Matches have pretty much died ³

[DustinTheHuss]

The story sounds rly made up, more likely she really didn't like something, mb some post sex regret if this is a thing.

It does sound made up. I wouldn't worry about it. If you only wanted her for FWB, then she isn't that high of worth to you.

[skinnyfat88]

So yeah, i was talking to a girl, we went on a date once. Then i told her that i want fwb. She refused at first but then fast forward 2 weeks we f*ked. After that she became distant. A few days later i asked if she wants to repeat. And she told me that she has an ex fwb in a picture so that's that but it was fun. Plus that we aren't really compatible, she wants it rough and i'm too tender.

It's brootal to get mogged like that when you are basically get told: "He is a better man than you are". smh

Don't take it personally.

You went on 2 dates and smashed once.

Other guy and her likely have way more history and you just can't compete with that.

[randomuser12345]

yeah, thx guys. Just another notch on my belt and move on.

[Luc1fer]

Wow. She sounds like a piece of work. She could have made this all up because she didn't want to be just FWB with you.

It sounds like that to me, there’s no other reason to be malicious. She feels used and is directing her anger at you. Otherwise she would’ve just said “sorry I don’t think it’ll work out”.

Women are really deluded about their ability to have casual sex.

[trickfinger]

Still feel angry at my ex. I assume giving her a piece of my mind, or even calmly pointing out how she’s a terrible person won’t help.

Hoping it just subsides, she doesn’t even deserve my anger or time, it sucks. I know this, but the thoughts invade.

Being betrayed is the worst and it happened twice recently. Trying not to lose faith in humanity.

I feel you
I think I wrote about it here some time ago, but long story short my ex and a (former) friend of mine are dating right now
I have so much to say to her about all of the lies that were going on during and after our relationship, about all of her effort in trying to turn everybody against me (with no success, because people see through her bullchit)
But I just say to myself what would I gain by telling her she's a piece of chit? Is it just an ego thing where I feel like I need to be right? Honestly, she can go fuk herself. Why care about what some b!tch thinks?
There are bad days where I feel like I just want to go and tell her everything on my mind with the intention of it hurting her. I just wait it out, she's not worth it

[Imnew1]

Still feel angry at my ex. I assume giving her a piece of my mind, or even calmly pointing out how she’s a terrible person won’t help.

Hoping it just subsides, she doesn’t even deserve my anger or time, it sucks. I know this, but the thoughts invade.

Being betrayed is the worst and it happened twice recently. Trying not to lose faith in humanity.

I just figured I'd share with you that on Thanksgiving Eve that I'm feeling these same emotions almost a year later out of nowhere. I honestly don't know what's causing this other than being a wimp and missing the person I thought she was when we were friends before dating, and I genuinely really liked her as a person, and liked her family and they all adored me. I was supposed to be with hers last year during this time, but after being together for 2 years with a breakup the year prior, she just ghosted for 2 weeks out of nowhere without a word. I finally had to call her Monday before Thanksgiving last year asking her wtf and was I still supposed to come to her family's gathering a state away. Her response was neither of has reached out and we were both ready to move on, but she still wanted to be friends, I would always be her best friend and all that bs. I told her hell no to any of that and she seemed totally fine and told me if I ever needed anybody to talk to, then please don't hesitate to reach out. Not even a phone call, just a gutless text. About 2 months earlier she was in tears when she was breaking up with me for a day at the idea of me never speaking to her again.

She hated me living at home to save money for a house (basically she wanted to live with me and off of me). That was legit the only major complaint over and over again from her about me in our whole relationship. Somehow she concluded I would never marry her if I didn't get my own space or she would just never respect me. Whatever, that's petty imo to throw a way a great guy otherwise who your whole family loves. I asked her what if I was saving my money for a ring vs wasting it all on an apartment for the last year and sent her a screenshot of her exact measurements and exactly what she wanted when we looked one day. Her cold response was that she'd rather me focus my money on my own place.

Next day of course she calls all lovey dovey and wants me to come acts like nothing happened. Day of Thanksgiving she's having fun with her family and calls me in a bed asking me to bring a pump for an air mattress. I knew exactly what she was doing was trying to turn me into a friend so I said no. Then the next week wanted to ice skate and said no sex, so I told her this wasn't going to work for me (she dumped me right after Christmas the previous year pulling the same stunt) and to call me when she wanted to be bf/gf again.

