Crutches, Calories and Core. My recovery diary.

[CBRIT89]

You may have seen my previous thread, where I lost a pretty significant amount of weight. I then put two thirds of it back on after depression and injury prevented me working out.

I'm back, but with an issue. I've got necrosis in my ankle, so it's pretty badly broken in many places. I've also got two torn ligaments in that ankle, meaning I'm on crutches for the next 6 weeks minimum, and I need surgery to fix this. It'll be 2022 before I'm back to normal.

Until I have surgery, I'll be unable to weight bear, and that means no deadlifts etc. I'll be switching up my routine and doing a lot of work on maintaining my upper body strength whilst I go on a pretty severe cut.

I'm planning to drop to 82kg over the next 6 months, as I've learned during my two hip replacements that the lighter you are, the easier recover is.

It's going to be very light for my frame, but I have to reduce the weight on my joints.

Starting weight: 101.2kg
Today's weight: 101.2kg
To lose: 19.2kg

[snailsrus]

2 Weeks down. It was my Wedding anniversary in that time (cake and lots of it), and parenthood/decorating is taking a lot of my time. It's not been a very successful 2 weeks, but I am lighter.

Starting weight: 95.6kg
Today's weight: 94.8kg
To lose: 16.8kg

Up at 6am this morning, so not much sleep, but I did get a mace workout in. Really pushing the core side of things.

good job dude. You got this, you’re a fighter. This really motivates me srs and congrats on the anniversary

[AlexSays]

You'll smash it mate, in again all the way Next time if chit goes wrong just keep logging. We don't care if the weight is going up instead of down, we just care that you're here and keeping a log of when things go bad is often more valuable to you even if it doesn't feel great.

I know you've got some issues with binge mentality, go steady, don't over restrict. In the end you'll see faster weight loss from a consistent, steady drop than if you yo-yo even if initial loss is rapid

Look forward to hearing more!

[CBRIT89]

Just as a reminder to you all that weight loss isn't everything, I'll just detail a few other things I'm doing.

1 Accountability on here, as even though people don't really converse much on my threads, I know that people find it a positive read, and I don't want to let down anybody in a similar position to myself.

2 I'm trying to keep busy, and I'm doing this with a task planner on my phone. It's set recurring daily tasks, and any ad-hoc tasks I may have. It's working so far.

3 I'm focused on other parts of my body - I'd like to grow my hair out as it feels like now is my last chance to hide my hair from the general public. I'm really focused on a skincare routine, and know that the results will come in 3-6 months, just like my diet.

4 I am doing a daily journal, with tasks to complete as part of it. This is helping me focus on positives in my life and not the negatives.

5 I've bought myself a bass guitar and am paying for lessons as part of going outside of my comfort zone and working on my life goals - one of which is to play a musical instrument.

So that's just some of the other things in my sphere right now. All being well I wake up and the scales will be in the 94.x range, and from there I know I can be sub-90 in March.

[AlexSays]

Good job man, and well done for focusing on other things as well as weight loss.

Just remember sometimes wanting something TOO much and making it that obsession can be equally a reason for failure as not wanting it enough so don't fall into that trap either. Usually the best way is just to keep things in control and let the fat loss tick away in the background whilst building solid eating habits

Wish you all the luck of 2021!

[CBRIT89]

TL;DR Update

- Riding a bike again, as I bought an eBike to give me assistance on the hills.
- Fat and gross, as I was last March.
- Want to lose nearly 20kg.
- Aiming to do this over the course of the next 10-12 months.
- Following a new routine
- Starting seeing a therapist about my eating disorder

Ankle update:

- Due to have painkilling injection on my ankle in April
- Potential decompression ankle surgery due in May/June.

[CBRIT89]

Wife just said I'm the fattest I've been since we met.

FML.

Seriously. I've been on and off crutches for 8 months. I've had ligament damage to my ankle for 18 months. It's collapsing.

Of course that combined with an eating disorder is going to make me fat. I don't need the slap in the face to go with it.

[CBRIT89]

Was - 102.1kg
Now - 99.45kg
Aim - 82kg

[snailsrus]

Wife just said I'm the fattest I've been since we met.

FML.

Seriously. I've been on and off crutches for 8 months. I've had ligament damage to my ankle for 18 months. It's collapsing.

