How to tell Fiancé shes gaining weight, Im losing interest.

[bsmit107]

Ill try to keep it short and not relay every detail but here are the basics.

-We've been together 6 years, getting married in April, she's 32 I'm 35
-Gym/diet was a big part of our lives when we met, that hasn't changed on my end, she has been steadily less and less interested over the years.
-She knows it, jokes about it in a self deprecating way but doesn't do enough to change it.
-She'll meal prep for the week then end up eating out instead and has no (by my standards TBH) discipline.
-Goes to the gym now only "because I make her" (at least that's the "joke" she puts on in front of friends) and half-asses it while there.
-Has declined my efforts for us to train together and gets upset when I make suggestions.
-Gets upset when I bring it up or make a comment on her meal choice (rarely) or eating habits...again rarely.
-Literally despises physical activity now and makes fun of me in front of other people when the subject comes up...happened last weekend and I got pissed...but she was "just joking"
-I'm realizing that I'm losing attraction/desire and I'm not really interested in sex with her (mentally and physically). It wasn't always this way.
-I'm just as turned off by her lack of care/lack of interest/outlook on the subject as I am in seeing the weight gain on her.
-I'm starting to build a "wall" due to these differences that seem to be getting larger.

She knows she's gained the weight and she knows how I feel about it....we have talked about it before (which is another point of frustration...the fact that she's aware and doesn't care enough to change it)...but not to the extent that I've let her know it's starting to affect how I feel towards her because this is relatively new.

Everything else, literally everything is great.

[dolvioblue]

Ill try to keep it short and not relay every detail but here are the basics.

-We've been together 6 years, getting married in April, she's 32 I'm 35
-Gym/diet was a big part of our lives when we met, that hasn't changed on my end, she has been steadily less and less interested over the years.
-She knows it, jokes about it in a self deprecating way but doesn't do enough to change it.
-She'll meal prep for the week then end up eating out instead and has no (by my standards TBH) discipline.
-Goes to the gym now only "because I make her" (at least that's the "joke" she puts on in front of friends) and half-asses it while there.
-Has declined my efforts for us to train together and gets upset when I make suggestions.
-Gets upset when I bring it up or make a comment on her meal choice (rarely) or eating habits...again rarely.
-Literally despises physical activity now and makes fun of me in front of other people when the subject comes up...happened last weekend and I got pissed...but she was "just joking"
-I'm realizing that I'm losing attraction/desire and I'm not really interested in sex with her (mentally and physically). It wasn't always this way.
-I'm just as turned off by her lack of care/lack of interest/outlook on the subject as I am in seeing the weight gain on her.
-I'm starting to build a "wall" due to these differences that seem to be getting larger.

She knows she's gained the weight and she knows how I feel about it....we have talked about it before (which is another point of frustration...the fact that she's aware and doesn't care enough to change it)...but not to the extent that I've let her know it's starting to affect how I feel towards her because this is relatively new.

Everything else, literally everything is great.

Plan a beach vacation or something where you will hit the sand and some time alone. Maybe she’s just tired in life right now. Not everyone can stay dedicated to the gym their whole life. Plan some alone time at a beach resort and she might get back on the horse for bikini season.

[bsmit107]

Plan a beach vacation or something where you will hit the sand and some time alone. Maybe she’s just tired in life right now. Not everyone can stay dedicated to the gym their whole life. Plan some alone time at a beach resort and she might get back on the horse for bikini season.

I see what you're saying.

We spent 2 years living in the Virgin Islands.... In bathing suits every/multiple times a week. Moved back to the states about 8 months ago....right about the time she REALLY started to not GAF

[Brosnbroccoli]

It seems like a slow and steady decline to out of shape status. Will turn into your average half fat out of shape woman in 5 years 100%... and if you’re unlucky, she will become a whale.

In my opinion she is being very disrespectful to you. She knows it’s important to you and she knows you’re turned off by her lack of effort/care about her body.

I would try to approach it as a question to her of WHY. Why is she suddently disinterested/not able to work out / eating right.