Then I've posted it before but she finished it off with 3 weeks of silence and then harassed me for the next month beginning the Fri before Christmas about some dumb email I didn't send. I simply called her being a good guy to warn her about some guy pretending to tell me about her having HIV to scare me off, then told me she's in love with him now and stay away or we'd have problems. Somehow I became the bad guy that did all of this.

Haven't heard from her in almost an entire year. I know she has a new bf now, and after all that I don't want her back but I do miss her regardless. We clicked so naturally on every level except goals. I know there will be others, but I guess I'll always have coulda/shoulda/woulda with her as a lasting thought. I just can't be friends with exes much less one that does all that and all her other bad actions during a relationship.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday and my fkn ex has our breakup from last year right around this time all fresh on my mind at the moment when I should just be enjoying my own family. I feel angry that my favorite holiday is associated with 3 months worth of times that are supposed to be filled with joy. She doesn't feel the least bit guilty about what she did or that she owes me $1500 still. Just a pretty chick with options on to the next like I never existed. Her new bf is probably up there with her family right now being welcomed with open arms. Hopefully karma wins eventually.

Anyways dead diary I know. I just feel angry at her right now. I guess I just miss my best friend and lover, who is now none of the above. I sound like such a btch.

[Luc1fer]

Imnew1, she sounds kinda borderline although I don't wanna throw around personality disorder diagnosis on the internet.

She does seem hot and cold, that messes with your emotions. My long term ex also did this to a degree, although it took the form of creating drama out of nothing and occasional gaslighting. Really fuks with your head.

I also "clicked" with her on a level I never have anyone else. Unfortunately though, every person is complicated and many parts to make up their whole self. When times were good, they were GOOD. However the bad parts outweighed the good, overall.

Your memories will tend to focus on the good, and the idealized version of the person. Remember that.

You made the right decision, because those bad actions would only get worse after marriage and kids.

[Imnew1]

Imnew1, she sounds kinda borderline although I don't wanna throw around personality disorder diagnosis on the internet.

She does seem hot and cold, that messes with your emotions. My long term ex also did this to a degree, although it took the form of creating drama out of nothing and occasional gaslighting. Really fuks with your head.

I also "clicked" with her on a level I never have anyone else. Unfortunately though, every person is complicated and many parts to make up their whole self. When times were good, they were GOOD. However the bad parts outweighed the good, overall.

Your memories will tend to focus on the good, and the idealized version of the person. Remember that.

You made the right decision, because those bad actions would only get worse after marriage and kids.

I guess I'm just feeling coulda/shoulda/woulda pretty hard is all which is dumb. I should have dumped her so many times but put up with her nonsense so much just because I loved her and could never forget the initial friendship. I see the good in people which is a character flaw I guess. It could have worked but it would have always been an uphill battle. We had a lot of similarities and some differences. The differences in her I overlooked and respected what she came from. Deep down she had no respect for my differences.

My whole story with her has been detailed on here, but yes everybody from my all my best friends to my own mom told me that. None of my friends ever wanted to meet her and told me over and over again that there was so much better out there. I always tried to tell them that she was deep down a good person, but her bad side was all that they would hear and all of them said they would never put up with that and wondered wtf was wrong with me. I guess I could never let go of the person I knew for a year at work that I clicked with so easily, who was so into me, and just seemed like a genuinely good family girl who hung out with her friends vs pursuing relationships. Boy I read that one wrong. Yes she loves her family and loved that I loved mine, but showed over and over again a deep down zero respect for mine, she has maybe 1 true friend in life, and is always in a relationship and can't be alone. 33+ and beautiful, classy, and cool, and wild enough, yet somehow nobody has ever wanted to marry her and follow through with it.

The very first time we broke up was my doing and my fault, but she wanted to know when the bleep she was meeting my family after 3 months and was I hiding her bc she was black with me being white and from the south. Ummm no, but introducing a girl to my family after 3 months............chill out you know? Anyways I agreed to let her meet, but didn't know if I was really feeling it, but I cared for her as my friend so after talking to my mom (she said she'd be happy to meet her but to think about what I was doing if I didn't know when this was a person I cared about who wanted kids and marriage) I told her I just wanted to be friends and didn't want to hurt her. My true intentions were to be a good guy and do the right thing. Well she certainly didn't feel so. About 4 hours later came some of the most hate filled texts about me and my family you could be sent. I played it as cool as possible, but most of my friends that some them months later were like "bro..........FK HER. That is not a normal reaction. That is a crazy hateful psycho btch with issues."

