Reply
Results 1 to 11 of 11
  1. #1
    Registered User dustcloud1's Avatar
    Join Date: Nov 2019
    Age: 51
    Posts: 14
    Rep Power: 0
    dustcloud1 is not very well liked. (-100) dustcloud1 is not very well liked. (-100) dustcloud1 is not very well liked. (-100) dustcloud1 is not very well liked. (-100) dustcloud1 is not very well liked. (-100) dustcloud1 is not very well liked. (-100) dustcloud1 is not very well liked. (-100) dustcloud1 is not very well liked. (-100) dustcloud1 is not very well liked. (-100) dustcloud1 is not very well liked. (-100) dustcloud1 is not very well liked. (-100)
    dustcloud1 is offline

    He (34m) wants to see me again despite sort of ending things with me (25f). Advice?

    I’ve been dating this guy for about 8/9 months. We’re 9 years apart and I don’t notice the age difference. We get along like a house on fire, always laughing together. He tells me regularly ‘I laugh so much with you’, I know his friends, his family know about me but we haven’t been able to meet due to Covid. He used to call his parents every Sunday but since we’ve been dating, it’s become less and less. To me this is also a sign of being in a relationship with someone. We normally see each other a few times a week, sometimes less or more depending on our schedule. He invites me to all the 'big' things in his life, for example, we were going to go to his medical ball together (he would've been seen with me in front of other girls if there is anything nefarious). When we drive or hangout in different areas together, he likes to look up the prices of houses. He's also said in front of me how cute kids are and that he can't wait to do that one day. Signs to me he's testing my reaction and seeing if I want that as well.

    A few months into dating, he asked to make sure that we’re not seeing other people. He isn’t into casual sex and I think exclusivity is important to him. A few months ago I was anxious about what we were - he hadn’t asked me to be his girlfriend and I thought this is something that he would’ve wanted to do. He’s traditional, wanting something serious such as marriage/family. We had a few talks about the direction of our relationship, he said there were a few things he was a bit concerned about, a few things we maybe didn’t have in common (he’s very risk-averse and overthinks everything). His concerns were things like ‘I like anime and you don’t’ ‘I like fiction books and you don’t’

    He’s studying so after that conversation he said he would decide at the end of his exams, his exams have finished now. He went away recently with some of his University friends, he was unsure of whether to go (seemed like he wanted to be with me, haha) and wanted to see me before he left. I’ve felt good about everything between us post-exams as I had a feeling he was going to slowly contact me less and less and try and see me less - due to his uncertainty.

    One night on the phone, I told him that I wasn’t quite sure whether continuing to have sex with him was a wise idea as we aren’t boyfriend/girlfriend. He was confused that I said it was casual. I said ‘well, we aren’t in a relationship’ and he said ‘you are my girlfriend’ I’m certain he went onto say ’I thought we’ve known this since we started dating’ so I then asked him ‘well if I was to meet a new friend of yours that I haven’t met, would you introduce me as your girlfriend? And he said yes. Unfortunately, he has to repeat his exams so I may not be able to see him for a while, I do need to clarify that he actually meant this.

    I just wonder why he had this hesitancy a few times when we had the discussion a few months back though? There was even a point where I suggested we should end things because he wasn't so sure and he agreed. Maybe this is natural though and a reflection of his risk-averse attitude about things. There were just some uncertainties on his part. He said he could've been overthinking it. As a result, it sort of made me more anxious and I suggested we should end it.

    We were the other day asking to see me and said it’ll be good to have a proper chat about things as we’ve both been putting things off, as so he said.

    I got to his house, he said yes I have been his girlfriend all along and he doesn't know why I would think otherwise. He said that he feels it’s not going to work because of our age gap and he claims we're very different people. I personally do not see this as I feel like we share the same values, we're compatible in a lot of areas etc. He told me that he finds me beautiful, loves my sense of humour and that we get along and have fun together. I did mention that we handle conflict differently but our only arguments have been over text/call and since that's such a poor form of communication - it's hard to tell. He said he could continue seeing me but he has these concerns. I asked him if there was anyone else in the picture and he sort of laughed and said he barely has time for me, let alone another person. I felt it was a genuine, honest response.

    He started to cry (this is the most emotion I've seen from him), saying he won't be able to cook me any more dinners and our memories shared together. He then went back and forth and said he doesn't know if he's making the right decision, that he will never find someone like me, I am out of his league etc. He said maybe he's just one big idiot after all and he's made a stupid decision. I was calm in my response and he said "why don't you get angry? this is making it more difficult" in a somewhat cute way. He just kept saying that lately everything has been solidified in his brain that it's probably the most responsible decision. He asked me if I thought he was being unreasonable.

    Now I feel like since we've been arguing quite a bit the past few weeks and he's been stressed, possibly his decision is skewed. I hadn't seen him in 2 or 3 weeks due to exams and I asked whether maybe we just got cold feet because of us not seeing each other. I remember months ago he said he sometimes questions us in absence.

