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  1. #61
    A heart made fullmetal BodyBuildingGo's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by turokturok5 View Post
    I empathize with you, I really do because I'm 3 weeks out of a 3 year relationship with a girl similar to what you describe - was with me during my formative years of post-grad study and really helped me grow as a person/professional, loyal, intelligent, beautiful etc. And despite us being on the same path for the last 3 years, having just started our careers in the same field and working towards moving out together and starting a family, she suddenly says we're no longer on the "same path" and breaks it off with me.
    I've been banging my head against the wall trying to understand what "path" she is on now, but have come to accept that I'll never truly understand why because emotions and relationships can't always be explained with logic. Sometimes someone just changes and they can't even understand why. But I've begun to accept that I can't change the way she feels and trying to understand why she feels the way she feels is just keep me in limbo and keeping my life on hold. Do yourself a favor and focus on yourself, it will get easier
    You've been dropping so much wisdom ITT. It's been helping me out too.
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  2. #62
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    Originally Posted by skinnyfat88 View Post
    OP are you seeing any new girls?

    You should.
    & you should stop contact with this ex. It's toxic AF.
    If she's gonna grow up and learn to be a better, stronger person more healed from her previous trauma then she needs to not have the security blanket of you around.

    If you let her go and she goes through everything she needs to in order to grow and mature, she will undoubtedly breakup with this guy along the way. She has 100% lost respect for him because he's allowed her to maintain this inappropriate, emotional relationship with you while dating him. Only way she stays with him now is if she never grows and remains too insecure to leave someone she doesn't fully respect.

    So please cut contact knowing if you ever reconcile it will be with a better version of her and if you don't because she stays with this guy, it's that she likely never became a better version of herself.
    This is pretty good advice here. I confronted my GF at the time when she was contacting her ex behind my back and she promised she would never do it again and I made her delete him off IG and whatever. Well, turns out she just lied to me and did anyways. A few months later, she broke up with me and got back with him. At that point, I already NC'd her and never spoke to her again. It is been one year now and I completely moved on and I am doing a lot better now. I never looked at her social media again or anything related to her. I have a far better career and I have a better grasp on life and I cringed that I even gave her that ultimatum. I should have trusted my gut and just dumped her. Oh well. Live and learn.

    Seriously OP. skinnyfat88's advice is solid here. Do you really want to be with someone who texts their ex behind your back? What does that say about them? **** that ****, you are better than that. You may miss the memories but you forget the reality of who she actually is. There is a better girl out there for you, don't be afraid to be alone and enjoy being single.
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  3. #63
    [300 Spartan Royal King] BlackHeart.au's Avatar
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    Chin up OP. My GF left me 3 weeks ago when I noticed red flags. Grabbed her phone and saw she was talking to someone while not answering my calls and telling me she loved me at the same time.

    Said a guy in the gym said shes's cute

    went to the same gym with her weeks later and avoided me like the plaque and walked out of the gym without me cause he was there.

    Bottom line. Cut all contact and become a better version of yourself and they come back.

    On New years my Ex before her that messaged me. We talked for about a week then I just stopped talking cause I was over it.

    All they do is monkey branch
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  4. #64
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    Thank you all for the responses, I agree with all of you. And it's helped a lot to hear from all of you, I've tried to rep the responses that helped the most. One thing I wanted to clarify:

    Originally Posted by turokturok5 View Post
    Dude you really need to stop trying to justify why she is doing what she is doing for her own sake and look at the facts. The blindly obvious fact being that she is no longer with you and is with another guy. There could be a million different reasons why she decided that this was what she wanted but you will never know the truth, even if she looks you dead in the eye and tells you why, you still can't know for sure if it was the real reason or not.

    Don't focus so much on what could have happened but rather what is happening right now. And right now, as much as it sucks to accept, she is banging another dude whilst you waste your time hoping that you two will get back together. I know you said you wouldn't get back together with her now but the fact that you keep posting about it/analyzing the situation and her behavior says otherwise.