Next month after was when her true side of being a shady chick started coming out. Lying about her phone, lying about being out of town. At work one day I finally just set the area to 1 mile and caught her on tinder and sent it to her. She tried to say she loved me and we weren't together and we were working stuff out which was news to me even though I caused it all. Should have ended it then.

6 months later were great until she cut sex off claiming she found God or something. I even bought her an $850 necklace from Shane Co for Christmas because I loved her and she was my best friend and wanted to give her something nice. I'm sure that's pawned or just sits in a box now.

Anyways when she first broke up she said my family would never really like her and she didn't want that for either of us and wanted to still talk. I told her I didn't know and said I had to go. Sure enough she was just ready to monkeybranch. I wanted her back so bad to fix that issue and get real with her, and sure enough got my chance within 90 days as that went nowhere.

Everything was good for a month until going on vacation to Miami with her siblings. She gets drunk and just starts trashing my family out of nowhere to hers. Her own brother and sister take my side and ask her wtf is she thinking and how can she talk like this. Next month on her bday she gets drunk at a $600 a night hotel winery and trashes my family again to total strangers, proceeds to cry and leave, boo hoo in her car, spit in my face bc I told her stop talking about my family I come from a good family (somehow that meant I was saying my family is better then hers which was exactly her gaslighting nonsense she did the next day saying that I never take responsibility and I trashed hers too by saying that. Lol wtf?)

Always keeping her options open if anything even remotely went sour.

It's all detailed on here and I don't know why I want to rehash my whole damn story with her. I just hate her, love her, miss her, glad to be rid of her. How anybody could end everything the way she did after 3 years leaving me confused as hell just wanting to talk to her and prove I didn't do anything to hurt her and getting no closure was just her final act of narcissistic discard I guess. All around my favorite holiday. Alice in Chains "Love Hate Love" I guess.

[randomuser12345]

That feel when you are going on a date with 22 y.o girl and she tells you how she was on a date with a guy, got drunk and leaves with another. I was like: "you wot m8"
not even some trash, just a regular gal

[Luc1fer]

It's all detailed on here and I don't know why I want to rehash my whole damn story with her. I just hate her, love her, miss her, glad to be rid of her. How anybody could end everything the way she did after 3 years leaving me confused as hell just wanting to talk to her and prove I didn't do anything to hurt her and getting no closure was just her final act of narcissistic discard I guess. All around my favorite holiday. Alice in Chains "Love Hate Love" I guess.

You should be really thankful she's out of your life. Whenever you catch yourself missing the good parts and time, consciously remind yourself why you broke up since "debiasing rosy retrospection requires a certain aspect of conscious deliberation.".

Rosy retrospection is a cognitive bias.

That feel when you are going on a date with 22 y.o girl and she tells you how she was on a date with a guy, got drunk and leaves with another. I was like: "you wot m8"
not even some trash, just a regular gal

Regular trash, stay away.

[Imnew1]

You should be really thankful she's out of your life. Whenever you catch yourself missing the good parts and time, consciously remind yourself why you broke up since "debiasing rosy retrospection requires a certain aspect of conscious deliberation.".

Rosy retrospection is a cognitive bias.

Yeah thanks man. I had a good Thanksgiving with my family and family friends and didn’t really care about her today.

It remains hard to accept that the person I was friends first with is never who I thought she was. I’m left with my personal friendship feelings with her, trips, memories and fun mixed in with all of her bs and stuff you just don’t do to a friend much less somebody you love and want to marry. I let her into my life for a reason, and I just have a personality that’s not overly interested in most people so dating is just so blah for me. Those that I do let in I would like to have for a lifetime. But people come and people go I guess. Most of my friends tell me I would crush online dating with my looks, being fit, no kid, never divorced, good job, full head of hair, etc but after this I’m just happier single. Feels like I’m wasting prime years but I guess if I meet another girl by random chance then so be it. Better than this online dating bs. Oh well end of rant. Happy Thanksgiving man.

