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  1. #1651
    Registered User dolvioblue's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SwimLiftRunGrl View Post
    I'm guininely curious. Is it an American thing to go to someone's house so fast and make out with that person?

    Growing up my parents would always say "don't go to someone's house if you don't know them especially a guy's house. Don't put shame onto us."



    eh.. There are good and bad things about being traditional too. Some people call me a weirdo and a prude. I tend to stick with people who have the same views as me.
    I could never imagine telling my kids about bringing shame to the family by going over to someone’s house. People are more open minded now and the world is progressing. People want to meet others, have fun and sometimes just want sex or some companionship. None of this means someone is desperate as you alluded to in prior messages. Not everyone wants to be uptight or a prude or live this way. Some call this a little sheltered and not traditional... depending how far back traditionally the woman was pretty much there to pump out kids and prepare meals for everyone and keep the house. Traditional isn’t such a great term and you cannot just pick and choose how you use it such as just in the dating realm for example.

    I’ve gone over to a woman’s house the first time I’ve met them. Sometimes I came with a bag of groceries and cooked dinner then played scrabble. Going and sitting in a bar, or a walk in the rain, or something else neither of us feel like doing is great. Sometimes we just want companionship or a humans touch. I was raised to enjoy this touch but I understand some other cultures such as Asian are not necessarily like this at all. I could not imagine ever dating someone who had such a negative view of so many things.
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  2. #1652
    Banned Imnew1's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SwimLiftRunGrl View Post
    eh.. There are good and bad things about being traditional too. Some people call me a weirdo and a prude. I tend to stick with people who have the same views as me.

    Here is my little rant. I think there are actually a lot of traditional people out there but we are just not that loud on social media or on dating apps. I think there is this same group of people who recycle back to dating apps and pulling the same crap which makes the good men and women out there look bad. Social media is not helping either.

    Wow.. you're parents are stricter than mine in terms of grades. Lol. Are you Asian too?
    My friends always tell me I would crush it on online dating with my looks and age, no baggage of kids etc and tell me I’m missing out and being dumb by not getting with the modern world or something. I just have zero desire to meet somebody that way and put myself out there as needing a relationship to be fulfilled and happy. Wasting life swiping and conversing by text with people I know nothing about and have never even seen in person. No thank you to that.

    And nah I’m a white guy. 1 B was acceptable by the time I got to high school though. Never in elementary school.
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  3. #1653
    Starvation Mode GO! NitrogenWidget's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Legz422 View Post
    Well, I figured it needed to be said since if I didn't I'd be hearing about how I was pumped and dumped. I guess you could say I still was, although he put a lot of effort into it. Picking me up and taking me to dinner, etc.

    Well you don't have to be mean when ending things. I'm always super nice when I do. Doesn't stop some people from getting nasty with me, but I still would rather stay nice and not resort to meanness.
    I've heard of dudes getting butthurt and all that, lose their chit and not leaving the woman alone.
    however, 99% most of the time those dudes weren't exactly stable.
    which is what probably drew the woman to them in the first place.
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  4. #1654
    Registered User MediocreGains's Avatar
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    I've said this before, but there's nothing wrong with shame to a degree.

    The word and concept has a more negative connotation in the West, where it's somehow become accepted that feeling bad about anything should best be avoided.

    Originally Posted by SwimLiftRunGrl View Post
    I'm guininely curious. Is it an American thing to go to someone's house so fast and make out with that person?

    Growing up my parents would always say "don't go to someone's house if you don't know them especially a guy's house. Don't put shame onto us."
    Maybe for the former. Even as a man, I never liked the idea of inviting a complete stranger over.

    Originally Posted by Luc1fer View Post
    We’re the same person. For years I wanted to blame it on looks or whatever, but tbh I had many opportunities with cute girls in college that I sabotaged.

    I literally had 2 girls that I really really liked and had put work into getting, practically invite me for sex, and I sabotaged it out of that fear of being exposed as inexperienced.

