Matches have pretty much died ³

[bradlehman]

Concentrating on yourself is the way to do it.
If you're going to bother with the apps, I would definitely try to get some decent pictures though.

Definitely. I put absolutely zero effort into the Tinder I made. Just wanted to see how it worked. Had one photo and no description of myself. Haha.

I have some fun trips coming up in Jan-Feb, so I'm going to keep up the solid gym routine I've got going and then try to get some good pictures while I'm traveling.

I'm not really in a rush to take any of the apps seriously, so maybe I'll give them a go in a few months when I should have decent pictures and look much better in them than I would right now.

[SwimLiftRunGrl]

The two times I tried to log in I get internal server error. Wonder what is going on with this site. hmmm..

Here are some random thoughts based on my recent experience with dating and some mistakes I’m learning from. This is just to vent, identify issues, and hopefully help any of the maybe 15 people who still read this thread LOL

1. Don’t act needy. Stop acting like you are in a relationship with a girl after a couple dates. This is a process and you have to manage expectations without putting too much pressure on people. It turns them off and turns them away. In other words relax and play it cool.

2. Don’t stalk social media too much. There are so many things on ig or fb or elsewhere that can be misconstrued and misinterpreted. It creates anxiety and increases the chance you’ll make more bad decisions in your interaction with someone you like. This goes with the next point.

3. Don’t overthink. Be playful, positive and lighthearted when texting and dating in general. Try to be fun when texting, and I don’t mean by being overly sexual early on. Don’t read into a couple texts that she sends. If she shows signs of pulling away than you can do the same instead of freaking out and interrogating her. I’ve been learning this the hard way.

4. Remember to manage expectations and keep your options open. Be comfortable talking to people, joke around and enjoy life. Good things will come.

5. Don’t take it personally when things don’t work out. There are many reasons people can not be compatible and it’s usually not anyone’s fault. You can always learn from it and improve as well.

It ain’t always easy brahs. But I hope I can keep improving and I hope you all find what you’re looking for out there. We’re all gonna make it.

Sorry that you and the last girl did work out. I agree with all your points above especially point #2 social media. I see social media as more bad than good. For me, I would add that if it is meant to be then it is meant to be. Otherwise, move on.

Crossing my fingers that the waitress would respond to your IG message.

I wonder if Luci has wife and children now. Lol. I am surprised he left this place.

[InsanePain11]

The two times I tried to log in I get internal server error. Wonder what is going on with this site. hmmm..



Sorry that you and the last girl did work out. I agree with all your points above especially point #2 social media. I see social media as more bad than good. For me, I would add that if it is meant to be then it is meant to be. Otherwise, move on.

Crossing my fingers that the waitress would respond to your IG message.

I wonder if Luci has wife and children now. Lol. I am surprised he left this place.

Agreed! Thanks for your positive thoughts. The last girl was wrong for me but I’m glad I at least learned a few things from the experience.

I was hesitant to message the restaurant girl because of the old ties and knowing who she knows, which made it feel more risky. But I did think she made it a point to connect with me the other night. She could have just been saying hi though. She hasn’t replied yet and she hasn’t read the message unless she’s purposely avoiding it. I don’t think she goes on ig a lot. If she never views it I’d actually be tempted to go ask her out in person. I dunno we’ll see. I feel I should have mentioned to her that we should get together on the spot when she came up to me, but I was surprised and it was a short interaction.

I do have one hinge date setup for thurs to get drinks. She’s Cute and seems great although 8 years younger.

Lucifer must have had some life changes for sure, he was so committed to this thread before.

Lastly, yes this site/forum is the worst. There have been times where I can’t post or literally can’t see the thread for like two weeks.

[SwimLiftRunGrl]

Agreed! Thanks for your positive thoughts. The last girl was wrong for me but I’m glad I at least learned a few things from the experience.

I was hesitant to message the restaurant girl because of the old ties and knowing who she knows, which made it feel more risky. But I did think she made it a point to connect with me the other night. She could have just been saying hi though. She hasn’t replied yet and she hasn’t read the message unless she’s purposely avoiding it. I don’t think she goes on ig a lot. If she never views it I’d actually be tempted to go ask her out in person. I dunno we’ll see. I feel I should have mentioned to her that we should get together on the spot when she came up to me, but I was surprised and it was a short interaction.

I do have one hinge date setup for thurs to get drinks. She’s Cute and seems great although 8 years younger.

Lucifer must have had some life changes for sure, he was so committed to this thread before.

Lastly, yes this site/forum is the worst. There have been times where I can’t post or literally can’t see the thread for like two weeks.

With the restaurant girl, maybe she is busy with work? You already started thinking that she is avoiding you. Lol. Think positive. if she does not answer back, then just move on. You don't seem to have issues getting dates.