    If you're right and she thinks she doesn't deserve your loyalty and affection, roll with that and move on. These are internal issues that SHE has and you can't fix it no matter how hard you try. It's part of being a man to want to fix something when it's broken, but with relationships it doesn't work like that and I don't think our brains have evolved to fully understand that yet. All you'll be doing is wasting time which could be spent bettering yourself or finding someone who can give you want you want and accept what you have to offer without insecurities.

    I empathize with you, I really do because I'm 3 weeks out of a 3 year relationship with a girl similar to what you describe - was with me during my formative years of post-grad study and really helped me grow as a person/professional, loyal, intelligent, beautiful etc. And despite us being on the same path for the last 3 years, having just started our careers in the same field and working towards moving out together and starting a family, she suddenly says we're no longer on the "same path" and breaks it off with me.
    I've been banging my head against the wall trying to understand what "path" she is on now, but have come to accept that I'll never truly understand why because emotions and relationships can't always be explained with logic. Sometimes someone just changes and they can't even understand why. But I've begun to accept that I can't change the way she feels and trying to understand why she feels the way she feels is just keep me in limbo and keeping my life on hold. Do yourself a favor and focus on yourself, it will get easier
    I want to clarify: I know it's easy to lie on the internet but I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that if she broke up with him right now, bought an apartment in my city and begged me to come back to be with her, I would say "no".

    She and I only officially dated for about a year. And then a complicated situation came up that forced her and I to break up. There were no other people involved, she didn't sleep with anyone else, she didn't have feelings for anyone else, but because of that break-up, I wouldn't get back together with her in an official manner for two years afterwards. She was loyal to me this entire time, incredibly sweet, and we behaved as boyfriend and girlfriend in a lot of ways. Supported each other in every way we knew how. And she'd tell me she missed dating me, wished we never broke up, she'd talk about how much she dreamed of having a family with me. When she was applying to dental school, she'd ask if we'd get back together if she went to one near me. I always gave her ambiguous answers, not wanting to commit again after that initial break-up that took me by surprise.

    Her going behind my back to get with this guy, even if we both finally knew we weren't getting back together, has solidified it in my mind we're not getting back together. I guess I'm mainly posting about all of this because I don't completely know how to go further. If I should keep her in my life, be friends with her, etc. And I'm also trying to interpret her actions, whether she still has feelings, and so on. I'm sure we're not getting back together, but there was so much oddness surrounding that week before she left along with the past several months that it's difficult to fully move on. Have tons of tinder matches on snapchat rn, but I genuinely have no interest in pursuing women for the time being.
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  5. #65
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    Originally Posted by BlackHeart.au View Post
    Chin up OP. My GF left me 3 weeks ago when I noticed red flags. Grabbed her phone and saw she was talking to someone while not answering my calls and telling me she loved me at the same time.

    Said a guy in the gym said shes's cute

    went to the same gym with her weeks later and avoided me like the plaque and walked out of the gym without me cause he was there.

    Bottom line. Cut all contact and become a better version of yourself and they come back.

    On New years my Ex before her that messaged me. We talked for about a week then I just stopped talking cause I was over it.

    All they do is monkey branch
    Sorry to hear that bro. I had the same stuff happen. Would be out all night telling she loved me and all that but its just words. Actions always speak louder than words.

    Take this as an opportunity to grow and become a better you. Time is a healer man.

    But yeah unfortunately she definitely monkey branched and that's usually the reasons women leave. I experienced that chit and they will never come clean either.


    Originally Posted by severagee View Post
    Thank you all for the responses, I agree with all of you. And it's helped a lot to hear from all of you, I've tried to rep the responses that helped the most. One thing I wanted to clarify:



    I want to clarify: I know it's easy to lie on the internet but I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that if she broke up with him right now, bought an apartment in my city and begged me to come back to be with her, I would say "no".

    She and I only officially dated for about a year. And then a complicated situation came up that forced her and I to break up. There were no other people involved, she didn't sleep with anyone else, she didn't have feelings for anyone else, but because of that break-up, I wouldn't get back together with her in an official manner for two years afterwards. She was loyal to me this entire time, incredibly sweet, and we behaved as boyfriend and girlfriend in a lot of ways. Supported each other in every way we knew how. And she'd tell me she missed dating me, wished we never broke up, she'd talk about how much she dreamed of having a family with me. When she was applying to dental school, she'd ask if we'd get back together if she went to one near me. I always gave her ambiguous answers, not wanting to commit again after that initial break-up that took me by surprise.