[Luc1fer]

Yeah thanks man. I had a good Thanksgiving with my family and family friends and didn’t really care about her today.

It remains hard to accept that the person I was friends first with is never who I thought she was. I’m left with my personal friendship feelings with her, trips, memories and fun mixed in with all of her bs and stuff you just don’t do to a friend much less somebody you love and want to marry. I let her into my life for a reason, and I just have a personality that’s not overly interested in most people so dating is just so blah for me. Those that I do let in I would like to have for a lifetime. But people come and people go I guess. Most of my friends tell me I would crush online dating with my looks, being fit, no kid, never divorced, good job, full head of hair, etc but after this I’m just happier single. Feels like I’m wasting prime years but I guess if I meet another girl by random chance then so be it. Better than this online dating bs. Oh well end of rant. Happy Thanksgiving man.

I'm not sure you're thinking about it the right way, there's a couple of valid framings. I've been through a similar situation and have put a lot of thought into it; plus my recent one.

I do think you're right that she wasn't the idealized version that you captured in your mind. We tend to naturally build an idealized or contrived version of people in our mind. E.g. that person is selfish, that person is bad, that person is kind etc.

In reality, our minds are hyper-simplifying other people (for good evolutionary reason); we'd never view ourselves as that simple. We understand that our own self is complicated, is mostly decent, strives to do the right thing but fails sometimes, is selfish at times, is cruel, but generous at other times etc.

People are the whole of their personality. They're a mix of behaviors, drives, values and emotions. Just like my ex, yours had bad traits and good traits. She had parts deep within her that were good, but exhibited the bad behaviors too. On balance, I think different people land on various ends of the scale though.

The truth is the bad parts of your ex outweighed the good for you. Your friends were correct in their simplification of her personality; but failed to appreciate that it may be more nuanced. You could see the nuance, and the good parts, and thus ignored their advice as partially ignorant. I went through the same thing as you.

[Imnew1]

I'm not sure you're thinking about it the right way, there's a couple of valid framings. I've been through a similar situation and have put a lot of thought into it; plus my recent one.

I do think you're right that she wasn't the idealized version that you captured in your mind. We tend to naturally build an idealized or contrived version of people in our mind. E.g. that person is selfish, that person is bad, that person is kind etc.

In reality, our minds are hyper-simplifying other people (for good evolutionary reason); we'd never view ourselves as that simple. We understand that our own self is complicated, is mostly decent, strives to do the right thing but fails sometimes, is selfish at times, is cruel, but generous at other times etc.

People are the whole of their personality. They're a mix of behaviors, drives, values and emotions. Just like my ex, yours had bad traits and good traits. She had parts deep within her that were good, but exhibited the bad behaviors too. On balance, I think different people land on various ends of the scale though.

The truth is the bad parts of your ex outweighed the good for you. Your friends were correct in their simplification of her personality; but failed to appreciate that it may be more nuanced. You could see the nuance, and the good parts, and thus ignored their advice as partially ignorant. I went through the same thing as you.

Yeah true. I just have to accept that the psycho crazy way she ended everything is a reflection on her and her character vs me. It was the epitome of gaslighting when she was just miserable that I cut her off after she cut me off, and then rejected her friendship. There was never even a clean breakup. Everything about it was just weird and just not how you do somebody. Much less drag it out for a month inventing fake trips to police stations, threatening restraining orders unless I admitted to an email I never even sent (which she did), ruining friendships etc. I would just never do that to anybody and I guess expected too much from somebody I spent years with to not do it to me out of anger. Perhaps I was that great of a catch. Oh well.

[Luc1fer]

Generally, my matches were better this time around, the only difference (aside from being older) is that my pics are better.

So here's my best piece of advice after multiple years on and off online dating: use better pics.

If you need to, get a friend to use an SLR. Go out on hikes and get more shots in good lighting. Hire a pro (I didn't but it would help).

[twovalvekid]

Sheesh. New user boost is real on tinder. Matches sorta died, so i deleted and reloaded this morning around 0730. In about an hour i had 7 matches. Sheesh.

[Luc1fer]

Sheesh. New user boost is real on tinder. Matches sorta died, so i deleted and reloaded this morning around 0730. In about an hour i had 7 matches. Sheesh.

You can still just delete and recreate?