Tell her it’s important to you, and that you become insecure about how this will impact your relationsship in the future, and then try to find out why she doesn’t give a fuk anymore and fix that. Ultimately you can ask her if she thinks it’s fair to you or your relationsship.

Important that you stay calm and keep reminding her you love her, want a future with her and that you’re not insulting her.

[skinnyfat88]

Damn.
Her desire has to come from within.

Women can get by on diet and moderate exercise for decent aesthetics whereas men have to lift for the most part.
I'd encourage her to find her own form of exercise she enjoys and so some experimenting with her diet but if she isn't dealing with any stress and her view has changed and doesn't mind putting on 20-30lbs or whatever in order to enjoy her life the way she wants then you two need to have a serious discussion about your future.

[KidDyno]

Wen ur out buying groceries n chit together make sure she sees you eyeballing all the hot young sloots walking by

ure improving n she’s hitting the wall
Yikez

[dolvioblue]

I see what you're saying.

We spent 2 years living in the Virgin Islands.... In bathing suits every/multiple times a week. Moved back to the states about 8 months ago....right about the time she REALLY started to not GAF

People can get comfortable... spice it up. Take a trip. Make a meal together. Don’t give up.

[littlemissy]

Seems odd to me that your wedding is not far away and she's not prepping to get into her wedding gown? If anything all the chicks I know get into beast mode for their wedding photos.

Should have a heart to heart with her and let her know that her 'jokes' aren't funny anymore and be honest about the attraction part. Sounds like she's just very comfortable. At the end of the day she has to want to work out for herself.

[soberchuck]

Seems odd to me that your wedding is not far away and she's not prepping to get into her wedding gown? If anything all the chicks I know get into beast mode for their wedding photos.

Should have a heart to heart with her and let her know that her 'jokes' aren't funny anymore and be honest about the attraction part. Sounds like she's just very comfortable. At the end of the day she has to want to work out for herself.

That's what I was thinking.

Some other good advice in this thread.

Could be the start of a slow whaling.

At the same time, I've changed workouts and just completely given up for periods of time more times than I can count.

[HayZues Christi]

Its hard to do, but I've found just being flat out honest to work best.


" I'm telling you this because I love you and care enough to do so. I believe open and honest communication keeps a relationship healthy. I risk hurting your feelings instead of allowing resentment to build.."




Had this very conversation recently with the wife. Got the silent treatment for rest of day. Been busting her ass in gym and kitchen since.

[guest89]

I feel like when woman think they 'have' a guy and he's not going anywhere. They start letting their diet/fitness start to slip. Especially if they aren't passionate about it. My question is, if you don't give a F about being attractive for me before marriage and kids. What happens once I'm locked into a marriage and things get even more difficult for you when you have a kid? I can tolerate a lot, but fat rolls and cellulite is a massive turn off for me. As in I'd rather masturbate type of turn off. I let my girlfriend know pretty early on in the relationship.




Maybe its just me, but getting fat is as much of a deal-breaker as cheating. Never the less I never get involved too deeply with girls with HTC genetics.

[soberchuck]

I feel like when woman think they 'have' a guy and he's not going anywhere. They start letting their diet/fitness start to slip. Especially if they aren't passionate about it. My question is, if you don't give a F about being attractive for me before marriage and kids. What happens once I'm locked into a marriage and things get even more difficult for you when you have a kid? I can tolerate a lot, but fat rolls and cellulite is a massive turn off for me. As in I'd rather masturbate type of turn off. I let my girlfriend know pretty early on in the relationship.




Maybe its just me, but getting fat is as much of a deal-breaker as cheating. Never the less I never get involved too deeply with girls with HTC genetics.

It's even tougher for OP if this chick was super into fitness for years and years, must've thought he was golden.

[DustinTheHuss]

Help her find a reason to train. A sport or something. People tend to just wane when it's going to the gym just to go to the gym. If they're training for a 10K or something like basketball, then they're more apt to put more energy into good food and gym habits.

[ruskiMishka]

everyone is fat, we're in a pandemic

[OutdoorsBrah]

Be honest SRS.





Be tactful, but direct. She will be pissed, but its the only way. Lifes rough.










