I dont turn on my wife anymore.

[doughnutking]

Most of you wont understand this, because you are either wincels or silencespeaks and don’t understand longterm relationships.

Last night my long term girlfriend tried to seduce me because she was horny and to be honest i was not in the mood.

We have sex around two times a month.

We get in the bed and she says “i’ve been a bad girl, i need to be punished!”

And like a retard i say “oooh Mrs Robinson, no more Chinese takeaways for you!”

She gets pissed and is about to bail and get out of the bed, so i apologise...

5 mins later I get a boner and just as i am about to insert it into her pussay i make eye contact with her and say

“Let battle commence!!!”

And that was final straw, a complete turn off for her and she pushed me off and called it a day.

How to i redeem this as i feel it is the end for us.

[Blasting]

Try men

[Squidbrah]

Are you the Booty Warrior or not???

[doughnutking]

Are you the Booty Warrior or not???

[ErnieMccracken]

Bro I am so not aware of whatever you are referencing

[Misc420Doctor]

Bro I am so not aware of whatever you are referencing

This

[Lexira]

Direct her to me. I will handle this, thoroughly and deeply.

[doughnutking]

The last time we had sex i got dressed in my silk robe and and went down to the kitchen where she was preparing lunch for us and i hugged her and said

“That was classic intercourse, thanks!”

She smiled, but i knew i had said the wrong thing.


Am i autistic or is this a normal thing to say to a woman after sex?

[eatmycrackers]

You are a legit autistmaxxxer

Either she has no better options or thinks it’s cute. I wouldn’t imagine having a lot of luck out there finding another woman who finds it endearing.. grass not always greener

[justgenetics]

The battle doesn’t commence if she knows it’s about to commence, nomsayin... (no Metoo)

[Silencespeaks]

Not sure why you had to name drop me.

[Silencespeaks]

Gonna start charging for name drops.

[Jandels]

Yeah man, it's tricky with long term relationships.

The other night i told the misses I would "smush that tush until she foams from the mush", and that seemed to work she was dripping wet.

Then she said "I love it when you talk dirty to me Jandels", and I said "yeah I bet you like it you little retard". After that she just switched off, like wtf ??

[mr.left hook]

Maybe you can turn on and **** Salma Hayek billionaire Husband ?

[TuskV]

Try fob asians

[Kiop]

take some
cat nip

[Silencespeaks]

Wait so is she your wife or your long term girlfriend?

[Glutebrahhh]

Most of you wont understand this, because you are either wincels or silencespeaks and don’t understand longterm relationships.

Last night my long term girlfriend tried to seduce me because she was horny and to be honest i was not in the mood.

We have sex around two times a month.

We get in the bed and she says “i’ve been a bad girl, i need to be punished!”

And like a retard i say “oooh Mrs Robinson, no more Chinese takeaways for you!”

She gets pissed and is about to bail and get out of the bed, so i apologise...

5 mins later I get a boner and just as i am about to insert it into her pussay i make eye contact with her and say

“Let battle commence!!!”

And that was final straw, a complete turn off for her and she pushed me off and called it a day.

How to i redeem this as i feel it is the end for us.

The last time we had sex i got dressed in my silk robe and and went down to the kitchen where she was preparing lunch for us and i hugged her and said

“That was classic intercourse, thanks!”

She smiled, but i knew i had said the wrong thing.


Am i autistic or is this a normal thing to say to a woman after sex?

Yeah man, it's tricky with long term relationships.

The other night i told the misses I would "smush that tush until she foams from the mush", and that seemed to work she was dripping wet.

Then she said "I love it when you talk dirty to me Jandels", and I said "yeah I bet you like it you little retard". After that she just switched off, like wtf ??

this is why i misc

[BrosefMengele]

Then she said "I love it when you talk dirty to me Jandels", and I said "yeah I bet you like it you little retard". After that she just switched off, like wtf ??

[FrankCostanza]

slide it in and say this is my favorite ride at the water park!

[wave_length]

Most miscer would do much better subscribing to the notion of silence is golden.

[doughnutking]

Sounds like you could use a little assistance from 10 inch Tony

[Antoine99]

Ok OP, from your other thread about the finger guns and tradies, you gotta like incorporate that into your love life. So next time your wife gets home you rush her with your finger guns and be like "CAREFUL BABE I'M CLEARING ROOMS GET OUT OF THE WAY" as you shove her out of the way, and she'll be like "wow he's trying to protect me that's so hot", so then you do this; pay a friend to knock on your window at a specific time. Then be sure you and your wife are in bed together at that time, and when your friend knocks on your window and runs off, you be all like "WHAT WAS THAT" (acting VERY stupid pretending you didn't know that was going to happen), and reach into your waistband and pull out your finger gun, then doing like a magic trick and pulling a finger gun out from behind your girl's ear just for some added flair, then you be ilke "I'M GOING TO CLEAR THE HOUSE BABE STAY HERE" and she will be all like "OH MY GOD HE'S SO BRAVE I'M SO WET RIGHT NOW HNNNNNNNNNNNNNG" and that's it, she's putty. Then you go back to those ******* tradies that were building your house and tell them how you just had sexual relations with a woman which will leave them no choice but to realize that you are NOT a *******.

[ClivesTriceps]

lmao, OP. Well done.

[doughnutking]

Ok OP, from your other thread about the finger guns and tradies, you gotta like incorporate that into your love life. So next time your wife gets home you rush her with your finger guns and be like "CAREFUL BABE I'M CLEARING ROOMS GET OUT OF THE WAY" as you shove her out of the way, and she'll be like "wow he's trying to protect me that's so hot", so then you do this; pay a friend to knock on your window at a specific time. Then be sure you and your wife are in bed together at that time, and when your friend knocks on your window and runs off, you be all like "WHAT WAS THAT" (acting VERY stupid pretending you didn't know that was going to happen), and reach into your waistband and pull out your finger gun, then doing like a magic trick and pulling a finger gun out from behind your girl's ear just for some added flair, then you be ilke "I'M GOING TO CLEAR THE HOUSE BABE STAY HERE" and she will be all like "OH MY GOD HE'S SO BRAVE I'M SO WET RIGHT NOW HNNNNNNNNNNNNNG" and that's it, she's putty. Then you go back to those ******* tradies that were building your house and tell them how you just had sexual relations with a woman which will leave them no choice but to realize that you are NOT a *******.

I have already told the tradies working on my house about our sex life, thinking it was lads banter, but they all looked at me strange when i said that i occasionally “doth venture South In the bedroom!” and i had to reiterate “eat her pussay, you ruddy idiots... doth venture South to the pussay?!”, but they all looked at me like i was a homeless person.

Fuc

[Magomed1]

Austic af

[ChangeOfStyle]

Just say 'Mischief Managed' when staring into her eyes after sex and she'll forgive you

[TokenV]

“oooh Mrs Robinson, no more Chinese takeaways for you!”

lost it

dirty talk skills are on point

[Nicklol]

2 times a month is a quadruple red flag on its own.
if you are in bed together every night and or live together.. every time I see her im gonna be trying to grab my girl etc.
even if you arent horny exactly.. you may be bored at some points and sex can kill time..

sounds like things are doomed

[Masterbetaaa]

I bet she thought you were so funny when you met