flips all over me so I know what it feels like to have that in the bedroom, and for my ex fiance It never clicked. But I wonder if this is a problem too, i had too many partners myself and maybe I am the one that is NOT marriage material as I cant get over comparing and being unhappy. I think I am better off as a mgtow / free agent life style tbh. I am 33 now, i Think marriage is completely out of the books for me.

[sam212]

Been there. You made the right call. If bedroom is dead already, you’d be heading for divorced. Just tell people it didn’t workout, you’d get some pity fuks.

[KevC]

Been there. You made the right call. If bedroom is dead already, you’d be heading for divorced. Just tell people it didn’t workout, you’d get some pity fuks.

Well hot damn man. As per this and GeezersPalace who told me to check out the reddit / Deadbedroom - just spent an hour or 2 reading through this stuff. It puts into light so much of what I have been experiencing its insane, alot of the posts mimick my exact feelings on the situation i was in for atleast the last 1.5 years... Never knew there was actually a COMMUNITY for this type of thing lol. I feel alot better after reading this and feel like you are right. this is heading no where good anyways, I think i made the right call in the end. Brutal now, but no doubt would be even worse if I was married...

[skinnyfat88]

Just the way she interacted with anyone outside of her family and friend group (kind of a karen), had high expectations of me to make her happy yet doing very little for me (IMO), ignored my pleas for some changes and just thought I was joking around such as putting a little effort into her appearance, or stop doing silly faces and noises that were completely annoying and off putting to me, little to no sex life for the last 1.5 years or so and little interest in doing so. I honestly saw me being completely fed up after a few years of marriage and either divorcing anyways, or I end up cheating and getting divorced raped as well.

^^This + not giving the ring back makes me think you made the right call.

You should feel zero guilt, especially considering she decided she was entitled to the 8k ring.

Live and learn OP.
Cheers

[DBoyDaRealest]

you are coming out ahead man, despite the loss on a ring. Just know that.

I lost a chunk of change too getting out of something similar (no engagement) where we lived together.

just wait till you get out there and smash something new with a girl who wants it, feels like being reborn

[Dennis71]

I have a lot of respect for OP for making a tough call and sticking to it.

Better than getting married and shortly divorced or staying in an unhappy marriage.


My brother just got married over the weekend.
Prior to his wife he was with a woman he was absolutely miserable with. She was pushing him for marriage. And told me one day he was over it and gonna break up with her.

It was tough. But I'm sure you will meet someone who makes you happier in all aspects of your life.

[GeezersPalace]

You will def meet someone better, but also you may realize that relationships aren't for your, well let me rephrase that long term.

A lot of red pill content is garbage but one thing it does advocate and is true is that as a man if you look after yourself fitness wise, you'll be slamming sluts until you get sick of it, I'm actually in a cooling off period, I slammed 3 chics last week it was too much I need to focus more on work this week. Men don't age like fine wine, but you can still be reasonable attractive in your 40s-50s if you look after yourself, which a lot of people on this form do but the reality is that most men don't

The issue is modern relationships are just really tough. You realize that most men including my parents only got through the marriage because of large scale cheating. The problem with this though in 2021 is that my parents home didn't cost 6000 pounds in 1978 it now costs 2.5 million AUD, for which you and a partner need to go all in together just to afford the 3x1 30km out from the city centre where your balls are castrated. This is when the red pill stuff is accurate in that she owns your ass then, etc.

[JStrez]

I know a few people who broke off engagements and it was normally due to complacency from one party, and often it was the male breaking it off. Out of the 5, only one was due to cheating and it was the guy who cheated. The rest were the guys in the relationship getting cold feet and realizing it wasn't for them, some were red flags like the woman freaking out too.

What I've noticed, especially since COVID, is that a lot of relationships have ended. Whether it be not seeing each other or being forced to live together, it's taken its toll. On the flip side, the relationships that I've seen (including myself) that started a relationship during COVID have been stronger than normal. I got into a relationship like 3 months into COVID with like full on quarantine, and she ended up moving into my apartment since it was closer to work and her parents were high risk after a month of dating. Since then it's been great honestly. I feel like theres a different dynamic that I've seen than previous relationships. In my previous relationship I once spent a week at my exes place and it was fukkin miserable like 3 days in. Now with my current gf it's been like 6ish months living together in 7 months of dating and couldn't be any happier srs.

If you felt like you wanted to leave it was a sign. Starting off a marriage with your doubts will only fester and grow. It sounds like you made the right call. I know with my last relationship it lasted like 4 years and suddenly things went south and I didn't want to be in it anymore, red flags were everywhere, yet everyone thought we were perfect for each other, but I can assure you it was not. Behind the scenes she was brutal, manipulative, and deceitful. One day I just had enough, and after 4 years together I walked away and never looked back, srs. Her family and my family was upset, and I'll never forget what my friend asked me. He asked "How can you walk away from one person, knowing that you may never find someone else again?", essentially is the grass greener quote. I told him that I simply didn't know, and I'd rather be single and alone than stay in a relationship where I would be unhappy. I told him that I'd find someone eventually and if I don't then so be it. I must have spun some gears in his head because he broke it off with his girlfriend a week later for the same reasons. I ended up being single for like 6 months before I found someone else and was happier than I was before.

[Liberal3lite]

My neighbor was engaged but his fiance cheated a month before the marriage. Pretty common with American women. If I ever get married, it will be with a traditional woman from a 3rd world country.

[Mr Beer]

Yeah like they say, sex life is 10% of a relationship unless it’s not working in which case it’s 90%.

You definitely made the right call with this one and no it doesn’t mean you’re not marriage material.

