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  1. #1591
    Registered User SwimLiftRunGrl's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DustinTheHuss View Post
    That's so weird and I told him that I don't feel comfortable going over to a guy's house right away. Yeah why wreck a potential LTR for sex?? Not to mention it's dangerous to go over to a strange man's house, as I learned the hard way.
    I always wonder how someone can go to another person's house within one, two or even three dates. They are definitely more brave than I am. I only go to a person's house alone or let him/her come over when I know that person well enough and feel safe. Trust has too be earned for me.


    Originally Posted by xvicknumber7x View Post
    anyway, we met up at a pub for a few drinks and i asked her to come back to my house so i could make her a pizza and we could hang more. she did, and we chilled and ate pizza for like two hours before i made a move on her (i had already kissed her at the end of date 1.)... anyway, we go at it on the couch for like 15 minutes and i ask if she wants to move to the bed. she says yes and i pick her up and carry her to my room.

    so we are getting toward banging and she stops me and looks me in the eyes and says "listen i really like you and i just want to take it slow so we don't mess anything up." ....
    I'm going to be the bad person here. Let's analyze the couple of sentences that I chopped out from your post about this late 20s woman. This is all my assumptions.

    1. Going over to your house <-- 50/50% she knows what is going to happen
    2. Made a move and on the couch for 15 minutes <-- 80% she knows what is going to happen
    3. Agree to move to bed <-- 100% knows what is going to happen
    4. Says she want to take it slow <-- oh pleaseeee... something triggered in her head or she is not that smart

    Even AI can predict those events.

    This is just my opinion: if I like someone and I want to take it slow I would not go to the guy's house in the first place. I am a very slow person so I tell the guy straight away what my expectations are even before first date.
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  2. #1592
    therapist (srs) xvicknumber7x's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by NitrogenWidget View Post
    covid has f'd things up.
    chit recently opened back up at half capacity, but nobody i know has any desire to go out to a bar.
    I'm just going by my friends who have kids in their mid to late 20's. they have zero desire to go out to bars anymore.
    they would rather get together at someone's place with people they know to hang instead.

    If a woman came to my place on the second date before covid i'd know why.
    now, they are most likely going to a guys place faster than they wanted to because there just isn't a lot of chit to do.
    also, don't know if this is the case but a lot of people i know don't want to push the chance of having to deal with covid by going out.

    it would leave me a little off balance also.
    what do you do?
    how many times are you willing to wind things up only to have her say "nope, not tonight, let's just cuddle" before you get frustrated and lose attraction?
    I know i don't have the patients to put up with that for long.
    tbh man i could wait a while for it, just because it has never happened to me before and i would be interested in seeing if putting it off leads to a better relationship. it likely doesn't matter, but tbh im just gunna try to hang again and see what happens. it definitely made me more interested in her, so that was neat. i feel as if it would take me quite awhile to reach that point of being out of there simply because i know i can go get it whenever i want from some other girls and its not a hard thing for me to do, but this is the first time it's ever been like this. i'd say, reasonably, i could wait to date 5-6 and see what happens.

    Originally Posted by SwimLiftRunGrl View Post
    I'm going to be the bad person here. Let's analyze the couple of sentences that I chopped out from your post about this late 20s woman. This is all my assumptions.

    1. Going over to your house <-- 50/50% she knows what is going to happen
    2. Made a move and on the couch for 15 minutes <-- 80% she knows what is going to happen
    3. Agree to move to bed <-- 100% knows what is going to happen
    4. Says she want to take it slow <-- oh pleaseeee... something triggered in her head or she is not that smart

    Even AI can predict those events.

    This is just my opinion: if I like someone and I want to take it slow I would not go to the guy's house in the first place. I am a very slow person so I tell the guy straight away what my expectations are even before first date.
    could be right, could be right. guess we won't know until next time, if there is a next time. im hoping nothing went wrong, can't really see where it would have, but i guess we will wait and see. could be anything from her being on her period to my comforter reminding her of an ex. outta my hands now.
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  3. #1593
    Registered User dolvioblue's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SwimLiftRunGrl View Post
    I always wonder how someone can go to another person's house within one, two or even three dates. They are definitely more brave than I am. I only go to a person's house alone or let him/her come over when I know that person well enough and feel safe. Trust has too be earned for me.




    I'm going to be the bad person here. Let's analyze the couple of sentences that I chopped out from your post about this late 20s woman. This is all my assumptions.

    1. Going over to your house <-- 50/50% she knows what is going to happen
    2. Made a move and on the couch for 15 minutes <-- 80% she knows what is going to happen
    3. Agree to move to bed <-- 100% knows what is going to happen
    4. Says she want to take it slow <-- oh pleaseeee... something triggered in her head or she is not that smart

    Even AI can predict those events.