    Her going behind my back to get with this guy, even if we both finally knew we weren't getting back together, has solidified it in my mind we're not getting back together. I guess I'm mainly posting about all of this because I don't completely know how to go further. If I should keep her in my life, be friends with her, etc. And I'm also trying to interpret her actions, whether she still has feelings, and so on. I'm sure we're not getting back together, but there was so much oddness surrounding that week before she left along with the past several months that it's difficult to fully move on. Have tons of tinder matches on snapchat rn, but I genuinely have no interest in pursuing women for the time being.
    Some good advice in the thread.

    Listen here mate, speaking from experience. I was in a 6 year relationship, we lived together and shared everything. It was pretty much her that took off, it was kinda random but I suspected something was up at the time.. I was still chatting to my ex girlfriend for around 18 months after as friends, I slept with her a couple of times shortly after the break up and then as time went on things began to die off. Well actually I had noticed a few things that she was clearly dating somebody else. She was a decent person for most part which made the break up more difficult but that's not enough to continue down this path of seeing them. You are flooding yourself with all the memories again and everything else, it just doesn't work bro.

    Not contacting each other is the best thing you will ever do. Listen, spare yourself further heartbreak and the feelings. Women like to keep you there as an option and leave you hanging but DO NOT be that guy.

    Its time to pull the plug and move on with your life. You will never ever get over it if shes still hanging around, you will forever be in limbo. You are going to get hurt bro. You can take this advice or leave it.

    From what I am reading you need CLOSURE. Have that last discussion and call it quits.
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  6. #66
    Registered User mmmmmbop's Avatar
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    Created an account just to reply to this, hope that's not inappropriate. I'm in a similar situation as you are, and I strongly believe that the best thing for you is to cut contact and try to forget her as soon as possible.

    Look, she most likely really is a decent person. I don't subscribe to the notion that her being somewhat sexually liberal makes her a bad person. But deep down you know that you two don't belong together for some reason, otherwise you would have gotten back together during that 2 years casual relationship time. However, emotionally, you really like her and most likely even need her on some level. She gave you the validation that you needed and pushed you to become a better man. I believe this is what turokturok5 meant when he said that you're hoping to get back together. Your heart really wants to get back together, even if your mind and your gut don't, and your actions and posts on this thread betray you.

    Your heart, mind, and gut being out of sync is part of what creates this confusion within you. You're looking for answers and possibly expect that if you had the right answer, everything would fall into place and you could accept things and have closure. You seem to be a bright person and are used to being able to think over things until you have a satisfying solution. This is *not* the case here. No matter what people will tell you, no matter what she will tell you, you will stay confused. What you need to do now is to accept this and try to move on.

    Other posters have pointed out that you're going to stay confused and in limbo if you don't go NC, and I agree with that. You were in a three year sorta relationship (even if the last two years were casual), and it takes quite some time to move on from that (~1 year). Think of the future you in one year's time. Would you like the future you to still be confused and in limbo, questioning things and not having focus? Or would you rather have the future you be over it and working on becoming a better man? The choice is yours. The best way to achieve the first option is to stay in touch with your ex. The fastest way to get to the second option is to cut contact ASAP and try to move on.

    If that doesn't convince you, perhaps consider the possibility that you might meet your potential future wife some time in the close future. Do you think the type of woman that you would want to marry would look kindly on a man still in touch with and to some point still emotionally attached to his ex? Would you look kindly on a woman still in touch and attached to her ex?