[Kev1972]

She's definitely not the one for you. If you are well off a woman's finances shouldn't even be a factor. Get a woman who is completely in love with you and worships you and spends every day trying to please you. And let her know that she can be replaced at any point. Aim for girls 8-10 years younger who are physically attracted to you and emotionally invested in you. Stay away from entitled career women or any woman who sees herself as the prize. They usually don't stay compliant for long. If she sees herself as a princess or a queen she's only worth a pump and dump. Get you a woman who likes to call you daddy and greets you at the door in a see thru teddy. Nothing feels better than coming home from work to a beautiful woman who can't wait to wrap her legs around you.

[DustinTheHuss]

She's definitely not the one for you. If you are well off a woman's finances shouldn't even be a factor. Get a woman who is completely in love with you and worships you and spends every day trying to please you. And let her know that she can be replaced at any point. Aim for girls 8-10 years younger who are physically attracted to you and emotionally invested in you. Stay away from entitled career women or any woman who sees herself as the prize. They usually don't stay compliant for long. If she sees herself as a princess or a queen she's only worth a pump and dump. Get you a woman who likes to call you daddy and greets you at the door in a see thru teddy. Nothing feels better than coming home from work to a beautiful woman who can't wait to wrap her legs around you.

I'm a career woman and men say they are impressed by my career.

[Kev1972]

I'm a career woman and men say they are impressed by my career.

Yes you're quite the catch being 50, addicted to benzos, and cohabitating with your ex husband. I'm shocked you're still single, trolling a mostly male bb forum daily with mulitple accounts, and using dating apps to get pumped n dumped. You are the exact women that all the red pill sites warn guys to stay as far away from as possible. More red flags than a Communist parade.

[DustinTheHuss]

Yes you're quite the catch being 50, addicted to benzos, and cohabitating with your ex husband. I'm shocked you're still single, trolling a mostly male bb forum daily with mulitple accounts, and using dating apps to get pumped n dumped. You are the exact women that all the red pill sites warn guys to stay as far away from as possible. More red flags than a Communist parade.

Well aren’t you Mary Poppins.

Still, I have a successful career and live in a high end neighborhood with a good lifestyle.

The Benzos just help me to be a good worker and perfectionist.

What would I do without my daughter, career, tennis and bodybuilding?

Yeah I have had hot long term FWBs in their 20s. Who wouldn’t want that? Some were bodybuilders, models and college athletes. I’m just looking for a 50 year old as my therapist wants me to find a life partner.

[Godemis]

Hey brahs,

Wondering if any of you boys have been through this? Ended a 3 year relationship recently and a few months of engagement (4 months) after getting cold feet and not being happy with the relationship in general. I kind of hit her with it out of left field, she didnt see it coming at all and I feel horrible about it. Shes a good person and she didnt deserve it, cant help but think of all the backlash she is getting from family and friends. I think I saw some redflags (not that I dont have any myself) and decided against it. Its been painful to say the least. I am going to pick up the remainder of her stuff from her parents tonight, its going to be real awkward to say the least...and oh , she is not giving the engagement ring back, which I guess is fair since I'm the one calling it off..

Anyone else here?

edit : i am 33 years old professional, she was 32 year old and a professional - we made approx the same income, with her having better benefits and a pension

Edit again: Based on what I gleaned from some posts below, I was experiencing what was called "deadbed room" which was leading to my frustration, feelings of being unwanted and not being loved in the relationship. Seems to happen more than people would think. There is actually a reddit / deadbedroom with TONS of posts with people going through this similar issue - if anyone else out there is in my situation take a read here, i recommend it..

You did the right thing bro. My buddy was in a dead bedroom. Sexy was crazy at first and then it dropped. After marriage, it was once a week and then once every few months after kids. This was a successful and in shape guy also. Plenty of girls would want him but he just stuck with her because he truly believed in fixing the marriage.

Turns out, she was ****ing some fat co-worker from work. He worshipped her and she got off on that.

[KevC]

As the days go on, i feel nothing tbh, dont miss her at all but now that I read the deadbed room stuff, I feel like I have been bamboozled. I missed all the warning signs and was accepting it for the other aspects that she brought to the table. I thought I could live with it as she was not a sloot, had a good job, pension and cleans and cooks well. Little did I know I would end up so discontent.

I wont lie I'm salty she didnt give me back the ring after bamboozling me like this.

[GeezersPalace]

Lol whats with you North Americans and your obsession with beign wage slave cucks for a pension.....live your life.

Deadbedrooms is unreal, Reality of relationships.

[lukefaulky32]

Woman come and go i'm sure you'll completely forget this piece of chit soon. Good for you

[user3657]

^^This + not giving the ring back makes me think you made the right call.

You should feel zero guilt, especially considering she decided she was entitled to the 8k ring.

Live and learn OP.
Cheers

this. i could never be with a "karen" as you put it.

It most likely stings because its still fresh and your in new waters. its just going to take some time to see land again and be sure of youself

[mCheech]

You did the right thing bro. My buddy was in a dead bedroom. Sexy was crazy at first and then it dropped. After marriage, it was once a week and then once every few months after kids. This was a successful and in shape guy also. Plenty of girls would want him but he just stuck with her because he truly believed in fixing the marriage.

Turns out, she was ****ing some fat co-worker from work. He worshipped her and she got off on that.

Was about to say, kids change the dynamic for sure and will make the frequency of sex ebb and flow. Raising children is exhausting. I read the deadbedroom subreddit too, holy **** I feel bad for those people.

Then I read the bolded. Holee phuck what a psychopath. Once you have kids, you realize how much of a psycho one has to be to cheat on their spouse while having small children.