As for the hinge date, I think 8 years younger is fine as long as you two get along, have common values/goals and not a gold digger. haha... One of my former co-worker married her professor when she was 26 and he was 54. She was an international student at that time. Well that is what she told me.

[InsanePain11]

With the restaurant girl, maybe she is busy with work? You already started thinking that she is avoiding you. Lol. Think positive. if she does not answer back, then just move on. You don't seem to have issues getting dates.

As for the hinge date, I think 8 years younger is fine as long as you two get along, have common values/goals and not a gold digger. haha... One of my former co-worker married her professor when she was 26 and he was 54. She was an international student at that time. Well that is what she told me.

Can I pay you to be my therapist? I feel better now. Haha seriously though, sound advice and I appreciate it.

Agree that age difference is not a big deal as long as we have common interests. I’m mid thirties and recently I noticed a bigger gap in maturity with some late twenties girls. But this girl seems cool and everyone is different. We’re going to try some beer together and it should be fun tomorrow.

[bradlehman]

Can I pay you to be my therapist? I feel better now. Haha seriously though, sound advice and I appreciate it.

Agree that age difference is not a big deal as long as we have common interests. I’m mid thirties and recently I noticed a bigger gap in maturity with some late twenties girls. But this girl seems cool and everyone is different. We’re going to try some beer together and it should be fun tomorrow.

Good luck, brah. Awaiting your follow-up report.

[skinnyfat88]

Went on my first date last night since a breakup in July. Was a tough breakup as it was someone I'd been on and off with for about 4 years (& could totally see myself being for the long haul) who has always struggled with the fact I have a kid. Finally realized I have to move on and treat her hesitancies as a "we aren't for eachother" rather than thinking eventually it would work out.
I'd still dated elsewhere a bit when we were off in those years but never really had an openness to it being longterm because of the feelings I still had for her.

A female friend reached out to me to be setup with her friend a week ago and I said sure.
We just went for a drink. The fact we were being setup by a mutual friend who absolutely wouldn't do this just for the hell of it made me think we'd at least get to a 2nd date.
I wouldn't say I felt a strong connection but two of my best experiences were when the connection didn't come until the 2nd date anyways so I was still going to suggest going out again.
For the first time in my life I got the "sorry I didn't feel a connection" text this morning. I'm okay with it as I think our schedules would've been difficult to work with (she also has a kid) & we lived like 35mins apart.
Made me realize I am ready to date again though which is a positive.
Also, not sure if it's hypocritical/selfish of me but I think I'm going to look for women without kids as their schedule is likely to be a bit more flexible.
As much as I'm trying to be open to longterm possibilities, my priority at the moment is to just enjoy myself with someone who isn't dead set on jumping into anything serious.

[InsanePain11]

Good luck, brah. Awaiting your follow-up report.

Thank you buddy. I definitely will report back.

[InsanePain11]

Went on my first date last night since a breakup in July. Was a tough breakup as it was someone I'd been on and off with for about 4 years (& could totally see myself being for the long haul) who has always struggled with the fact I have a kid. Finally realized I have to move on and treat her hesitancies as a "we aren't for eachother" rather than thinking eventually it would work out.
I'd still dated elsewhere a bit when we were off in those years but never really had an openness to it being longterm because of the feelings I still had for her.

A female friend reached out to me to be setup with her friend a week ago and I said sure.
We just went for a drink. The fact we were being setup by a mutual friend who absolutely wouldn't do this just for the hell of it made me think we'd at least get to a 2nd date.
I wouldn't say I felt a strong connection but two of my best experiences were when the connection didn't come until the 2nd date anyways so I was still going to suggest going out again.
For the first time in my life I got the "sorry I didn't feel a connection" text this morning. I'm okay with it as I think our schedules would've been difficult to work with (she also has a kid) & we lived like 35mins apart.
Made me realize I am ready to date again though which is a positive.
Also, not sure if it's hypocritical/selfish of me but I think I'm going to look for women without kids as their schedule is likely to be a bit more flexible.
As much as I'm trying to be open to longterm possibilities, my priority at the moment is to just enjoy myself with someone who isn't dead set on jumping into anything serious.

It’s a challenge getting back out there after a hard breakup in which you spent significant time on. Good for you bro srs.

Can’t hit it off with everyone. It sucks getting that text even when you weren’t into her that much. Good news is, that’ll save you time. It’s probably not a bad thing to be enjoying yourself and not jumping into anything, from my experience that helps you be less uptight on dates anyway. if It’s meant to be more it can turn into that. GL brah getting back out there

[skinnyfat88]

It’s a challenge getting back out there after a hard breakup in which you spent significant time on. Good for you bro srs.