    Please excuse the somewhat esoteric usage of gut, mind, and heart in this post. I'm not usually one to use such analogies, but we have to accept that feelings are complicated and not easily explained in a rational way.
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  7. #67
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    When will you cucks stop giving them power over your testicles??
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  8. #68
    Registered User aspirex's Avatar
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    Her end game is simple she wants to lock you back down after experiencing that her current bf has not much of a future in financial career terms. She stayed with you at first hoping you will finally marry, and you said that a complicated situation came up and you two broke up. You are hiding something as well. Why she wanted to help you find new dates at first was simple, she no longer wanted you before. And why she could go for months without contacting you,her current bf was ****ing her everyday cim cip cof that she was too occupied to think of you he was probably doing a much better job than u ****ing her brains out for her to go months of nc on you.
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  9. #69
    Registered User severagee's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by aspirex View Post
    Her end game is simple she wants to lock you back down after experiencing that her current bf has not much of a future in financial career terms. She stayed with you at first hoping you will finally marry, and you said that a complicated situation came up and you two broke up. You are hiding something as well. Why she wanted to help you find new dates at first was simple, she no longer wanted you before. And why she could go for months without contacting you,her current bf was ****ing her everyday cim cip cof that she was too occupied to think of you he was probably doing a much better job than u ****ing her brains out for her to go months of nc on you.
    Lol

    Maybe he was

    Or maybe, just MAYBE she was in a brand new romantic relationship and felt like contacting her most recent ex/love interest of 3 years wasn't appropriate, especially because I'd told her new BF I'd break his jaw if I ever saw him in person (long story there). But she eventually told him that he overreacted and that she wanted to talk to me anyway.

    But who knows. There's always going to be a lot of unanswered questions regarding this situation unfortunately, but I'm starting to make peace with that.
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  10. #70
    Registered User severagee's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mmmmmbop View Post
    Created an account just to reply to this, hope that's not inappropriate. I'm in a similar situation as you are, and I strongly believe that the best thing for you is to cut contact and try to forget her as soon as possible.....
    Thank you man, this comment really helped a lot and I appreciate you taking the time to post it. I completely agree with almost everything you said - my heart still loves her, but logically I've known for a long time that she and I aren't meant for each other. If I felt like we were compatible in the very long-term (decades), I would have gotten back together with her within those two years. My parents don't even know she's dating some new now, but they always liked her. They respected her a lot for her academics and intelligence, but I can say assuredly that if they knew of half the situation here, or of her past, their opinion of her would drop immensely. Same would go for my close friends. And some of them have even said that I can do better, that I shouldn't have to put up with the grief that she's put me through.

    That's a wonderful point you made about never having complete closure. About expecting to find answers if I think on it long enough, when in reality that simply isn't going to be the case. For so long I poured over my last few weeks with her, trying to see if I could figure out when and why she detached, but I always came up short. I'll never be able to fully understand her mindset and actions - but I think that's okay.

    Part of the reason I've been so hung up on her is because it takes me a long time to get attached to people. She was always so surprised when I told her I didn't have any real crushes growing up, nothing beyond a primal lust, but it's the truth. Even when dating her, it took me months before I truly started to become emotionally connected to her, but once that took hold, it wouldn't go away easily. And I think the same for her in many ways. Like I said, prior to me she never went more than two weeks without being in a relationship, but she remained hung up on me for over two years. We both logically knew we'd have to move on eventually, but that's always easier said than done.

    Like you said, ultimately I think she's a good person at heart, just with a troubled upbringing and history. And that manifested itself in many ways, but I can't deny that she was a good girlfriend overall. I think it's past time to move on now. I'll always have great memories of being with her, and she'll always hold a special place in my heart - but progress demands I let go of her.

    Hope you're able to do the same in your situation.
    Last edited by severagee; 01-11-2021 at 09:17 PM.
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    Originally Posted by severagee View Post
    Lol

    Maybe he was

    Or maybe, just MAYBE she was in a brand new romantic relationship and felt like contacting her most recent ex/love interest of 3 years wasn't appropriate, especially because I'd told her new BF I'd break his jaw if I ever saw him in person (long story there). But she eventually told him that he overreacted and that she wanted to talk to me anyway.