If all else fails, then bounce. It wont get better and you will slowly grow to resent her. Also you will be married so you will have half your chit taken from you when you or her finally snap. SRS



Stay safe mate.

[smashedurgfx10]

'you're gaining weight, and im losing interest'

100% serious, thank me later

edit: that's if you try the more polite way first, and she doesn't take well to it/throws a tantrum/tells you it doesn't matter/minimises your concern.

the only way she's gonna do it legit is if she thinks you're gonna leave her if she doesn't get in shape. thats essentially what you're telling her

if you do this correctly chances are you'll never have to worry about a fat wife until you die

[Kev1972]

Wow, if she's that comfortable after just an engagement ring imagine how entitled she's going to act when she knows she can take half your chit.

[backinthegymbro]

If she's already gaining weight now, imagine how much she'll blow up once you're married? At that point she has zero incentives to stay even remotely in shape.
Here's a preview of your future.

[smashedurgfx10]

If she's already gaining weight now, imagine how much she'll blow up once you're married? At that point she has zero incentives to stay even remotely in shape.
Here's a preview of your future.

that decrepit beast deserves to be homeless

[soberchuck]

I just had another idea. Leave this thread open on your computer while you're out.

Semi-srs.

[legbroke]

Lot of good advice ITT. I'd like to particularly second littlemissy's comment about the "jokes." I think communicating to her that this is important to you and her jokes/carelessness are upsetting is a key aspect.

[sloppyjoe1]

Ill try to keep it short and not relay every detail but here are the basics.

-We've been together 6 years, getting married in April, she's 32 I'm 35
-Gym/diet was a big part of our lives when we met, that hasn't changed on my end, she has been steadily less and less interested over the years.
-She knows it, jokes about it in a self deprecating way but doesn't do enough to change it.
-She'll meal prep for the week then end up eating out instead and has no (by my standards TBH) discipline.
-Goes to the gym now only "because I make her" (at least that's the "joke" she puts on in front of friends) and half-asses it while there.
-Has declined my efforts for us to train together and gets upset when I make suggestions.
-Gets upset when I bring it up or make a comment on her meal choice (rarely) or eating habits...again rarely.
-Literally despises physical activity now and makes fun of me in front of other people when the subject comes up...happened last weekend and I got pissed...but she was "just joking"
-I'm realizing that I'm losing attraction/desire and I'm not really interested in sex with her (mentally and physically). It wasn't always this way.
-I'm just as turned off by her lack of care/lack of interest/outlook on the subject as I am in seeing the weight gain on her.
-I'm starting to build a "wall" due to these differences that seem to be getting larger.

She knows she's gained the weight and she knows how I feel about it....we have talked about it before (which is another point of frustration...the fact that she's aware and doesn't care enough to change it)...but not to the extent that I've let her know it's starting to affect how I feel towards her because this is relatively new.

Everything else, literally everything is great.

Look man, I'll tell you a little story.

When I met my ex in my early twenties, she was a little thick and into partying. When she met me I was really into diet, gym, no drugs, limited alcohol. She really liked me and started to mirror what I did. She stopped smoking weed, ate better, went to the gym with me. She ended up looking better, feeling better, and mentally having a more positive outlook/happier.

We were together 5 years, after a few years she went back to smoking weed, went to the gym less, started going out drinking more, gained some weight back. She eventually broke up with me because things weren't like they used to be the first few years, and now I respect her for doing that because I'm much better and learned a lot.

The point of that story is, and how it relates to yours is, you have to question whether she did all of those things because she fell for you and wanted to do it for you. Or, if she actually deep down inside enjoys those things. It's not just a hobby, it's literally a lifestyle change that affects all day every day. If she only did it for you and has little to no desire to be into that herself, that's going to be a problem for you because 1. You lose that connection with her you once had and 2. You're not sexually attracted to her anymore. She's 32 now, but in the years to come it will only get worse and worse for you. You've got to make a big decision here. You aren't married and I assume have no children with her. Other than some family/friend fallout and a few months of emotional healing, you can get out. Now is the time to do it.