Can’t hit it off with everyone. It sucks getting that text even when you weren’t into her that much. Good news is, that’ll save you time. It’s probably not a bad thing to be enjoying yourself and not jumping into anything, from my experience that helps you be less uptight on dates anyway. if It’s meant to be more it can turn into that. GL brah getting back out there

Thanks man, agree with all your points.
I don't find myself getting overly nervous for dates I just sometimes feel my flirting/banter is better than other times.

Definitely saves me time and stress not moving forward with a situation I was already viewing as unideal.

[InsanePain11]

Thanks man, agree with all your points.
I don't find myself getting overly nervous for dates I just sometimes feel my flirting/banter is better than other times.

Definitely saves me time and stress not moving forward with a situation I was already viewing as unideal.

Definitely I hear ya man. Not sure why I still get nervous every date my age. I work on it but think it’s in my dna, I don’t think people can tell that much though. My banter lately is good maybe 33% of the time depending on my mood. When I’m happier I’m better but that seems to be my main challenge. All the best brah keep us posted on your next dates when you inevitably line them up.

[InsanePain11]

Update: restaurant girl replied to my message and seems down to get drinks. Gonna wait a couple days to reply and schedule it.

For tonight’s hinge date I texted her this AM to confirm. Haven’t heard back so we’ll see.

[skinnyfat88]

Update: restaurant girl replied to my message and seems down to get drinks. Gonna wait a couple days to reply and schedule it.

For tonight’s hinge date I texted her this AM to confirm. Haven’t heard back so we’ll see.

I get the odd person has a job where they can't check their phone but making/confirming plans is almost the only time i expect prompt responses to texts. Grinds my gears when people make you wait on that.

Smalltalk I could care less.

[InsanePain11]

I get the odd person has a job where they can't check their phone but making/confirming plans is almost the only time i expect prompt responses to texts. Grinds my gears when people make you wait on that.

Smalltalk I could care less.

I hear ya bro it’s attractive when a girl is considerate.

Anyways she did reply a little while back and it’s on for tonight.

[Rebel012]

Update: restaurant girl replied to my message and seems down to get drinks. Gonna wait a couple days to reply and schedule it.

For tonight’s hinge date I texted her this AM to confirm. Haven’t heard back so we’ll see.

Regarding the restaurant girl, I wouldn't wait a couple days to respond. That's kinda a cringe pua game tactic. I get where you're coming from, but just a day at the latest. I'd respond tomorrow. Just be natural about it. And congrats on both the dates!

[InsanePain11]

Regarding the restaurant girl, I wouldn't wait a couple days to respond. That's kinda a cringe pua game tactic. I get where you're coming from, but just a day at the latest. I'd respond tomorrow. Just be natural about it. And congrats on both the dates!

Yea bro I understand where you’re coming from. From my view, she took 3 days to reply so if I reply tomorrow that seems fine (will be 2 days for me)

I agree it’s dumb but in reality responding in one day after she took a while seems off putting. Either way tomorrow feels good to reach out to see if we can line something up this coming week.

Gonna head out with hinge girl now.

[iloveus]

Yea bro I understand where you’re coming from. From my view, she took 3 days to reply so if I reply tomorrow that seems fine (will be 2 days for me)

I agree it’s dumb but in reality responding in one day after she took a while seems off putting. Either way tomorrow feels good to reach out to see if we can line something up this coming week.

Gonna head out with hinge girl now.

People actually count the days to reply back?

I personally think that's overthinking it.

It's just too..."Extra"

[bradlehman]

I get the odd person has a job where they can't check their phone but making/confirming plans is almost the only time i expect prompt responses to texts. Grinds my gears when people make you wait on that.

Smalltalk I could care less.

I'm not getting upset about it or anything, but I've noted that I get a couple likes on Tinder here and there from fairly cute girls, we match, I message them, and then days go by and they haven't even read it, let alone responded to it. Weird.

[xbluexhawkx]

lol do not play texting games with females

[InsanePain11]

Definitely not playing too many messaging games. Gonna message the restaurant girl tomorrow, seems like a reasonable timeline.

My date was good tonight the girl was really chill and fun. Lots of laughs. I’d expect to see her again.

[skinnyfat88]

I'm not getting upset about it or anything, but I've noted that I get a couple likes on Tinder here and there from fairly cute girls, we match, I message them, and then days go by and they haven't even read it, let alone responded to it. Weird.

So many options on the apps for women. It either got buried beneath 30 other messages or they're focusing on someone else at the moment.

Nothing you can do really.

Personally I put a bit of effort into my first message or two in an effort to stand out that way. There are other philosophies re how to navigate the apps but I've found that has worked for me.