    But who knows. There's always going to be a lot of unanswered questions regarding this situation unfortunately, but I'm starting to make peace with that.
    u have plenty of options as well like uve said, best to make peace. human aint complicated, we choose what is it in our interests n benefits, more so for women since their bio clock is ticking. its definitely not wise to totally cut off any contact, just keep her around to bang or as whatever you want it to be but not spending too much effort & money. judge a person by what he she does not by those sweet talks
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  12. #72
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    Cutting contact does wonders. Please establish these boundaries. Explain why if you need to so she understands no hard feelings. If she can't follow them then block her if need be.
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    Cutting contact is the cleanest way of ending it. Having said that, both of you will be in the same profession and so may have reasons in the future to have a business relationship, and if she's as smart as you allude to, it might be financially beneficial to you. So, consider maintaining some level of friendly contact for now and then once the two of you have both established practices you can think of getting back together, doing business together, or stay apart. Her relationship with her current BF will soon end, don't jump in and take over that role, concentrate on your own business (studies)
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    Her new guy is a cuck and she convinced him to let her talk to her ex


    she got both you guys fighting it out for her.

    shes setting you up for one of those new "shared" relationships, where she shares both of you and your sperm fight it out in her vaginal cavity for dominance.


    https://www.glamour.com/story/7-poly...stop-believing

    its called polyamory and its all the rage these days

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  15. #75
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    Originally Posted by severagee View Post
    Here are the clifs:
    -Start dating my chemistry lab partner in undergrad
    -Wonderful relationship, but she unexpectedly break things off because of complicated situation that comes up and because I'm leaving for an in-state dental school she can't go to (I'm a year ahead of her)
    -Neither of us date other people and stay together "casually" for another two years, including my first year of dental school
    -She regularly says we're like "an old married couple", talk about getting back together if she goes to grad school near me
    -We cuddle, kiss on lips, say "I love you", occasionally have sex when together
    -She later ends up committing to a dental school over 10 hours away, so it becomes clear we're not getting back together
    -COVID hits, my school goes online, move back in with parents and see my ex regularly. Still intimate with her
    -A week before she leaves, she starts acting weird. A month after she leaves, she tells me she has a new BF who flies up to see her regularly
    -I get pissed cause she hooked up with him behind my back. We partially reconcile, but she and I don't speak for months
    -Two months ago she tells me she misses talking to me, but her new BF said he'd be uncomfortable if she and I stay friends

    When I first learned of the hook-up and blew up at her, her new BF messaged me saying I needed to move on, and I told him I'd break his jaw if I ever saw him in-person. Ended up apologizing, but that's all he and I have ever said to each other. When my ex broke the news of the new guy to me, she did tell me I'm "more impressive" than he is. Now a couple days ago, she reached out to me saying she and her new BF had a talk, and "they both" decided he over-reacted not wanting her and I to remain friends. Now she wants to FaceTime saying she "really misses talking to me."

    What do misc? Keep in mind this girl goes to an Ivy-league doctoral program, so she's very smart, and she always seemed super attracted to my intelligence. Her new BF is struggling to finish undergrad at a local state school, so that's what she meant when she said I'm "more impressive" than he is. But what's her end-game here?
    Stay away for a while.

    She would have to stop going to the Ivy League school you're speaking of before talking to you again
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    Originally Posted by randomuser12345 View Post
    Why would you want to be friends with girl that left you for another guy and currently taking him balls deep. Are you a cuck?

    I never had a girl friends besides the one i currently f*cking or my mates gf. Don't feel like i missed anything.
    lol
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    Alhamdulillah, she sounds like she craves the awrah.
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    Originally Posted by InsanePain11 View Post
    Brah, going to give you some truth here. She's playing you the most, and she's also disrespectign the guy she's with. You need to take that thought that she's an angel, sweetest girl, most beautiful etc out of your mind and look at her ACTIONS.

    I've been through similar very long relationships where I was still in love but it had to end. It fuking hurts and the pain is real. But once she starts fuking another guy you need to OFFICIALLY PEACE OUT! Fuk that dude, keep some self respect. Your ego is hurting because you probably felt she wouldn't really move on or fuk someone, but then she did and your brain is warped and you're comparing yourself to him, this is why you mention being 'smarter' than him etc. Brah you probably are better than him and she's with him out of convenience, but the fact is she is still with him. She's playing big games here and still has you wanting to think she's innocent. All the things you described about her almost always are the thoughts guys have after this kind of breakup. You're missing her and it's one of the toughest things you'll go through ever. She misses you too but you can't allow her to be with him, and then go to you for support as well..whether she likes you better or not this is unacceptable. You're going to feel worse unless you start realizing this is wrong and she isn't worthy of your attention now. When you said she started dated him 'behind your back' I'm not sure if you were officially broken up, but it seems she thought so.