    This is just my opinion: if I like someone and I want to take it slow I would not go to the guy's house in the first place. I am a very slow person so I tell the guy straight away what my expectations are even before first date.
    One of my favourite things about online posts and responses from some women is the “oh, me personally am not like that” blah blah.

    Could Include:

    I’m not the type to do one night stands.

    I don’t ever go to a guys house without feeling safe.

    I’m not the hookup type.

    I’ve never had a one night stand.

    I always take things slow.

    On and on... just a funny observation is all.
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  4. #1594
    Registered User SwimLiftRunGrl's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by dolvioblue View Post
    One of my favourite things about online posts and responses from some women is the “oh, me personally am not like that” blah blah.

    Could Include:

    I’m not the type to do one night stands.

    I don’t ever go to a guys house without feeling safe.

    I’m not the hookup type.

    I’ve never had a one night stand.

    I always take things slow.

    On and on... just a funny observation is all.
    You are so funny! Have you never met anyone that just want LTR? Some people are just not that desperate or feel the need too. Just because what you experienced is what you think all women are. SMH.

    Culture plays a part too. My parents would yell at my brothers, sisters and I if we get less than a 'B' on our grades. I've never been on a dating app, don't drink or smoke and don't like bars.
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  5. #1595
    Registered User dolvioblue's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SwimLiftRunGrl View Post
    You are so funny! Have you never met anyone that just want LTR? Some people are just not that desperate or feel the need too. Just because what you experienced is what you think all women are. SMH.

    Culture plays a part too. My parents would yell at my brothers, sisters and I if we get less than a 'B' on our grades. I've never been on a dating app, don't drink or smoke and don't like bars.
    I never said “all” women. I said “some”. And none of this was directed at you. Just an observation.

    Also, not sure what your grades or brothers have to do with anything ?? SMH
    Last edited by dolvioblue; 02-19-2021 at 11:39 AM.
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  6. #1596
    Registered User redliner9's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by xvicknumber7x View Post
    tbh man i could wait a while for it, just because it has never happened to me before and i would be interested in seeing if putting it off leads to a better relationship. it likely doesn't matter, but tbh im just gunna try to hang again and see what happens. it definitely made me more interested in her, so that was neat. i feel as if it would take me quite awhile to reach that point of being out of there simply because i know i can go get it whenever i want from some other girls and its not a hard thing for me to do, but this is the first time it's ever been like this. i'd say, reasonably, i could wait to date 5-6 and see what happens.



    could be right, could be right. guess we won't know until next time, if there is a next time. im hoping nothing went wrong, can't really see where it would have, but i guess we will wait and see. could be anything from her being on her period to my comforter reminding her of an ex. outta my hands now.
    Had this exact same thing happen once and only once.

    Lady was 40, went out twice prior. She came over, we watched a movie, made out, moved to my room and right in the middle she stopped it.

    I played it off like it was nothing, no big deal.

    Next week she had me over to her house and we ended up having sex.

    I think it was more of a comfort thing of my place vs hers.
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  7. #1597
    Registered User SwimLiftRunGrl's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by dolvioblue View Post
    I never said “all” women. I said “some”. And none of this was directed at you. Just an observation.

    Also, not sure what your grades or brothers have to do with anything ?? SMH
    I gave the example of grades because I said culture plays a part in how we were raised (lots of harsh expectations in the traditional Asian culture) -> lead to no one night stands, hookups, etc.. the list you provided. My brother is in the example of grades. Lol.

    Well I guess I was wrong then if you are not directed at me with my post. Carry on.
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  8. #1598
    🅳🅰🆂 🅸🆃 Luc1fer's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SwimLiftRunGrl View Post
    I'm going to be the bad person here. Let's analyze the couple of sentences that I chopped out from your post about this late 20s woman. This is all my assumptions.

    1. Going over to your house <-- 50/50% she knows what is going to happen
    2. Made a move and on the couch for 15 minutes <-- 80% she knows what is going to happen
    3. Agree to move to bed <-- 100% knows what is going to happen
    4. Says she want to take it slow <-- oh pleaseeee... something triggered in her head or she is not that smart
    Good points.

    Originally Posted by dolvioblue View Post
    One of my favourite things about online posts and responses from some women is the “oh, me personally am not like that” blah blah.

    Could Include:

    I’m not the type to do one night stands.

    I don’t ever go to a guys house without feeling safe.

    I’m not the hookup type.

    I’ve never had a one night stand.