    We spent over 4 hours talking and it was like he didn't want me to leave nor did I. He then asked if we should go to dinner together. He finally walked me to my car and he couldn't stop crying.

    Something in me decided to message him the other morning after I left:

    Me - Morning 😊 I don’t know if messaging you is the best idea, but I hope you haven’t woken up too sad. If you ever want to catch up on neutral grounds, a coffee or lunch, don’t hesitate - I still consider you a friend. Even under these circumstances, it was nice to see you last night and I am saddened I won’t be able to have more of them with you. That’s all ❤️

    Him - Morning! I was in two minds as to whether to message you with the same sentiment 😅 I feel very much the same. Like you say it’s always nice seeing you, and it’s hard for me to think we won’t be sharing more moments together. I really hope you’re feeling ok today ❤️ Enjoy the rest of your weekend 😊

    Me - Aw, well if you’re keen to catch up in a week to come or a few months, let me know. I’m trying to not make this any harder for us but it is difficult. I didn’t react with anger because that’s genuinely not how I feel about us. I miss you, enjoy your morning eggs ❤️

    Him - Will do ❤️ miss you too, at least you can have your eggs with olive oil today 😅

    Me - These thoughts are best discussed in person but I’m not sure if that can happen and they’re weighing heavy on me. I do think we could work through the issues as I feel there are more positives than negatives. I am aware that the past few weeks have been pretty nasty for the both of us but I’ve been particularly harsh on you. If I don’t hear back from you, I will, of course, assume you do not feel the same way and will accept your decision.

    Him - I thought I did explain that although the last month or so has been really difficult, it hasn’t been the main reason why I reached the decision I did. Of course, I’m always really happy to talk to you about anything though, so if you still want to talk things through naturally I’m happy to do that 😊

    He went onto say that he hates that he's upset me and that it's all really difficult for him but he *thinks* it's all for the best.

    I asked that if we decide to have a chat, when is he free as he is starting a new job (again, could be a reason for the breakup) next week. He told me and then I've left the conversation at that.

    I got in contact again and then I said I would like to see him again, he said let’s catch up next week. I’ve left the conversation there and will see if he follows up next week.

    I know I should have probably never contacted him again but I just had this gut feeling to do so. I guess I only know him and I've been the one in the relationship with him.

    What are your thoughts?

    **TL;DR** 8 months into dating, he finally broke the news to me that we should end what we have based on our age gap and some differences. I have a feeling it could also be because he’s starting his new job as a doctor (admittedly stressful)
    Reply With Quote

  2. #2
    Banned 2am's Avatar
    Join Date: Jan 2013
    Posts: 17,505
    Rep Power: 0
    2am has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) 2am has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) 2am has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) 2am has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) 2am has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) 2am has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) 2am has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) 2am has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) 2am has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) 2am has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) 2am has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000)
    2am is offline
    did not read
    Reply With Quote

  3. #3
    Registered User smashedurgfx10's Avatar
    Join Date: Sep 2015
    Age: 27
    Posts: 4,609
    Rep Power: 26845
    smashedurgfx10 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) smashedurgfx10 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) smashedurgfx10 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) smashedurgfx10 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) smashedurgfx10 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) smashedurgfx10 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) smashedurgfx10 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) smashedurgfx10 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) smashedurgfx10 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) smashedurgfx10 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) smashedurgfx10 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000)
    smashedurgfx10 is offline
    take my hand, we're off to never never land
    Motorcycle Crew
    Beard Crew
    Truth bomb crew
    Most accurate rater on the misc crew
    Deliverer of bad news crew
    Reply With Quote

  4. #4
    Registered User soberchuck's Avatar
    Join Date: Nov 2020
    Age: 51
    Posts: 1,217
    Rep Power: 8566
    soberchuck is a name known to all. (+5000) soberchuck is a name known to all. (+5000) soberchuck is a name known to all. (+5000) soberchuck is a name known to all. (+5000) soberchuck is a name known to all. (+5000) soberchuck is a name known to all. (+5000) soberchuck is a name known to all. (+5000) soberchuck is a name known to all. (+5000) soberchuck is a name known to all. (+5000) soberchuck is a name known to all. (+5000) soberchuck is a name known to all. (+5000)
    soberchuck is offline
    Reply With Quote

  5. #5
    Registered User dolvioblue's Avatar
    Join Date: Feb 2019
    Age: 51
    Posts: 798
    Rep Power: 2345
    dolvioblue is just really nice. (+1000) dolvioblue is just really nice. (+1000) dolvioblue is just really nice. (+1000) dolvioblue is just really nice. (+1000) dolvioblue is just really nice. (+1000) dolvioblue is just really nice. (+1000) dolvioblue is just really nice. (+1000) dolvioblue is just really nice. (+1000) dolvioblue is just really nice. (+1000) dolvioblue is just really nice. (+1000) dolvioblue is just really nice. (+1000)
    dolvioblue is offline
    Why do we keep reading this over and over?
    6'2
    220lbs
    Watch, Travel and fitness enthusiast
    Reply With Quote