    It’s weird to think how different my life might be if I hadn’t rejected some opportunities when I was 12yo. It snowballed from there, because as each year goes by you feel comparatively less and less experienced.

    What I didn’t realize is that there were probably plenty of peers who weren’t experienced all the way through school and college. You don’t hear from them though, you only hear about the guys who are sexually active.

    Then at 29 or so I literally just said fuk it and my confidence had grown enough for rejection or mocking not to destroy my ego.
    It's funny how we have so much in common.

    There was one incident at 26 that was a bit of a wake up call for me, as I somehow messed up what was a sure thing, and she was cute too. It made me realize a couple things. One, I actually could be attractive to women. Two, I really had gotten to the point where a woman could fall on my lap and still drop the ball. That's when I started reading all the cringey PUA books to "figure women out," though even then, I didn't really start trying until about a year later.
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  5. #1655
    Registered User SwimLiftRunGrl's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Luc1fer View Post
    Here’s the brutally honest and controversial piece. Women put themselves in positions of being more likely to be sexually assaulted, and then fully absolve responsibility for their own actions.

    It’s shocking honestly that young women put themselves in danger like that. And I personally know multiple women that have stories aligning to this. Blame culture I guess? Women will follow whatever culture tells them and their friends do.

    If a woman agreed to coming to my place on the first meet, I’d lose a lot of respect for her. For multiple reasons.

    In fact, if a woman let me touch her boobs on first meet, I’d probably lose respect for her.
    I 100% agree with you. Some stuff is common sense. I know this girl (not very close friend) that used to jog around 10pm in our ghetto neighborhood (lots of drive by shootings and robberies). Luckily nothing happened to her.

    Originally Posted by dolvioblue View Post
    I could never imagine telling my kids about bringing shame to the family by going over to someone’s house. People are more open minded now and the world is progressing. People want to meet others, have fun and sometimes just want sex or some companionship. None of this means someone is desperate as you alluded to in prior messages. Not everyone wants to be uptight or a prude or live this way. Some call this a little sheltered and not traditional... depending how far back traditionally the woman was pretty much there to pump out kids and prepare meals for everyone and keep the house. Traditional isn’t such a great term and you cannot just pick and choose how you use it such as just in the dating realm for example.

    I’ve gone over to a woman’s house the first time I’ve met them. Sometimes I came with a bag of groceries and cooked dinner then played scrabble. Going and sitting in a bar, or a walk in the rain, or something else neither of us feel like doing is great. Sometimes we just want companionship or a humans touch. I was raised to enjoy this touch but I understand some other cultures such as Asian are not necessarily like this at all. I could not imagine ever dating someone who had such a negative view of so many things.
    I understand that people have different upbringings. That is why we have many different groups of people out there with different views. I gave my views and you gave yours. I don't go out and tell people not to do it. I just stick to my own group of people. This thread is just something that I can let people know that there are still people out there that are traditional. And yes I would raise the kids, clean and cook if I have to take on the role.

    Here's a scenario. If you had a daughter (middle school or high school) would you tell her to go out, have fun and have sex with as many people as she meets? Maybe we should not set boundaries on kids and let them explore all the way to adulthood.

    Originally Posted by MediocreGains View Post
    I've said this before, but there's nothing wrong with shame to a degree.

    The word and concept has a more negative connotation in the West, where it's somehow become accepted that feeling bad about anything should best be avoided.
    Agree. Shaming can be good in some ways.
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  6. #1656
    Registered User dolvioblue's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SwimLiftRunGrl View Post
    I 100% agree with you. Some stuff is common sense. I know this girl (not very close friend) that used to jog around 10pm in our ghetto neighborhood (lots of drive by shootings and robberies). Luckily nothing happened to her.



    I understand that people have different upbringings. That is why we have many different groups of people out there with different views. I gave my views and you gave yours. I don't go out and tell people not to do it. I just stick to my own group of people. This thread is just something that I can let people know that there are still people out there that are traditional. And yes I would raise the kids, clean and cook if I have to take on the role.