    I always take things slow.

    On and on... just a funny observation is all.
    Totally true, say one thing and do another. Some are just lying, or saying what they want to believe about themselves.

    One way that helps understand women is their actions are driven more primarily via emotion, than logic. E.g. The traits women claim they find attractive, often vary wildly from what they actually find attractive.

    Don't wanna just pick on women though, I generally just don't believe what anyone says if I don't know them.
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  9. #1599
    therapist (srs) xvicknumber7x's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by redliner9 View Post
    Had this exact same thing happen once and only once.

    Lady was 40, went out twice prior. She came over, we watched a movie, made out, moved to my room and right in the middle she stopped it.

    I played it off like it was nothing, no big deal.

    Next week she had me over to her house and we ended up having sex.

    I think it was more of a comfort thing of my place vs hers.
    yeah im sure itll happen next time and if not no big deal, but generally i am excited about the idea of hooking up with her and seeing where it goes. next date will be next week if she doesn't get weird over the next few days. i just thought it was funny and a pretty good bunch of humility for me because generally i feel like i have the confidence to pull anything off and getting knocked down a peg was probably necessary for me to keep growing.
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  10. #1600
    Registered User dolvioblue's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SwimLiftRunGrl View Post
    I gave the example of grades because I said culture plays a part in how we were raised (lots of harsh expectations in the traditional Asian culture) -> lead to no one night stands, hookups, etc.. the list you provided. My brother is in the example of grades. Lol.

    Well I guess I was wrong then if you are not directed at me with my post. Carry on.
    Okay you’ve probably lost a few of us here... is this a good thing or bad thing you’ve been raised a bit sheltered?
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  11. #1601
    Registered User dolvioblue's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by xvicknumber7x View Post
    yeah im sure itll happen next time and if not no big deal, but generally i am excited about the idea of hooking up with her and seeing where it goes. next date will be next week if she doesn't get weird over the next few days. i just thought it was funny and a pretty good bunch of humility for me because generally i feel like i have the confidence to pull anything off and getting knocked down a peg was probably necessary for me to keep growing.
    I think we often overlook things such as a woman’s own comfort of her body when it’s intimate time... things that could easily make her not wanna get naked are:

    Currently on period
    Period almost ending
    Period could come anytime
    Feels like she has to chit
    Recently took a chit
    Doesn’t feel fresh
    Doesn’t feel sexy at the moment

    I think all of the above can be part of a woman’s decision to get naked. Just my 02.
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    therapist (srs) xvicknumber7x's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by dolvioblue View Post
    I think we often overlook things such as a woman’s own comfort of her body when it’s intimate time... things that could easily make her not wanna get naked are:

    Currently on period
    Period almost ending
    Period could come anytime
    Feels like she has to chit
    Recently took a chit
    Doesn’t feel fresh
    Doesn’t feel sexy at the moment

    I think all of the above can be part of a woman’s decision to get naked. Just my 02.
    yeah I could chalk it up to any number of things, just gotta wait and see until next time. the profound feeling was how that comment made me feel if it was legit and not due to one of these circumstances. it was just some refreshing straightforward honesty so early into things that i am not used to, which would be cool to see if things progress further.
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  13. #1603
    Registered User dolvioblue's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by xvicknumber7x View Post
    yeah I could chalk it up to any number of things, just gotta wait and see until next time. the profound feeling was how that comment made me feel if it was legit and not due to one of these circumstances. it was just some refreshing straightforward honesty so early into things that i am not used to, which would be cool to see if things progress further.
    At the end of the day I would default to: “if I like a guy I’ll make him wait a few dates but the hot dumb guy I went out with last week was great sex for a night” - women 2021

    Semi srs

    Sounds like she actually likes you. That’s great for you!
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  14. #1604
    Registered User SwimLiftRunGrl's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by dolvioblue View Post
    Okay you’ve probably lost a few of us here... is this a good thing or bad thing you’ve been raised a bit sheltered?
    I misinterpreted your post. Sorry about that. I don't think I was a bit sheltered. My upbringing actually let me focus on my life and career path.

    Originally Posted by dolvioblue View Post
    I think we often overlook things such as a woman’s own comfort of her body when it’s intimate time... things that could easily make her not wanna get naked are:

    Currently on period
    Period almost ending
    Period could come anytime
    Feels like she has to chit
    Recently took a chit
    Doesn’t feel fresh
    Doesn’t feel sexy at the moment

    I think all of the above can be part of a woman’s decision to get naked. Just my 02.
    hahaha... do you mean a woman's decision to NOT get naked?
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    Originally Posted by DustinTheHuss View Post
    The 51 year old asked me to "come over" Saturday morning. It's ironic after Luc1fer's post. ^^^^^^ That's so weird and I told him that I don't feel comfortable going over to a guy's house right away. Yeah why wreck a potential LTR for sex?? Not to mention it's dangerous to go over to a strange man's house, as I learned the hard way.
    How do you know he wanted you to come over in the morning for sex? Seems like an odd request.

