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  1. #1
    Registered User Ninshark's Avatar
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    girlfriend and I breaking up because can't decide on when to have kids

    Never thought I'd be back here posting this chit. I always seem to come back around the time when I'm about to become single again...

    Oh well - anyway, my soon-to-be ex gf and I have been dating for 14 mo, she's 31 and I'm 29. We really love each other, but unfortunately it's just so complicated being in a relationship. We live 6 hrs apart, meet on the weekends, met parents, I actually respect her unlike my last gf, we're prob perfect together, a lot in common and a lot in conflict, good balance that keep us really engaged and can talk about anything. Prob though is that she doesn't really want kids, but after spending enough time together, she has since changed her mind. New prob is that she doesn't want to go through the pregnancy alone (which is probably inevitable because she loves her job), but I'm locked where I'm at because of grad school. Also about that - I don't make much right now and she doesn't want to have kids when I'm not financially stable. However, by that time, she'll be 34-35, and I don't want her to have kids late. Ideally my gf would be 27-29 right about now so we could go travel, develop together, get financially stable with her being young enough that we could get married and have kids after, but the matter of fact is that she's 2 yrs older than me, and I decided that I would expedite my plans. So we can't come to an agreement... long dist + she's 31 going on 34-35 + I'm not making much. It's really disappointing that I finally meet the perfect person, but due to logistics, still can't have a relationship. If eggs never go bad, I'd be cool with it, but that's just not how biology works. We're going to break up next weekend (most likely), it's the only logical way.

    ^just a rant, I already know what the best thing to do is, just came to entertain myself on misc posts. But I do want to hear everyone's thoughts and opinions. What would you do? etc etc.
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  2. #2
    Registered User Rattelsnake's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ninshark View Post
    Never thought I'd be back here posting this chit. I always seem to come back around the time when I'm about to become single again...

    Oh well - anyway, my soon-to-be ex gf and I have been dating for 14 mo, she's 31 and I'm 29. We really love each other, but unfortunately it's just so complicated being in a relationship. We live 6 hrs apart, meet on the weekends, met parents, I actually respect her unlike my last gf, we're prob perfect together, a lot in common and a lot in conflict, good balance that keep us really engaged and can talk about anything. Prob though is that she doesn't really want kids, but after spending enough time together, she has since changed her mind. New prob is that she doesn't want to go through the pregnancy alone (which is probably inevitable because she loves her job), but I'm locked where I'm at because of grad school. Also about that - I don't make much right now and she doesn't want to have kids when I'm not financially stable. However, by that time, she'll be 34-35, and I don't want her to have kids late. Ideally my gf would be 27-29 right about now so we could go travel, develop together, get financially stable with her being young enough that we could get married and have kids after, but the matter of fact is that she's 2 yrs older than me, and I decided that I would expedite my plans. So we can't come to an agreement... long dist + she's 31 going on 34-35 + I'm not making much. It's really disappointing that I finally meet the perfect person, but due to logistics, still can't have a relationship. If eggs never go bad, I'd be cool with it, but that's just not how biology works. We're going to break up next weekend (most likely), it's the only logical way.

    ^just a rant, I already know what the best thing to do is, just came to entertain myself on misc posts. But I do want to hear everyone's thoughts and opinions. What would you do? etc etc.
    Stay with her = retarded kids
    Break up with her = find another like her in their 20s to avoid having retarded kids. You will find another.

    20 something women = best age to marry and have kids with
    30 something women (never married, no kids) = good for divorced men with kids who want to re-marry but no additional kids
    40s and up (never married, no kids) = don't marry, LTR only if high quality companionship
    Single moms, divorce rapists = skip or else tread with absolute enormous caution
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  3. #3
    Registered User gesten's Avatar
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    ****ing lmfao

    The year is 2020 and men are begging to be cuckhold beta providers

    Fukin hell lmfao

    Your girl is 100% cheating. Not 99.9999% but 100% cheating with chads in ONS while you give ur time energy and attention span to her considering it’s long distance lmfao

    And here you are beggin to be a beta provider..

    Post this question in r/asktrp and see what they tell u lol
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  4. #4
    Registered User smashedurgfx10's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by gesten View Post
    ****ing lmfao

    The year is 2020 and men are begging to be cuckhold beta providers

    Fukin hell lmfao

    Your girl is 100% cheating. Not 99.9999% but 100% cheating with chads in ONS while you give ur time energy and attention span to her considering it’s long distance lmfao

    And here you are beggin to be a beta provider..