    Here's a scenario. If you had a daughter (middle school or high school) would you tell her to go out, have fun and have sex with as many people as she meets? Maybe we should not set boundaries on kids and let them explore all the way to adulthood.



    Agree. Shaming can be good in some ways.
    I never said anything about a daughter in middle or high school going to have sex with as many people as possible. That’s a far stretch to anything I said. Odd response actually.

    And no, shaming is not good in any way. Teaching and mentoring is much better. Shaming is terrible. Kids grow up with issues this way.
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  7. #1657
    Registered User DustinTheHuss's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by dolvioblue View Post
    Or men just start to realize you are crazy and peace out or downgrade you to sex. This becomes more and more obvious to me as I read your posts.
    Well yes I do suffer from mental illness. Part of it is genetic and part of it is environmental as I chose a stressful career and live with my ex. It's really upsetting when people just call you "crazy" and disregard you.

    I've been in group therapy and there were many who were worse off than me, unable to work and on disability, yet they still had supportive spouses and partners. I need to find someone like that. Obviously when I'm taking medication 6x a day and going to therapy each week, it's hard to hide what's going on.

    And you calling me "crazy" is really not supportive and not helpful at all, which shows the empathy of most men out there.

    At least I'm getting treatment. There are a lot of people with mental illness out there who aren't in treatment and just create chaos and misery for those around them.
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  8. #1658
    🅳🅰🆂 🅸🆃 Luc1fer's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by dolvioblue View Post
    Why would you lose respect for someone coming to your house or touching their boobs? I don’t get it.
    1. If a woman goes to a strange guys place as an initial meet, it's highly irresponsible and wreckless behavior. Literally going 1:1 to a dude who can physically overpower and sexually assault you. Do you think that's responsible behavior?

    2. If a woman exhibits promiscuous or hyper-sexual behavior, it's a strong indicator towards her views on sex. i.e. sex is merely a act for pleasure. Thus, I can with some confidence, derive a higher probability of cheating on me. That said, I think establishing her principals and values trumps this rule-of-thumb. It is obviously possible that she has high integrity and would not cheat, even if she diminishes sex to mere pleasure.

    So rather than dismissing these views as "prudish" (rolls eyes, because I've heard this blind rhetoric from 22yo sluts), let's engage on the logical consistency of the positions.
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  9. #1659
    Registered User dolvioblue's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DustinTheHuss View Post
    Well yes I do suffer from mental illness. Part of it is genetic and part of it is environmental as I chose a stressful career and live with my ex. It's really upsetting when people just call you "crazy" and disregard you.

    I've been in group therapy and there were many who were worse off than me, unable to work and on disability, yet they still had supportive spouses and partners. I need to find someone like that. Obviously when I'm taking medication 6x a day and going to therapy each week, it's hard to hide what's going on.

    And you calling me "crazy" is really not supportive and not helpful at all, which shows the empathy of most men out there.

    At least I'm getting treatment. There are a lot of people with mental illness out there who aren't in treatment and just create chaos and misery for those around them.
    You should probably not be dating. It not fair to other people at this stage in your life. Being serious.
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  10. #1660
    Registered User DustinTheHuss's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by dolvioblue View Post
    You should probably not be dating. It not fair to other people at this stage in your life. Being serious.
    I'm not getting any younger and losing my looks, so it's now or never really to find a man I'm attracted to. Once you get older you're competing with a limited pool of men with other widows. After having a very unhappy marriage, I would like to meet a supportive partner at one point in my life. I have white knights and orbiters around my age that I'm not attracted to for seem to be FA, but worst case scenario I could settle with them. I think they would be supportive and eventually who cares about looks when you're both grey and wrinkly.

    Now granted many who are understanding are addicts, like the former cocaine dealer, who is thankfully 2 years clean, and meth user, who is 4 years clean, who went to high school with me. They would block and unblock me and created so much drama and chaos because they still had addictive personalities, even though they are clean and in NA.