    You aren’t going to a strange mans house. Haven’t you been talking like 3 hours a night for weeks?

    I know you feel like a “prize” but nobody is going to put in this kind of time to invite you over and harm you. SMH
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    Originally Posted by dolvioblue View Post
    At the end of the day I would default to: “if I like a guy I’ll make him wait a few dates but the hot dumb guy I went out with last week was great sex for a night” - women 2021

    Semi srs

    Sounds like she actually likes you. That’s great for you!
    seems like it. we will see next week, but tbh if thats her stance i prob wont push for it on date 3 because early indications are that this woman seems dateable. just gunna go with the flow, it's been years since i've dated and i'm just getting my feet wet again.
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    Originally Posted by dolvioblue View Post
    How do you know he wanted you to come over in the morning for sex? Seems like an odd request.

    You aren’t going to a strange mans house. Haven’t you been talking like 3 hours a night for weeks?

    I know you feel like a “prize” but nobody is going to put in this kind of time to invite you over and harm you. SMH
    That’s a different guy who talked to me 3 hours a night. He ghosted me. This guy is new.

    I was sexually assaulted when I went to a man’s house a year and a half ago so it has nothing to do with me being a prize. It has to do with PTSD.

    By the way the guy who assaulted me admitted to it on text and recorded phone call and is facing 2 years in prison, so I’m not just making it up. The hearing keeps getting pushed out due to Covid.

    Not only was it sexual assault but he beat me up with visible bruises and refused to let me leave his house.

    I was blamed by family members for going to a man’s house so I’ve had enough blame and play it safe.
    Last edited by DustinTheHuss; 02-19-2021 at 07:56 PM.
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    Date with the 52 (now) year old is today. It's a walk along the beach instead of at his beach house.

    He said to look out for a Tesla and he confirmed this morning. Yikes and my skin is breaking out today

    Hold me brahs. I haven't been out with a guy over 40 in 1.5 years.
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    Originally Posted by SwimLiftRunGrl View Post

    1. Going over to your house <-- 50/50% she knows what is going to happen
    2. Made a move and on the couch for 15 minutes <-- 80% she knows what is going to happen
    3. Agree to move to bed <-- 100% knows what is going to happen
    4. Says she want to take it slow <-- oh pleaseeee... something triggered in her head or she is not that smart

    Even AI can predict those events.

    This is just my opinion: if I like someone and I want to take it slow I would not go to the guy's house in the first place. I am a very slow person so I tell the guy straight away what my expectations are even before first date.
    I don't see it being weird she went to your house during date #2, or even making out on your couch, without the intent of going further.

    Agreeing to go to the bedroom then pulling back is strange though.

    If you're vibing with her though obviously roll with it as if nothing happened.

    Originally Posted by DustinTheHuss View Post
    Date with the 52 (now) year old is today. It's a walk along the beach instead of at his beach house.

    He said to look out for a Tesla and he confirmed this morning. Yikes and my skin is breaking out today

    Hold me brahs. I haven't been out with a guy over 40 in 1.5 years.
    Best of luck!
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    Originally Posted by skinnyfat88 View Post

    Best of luck!
    Thank you! He just texted for my ETA. I'm waiting for the shower to become available and I'm finishing my lunch, so I'll head up there soon! Fingers crossed.
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    Originally Posted by SwimLiftRunGrl View Post
    Culture plays a part too. My parents would yell at my brothers, sisters and I if we get less than a 'B' on our grades. I've never been on a dating app, don't drink or smoke and don't like bars.
    The dating world would be a better place if more women were traditional like you. Also never been on a dating app and have no desire to ever be so desperate vs letting life happening naturally.

    It’s a real shame online dating is what everybody tries to resort to nowadays vs getting out in the real world and meeting somebody meant to be your significant other in a natural way or just being content single at the moment and happy in your own presence. Seems pathetic to me to be on dating apps actively seeking a relationship bc you just have to be in one and are lonely without a bf/gf.

    B’s weren’t even acceptable growing up for me. Never smoked. I like to chill and have drinks however.
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    I just come to the realization that this week is the first time in 2.5 years where I actually don't have a girl at all in my life (relationship, casually dating, fwb etc...).

    Strange feeling. Weekends got me feeling kinda empty.