[bradlehman]

So many options on the apps for women. It either got buried beneath 30 other messages or they're focusing on someone else at the moment.

Nothing you can do really.

Personally I put a bit of effort into my first message or two in an effort to stand out that way. There are other philosophies re how to navigate the apps but I've found that has worked for me.

Yeah, there was a pretty active Tinder thread on the Misc in years gone by that was pretty funny but also probably would have been pretty helpful if I hadn't been in a LTR at the time.

I thought I remembered reading in that thread at one point that messaging them right after matching was the way to go, but that hasn't made any difference so far. Granted, I messaged two people. Haha.

[xbluexhawkx]

Most dudes are not blackpilled on dating apps

Girls on dating apps go for top ~1% of guys

If normies saw what a Chad's tinder messages were like they'd rope

[iloveus]

Most dudes are not blackpilled on dating apps

Girls on dating apps go for top ~1% of guys

If normies saw what a Chad's tinder messages were like they'd rope

What does black pilled mean?

What's up with all these colors that people keep coming up with?

[xbluexhawkx]

What does black pilled mean?

What's up with all these colors that people keep coming up with?

it's just like the absolute extreme truth you don't want to hear

lots of guys on the apps don't realize what they're up against

[bradlehman]

it's just like the absolute extreme truth you don't want to hear

lots of guys on the apps don't realize what they're up against

The apps put hypergamy into overdrive for sure. For the average guy, your odds are better out in the real world.

[iloveus]

it's just like the absolute extreme truth you don't want to hear

lots of guys on the apps don't realize what they're up against

What's the absolute extreme truth?

[SwimLiftRunGrl]

Can I pay you to be my therapist? I feel better now. Haha seriously though, sound advice and I appreciate it.

Agree that age difference is not a big deal as long as we have common interests. I’m mid thirties and recently I noticed a bigger gap in maturity with some late twenties girls. But this girl seems cool and everyone is different. We’re going to try some beer together and it should be fun tomorrow.

hahaha.. you don't need a therapist. You just need to relax and don't overthink. Sooner or later you will burn out with thinking too much. Mid thirties is still young. If you are in no rush to start a family then just take your time. Finding someone that is compatible with you is hard and you want to make sure that she is the right person for you.

PS there are introverted women out there too.

My date was good tonight the girl was really chill and fun. Lots of laughs. I’d expect to see her again.

Glad you had fun! When is the next date?

Also, not sure if it's hypocritical/selfish of me but I think I'm going to look for women without kids as their schedule is likely to be a bit more flexible.
As much as I'm trying to be open to longterm possibilities, my priority at the moment is to just enjoy myself with someone who isn't dead set on jumping into anything serious.

You are not selfish. Wanting a woman without kids is your preference. Everyone has preferences. Have fun!

[InsanePain11]

hahaha.. you don't need a therapist. You just need to relax and don't overthink. Sooner or later you will burn out with thinking too much. Mid thirties is still young. If you are in no rush to start a family then just take your time. Finding someone that is compatible with you is hard and you want to make sure that she is the right person for you.

PS there are introverted women out there too.



Glad you had fun! When is the next date?

I agree I need to relax. totally agree I have some time. It’s not helpful to rush things or panic, and to lament over not being at a certain stage at this part of my life (sometimes I find myself falling in that mental trap). We all have our own journey. I do like introverts I just usually tend to attract the outgoing girls. Open to either type as long as we have enough in common.

So I thought the hinge date younger girl date went well..then I thought she was ghosting me. I texted her Sat afternoon and she didn’t reply until today. I was going to write her off but she says she’s down to meet again and seems enthusiastic. I know she’s a self proclaimed “bad texter” but I’m not a fan of that. Still I would like to see her as overall she seems like a cool person and we had a fun time. But not texting back for two days is not great. Haven’t replied back yet.

Restaurant girl replied to my dm at first. I wrote back to suggest a meetup day and she hasn’t looked for a few days so I’m not really thinking she’s down. Or maybe she’s just too busy. Not too worried about it tbh.

[antman12]

So I thought the hinge date younger girl date went well..then I thought she was ghosting me. I texted her Sat afternoon and she didn’t reply until today. I was going to write her off but she says she’s down to meet again and seems enthusiastic. I know she’s a self proclaimed “bad texter” but I’m not a fan of that. Still I would like to see her as overall she seems like a cool person and we had a fun time. But not texting back for two days is not great. Haven’t replied back yet.

Not to be callous but move on from this girl. No girl that's highly interested is going to take 2 hours let alone 2 days(!!) to respond to a text. A self proclaimed "bad texter" is a red flag. Just my opinion.