    Post this question in r/asktrp and see what they tell u lol
    although a poor delivery this guy is probably right

    most LDRs end badly, and usually involve infidelity. statistically speaking she's probably cheating

    Originally Posted by Ninshark View Post
    and I decided that I would expedite my plans.
    rule no.1 of not being a cuck in 2020 - dont sacrifice your mission (whatever you decide that is, e.g. your career/education) for your woman. you'll regret it and she'll lose respect for you

    also, you've already said that 'ideally xyz' - if this girl isn't your ideal (and im sorry you only specified a girl of a certain age, that isn't an unrealistic requirement) then stop being with her. find your ideal before you get even older and don't sacrifice your happyness. if you think you don't have enough options where you currently are, generate them. easier said than done but better than living a life of regret
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  5. #5
    Registered User Pterodactyl314's Avatar
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    Sounds like it’s destined to happen
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  6. #6
    Registered User skinnyfat88's Avatar
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    The title is misleading.
    You're not breaking up because the two of you can't decide when to have kids, you're breaking up because you're only realizing now dating someone older than you doesn't work for YOUR timeline w/ respect to having kids.

    But at least you realized it now so you can breakup and move on.
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  7. #7
    Registered User Ninshark's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by skinnyfat88 View Post
    The title is misleading.
    You're not breaking up because the two of you can't decide when to have kids, you're breaking up because you're only realizing now dating someone older than you doesn't work for YOUR timeline w/ respect to having kids.

    But at least you realized it now so you can breakup and move on.
    yep
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  8. #8
    Registered User akmerle's Avatar
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    So you expect her to let you knock her up while you are 6 hours away, have only been dating for a year, dont make any money, and all because it fits your arbitrary timeline?

    Lol, am glad at least one of you is taking having children and being a parents seriously.

    If she is the perfect person, then these issues are something you mutually conquer. If you are going to end the relationship over YOUR crazy selfish issues, then you are doing her a favor.
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  9. #9
    Registered User Ninshark's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by akmerle View Post
    So you expect her to let you knock her up while you are 6 hours away, have only been dating for a year, dont make any money, and all because it fits your arbitrary timeline?

    Lol, am glad at least one of you is taking having children and being a parents seriously.

    If she is the perfect person, then these issues are something you mutually conquer. If you are going to end the relationship over YOUR crazy selfish issues, then you are doing her a favor.
    I agree mostly, but I wouldn't say I'm crazy, nor are the reasons arbitrary. I just want to give my future baby the best chance of being healthy. I can take loans and ask my parents for money. It can totally work out that way, but we don't agree on this so we have no choice now but to split.
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    -lose 10-15 more lbs...

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  10. #10
    Registered User akmerle's Avatar
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    Your reasons are crazy and arbitrary.

    She is 31, not 35.
    Statistically 35 year old women have TONS of happy healthy babies all the time, 35 is an old number, do your research and compare statistics
    YOU are in no place AT ALL to be a father, support a child, or support a mother. FOH with pressuring her to get pregnant on your whimsical timeline

    You are ending a relationship with your perfect person based on extremely small percentages of future unknowns when YOU are the phuking wildcard unknown who doesnt have his isht together. Thats not how mature and stable relationships work between adults. Shake yourself.
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  11. #11
    Registered User MikeLowrrrey's Avatar
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    This is what happens when you date an older women. They get desperate as they get older. Had she been 25, the dynamic would be completely different. I'd say break up with her and make your next girl on the younger side, say 23-27
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  12. #12
    rambo CrimsonSteel's Avatar
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    The primary issue is you live SIX HOURS APART. Fuk that.
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    Registered User Ninshark's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by CrimsonSteel View Post
    The primary issue is you live SIX HOURS APART. Fuk that.
    Yeah, I guess it is. I only agreed to it personally because when I met her, she really was a diamond in the rough. I know a good woman [for me] when I see one, and they are RARE. Fastforward to present day, if she had just lived in the same city as I did, then it'd be totally possible to buy a house together, move in together, get married and have a kid next yr...
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    Registered User ladybird90's Avatar
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    You know, I think you think you met the perfect person but if neither of you is willing to make the sacrifice Of moving then it’s not the perfect person. You don’t even live together yet and you’re breaking up because of the kids issue... is a little weird. I’m 29, my bf is 32, and we plan on having kids before I turn 40, but we both made sacrifices to at least advance the relationship until then. I’m having a little trouble understanding your situation.
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    Registered User Caldef's Avatar
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    Why on earth would anyone get into a relationship with someone six hours away
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  16. #16
    🅳🅰🆂 🅸🆃 Luc1fer's Avatar
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    Sounds like you don’t really like her that much tbh. If you did, you’d make it work.

    You would both compromise; move closer, and shift timelines a couple of years perhaps.

    She is not too old to have kids, but IMO she shouldn’t wait too long for a perfect financial situation. I assume she has some money...
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  17. #17
    Registered User Ninshark's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Luc1fer View Post
    Sounds like you don’t really like her that much tbh. If you did, you’d make it work.

    You would both compromise; move closer, and shift timelines a couple of years perhaps.

    She is not too old to have kids, but IMO she shouldn’t wait too long for a perfect financial situation. I assume she has some money...
    we're going to talk about BOTH those things this weekend. shifting timelines and saving up during the extra yr or so.
    thanks for the response, wish us luck?
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    -lose 10-15 more lbs...

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