    Hit the gym hard, work on your studies, NEVER look at her pictures or social media. Keep being open to dating although it will take a good amount of time to get excited about a girl again (if you're anything like me). Honestly I wish you look bro but I hope you look after yourself and don't let her keep walking all over you.
    This, stop idolizing her. Thatโ€™s your primal emotion, not logic. Look at her actions.
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  19. #79
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    Originally Posted by sowilson View Post
    . So, consider maintaining some level of friendly contact for now and then once the two of you have both established practices you can think of getting back together
    An absolute hell no to that. Sadly, you need to pretend this chick is dead. She should have mentally, emotionally, sexually, and friendship died to you the day she left the day that she chose to leave you and start fking another guy. That is the end of this chapter of your life. Thereโ€™s no going back to a woman after she leaves you and starts fking and sucking on another guy. Sheโ€™s not thinking about you or caring anything about you. Once sheโ€™s done getting her sexual fix then yeah sheโ€™s might compare you to him and want to talk because she doesnโ€™t have that emotional bond and years together yet to form memories. Thatโ€™s when she reaches out to you. My ex did this to her ex with a guy she replaced him with for an entire year. She was done but still wanted the emotional connection. He wanted to be with her like a chump while she was gladly fking her new guy and never going back to him. Eventually he figured out that he was fighting a lost cause and didnโ€™t want to be with her anymore anyways. Only took that chump a year. I cut her off asap when she tried to offer me the same at the end before our crazy end. At least I wasnโ€™t a chump.

    You will move on in time. Youโ€™re going to feel like an idiot when you realized you prolonged the pain out as long as you did for no good reason when the end result was going to be the same anyways.

    Also you need to realize that even if she does come groveling back after 6 months or God forbid a year that this new guy isnโ€™t going to just fade away. He will probably want her back, and even if heโ€™s not he will have formed some form of an emotional connection that she probably still wants to keep friendship with him at that point. And around and round we go with women like this. Cut her off and tell her you canโ€™t be just friends but you wish her the best and hope she has a nice life. The end.
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  20. #80
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    Thank you all for the help and advice. I've got an update that I need some thoughts on, even though I know what you'll all say.

    She just snapped me saying she broke up with the guy. You were all right! Her phrasing was "I broke up with (his name) lol". I did think it was weird when I checked her Facebook a couple days ago and she'd taken the new relationship status down. The guy also deleted or deactivated his account, I can't find it anymore.

    They didn't make it past the 6 month mark. This dude literally bought a plane ticket and flew to see her every week, constantly took her out for expensive dinners, and had her stay with his entire family over Christmas, and she still found a reason to break up with him.

    I felt strangely satisfied when I read this, knowing that I'm still her longest relationship to date and that she wasn't happier with this dude than she was with me. And now I think she wants that emotional connection and attention from me again. She always said we were like "an old married couple", even a year after we broke up.

    I've made too much progress in moving on since July of last year. Even if she wasn't 14 hours away, I'd never consider taking her back. She's broken my heart twice, and I have too much self-respect to keep doing this chit. I still think she's a good person at heart, but her absent and drug-addicted father has permanently screwed up her relationship with men. Is what it is.
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  21. #81
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    Originally Posted by severagee View Post
    Thank you all for the help and advice. I've got an update that I need some thoughts on, even though I know what you'll all say.

    She just snapped me saying she broke up with the guy. You were all right! Her phrasing was "I broke up with (his name) lol". I did think it was weird when I checked her Facebook a couple days ago and she'd taken the new relationship status down. The guy also deleted or deactivated his account, I can't find it anymore.

    They didn't make it past the 6 month mark. This dude literally bought a plane ticket and flew to see her every week, constantly took her out for expensive dinners, and had her stay with his entire family over Christmas, and she still found a reason to break up with him.