    I also crave physical touch and sex, so why should I be celibate? That's even more depressing when you suffer from depression.
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  11. #1661
    therapist (srs) xvicknumber7x's Avatar
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    update for those wondering about the girl ive mentioned dating over the last two pages: we have a date scheduled for thursday. it's our third date and she likes plants and gardens and stuff so i found an indoor botanical garden that does a light show/display at night so we are going to do that later this week, have a few drinks and dinner and hang. looking forward to it, guess she really is just a slow mover.
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    Registered User DustinTheHuss's Avatar
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    50 year old on Bumble.

    Profile says:

    Feminist, liberal, non-monogamous


    There are so many nutballs here in California! Lol
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    Starvation Mode GO! NitrogenWidget's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by xvicknumber7x View Post
    update for those wondering about the girl ive mentioned dating over the last two pages: we have a date scheduled for thursday. it's our third date and she likes plants and gardens and stuff so i found an indoor botanical garden that does a light show/display at night so we are going to do that later this week, have a few drinks and dinner and hang. looking forward to it, guess she really is just a slow mover.
    In for botanical gardens review.
    i've never been.

    oh and update on the girl of course.
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  14. #1664
    Registered User mCheech's Avatar
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    Read like 30 pages of the thread out of curiosity. Im married and havent dated since 2008, was curious how it changed since then. Cant just walk up, smile, and say hi anymore it seems eh? Sounds like a massive dumpster fire tbh. Good luck to all you dead serious.
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  15. #1665
    Whale whale whale... FemaleWarriorxo's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DustinTheHuss View Post
    50 year old on Bumble.

    Profile says:

    Feminist, liberal, non-monogamous


    There are so many nutballs here in California! Lol
    Honestly going to try the dating sites while in California for spring break. Curious to see how bad it is
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  16. #1666
    therapist (srs) xvicknumber7x's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by NitrogenWidget View Post
    In for botanical gardens review.
    i've never been.

    oh and update on the girl of course.
    you probably know where i am going haha, i'll let you know and if i catch a flake ill probably take you in her place. will letcha know.
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  17. #1667
    🅳🅰🆂 🅸🆃 Luc1fer's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mCheech View Post
    Read like 30 pages of the thread out of curiosity. Im married and havent dated since 2008, was curious how it changed since then. Cant just walk up, smile, and say hi anymore it seems eh? Sounds like a massive dumpster fire tbh. Good luck to all you dead serious.
    The game is brutal if you’re looking for a person with integrity, strong values, some class.

    The game is relatively easy if you want to find some non-marriage material degenerate thot.
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  18. #1668
    Registered User mCheech's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Luc1fer View Post
    The game is brutal if you’re looking for a person with integrity, strong values, some class.

    The game is relatively easy if you want to find some non-marriage material degenerate thot.
    What happened to the Columbian? Lol im all invested now.
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  19. #1669
    Registered User DustinTheHuss's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by FemaleWarriorxo View Post
    Honestly going to try the dating sites while in California for spring break. Curious to see how bad it is
    I mean it depends what region of California. I'm in the most liberal area I think.

    Pretty much every profile says liberal and atheist. Ugh. It's the agnostic and atheists who try to change my mind about Christianity on the first date. I know I talked to Skinnyfat about this ITT, but it happened again during my date yesterday. That happens with every first date with an older guy, whereas the younger guys don't even care of course as they just want sex.
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  20. #1670
    Registered User dolvioblue's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DustinTheHuss View Post
    I mean it depends what region of California. I'm in the most liberal area I think.

    Pretty much every profile says liberal and atheist. Ugh. It's the agnostic and atheists who try to change my mind about Christianity on the first date. I know I talked to Skinnyfat about this ITT, but it happened again during my date yesterday. That happens with every first date with an older guy, whereas the younger guys don't even care of course as they just want sex.