Of course that combined with an eating disorder is going to make me fat. I don't need the slap in the face to go with it.

ouch your wife called you fat at 6’5 102 kg


But good job on getting back up and trying again and doing it. It’s pretty insane all the things you’ve been through and you keep pushing forward. Hearing comments about your weight from a spouse is really hard to hear even more so when it’s a sensitive subject. An old man (87) was joking with me the other day and said I’m fat and need to work out more. Then my spouse will make comments that he thinks I’m too lean and it’s gross :/ both hurt and make me more insecure. Ehug op chin up!

[CBRIT89]

It's just the lack of muscle at the moment - if I was carrying 20lbs more muscle, and 20lbs less fat, I'd be more like 16-17% body fat and she'd have no issue.

I am probably the fattest I've been in a decade, but mentally feel strong, and I'm really hoping that the counselling sessions will help me better understand the motivations and failure points of my eating disorder.


Was - 102.1kg
Now - 99kg
Aim - 82kg

Down to 99kg.

Challenging weekend coming up now - my family are hosting a party to welcome my daughter to the world, delayed 6 months by covid, then it's my mother-in-law's birthday where there will be more cake, then brother-in-law's birthday with more cake.

I'll go cycling today to burn off cake part 1, and I'll try and do the same on Sunday. Can't cycle two days in a row too often as it's a risk to my ankles recovery.

[CBRIT89]

Day 1 was a killer. BBQ and cake always means a high calorie count. Skipped one of the rolls I would normally have, but otherwise are near normal, which is controlled but still enjoying myself. I'd done a bike ride in the morning so didn't feel totally awful about eating loads of beef.

Weighed 99.7kg when I woke up the next day

Day 2 was another killer, with sandwiches, cake and more. I think I was reasonably ok overall, but certainly not in a deficit. Did some weights that evening, and had a soup for the evening meal so as to reduce the calorie total.

Day three now - roast dinner, birthday cake etc. I'll be going for a bike ride this evening, so hopefully I'll be able to burn some of it off.

Come Monday it's back to healthy living.

[CBRIT89]

33 mile bike ride. Not bad considering I can't walk more than a few hundred metres without crutches.

Not worried about how I weigh in over the next 2-3 days as my body is going to be dealing with all the **** from the last 3 days.

Back to it tomorrow though!

[CBRIT89]

Better day today. I ate a slice of cake that was leftover from the weekend, but what's left will be given away tomorrow. I'm really not fussed about eating it now, which is a really positive step given my binge eating mentality.

My lifts are so **** now. I can barely do a pullup, when last June I was doing 12-14. Bench is 75kg x 5, for 3 sets. Shocking. I was doing 100kg x 5 for 2 sets last June.

Still, it's all part of the journey. Trust the process and all.

[CBRIT89]

30/3 - 101.1
31/3 - 99.45
1/4 - 99.35
2/4 - 99
3/4 - 99.95
4/4 - 99.75
5/4 - 99.25
6/4 - 99.25
7/4 - 98.05

Starting: 101.1kg
Aim: 84kg
Current: 98.05kg
Lost: 3.05kg
To Lose: 14.05kg


Perfect day of eating yesterday - toast for breakfast, protein shake mid morning, tuna omelette for lunch, protein bar mid afternoon, and jackfruit curry for dinner. Treated myself to 30g of chocolate as I went out for a 1 hour bike ride.

[CBRIT89]

4/4 - 99.75
5/4 - 99.25
6/4 - 99.25
7/4 - 98.05
8/4 - 98.5

Starting: 101.1kg
Aim: 84kg
Current: 98.5kg
Lost: 2.6kg
To Lose: 14.5kg


Went up by .5kg today, but that's no major surprise given that I had cycled previously and water weight was probably behind some of the loss.

The trend is going in the right direction however, and that's the important value. Daily fluctuations mean nothing.

Todays Meal - Cals - Protein

Breakfast 450 (10g)
Protein Bar 260 (26g)
Omelette 550 (60g)
Protein Shake 130 (20g)
Dinner 800 (50g)
Chocolate 200 (2g)

Totals:

Cals: 2390 (-400 for exercise)
Protein: 168g


Really happy with today - that's pretty much where I want to be, given that it's pretty much 2000 calories (exercise adjusted) and it's 1g/lb of LBM.

[CBRIT89]

4/4 - 99.75
5/4 - 99.25
6/4 - 99.25
7/4 - 98.05
8/4 - 98.5
9/4 - 98.25

Starting: 102.1kg
Aim: 84kg
Current: 98.25kg
Lost: 3.85kg
To Lose: 14.25kg

[snailsrus]

4/4 - 99.75
5/4 - 99.25
6/4 - 99.25
7/4 - 98.05
8/4 - 98.5
9/4 - 98.25

Starting: 102.1kg
Aim: 84kg
Current: 98.25kg
Lost: 3.85kg
To Lose: 14.25kg

us Americans are going to get confused by your dates. I was like your weighing yourself once a month?

Looks like your making good progress and right on track. How are you feeling?

[CBRIT89]

Yeah, the whole dates thing is somewhat bizzare. It'll sort itself out and be more obvious come the 13th onward!

Reasonable day of eating today - deficit of around 200 calories. Didn't hit my protein goal though.

Workout was bloody hard today and I'm feeling really sore now. No strength training tomorrow, just a cycle ride to go burning some calories. Aiming to do around 4 hours in the gym each week, and 4 hours on the bike - will definitely eat back more of the calories this time.

Being a parent has really left me run down today, and a lack of calories certainly makes me more edgy, so there are a lot of benefits to a small reduction rather than rapid like last year.

[CBRIT89]

4/4 - 99.75
5/4 - 99.25
6/4 - 99.25
7/4 - 98.05
8/4 - 98.5
9/4 - 98.25
10/4 - 98.85
11/4 - 98.05

Starting: 102.1kg
Aim: 84kg
Current: 98.05kg
Lost: 4.05kg
To Lose: 14.05kg

Slow and steady.

[snailsrus]

Yeah, the whole dates thing is somewhat bizzare. It'll sort itself out and be more obvious come the 13th onward!

Reasonable day of eating today - deficit of around 200 calories. Didn't hit my protein goal though.

Workout was bloody hard today and I'm feeling really sore now. No strength training tomorrow, just a cycle ride to go burning some calories. Aiming to do around 4 hours in the gym each week, and 4 hours on the bike - will definitely eat back more of the calories this time.

Being a parent has really left me run down today, and a lack of calories certainly makes me more edgy, so there are a lot of benefits to a small reduction rather than rapid like last year.

ya, when we have my step kids and I’m not eating enough carbs, it’s tough. All three are in sports and the youngest (11) is hyper active and an insomniac, also always trying to get more sugar. I literally have to hide things or watch him. If he eats a lot of sugar, he gets really hyper, then crashes with a temper tantrum.

It seems like your goals are realistic and will work best for your life style and long term goals too.

Do your kid/kids like to ride bikes? I tried to get the two older boys into weights but that didn’t happen. But we do have soccer, baseball and basketball.

[CBRIT89]

Just the one child, and she's only 6.5 months, so a fair way off being able to involve her in my activities.

My wife takes her out in a running buggy, which she loves, but I don't see myself ever being able to run again right now, so I have to wait until she's bike or swim capable!

Goals definitely seem realistic right now. Aiming for 92-94kg in June, and then be in the high 80s come August/September.

It'll be interesting to see what happens over summer as my cycling ramps up, I return to swimming, and I find myself struggling to eat 3500 calories+ without falling back into any kind of binge eating behaviour.

[CBRIT89]

33 miles again today. I'm broken. Headache now, and really needing a good night's sleep before working out with a gym buddy tomorrow. PT career starts now.

[CBRIT89]

6/4 - 99.25
7/4 - 98.05
8/4 - 98.5
9/4 - 98.25
10/4 - 98.85
11/4 - 98.05
12/4 - 97.75

Starting: 102.1kg
Aim: 84kg
Current: 97.75kg
Lost: 4.35kg
To Lose: 13.75kg


Unsure whether this is genuine weight loss or water weight from my 2 hour bike ride yesterday. I ate quite a bit in the last 24 hours, so am surprised I've gone down in weight overnight since my body is still processing.

Still, I've been under or on the calorie count for 7 days now, and I still feel disgusting, and still hate the sight of my body. I'm hopeful that I'll only feel like this for another two weeks, and then I'll be less disgusted.