    I felt strangely satisfied when I read this, knowing that I'm still her longest relationship to date and that she wasn't happier with this dude than she was with me. And now I think she wants that emotional connection and attention from me again. She always said we were like "an old married couple", even a year after we broke up.

    I've made too much progress in moving on since July of last year. Even if she wasn't 14 hours away, I'd never consider taking her back. She's broken my heart twice, and I have too much self-respect to keep doing this chit. I still think she's a good person at heart, but her absent and drug-addicted father has permanently screwed up her relationship with men. Is what it is.
    Don't do it brah. At the end of the day she still lives miles away and someone closer to her will always be more convenient.
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  22. #82
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    Originally Posted by severagee View Post
    Thank you all for the help and advice. I've got an update that I need some thoughts on, even though I know what you'll all say.

    She just snapped me saying she broke up with the guy. You were all right! Her phrasing was "I broke up with (his name) lol". I did think it was weird when I checked her Facebook a couple days ago and she'd taken the new relationship status down. The guy also deleted or deactivated his account, I can't find it anymore.

    They didn't make it past the 6 month mark. This dude literally bought a plane ticket and flew to see her every week, constantly took her out for expensive dinners, and had her stay with his entire family over Christmas, and she still found a reason to break up with him.

    I felt strangely satisfied when I read this, knowing that I'm still her longest relationship to date and that she wasn't happier with this dude than she was with me. And now I think she wants that emotional connection and attention from me again. She always said we were like "an old married couple", even a year after we broke up.

    I've made too much progress in moving on since July of last year. Even if she wasn't 14 hours away, I'd never consider taking her back. She's broken my heart twice, and I have too much self-respect to keep doing this chit. I still think she's a good person at heart, but her absent and drug-addicted father has permanently screwed up her relationship with men. Is what it is.
    I understand the bolded of wanting to know what she's doing and who she's doing it with, but you need to cut that nonsense out asap. Ask yourself....what kind of life is that? Trying to stalk your ex and see who she's fking, and who this person is and what they're doing together, maybe he makes this much money, maybe he's friends with this many people, etc. That's just prolonging the hurt and pain and staying bonded to your ex in a pathetic way.

    Yeah you naturally feel good because she didn't upgrade. So what if she had in her mind? Who is she to you to decide that another man is an upgrade over you? Wish her well and don't respond to anything other than being basic and kind and short at most. She made her bed and let her lie in it.

    I also think my ex is a good person at heart, but her absent father that she has zero relationship with or respect for has also permanently screwed up her relationship with men. These type of women are just not your project to fix no matter how much you love them.
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    Originally Posted by severagee View Post
    I felt strangely satisfied when I read this, knowing that I'm still her longest relationship to date and that she wasn't happier with this dude than she was with me.
    Thatโ€™s an unhealthy way of viewing relationships. View them as mere compatibility between two different people. That mindset will help as you discover new ones too.

    You are not better or worse than the guy before you or the next one. She isnโ€™t the arbiter of the quality of a man.
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    Originally Posted by shirtlessbrah View Post
    Don't do it brah. At the end of the day she still lives miles away and someone closer to her will always be more convenient.
    Don't worry, not a chance in hell I'd get back with her after the chit she's pulled. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice...that's not gonna be the story of the future mother of my kids. At the end of the day, if this girl is 25 and has dated dozens of dudes, never single for more than 2 weeks since the age of 18, and has never had a relationship last longer than 6 months (except for me), the problems lie with her.

    She just snapped me about why she broke up with him. Couldn't stand his lack of ambition, failing grades, low drive, so after he flew up to celebrate her birthday, she broke up with him. Dude deleted his social media and is probably bawling right now while she's laughing about it with her ex. Brutal. I think there's a part of her that will always resent men due to her relationship with her father. Next girl I get serious with will have a healthy relationship with her father; daddy-issues isn't just a meme, it completely screws these women up.