    So you are a Christian as well?
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    Registered User DustinTheHuss's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by dolvioblue View Post
    So you are a Christian as well?
    Yes I have been doing intensive Bible study for years now. I know my lifestyle doesn't match traditional Christian values though before Miscers come at me. I talked with my minister about my lifestyle. He of course said that my staying living with my husband would create a lot of depression, which it has. But when I moved out I had a ton of anxiety and bulimia, so the mental illness didn't just disappear.
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  22. #1672
    Registered User dolvioblue's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DustinTheHuss View Post
    Yes I have been doing intensive Bible study for years now. I know my lifestyle doesn't match traditional Christian values though before Miscers come at me. I talked with my minister about my lifestyle. He of course said that my staying living with my husband would create a lot of depression, which it has. But when I moved out I had a ton of anxiety and bulimia, so the mental illness didn't just disappear.
    What about the part of banging all the men in their 20’s. How does that all fit into the bible study?
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    Registered User DustinTheHuss's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by dolvioblue View Post
    What about the part of banging all the men in their 20’s. How does that all fit into the bible study?
    It's not something I talk about in Bible Study lol.

    It's worse that I'm still married and banging men period. Believe me, it's not easy for my conscience.
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  24. #1674
    Registered User dolvioblue's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DustinTheHuss View Post
    It's not something I talk about in Bible Study lol.

    It's worse that I'm still married and banging men period. Believe me, it's not easy for my conscience.
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  25. #1675
    Registered User DustinTheHuss's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by dolvioblue View Post
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    Yeah but a celibate marriage for 15 years where it's mostly a business partnership and stay together for the kids.

    The 52 year old Bumble guy messaged me, so that's a good sign.
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  26. #1676
    Registered User dolvioblue's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DustinTheHuss View Post
    Yeah but a celibate marriage for 15 years where it's mostly a business partnership and stay together for the kids.

    The 52 year old Bumble guy messaged me, so that's a good sign.
    You mean the 52 year old you thought was weird and something was off about him? That guy?
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  27. #1677
    Registered User DustinTheHuss's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by dolvioblue View Post
    You mean the 52 year old you thought was weird and something was off about him? That guy?
    Yeah he's a mixed bag as he was touchey feely and didn't like my religion, but also a great catch in terms of his career and life being together, and we both play tennis. Plus you can't beat that he owns a beach house (supposedly).
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  28. #1678
    Registered User dolvioblue's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DustinTheHuss View Post
    Yeah he's a mixed bag as he was touchey feely and didn't like my religion, but also a great catch in terms of his career and life being together, and we both play tennis. Plus you can't beat that he owns a beach house (supposedly).
    How does he feel that you’re married and live with your husband?
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  29. #1679
    Registered User DustinTheHuss's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by dolvioblue View Post
    How does he feel that you’re married and live with your husband?
    He said did the same with his ex so he understands.

    Hell he slept over at his exes house last night and went skiing with her today. It's not like I can say anything.

    It's very expensive to live in my area, so many people live with their ex until they can sell the house. And then you really have nowhere to go except a condo that would cost you $800K. It's really bad.
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  30. #1680
    🅳🅰🆂 🅸🆃 Luc1fer's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Luc1fer View Post
    1. If a woman goes to a strange guys place as an initial meet, it's highly irresponsible and wreckless behavior. Literally going 1:1 to a dude who can physically overpower and sexually assault you. Do you think that's responsible behavior?

    2. If a woman exhibits promiscuous or hyper-sexual behavior, it's a strong indicator towards her views on sex. i.e. sex is merely a act for pleasure. Thus, I can with some confidence, derive a higher probability of cheating on me. That said, I think establishing her principals and values trumps this rule-of-thumb. It is obviously possible that she has high integrity and would not cheat, even if she diminishes sex to mere pleasure.

    So rather than dismissing these views as "prudish" (rolls eyes, because I've heard this blind rhetoric from 22yo sluts), let's engage on the logical consistency of the positions.
    dolvioblue, are you gonna defend your position? You did accuse people holding these positions as "prude" "uptight" and "sheltered". Either retract your statement, or defend it.
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