[5tfihsmgidarap]

Same situation here op except 2.5 years and not planning on marrying any time soon. I rather watch porn these days than **** my gf srs, not sure what to do either I always try to send the relationship when we fight but then I see all the effort she puts in to not break up and I'm like shietttt I can't leave her. I wish I had answers too man I think you have to genuinely show her how pissed you are at her and it might click for her

[Caldef]

Early 30s, most PEOPLE start getting fat unless they're really motivated for themelves.

If you've been with her for years, it probably wasn't that she was really into fitness whdn you first met, as opposed to she still had that early 20s metabolism.

Youve tried talking to her, it hasnt achieved anything and its not going to. You can't change another person, so you can either accept her as she is or move on.

[Paul Kreul]

Nothing you can really do or say. Wife was under 100lbs when we married (5'2) she started gaining weight bout 5 yrs into our marriage(married 16yrs./married young). Got on her about the weight, up to 120lbs, the more I got on here, the more she seemed disintreasted in getting back to shape. When I finally let it go, she started working out pretty hard, and did some modeling pics for me for the Birthday, got down to 95lbs. She has stayed pretty lean from then on. Like others have said, it has to come from within. No one wants to be told what to do, and it will just grow into resetment for both of you. She loves you, I'm assuming, she'll get back in shape, weight is just an up & down struggle for many.

[skinnyfat88]

Same situation here op except 2.5 years and not planning on marrying any time soon. I rather watch porn these days than **** my gf srs, not sure what to do either I always try to send the relationship when we fight but then I see all the effort she puts in to not break up and I'm like shietttt I can't leave her.

What are these efforts you speak of?

She's misdirecting her effort that could be used towards health and fitness.

If you're 100% not into it longterm you need to grow the balls to let her go so she can search for someone who does want to be with her.

[Tdriin]

Depends on the house situation as well. If she is the only one cooking, cleaning, working and meal prepping with no help she won’t fancy exercising. That’s often the case and men are clueless why is their partner always tired. However if it’s even between you two then there is a lack of motivation rather than tiredness.

Also depression causes lack of interest and discipline. With how the year has been and winter around the corner it could be easily a sign of depression, which can be treated.

What would benefit is just sit down and talk honestly.

[Source7769]

Ill try to keep it short and not relay every detail but here are the basics.

-We've been together 6 years, getting married in April, she's 32 I'm 35
-Gym/diet was a big part of our lives when we met, that hasn't changed on my end, she has been steadily less and less interested over the years.
-She knows it, jokes about it in a self deprecating way but doesn't do enough to change it.
-She'll meal prep for the week then end up eating out instead and has no (by my standards TBH) discipline.
-Goes to the gym now only "because I make her" (at least that's the "joke" she puts on in front of friends) and half-asses it while there.
-Has declined my efforts for us to train together and gets upset when I make suggestions.
-Gets upset when I bring it up or make a comment on her meal choice (rarely) or eating habits...again rarely.
-Literally despises physical activity now and makes fun of me in front of other people when the subject comes up...happened last weekend and I got pissed...but she was "just joking"
-I'm realizing that I'm losing attraction/desire and I'm not really interested in sex with her (mentally and physically). It wasn't always this way.
-I'm just as turned off by her lack of care/lack of interest/outlook on the subject as I am in seeing the weight gain on her.
-I'm starting to build a "wall" due to these differences that seem to be getting larger.

She knows she's gained the weight and she knows how I feel about it....we have talked about it before (which is another point of frustration...the fact that she's aware and doesn't care enough to change it)...but not to the extent that I've let her know it's starting to affect how I feel towards her because this is relatively new.

Everything else, literally everything is great.

If you aren’t even married and you are losing interest over her weight you better back out now

[dolvioblue]

Depends on the house situation as well. If she is the only one cooking, cleaning, working and meal prepping with no help she won’t fancy exercising. That’s often the case and men are clueless why is their partner always tired. However if it’s even between you two then there is a lack of motivation rather than tiredness.

Also depression causes lack of interest and discipline. With how the year has been and winter around the corner it could be easily a sign of depression, which can be treated.

What would benefit is just sit down and talk honestly.

This.

[radrd]

It sounds like you'd be making a mistake if you marry her. End well this will not.