[DustinTheHuss]

Generally, my matches were better this time around, the only difference (aside from being older) is that my pics are better.

So here's my best piece of advice after multiple years on and off online dating: use better pics.

If you need to, get a friend to use an SLR. Go out on hikes and get more shots in good lighting. Hire a pro (I didn't but it would help).

I just get sloots and very few that are relationship material. One blocked me last summer as I posted and it devastated me. I'm finally getting over it.

I'll give this a try.

[Luc1fer]

I just get sloots and no one that is relationship material.

I'll give this a try.

IDK how to save you from sluts, aside from not having topless and douchebag style photos.

[DustinTheHuss]

IDK how to save you from sluts, aside from not having topless and douchebag style photos.

LOL! No. I'm writing one now who seems like a non-sloot and is looking for a relationship. We will see how this goes.

[randomuser12345]

So i'm laying in a bed with a girl. We are watching movie. Both pretty drunk. I'm going for the kiss and she says "no". I honetsly didn't even want to escalate or anything. Just wanted some hugs and kisses. At first i took it as a joke and tryed again. She denies 2 time and not in a playful way. Just straight no. I got cold. Like okay w/e let's sleep. She then starts to blabbering: "i didn't mean that. I was just deffensive, don't even know why did i say it. What should i do to make it right". But at this point my attraction to her went sub-zero. Never ever i got girl to refuse me like that. It's not like i tryed to get in her pants. In the morning she got dressed and leaves in silence.

Question is. Should i text her smth like: "okay mb it was misunderstanding. We can try again." Or just leave it alone.
Guess i have nothing to lose at this point. If she's down then 99% i'll f*ck if not then not.

[twovalvekid]

You can still just delete and recreate?

Thats what i did. Deleted account. Deleted app. Reinstalled. Ran with it.

[Luc1fer]

Why can’t most women (<30 at least) cook and be homely? I’m not a good cook at all and it seems I’m still able to make a meal better than the women I’ve dated.

It’s hugely attractive, but most can’t do it? Wtf. How did they even get through college and life.

I’m talking basic stuff like cooking chicken/beef, add sauce/spices and some sides. They’re like deer in headlights.

It’s almost a dealbreaker for me, unless they show interest in learning.

[DustinTheHuss]

Why can’t most women (<30 at least) cook and be homely? I’m not a good cook at all and it seems I’m still able to make a meal better than the women I’ve dated.

It’s hugely attractive, but most can’t do it? Wtf. How did they even get through college and life.

I’m talking basic stuff like cooking chicken/beef, add sauce/spices and some sides. They’re like deer in headlights.

It’s almost a dealbreaker for me, unless they show interest in learning.

Haha they all do DoorDash. The millennials have no clue how to cook, expect for bodybuilders who do meal prep. It seems that you are looking in the wrong generation as you're really mature, yet you're stuck with younger women so you can have children.

[Luc1fer]

Haha they all do DoorDash. The millennials have no clue how to cook, expect for bodybuilders who do meal prep. It seems that you are looking in the wrong generation as you're really mature, yet you're stuck with younger women so you can have children.

Is 27-30 that young though? I understand my ex was younger, and there was a generational gap there. But still... she was a couple years out of college.

Does everyone just mature much later nowadays? Their parents should be kinda ashamed although I know it isn’t entirely their fault.

[Teskoh]

5ttt

[Teskoh]

Hdhhfhd

[Teskoh]

Rhbebrbr

[Teskoh]

Ggfffff

[DustinTheHuss]

Is 27-30 that young though? I understand my ex was younger, and there was a generational gap there. But still... she was a couple years out of college.

Does everyone just mature much later nowadays? Their parents should be kinda ashamed although I know it isn’t entirely their fault.

The millennials had the helicopter parents who contributed to their sense of not being able to do things for themselves. I honestly don't know when they mature lol. Time will tell.

Of course I'm in Gen X and when we were in college everyone said that we were full of angst, just like the grunge music and our generation was the first with divorced parents, and we turned out OK. We didn't have cell phones or social media, which really hurts kids nowadays.

[Luc1fer]

Great month financially, see sig.

Still seeing the girl, she comes over every weekend. Doubtful it’ll last due to logistics but we’ll see. If you want it bad enough, you can make it work.

I’ve semi resigned myself to moving across the country and finding a woman in the new location though.