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  1. #1
    Registered User UmarJedi's Avatar
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    Paralyzed over my ex girlfriend

    I say "paralyzed" because that's exactly how I feel.

    I couldn't fathom her leaving me or her not being there in my life. It was such an ignorant and naive thought. A terrible thought. But she did. It happened over a year ago. I totally took her for granted and the relationship got rocky so she left me for another man. She has completely moved on and forgotten about me. She'll never come back (not that I should want her back anyway).

    But ever since the break up happened which stung and hurt like hell i've been paralyzed over her. I'm 26 and most people my age are in relationships. Although time has healed me and I no longer actively miss her or think of her as much, I cant help but compare her to other girls. I loved her and enjoyed our relationship and didn't want it to end.

    I keep searching for her in other girls. I want exactly what I had with her. But obviously realising girls are different has made me almost give up on girls and completely stop caring about dating.

    It's not like i'm looking for anohter girlfriend or even a girl to date at the moment, i'm actually more concerned about getting a better job and making money. But i think it's caused some kind of mental problem. I've completely stopped caring about women/dating/relationships and it concerns me. I just think "meh she ain't like my ex " or "yea she won't be like my ex who cares". I got this tunnel vision of my ex. I just know other girls won't be like her and i won't have that connection with them.. so what's the point?
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  2. #2
    Registered User DrumsNotDead's Avatar
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    A little wake up call for you, bud. Your ex was a run-of-the-mill dime-a-dozen vapid ****. Let me guess, she was the most beautiful girl and had the most inspirational and stimulating conversations. She made you laugh like you never have before or since and she was just so deep and blah blah blah. She's a chick you ****ed and got attached too. She was nothing before you met her and now is nothing again. Move on and stop acting like a phaggot on some internet forum where you know you're going to get buried alive for talking like this. Either make a move and go get her back, or STFU and go NC and make something of yourself. Living in the past is meaningless, especially when all you're doing is overly romanticizing some every day short lived romance. FFS. Good luck, boyo.

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  3. #3
    Registered User superman704's Avatar
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    Op you took her for granted
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  4. #4
    Registered User skinnyfat88's Avatar
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    Live and learn but the fact that she monkey-branched shows you her true colors.
    Maybe there are some aspects of your relationship that will never be replicated but that's okay because you'll find things you like about a new partner that are totally different from your ex too.

    Don't force trying to move on to other women if there are other aspects of your life that keep you motivated, just know it will come in time.
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  5. #5
    Registered User UmarJedi's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by skinnyfat88 View Post
    Live and learn but the fact that she monkey-branched shows you her true colors.
    Maybe there are some aspects of your relationship that will never be replicated but that's okay because you'll find things you like about a new partner that are totally different from your ex too.

    Don't force trying to move on to other women if there are other aspects of your life that keep you motivated, just know it will come in time.
    But don't most women monkey branch? Isn't that normal behaviour or not?

    I'm not that experienced.
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  6. #6
    Registered User Ninshark's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by skinnyfat88 View Post
    Live and learn but the fact that she monkey-branched
    I don't agree, I think OP was just a bad bf. Who wouldn't go find someone else? It should be expected at that point.

    To OP, I guess not enough time has passed yet. It looks like you're not going to be able to find a gf by yourself, but it doesn't mean a potential gf can't find you. Just focus on yourself and be friendly with girls that you meet and eventually you may be lucky enough to come across that one. Obviously it would be faster if you were actively searching, but since you're not mentally ready to do so, sometimes you just gotta be patient, and it's not impossible for a girl to find you first. When you meet her, the right one, you'll forget all about your ex, instantly heal you, but you can't be dense or stupid. Are you going to take her for granted again? Think about what you did which was wrong, how you reacted that was wrong, how you treated her wrong - don't do those things next time. If you end up doing the same thing next time, then you kinda deserve this "paralysis" because you didn't even bother to learn something from the mistake.
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  7. #7
    Registered User UmarJedi's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ninshark View Post
    I don't agree, I think OP was just a bad bf. Who wouldn't go find someone else? It should be expected at that point.