  6. #6
    Registered User smashedurgfx10's Avatar
    Join Date: Sep 2015
    Age: 27
    Posts: 4,609
    Rep Power: 26845
    smashedurgfx10 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) smashedurgfx10 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) smashedurgfx10 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) smashedurgfx10 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) smashedurgfx10 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) smashedurgfx10 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) smashedurgfx10 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) smashedurgfx10 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) smashedurgfx10 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) smashedurgfx10 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) smashedurgfx10 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000)
    smashedurgfx10 is offline
    Originally Posted by dolvioblue View Post
    Why do we keep reading this over and over?
    because sandman's family still don't talk to him (go figure) so we have to put up with his incessant sh*t until he shoots up a school and goes to jail
    Motorcycle Crew
    Beard Crew
    Truth bomb crew
    Most accurate rater on the misc crew
    Deliverer of bad news crew
    Reply With Quote

  7. #7
    Registered User dolvioblue's Avatar
    Join Date: Feb 2019
    Age: 51
    Posts: 798
    Rep Power: 2345
    dolvioblue is just really nice. (+1000) dolvioblue is just really nice. (+1000) dolvioblue is just really nice. (+1000) dolvioblue is just really nice. (+1000) dolvioblue is just really nice. (+1000) dolvioblue is just really nice. (+1000) dolvioblue is just really nice. (+1000) dolvioblue is just really nice. (+1000) dolvioblue is just really nice. (+1000) dolvioblue is just really nice. (+1000) dolvioblue is just really nice. (+1000)
    dolvioblue is offline
    Originally Posted by smashedurgfx10 View Post
    because sandman's family still don't talk to him (go figure) so we have to put up with his incessant sh*t until he shoots up a school and goes to jail
    Figured it was him.
    6'2
    220lbs
    Watch, Travel and fitness enthusiast
    Reply With Quote

  8. #8
    Registered User gesten's Avatar
    Join Date: Feb 2019
    Age: 51
    Posts: 2,442
    Rep Power: 0
    gesten is the lowest scum of the boards. (Worst Rank) gesten is the lowest scum of the boards. (Worst Rank) gesten is the lowest scum of the boards. (Worst Rank) gesten is the lowest scum of the boards. (Worst Rank) gesten is the lowest scum of the boards. (Worst Rank) gesten is the lowest scum of the boards. (Worst Rank) gesten is the lowest scum of the boards. (Worst Rank) gesten is the lowest scum of the boards. (Worst Rank) gesten is the lowest scum of the boards. (Worst Rank) gesten is the lowest scum of the boards. (Worst Rank) gesten is the lowest scum of the boards. (Worst Rank)
    gesten is offline
    You must be sandman’s sister

    Sandgirl
    Reply With Quote

  9. #9
    Registered User Austin317's Avatar
    Join Date: Jan 2017
    Age: 28
    Posts: 794
    Rep Power: 3218
    Austin317 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) Austin317 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) Austin317 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) Austin317 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) Austin317 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) Austin317 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) Austin317 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) Austin317 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) Austin317 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) Austin317 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) Austin317 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500)
    Austin317 is offline
    I’ve seen this post 3 times already. You are sandman.
    Reply With Quote

  10. #10
    Registered User Imnew1's Avatar
    Join Date: May 2017
    Age: 37
    Posts: 539
    Rep Power: 4129
    Imnew1 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) Imnew1 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) Imnew1 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) Imnew1 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) Imnew1 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) Imnew1 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) Imnew1 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) Imnew1 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) Imnew1 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) Imnew1 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) Imnew1 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500)
    Imnew1 is online now
    So now he’s telling his sob story through the eyes of a chick. Whata fkn loser. What are the requirements to be a mod around here? Somebody needs to be the Sandman mod that bans him on first site.
    Reply With Quote

  11. #11
    Registered User SoutheastBeast1's Avatar
    Join Date: Mar 2013
    Age: 33
    Posts: 33,105
    Rep Power: 106089
    SoutheastBeast1 has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) SoutheastBeast1 has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) SoutheastBeast1 has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) SoutheastBeast1 has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) SoutheastBeast1 has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) SoutheastBeast1 has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) SoutheastBeast1 has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) SoutheastBeast1 has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) SoutheastBeast1 has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) SoutheastBeast1 has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) SoutheastBeast1 has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000)
    SoutheastBeast1 is online now
    Read every word
    Professional Misc Rustler

    "But the people we saved, they're our legacy. And they'll remember us and then I guess we'll eventually fade away too. But that's fine. Cause we left the world better than we found it, ya know."
    -Sam Winchester
    Reply With Quote

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts