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  1. #31
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    Originally Posted by Tough92 View Post
    Remember the #1 thing you should never ever do is show a girl youโ€™re jealous in any way shape or form.
    But you should absolutely set healthy boundaries, right? You may not be able to escape from the fact she interprets that as jealousy, or her friends do.

    You really shouldn't give a fuk what they think as long as you respect yourself and your boundaries.

    Sounds like you're too worried about what she thinks, which itself will manifest as insecurity. And also, she can manipulate you and pull that lever of "don't be jealous" to control you since you're worried about appearing that way.
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  2. #32
    I woke up like dis RonaldMcflurry's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MirinCanadian99 View Post

    I know she's a good girl because she quite clearly told me the dude had a girlfriend so the chances of him doing something is 0.1%.

    Quit trolling, you fking phaggot.
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  3. #33
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    Originally Posted by MirinCanadian99 View Post
    I know she's a good girl because she quite clearly told me the dude had a girlfriend so the chances of him doing something is 0.1%. We had a conversation after the fact and we made ourselves clear. If I learn that the dude was a prior ex or she had sexual relations with him I'll leave her. In this case I don't wanna come to any to conclusions or come off as paranoid.
    I see how this puts you and her more at ease but people should not be trusted based on if they are or aren't seeing anybody.
    Plus, they can lie.
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  4. #34
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    Originally Posted by skinnyfat88 View Post
    I see how this puts you and her more at ease but people should not be trusted based on if they are or aren't seeing anybody.
    Plus, they can lie.
    This

    Tbh the question you should be asking is how does HIS girlfriend feel about him working out with some other female one on one, and if that's the level of respect he has for his OWN relationship.....
    Last edited by Caldef; 10-21-2020 at 05:25 PM.
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  5. #35
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    Originally Posted by skinnyfat88 View Post
    I see how this puts you and her more at ease but people should not be trusted based on if they are or aren't seeing anybody.
    Plus, they can lie.
    My ex hid it from me, and then lied about it. And then lied about it again when I had the messages in front of me. And then made up a new lie.

    It's definitely better than she didn't hide it. MirinCanadian99, I assume you explicitly asked her if they'd ever been intimate?
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  6. #36
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    Originally Posted by Luc1fer View Post
    But you should absolutely set healthy boundaries, right? You may not be able to escape from the fact she interprets that as jealousy, or her friends do.

    You really shouldn't give a fuk what they think as long as you respect yourself and your boundaries.

    Sounds like you're too worried about what she thinks, which itself will manifest as insecurity. And also, she can manipulate you and pull that lever of "don't be jealous" to control you since you're worried about appearing that way.

    Hmmm I see youโ€™re side of the argument. I do 100% agree there should be healthy boundaries but I also agree you should never come of jealous. Thereโ€™s def a way of you making it clear that you have boundaries but just donโ€™t come off jealous when you say it.

    How todo that? Idk rly I guess every situation is different but I let me girl know that I donโ€™t think she should ever have a girls night out clubbing. I told her my point and didnโ€™t come off jealous and she seemed to understand what I said and is ok with it.
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  7. #37
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    Originally Posted by Tough92 View Post
    Hmmm I see youโ€™re side of the argument. I do 100% agree there should be healthy boundaries but I also agree you should never come of jealous. Thereโ€™s def a way of you making it clear that you have boundaries but just donโ€™t come off jealous when you say it.

    How todo that? Idk rly I guess every situation is different but I let me girl know that I donโ€™t think she should ever have a girls night out clubbing. I told her my point and didnโ€™t come off jealous and she seemed to understand what I said and is ok with it.
    Yup, they are different mindsets. You donโ€™t say โ€œIโ€™m worried youโ€™ll cheat on meโ€, you communicate that you expect her to respect the relationship, and part of that is not hanging out 1:1 with those of the opposite sex.
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  8. #38
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    Originally Posted by Luc1fer View Post
    Yup, they are different mindsets. You donโ€™t say โ€œIโ€™m worried youโ€™ll cheat on meโ€, you communicate that you expect her to respect the relationship, and part of that is not hanging out 1:1 with those of the opposite sex.


    Yup agreed
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  9. #39
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    Originally Posted by RonaldMcflurry View Post
    Quit trolling, you fking phaggot.
    Lol ok? You want some kind of proof?
    -Focus on myself crew

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  10. #40
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    Originally Posted by Luc1fer View Post
    My ex hid it from me, and then lied about it. And then lied about it again when I had the messages in front of me. And then made up a new lie.

    It's definitely better than she didn't hide it. MirinCanadian99, I assume you explicitly asked her if they'd ever been intimate?
    The girl would lie if they did. Why would she tell him the truth if they did have a history? He acts like no one has ever been wronged before and his sloot radar is better than everyone, despite fuking less than 3 girls and never having a real serious relationship.

    We talk about setting healthy boundaries in this thread, my man TRIED to do that and tell her he was uncomfortable, and she still went and did it. People think the kid is trolling it's so ridiculous, and yet he throws down advice in every thread.

    "She said he has a girlfriend, so I know there is 0.1 percent chance of something happening." BRO you don't know a damn thing if you think that means you are in the clear.
    Last edited by DBoyDaRealest; 10-22-2020 at 10:13 AM.
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  11. #41
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  12. #42
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    Originally Posted by DBoyDaRealest View Post
    ... tell her he was uncomfortable, and she still went and did it.
    Yes, this isn't a good sign even though it's only been 2 months. I hope MirinCanadian understands this is a flag.
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  13. #43
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    Originally Posted by MirinCanadian99 View Post
    I know she's a good girl because she quite clearly told me the dude had a girlfriend so the chances of him doing something is 0.1%.
    Lmao, brah... got bad news for you.
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  14. #44
    Registered User ladybird90's Avatar
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    I can only speak for myself but I donโ€™t flirt with any of my male friends and I met my bf on tinder. So yes, women like that do exist. I guess itโ€™s just weeding out the ones who are wanting attention from the ones who want a relationship.
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    Originally Posted by ladybird90 View Post
    I can only speak for myself but I donโ€™t flirt with any of my male friends and I met my bf on tinder. So yes, women like that do exist. I guess itโ€™s just weeding out the ones who are wanting attention from the ones who want a relationship.
    So none of your male friends have ever made advancements or indicated interest?
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  16. #46
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    Originally Posted by NitrogenWidget View Post
    i don't get dudes who will keep flirting with a chick if it doesn't get them anywhere.
    whats the point?

    I guess when the thirst is strong?
    Some guys are just cringe worthy supplicating phaggots I guess. Can't imagine anything more beta than sucking up to some chick who is clearly not interested JFC I'd rather neck myself.

    Originally Posted by Luc1fer View Post
    So none of your male friends have ever made advancements or indicated interest?
    Yep, I bet if she cooked any one of them a meal and split a bottle of wine, things would heat up.
    Cope or Rope boyos.

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    Originally Posted by Luc1fer View Post
    So none of your male friends have ever made advancements or indicated interest?
    coworkers, sure. I just donโ€™t play along. but not my actual friends, the friendship is mutual.
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    Originally Posted by ladybird90 View Post
    coworkers, sure. I just donโ€™t play along. but not my actual friends, the friendship is mutual.
    Oh I'm sure your heterosexual friendships are the exception, just like almost every woman I've met claims and then some little stories emerge that indicate otherwise.

    But if you're fat and ugly I could see it.
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  19. #49
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    Originally Posted by Luc1fer View Post
    Oh I'm sure your heterosexual friendships are the exception, just like almost every woman I've met claims and then some little stories emerge that indicate otherwise.

    But if you're fat and ugly I could see it.
    I might be ugly, doesnโ€™t bother me since Iโ€™m not trying to impress anyone. Iโ€™ve been friends with my guy friends since high school so it would be weird if all of a sudden they started coming onto me. Idk what to tell you, sorry
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    Originally Posted by BullittEV View Post
    Lmao, brah... got bad news for you.
    I donโ€™t wanna live my life paranoid like Joseph Stalin. If they cheat they cheat. Her having male friends or not having male friends isnโ€™t gonna stop a woman from cheating. I donโ€™t need female friends to cheat either but I decide not to cheat because Iโ€™m a decent human being.

    I think Iโ€™ve made my position clear in this thread. Finding a girl with zero male friends is quite rare and Iโ€™ve already told the girl im dating that I trust her. If she cheats she knows im out. Iโ€™ve made it clear that Iโ€™ll bounce the second she cheats on me or entertains other dudes.
    Edit: Ive also made it clear that if those friends are prior exโ€™s, flings or fwโ€™s, ill quickly move on. Im not shaking a dudes hand knowing his dik has been inside my girl. She can choose between me and him.

    I like to think of myself as a quality guy that has a lot of love to offer. If a girl wants to lose that love for a few seconds of pleasure with someone else she can go right ahead but I wonโ€™t be staying around. So should other guys. I know the current girl Im dating is a quality girl because sheโ€™s very transparent with who sheโ€™s seeing. She sends periodic pictures of where sheโ€™s at without me asking. Thats already more than what my ex did. Iโ€™ve been that paranoid boyfriend before. Itโ€™s not healthy and it turned me into a dik. I donโ€™t think women are as bad as the misc think they are.

    Sometimes you just gotta stop caring and let the pieces fall where they may. Cheaters gonna cheat no matter how much you try and avoid it from happening. You could put me in a room full of naked models and I wouldnโ€™t cheat. Thats who I am. Im sure there are girls like that.
    -Focus on myself crew

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  21. #51
    ๐Ÿ…ณ๐Ÿ…ฐ๐Ÿ†‚ ๐Ÿ…ธ๐Ÿ†ƒ Luc1fer's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MirinCanadian99 View Post
    I think Iโ€™ve made my position clear in this thread. Finding a girl with zero male friends is quite rare and Iโ€™ve already told the girl im dating that I trust her. If she cheats she knows im out. Iโ€™ve made it clear that Iโ€™ll bounce the second she cheats on me or entertains other dudes.
    Edit: Ive also made it clear that if those friends are prior exโ€™s, flings or fwโ€™s, ill quickly move on. Im not shaking a dudes hand knowing his dik has been inside my girl. She can choose between me and him.
    Zero male friends is too strict of criteria, although I still think 1:1 meets should probably be eliminated except in rare circumstances.

    My ex had a couple of long term male friends I didn't have much of an issue with, although one of them I had suspicions he was a bit of a nice guy beta orbitor, which turned out to be true (he got drunk one night and flirted with her and a few others).

    The guy I did have an issue with was the one she met up with secretly (of course she knew I'd have issue with it), and they had sex a couple of times in the past.

    The other guy I had issue with was a dude in work who she described as her arch-enemy, but admitted he was attractive looking - huge flag. Turned out she had made comments about desiring sex with him in the past too.

    So it depends on the context, but I always default very, very heavily towards there being sexual interest from at least one party. And even one is too much.

    How long has she known this particular gym guy?
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  22. #52
    Registered User Brosnbroccoli's Avatar
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    DAMN BROS!
    This is how these sloots act!

    (Disclaimer: I might have misunderstod her, but weโ€™ll talk tonight so it will be clear by then).

    The girl Iโ€™m seeing, I told you about her in this thread even, who wasnโ€™t seeing her male friends one on one... well GUESS what!
    This conversation happend today:

    Her: โ€œI think Iโ€™ll have dinner with some friends tomorrow night.โ€

    Me: โ€œSounds nice! Who are you having dinner with? - X?โ€ (She told me she
    might have dinner with X last week).

    โ€œNo X decided to go back to Miami because she was afraid the boarder might close soon.โ€
    โ€œAh thatโ€™s too badโ€

    โ€œIโ€™m might be going with GIRL or GUYโ€. (This guy she specifically told me they never hang out, only in a group of friends. This guy I also especially dislike because he told her around 6 years ago that he was in love with her, which caused them to not speak for more than a year because she didnโ€™t like him that way. EVEN if heโ€™s not still in love, he would 100% still **** her giving the chance.)
    โ€œAlright. Looking forward to speaking with you tonightโ€.

    So I basically I plan on calling her out on it tonight and it will probably end up with me breaking up with her.
    I know 100% she will deny him if he tries anything, but that is not the point. This is crossing a boundary in how I want a relationsship to be. It sucks because I really liked her...

    Now she did say have dinner with โ€œsome friendsโ€ so maybe there are more joining as well, but what is in my opinion more likely is her just behaving all around shady saying โ€œsome friendsโ€ and it turns out to be this guy.

    God damn, I hate this. Probably gonna be heart broke tonight lmao.
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  23. #53
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    Originally Posted by Brosnbroccoli View Post
    DAMN BROS!
    This is how these sloots act!

    (Disclaimer: I might have misunderstod her, but weโ€™ll talk tonight so it will be clear by then).

    The girl Iโ€™m seeing, I told you about her in this thread even, who wasnโ€™t seeing her male friends one on one... well GUESS what!
    This conversation happend today:

    Her: โ€œI think Iโ€™ll have dinner with some friends tomorrow night.โ€

    Me: โ€œSounds nice! Who are you having dinner with? - X?โ€ (She told me she
    might have dinner with X last week).

    โ€œNo X decided to go back to Miami because she was afraid the boarder might close soon.โ€
    โ€œAh thatโ€™s too badโ€

    โ€œIโ€™m might be going with GIRL or GUYโ€. (This guy she specifically told me they never hang out, only in a group of friends. This guy I also especially dislike because he told her around 6 years ago that he was in love with her, which caused them to not speak for more than a year because she didnโ€™t like him that way. EVEN if heโ€™s not still in love, he would 100% still **** her giving the chance.)
    โ€œAlright. Looking forward to speaking with you tonightโ€.

    So I basically I plan on calling her out on it tonight and it will probably end up with me breaking up with her.
    I know 100% she will deny him if he tries anything, but that is not the point. This is crossing a boundary in how I want a relationsship to be. It sucks because I really liked her...

    Now she did say have dinner with โ€œsome friendsโ€ so maybe there are more joining as well, but what is in my opinion more likely is her just behaving all around shady saying โ€œsome friendsโ€ and it turns out to be this guy.

    God damn, I hate this. Probably gonna be heart broke tonight lmao.

    Let me get this straight. Youโ€™re gf planned to go out to dinner with a guy?


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  24. #54
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    Originally Posted by BritishTwit View Post
    or am I just wasting time looking for a serious high quality prize doesn't sleep around material type on online dating?[/B]
    you're on a platform that encourages a high volume of men to inundate women.

    you think women don't know this? and they don't learn this within 48 hours of adding it?

    so, yes, i would say 99.9% of women online dating are trash

    the type of women to get their jollies off on that

    it doesn't matter how much they don't want it. as long as they are on those they will be inundated
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  25. #55
    Registered User Legz422's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Brosnbroccoli View Post
    DAMN BROS!
    This is how these sloots act!

    (Disclaimer: I might have misunderstod her, but weโ€™ll talk tonight so it will be clear by then).

    The girl Iโ€™m seeing, I told you about her in this thread even, who wasnโ€™t seeing her male friends one on one... well GUESS what!
    This conversation happend today:

    Her: โ€œI think Iโ€™ll have dinner with some friends tomorrow night.โ€

    Me: โ€œSounds nice! Who are you having dinner with? - X?โ€ (She told me she
    might have dinner with X last week).

    โ€œNo X decided to go back to Miami because she was afraid the boarder might close soon.โ€
    โ€œAh thatโ€™s too badโ€

    โ€œIโ€™m might be going with GIRL or GUYโ€. (This guy she specifically told me they never hang out, only in a group of friends. This guy I also especially dislike because he told her around 6 years ago that he was in love with her, which caused them to not speak for more than a year because she didnโ€™t like him that way. EVEN if heโ€™s not still in love, he would 100% still **** her giving the chance.)
    โ€œAlright. Looking forward to speaking with you tonightโ€.

    So I basically I plan on calling her out on it tonight and it will probably end up with me breaking up with her.
    I know 100% she will deny him if he tries anything, but that is not the point. This is crossing a boundary in how I want a relationsship to be. It sucks because I really liked her...

    Now she did say have dinner with โ€œsome friendsโ€ so maybe there are more joining as well, but what is in my opinion more likely is her just behaving all around shady saying โ€œsome friendsโ€ and it turns out to be this guy.

    God damn, I hate this. Probably gonna be heart broke tonight lmao.
    Why not tell her you're not comfortable with her meeting guy friends one on one? While I would know it's not a good idea, not everyone automatically has the same mindset. Maybe she's dated guys in the past that didn't care if she met up with opposite sex friends. Communication is pretty important in a relationship and if you're not willing to communicate your wants/needs then you're not going to get far.
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  26. #56
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    Originally Posted by Legz422 View Post
    Why not tell her you're not comfortable with her meeting guy friends one on one? While I would know it's not a good idea, not everyone automatically has the same mindset. Maybe she's dated guys in the past that didn't care if she met up with opposite sex friends. Communication is pretty important in a relationship and if you're not willing to communicate your wants/needs then you're not going to get far.
    She did know before, and I obviously did tell her I wasnโ€™t comfortable with it. If someone believes itโ€™s ok to hang out alone with friends of the opposite sex when in a relationsship, they wonโ€™t stop doing that because someone tells them to - at least that would be the exception, I think.

    The conversation was something along the lines of:

    Me: I feel very uncomfortable with you hanging out alone with guy friends.

    Her: Okay, but I will see my friends. Iโ€™m not doing anything wrong.

    Me: I understand your perspective, and I know that nothing will happen that I wouldnโ€™t be okay with, either from your side or from his side[I actually do believe this. At least from her part]. However, to me, hanging out with friends of the opposite sex alone, when you are with someone, is wrong in itself.

    Her: I wonโ€™t let you control me and decide who I can see. Next month it will be <name of female friend>, next year so and so.

    Me: Look. I understand you are afraid Iโ€™m trying to control you, but have I ever said I didnโ€™t want you to see a female friend? Have I ever not been okay with you hanging out as a group, or for instance you going to a party? NO.
    I do not hang out with girls alone, there is no double standard and this not some slippery slope.

    Her: Okay...
    Me: (...)

    Her: I really wanna be with you, is there anything I can do? Lets figure this out...

    Me: Okay. Lets try to think of a solution.

    Her: What about no dinner, only lunch, a cup of coffee or a walk?

    Me: Itโ€™s better for sure... but to be honest, right now Iโ€™m still not okay with you hanging out alone, even if itโ€™s lunch and not dinner. Iโ€™ll have to think more about it...

    Her: Okay...

    Me: ... Alright, I guess thereโ€™s nothing more to be said about this right now. Lets figure it out. I wanna be with you too.

    She later told me she cancelled her plans with the guy and wonโ€™t do anything alone until we have figured something out.

    So thatโ€™s where we are right now.
    According to her she sees this guy alone at max 2-3 times a year, but she also previously told me โ€œneverโ€. So yeah, show me donโ€™t tell me is my view right now.
    Iโ€™m not sure we will be able to find a solution that doesnโ€™t involve me not accepting she will see male friends sometimes for lunch - and that is not a great situation for me.

    TLDR:
    - We talk about her seeing her male friends alone.
    - She tells me she wonโ€™t be seeing male friends alone until we figure it out.
    - She can be ok with going for lunch and not dinner.
    - I doubt that will work for me.
    - Currently trying to figure out a solution.
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  27. #57
    ๐Ÿ…ณ๐Ÿ…ฐ๐Ÿ†‚ ๐Ÿ…ธ๐Ÿ†ƒ Luc1fer's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Brosnbroccoli View Post
    If someone believes itโ€™s ok to hang out alone with friends of the opposite sex when in a relationsship, they wonโ€™t stop doing that because someone tells them to - at least that would be the exception, I think.

    <clip>
    This is a very un-constructive discussion.

    Where's the genuine curiosity to understand why you feel this way?
    Did you try to help her empathize, by painting a picture of you meeting with a girl friend 1:1 on a semi-regular basis? Needing to do that is usually a red flag in itself though.

    But my impression is not good of her, assuming those events are portraying accurately.

    She is not even attempting to make you feel comfortable, and doing the opposite by calling you controlling. Your position is very reasonable. It is not some absurd request.

    Edit: I actually think this is a very good thing that's happening right now, this is what dating is for. You get to evaluate her character efficiently here. If you approach this maturely and constructively, and she still refuses, it must end. Relationships require reasonable sacrifices.
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    Originally Posted by Luc1fer View Post
    This is a very un-constructive discussion.

    Where's the genuine curiosity to understand why you feel this way?
    Did you try to help her empathize, by painting a picture of you meeting with a girl friend 1:1 on a semi-regular basis? Needing to do that is usually a red flag in itself though.

    But my impression is not good of her, assuming those events are portraying accurately.

    She is not even attempting to make you feel comfortable, and doing the opposite by calling you controlling. Your position is very reasonable. It is not some absurd request.

    Edit: I actually think this is a very good thing that's happening right now, this is what dating is for. You get to evaluate her character efficiently here. If you approach this maturely and constructively, and she still refuses, it must end. Relationships require reasonable sacrifices.
    I'm with Luci. I think using examples of you doing the same thing would have gotten your point across better. At least it's making her think. If she decides to continue seeing her guy friend one on one at least you know somewhat soon into the relationship that she is not the one for you.
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    Originally Posted by Luc1fer View Post
    This is a very un-constructive discussion.

    Where's the genuine curiosity to understand why you feel this way?
    Did you try to help her empathize, by painting a picture of you meeting with a girl friend 1:1 on a semi-regular basis? Needing to do that is usually a red flag in itself though.

    But my impression is not good of her, assuming those events are portraying accurately.

    She is not even attempting to make you feel comfortable, and doing the opposite by calling you controlling. Your position is very reasonable. It is not some absurd request.

    Edit: I actually think this is a very good thing that's happening right now, this is what dating is for. You get to evaluate her character efficiently here. If you approach this maturely and constructively, and she still refuses, it must end. Relationships require reasonable sacrifices.
    The events are portrayed accurately, but part of the conversation is of course missing due to lenght.

    I did try to โ€œpaint her a pictureโ€, but she literally said โ€œI wouldnโ€™t care.โ€ Which is very easy thing to say, given that she knows I donโ€™t hang out with girls alone.
    I 100% agree it was messed up to try and spin it like I was being controlling and it was difficult for me to stay calm when she said that.
    One of her best girl friends has had issues with a controlling boyfriend fairely recently, so I think perhaps it has something to do with it being on her mind. But giving her that excuse is obviously being overly kind to her.

    Iโ€™m not sure I agree it was โ€œvery unconstructive.โ€ She did suggest possible alternatives and not to hang out alone before we figure a solution and we heard each others side.
    I actually did ask her why she needed to hang out alone, but she said it wasnโ€™t something she โ€œneededโ€ and I could come too if it was possible (which she knows currently itโ€™s not, so thatโ€™s again easy to say.). Itโ€™s tough, because I believe she genuinely think sheโ€™s doing nothing wrong.

    Thank you for you advice, and yes I agree this will probably be the end of it, though maybe weโ€™ll figure a solution.
    Iโ€™m glad other people view my position as reasonable, too.

    I thought about starting to hang out alone with girls and perhaps that would โ€œnormalizeโ€ it for me, but to be honest I would just feel bad while doing it and it would be really petty as well.
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    skinnyfat88 is a splendid one to behold. (+10000) skinnyfat88 is a splendid one to behold. (+10000) skinnyfat88 is a splendid one to behold. (+10000) skinnyfat88 is a splendid one to behold. (+10000) skinnyfat88 is a splendid one to behold. (+10000) skinnyfat88 is a splendid one to behold. (+10000) skinnyfat88 is a splendid one to behold. (+10000) skinnyfat88 is a splendid one to behold. (+10000) skinnyfat88 is a splendid one to behold. (+10000) skinnyfat88 is a splendid one to behold. (+10000) skinnyfat88 is a splendid one to behold. (+10000)
    skinnyfat88 is offline
    Your SO's friends should be your friends too - especially those of the opposite sex you hangout with 1 on 1.
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