    To OP, I guess not enough time has passed yet. It looks like you're not going to be able to find a gf by yourself, but it doesn't mean a potential gf can't find you. Just focus on yourself and be friendly with girls that you meet and eventually you may be lucky enough to come across that one. Obviously it would be faster if you were actively searching, but since you're not mentally ready to do so, sometimes you just gotta be patient, and it's not impossible for a girl to find you first. When you meet her, the right one, you'll forget all about your ex, instantly heal you, but you can't be dense or stupid. Are you going to take her for granted again? Think about what you did which was wrong, how you reacted that was wrong, how you treated her wrong - don't do those things next time. If you end up doing the same thing next time, then you kinda deserve this "paralysis" because you didn't even bother to learn something from the mistake.
    Do you eventually forget your ex? I feel like time has definitely healed me and I have moved on and forgotten her. But some days I sitll have flash backs.

    It's not until I meet other girls I start making comparisons though.
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  8. #8
    Registered User shirtlessbrah's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by UmarJedi View Post
    Do you eventually forget your ex? I feel like time has definitely healed me and I have moved on and forgotten her. But some days I sitll have flash backs.

    It's not until I meet other girls I start making comparisons though.
    Yes and no. Get over and move on from emotionally, yes but completely forget I would say no (depending on the length of the relationship obviously). There are instances that will remind you of past experiences with them but with enough time there won't be any emotion attached to those memories.
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  9. #9
    Registered User UmarJedi's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by shirtlessbrah View Post
    Yes and no. Get over and move on from emotionally, yes but completely forget I would say no (depending on the length of the relationship obviously). There are instances that will remind you of past experiences with them but with enough time there won't be any emotion attached to those memories.
    Thanks bro,

    But how do I get over this paralysis?

    It's like I don't even bother with other girls because they aren't her and I just know they won't be like her .
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  10. #10
    Registered User shirtlessbrah's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by UmarJedi View Post
    Thanks bro,

    But how do I get over this paralysis?

    It's like I don't even bother with other girls because they aren't her and I just know they won't be like her .
    Just speaking from personal experience, time. I honestly never thought I'd get over my previous ex but enough time away, travelling, improving yourself, keeping busy, going out with friends and eventually I met my most recent ex and the one before her didn't even compare. She was nothing but a distant memory.

    It sounds cliche but just focus on yourself, and what makes you happy. Take time to have fun and enjoy life eventually another girl will fall into place.
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  11. #11
    Registered User Imnew1's Avatar
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    Shame on all of you for not realizing this is Sandman. Below is the only proper response if any.

    Red prawn curry
    serves
    4
    Prep Time
    5mins
    Cook Time
    10mins
    Ingredients
    17
    Difficulty
    Easy


    Ingredients

    1 tablespoon peanut oil
    2-3 tablespoons Thai red curry paste
    1 tablespoon grated fresh ginger
    2 garlic cloves, crushed
    1 large red chilli, deseeded, thinly sliced
    1 small red onion, thinly sliced
    1 lemongrass stem (white part only), bruised
    2 kaffir lime leaves
    1 cup Thai basil leaves
    1 cup coriander leaves
    1/4 cup (60ml) fish sauce
    1 tablespoon sweet chilli sauce
    300ml chicken stock
    1/2 cup (125ml) coconut cream
    500g green prawns, peeled (tails intact), deveined
    1 1/2 tablespoons lime juice
    Steamed rice, to serve

    Method

    1.
    Heat oil in a wok over medium-high heat. Add curry paste, ginger and garlic, and stir-fry for 1-2 minutes until fragrant.
    2.
    Add chilli, onion, lemongrass, lime leaves, and half the basil and coriander, and stir-fry for 1 minute. Add sauces, stock and coconut cream, then bring to a simmer.
    3.
    Add prawns and cook over medium heat for 5 minutes. Remove from heat. Add lime juice and remaining basil and coriander. Serve with rice.
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  12. #12
    Registered User skinnyfat88's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ninshark View Post
    I don't agree, I think OP was just a bad bf. Who wouldn't go find someone else? It should be expected at that point.
    If they're being mistreated and place a high value on themselves they'll leave w/o having to first find a replacement.
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  13. #13
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    Originally Posted by Imnew1 View Post
    Shame on all of you for not realizing this is Sandman.
    Aw fuk bye
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  14. #14
    Registered User Ninshark's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by skinnyfat88 View Post
    If they're being mistreated and place a high value on themselves they'll leave w/o having to first find a replacement.
    OP didn't say that though, he just said "she left him for another man". He didn't say anything about the timing - I gave her the benefit of the doubt that she broke up first, or at least started drifting apart and being functionally distant before getting serious with someone else.
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    Gonna go on record and say
    I won’t respond with recipes or gifs if you stick to the R/H section
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  16. #16
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    Sandman just stop.
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