[CBRIT89]

First bad day of eating in nearly 2 weeks. Still not terrible though. Maybe 200 cals over, and not enough protein.

I'm cool with it. It's good to have a re-feed day and not feel like i'm trapped in a never ending diet.


6/4 - 99.25
7/4 - 98.05
8/4 - 98.5
9/4 - 98.25
10/4 - 98.85
11/4 - 98.05
12/4 - 97.75
13/4 - 98.5

Starting: 102.1kg
Aim: 84kg
Current: 98.5kg
Lost: 3.6kg
To Lose: 14.5kg

[CBRIT89]

Pissed off looking at the scales today. I weighted in at 98.5kg. That's half a kilo heavier than I was a week ago.

I totally get that it could be water weight, it could be undigested food, there are probably a load of reasons for it, but it's still pretty demoralising having weighed in at 97.75kg yesterday, and 98.05kg a week ago.

Hopefully i'll get a woosh in a few days.

[CBRIT89]

98.4kg today for my weigh in.

Started the day with a 15 mile bike ride, which was damn cold but definitely beneficial for me. I like to ride 2-3 times a week so I can have that bit of extra food without going over my calorie goal.

As far as a recomp goes, I'm probably bang on, despite the annoyance that my weight fluctuations are showing.

That's the danger of weighing in daily in a nutshell though. I'm stronger than I was, and fitter than I was.

Positive:

My wife said I was looking good today. It's only 3kg ago that she said I was the fattest she's ever known me, so positives to be taken from that.

[CBRIT89]

6/4 - 99.25
7/4 - 98.05
8/4 - 98.5
9/4 - 98.25
10/4 - 98.85
11/4 - 98.05
12/4 - 97.75
13/4 - 98.5
14/4 - 98.4
15/4 - 98.1

Starting: 102.1kg
Aim: 84kg
Current: 98.1kg
Lost: 4kg
To Lose: 14kg



Getting there. Slowly but surely. I've got a BBQ on the weekend, and hopefully I'll have no issues with calorie excess - I'm hosting so have decent control over it.

Just need to skip a bun or two, and skip the crisps.

[CBRIT89]

10/4 - 98.85
11/4 - 98.05
12/4 - 97.75
13/4 - 98.5
14/4 - 98.4
15/4 - 98.1
16/4 - 97.85

Starting: 102.1kg
Aim: 84kg
Current: 97.85kg
Lost: 4.25kg
To Lose: 13.85kg


Slow progress. Having a bit of a re-feed today, and eating back all of the calories. I know it's probably not wise given that i've got a BBQ tomorrow, but I need it today. Just feeling kinda off, and like I need something extra.

I've got this.

[CBRIT89]

I'm not going to weigh myself in the coming days, as I believe it'll be a negative for my mindset and my control over my binge eating disorder. I know i'm going to weigh heavy tomorrow because I ate a lot of meat products today, and had some homemade brownie.

My total calorie count is looking like it'll be somewhere around 2600 today. That'll be perfectly acceptable given that i've been doing some garden work, and have done a workout this morning.

I did some 1RM stuff at the end of my workout, and as mentioned above, i've really not done much in the last 7 months. My stats were as follows:


Bench Press - 80kg (Down from 100kg)
Overhead Press - 50kg (Down from 60kg)
Deadlift - 105kg (Down from 120kg)


I knew they would all go down, but I am actually not too disappointed. I know that the max for the bench was done with some poor technique, and the same for the OHP.

[CBRIT89]

Quite a few challenges coming in the next 2 weeks.

Week 1:

All week - Deadlines and stress at work.

Tuesday - Painkilling injection into the soft tissue in my ankle, with no idea of how long this will impact me and my ability to cycle.

Friday - Working in the office with easy possibility to binge.

Sunday - Meal out, featuring home made desserts.

Week 2:

Tuesday - meeting family to watch football, which always involves junk food.

Friday to Sunday - house sitting in a house where there's loads of biscuits etc, and I have nobody to keep me accountable, and I fear i'll just order in a massive pizza or something.



Eating disorders suck. My wife was saying how impressed she's been with my dedication in the last week - i've said no to ice creams, brownies etc, and stuck to a high protein low calorie diet. It's hard doing this all the time though.