    Originally Posted by Imnew1 View Post
    I understand the bolded of wanting to know what she's doing and who she's doing it with, but you need to cut that nonsense out asap. Ask yourself....what kind of life is that? Trying to stalk your ex and see who she's fking, and who this person is and what they're doing together, maybe he makes this much money, maybe he's friends with this many people, etc. That's just prolonging the hurt and pain and staying bonded to your ex in a pathetic way.

    Yeah you naturally feel good because she didn't upgrade. So what if she had in her mind? Who is she to you to decide that another man is an upgrade over you? Wish her well and don't respond to anything other than being basic and kind and short at most. She made her bed and let her lie in it.

    I also think my ex is a good person at heart, but her absent father that she has zero relationship with or respect for has also permanently screwed up her relationship with men. These type of women are just not your project to fix no matter how much you love them.
    Yep, you are 100% right on the dot with those last 2 sentences especially. And you're right about how I shouldn't let her influence my self-worth. But she was always one of the greatest boosters of my self-esteem, and her saying I'm "more impressive" than this guy right when she started dating him helped more than I'd like to admit. But I get regular compliments and validation from the people who are actually in my life now.

    And I completely understand you on stalking her social media. It was a bad habit. I started out checking it daily, to checking it maybe once a week. Part of me wondered why she didn't post photos of her with the new guy. She didn't even post a relationship update until after dating him for 5 months. And then less than a month later, she breaks up with him. I guess I kept comparing her treatment of him with her treatment of me. She regularly posted photos of her and I together while dating, and even after we broke up. Call it a fragile ego, I guess I wanted to think that she viewed our relationship as more serious and meaningful than her's with him.
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    Ok cool you got your validation, now what?

    You realize you're gonna have to cut her off if/when you start dating someone seriously and you could even screw things up with any potential gf before it gets to that point by being in constant contact with her.
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    Originally Posted by skinnyfat88 View Post
    Ok cool you got your validation, now what?

    You realize you're gonna have to cut her off if/when you start dating someone seriously and you could even screw things up with any potential gf before it gets to that point by being in constant contact with her.
    You're honestly right. But I haven't been in constant contact with her. She snapped me last night while I was at the gym and then told me about the breakup, and we FaceTimed for an hour a month before that. Otherwise, I haven't been contacting her and she's been initiating everything.

    I'm gonna keep the distance. I've gotten used to not having her in my life so I don't feel a need to go back.
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    Originally Posted by severagee View Post
    Don't worry, not a chance in hell I'd get back with her after the chit she's pulled. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice...that's not gonna be the story of the future mother of my kids. At the end of the day, if this girl is 25 and has dated dozens of dudes, never single for more than 2 weeks since the age of 18, and has never had a relationship last longer than 6 months (except for me), the problems lie with her.

    She just snapped me about why she broke up with him. Couldn't stand his lack of ambition, failing grades, low drive, so after he flew up to celebrate her birthday, she broke up with him. Dude deleted his social media and is probably bawling right now while she's laughing about it with her ex. Brutal. I think there's a part of her that will always resent men due to her relationship with her father. Next girl I get serious with will have a healthy relationship with her father; daddy-issues isn't just a meme, it completely screws these women up.



    Yep, you are 100% right on the dot with those last 2 sentences especially. And you're right about how I shouldn't let her influence my self-worth. But she was always one of the greatest boosters of my self-esteem, and her saying I'm "more impressive" than this guy right when she started dating him helped more than I'd like to admit. But I get regular compliments and validation from the people who are actually in my life now.

    And I completely understand you on stalking her social media. It was a bad habit. I started out checking it daily, to checking it maybe once a week. Part of me wondered why she didn't post photos of her with the new guy. She didn't even post a relationship update until after dating him for 5 months. And then less than a month later, she breaks up with him. I guess I kept comparing her treatment of him with her treatment of me. She regularly posted photos of her and I together while dating, and even after we broke up. Call it a fragile ego, I guess I wanted to think that she viewed our relationship as more serious and meaningful than her's with him.
    Glad to hear. Honestly I've been in your shoes and long distance just doesn't work even if it's temporary, especially since from the sound of it she's someone that can't stay single. There will always be more convenient guys around and the trust will never return since she's already dated someone behind your back (even if you weren't officially together).
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