    Sheesh! Never thought I would be in situation at 31 years old.
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    Originally Posted by TallSaint View Post
    I just come to the realization that this week is the first time in 2.5 years where I actually don't have a girl at all in my life (relationship, casually dating, fwb etc...).

    Strange feeling. Weekends got me feeling kinda empty.

    Sheesh! Never thought I would be in situation at 31 years old.
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    Originally Posted by Luc1fer View Post
    See sig

    hahahaha ironically I've been listening to a lot of Future this week to get me through this new reality.

    Gotta count the blessing I suppose, at least I don't have to deal with the mind-games anymore, which came with the last two girls.
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    Originally Posted by TallSaint View Post
    hahahaha ironically I've been listening to a lot of Future this week to get me through this new reality.

    Gotta count the blessing I suppose, at least I don't have to deal with the mind-games anymore, which came with the last two girls.
    You learn to ignore female drama. I’ve ignored the bs more and more. If she doesn’t let you “ignore” it, or keeps on about some dumb drama, next her.

    I’m srs. This is a key thing. Almost every woman gets dramatic sometimes, the question is can they move on, let it go after a hug or joke or whatever, or self recognize it - without necessarily dragging you down.

    The BPD types necessarily need to drag you down and won’t let stupid things go. Which becomes truly exhausting.
    𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖘𝖊 𝖆 𝖈𝖍𝖊𝖈𝕶, 𝖓𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖗 𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖘𝖊 𝖆 𝖇𝖎𝖙𝖈𝖍
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    Made dinner for me and the 38yo. We talked a bit and he stated that he doesn’t see how what he said is wrong. Told him to contact me once he realizes why it was wrong since I’m done with a conversation going in circles. If he can’t then he can go ahead and lose my #.

    So now I’m shopping for a power rack
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  27. #1617
    therapist (srs) xvicknumber7x's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by FemaleWarriorxo View Post
    Made dinner for me and the 38yo. We talked a bit and he stated that he doesn’t see how what he said is wrong. Told him to contact me once he realizes why it was wrong since I’m done with a conversation going in circles. If he can’t then he can go ahead and lose my #.

    So now I’m shopping for a power rack
    i suggest the grind fitness. just google the grind. i got one and its tight.
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    The date with the Bumble 52 year old went well. We have a lot in common and enjoyed walking along the beach.

    It was odd though that he kept stroking my hair saying that he liked it, put his arm around me and kissed me and grabbed boobs at the end. He said he wants to go to his beach house and play tennis next.

    Then he told me that he's spending the night at his ex-wife's house as they go skiing together and their daughter mostly lives there? I mean not like I can talk, but I certainly don't go on trips with my ex lol. He would kill me. I guess it's good if they are civil, but I hope he's not a married guy trying to cheat at his beach house.

    I thought about Lucy's and SS's disagreement about sharing wealth with new dating partners. This guy shared his investments and made it clear that he's set to retire now, and he has traveled a lot. It seemed that he really wanted me to know all of this, plus he had photos of his car and travels on his Bumble profile. Why should he put that out there if he attracted gold digger?!

    Originally Posted by FemaleWarriorxo View Post
    Made dinner for me and the 38yo. We talked a bit and he stated that he doesn’t see how what he said is wrong. Told him to contact me once he realizes why it was wrong since I’m done with a conversation going in circles. If he can’t then he can go ahead and lose my #.

    So now I’m shopping for a power rack
    The 38 year old is really dense if he doesn't understand what he said was wrong.
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    Registered User dolvioblue's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DustinTheHuss View Post
    The date with the Bumble 52 year old went well. We have a lot in common and enjoyed walking along the beach.

    It was odd though that he kept stroking my hair saying that he liked it, put his arm around me and kissed me and grabbed boobs at the end. He said he wants to go to his beach house and play tennis next.

    Then he told me that he's spending the night at his ex-wife's house as they go skiing together and their daughter mostly lives there? I mean not like I can talk, but I certainly don't go on trips with my ex lol. He would kill me. I guess it's good if they are civil, but I hope he's not a married guy trying to cheat at his beach house.

    I thought about Lucy's and SS's disagreement about sharing wealth with new dating partners. This guy shared his investments and made it clear that he's set to retire now, and he has traveled a lot. It seemed that he really wanted me to know all of this, plus he had photos of his car and travels on his Bumble profile. Why should he put that out there if he attracted gold digger?!



    The 38 year old is really dense if he doesn't understand what he said was wrong.

    He’s got his eyes on the “prize”.
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    Originally Posted by xvicknumber7x View Post
    i suggest the grind fitness. just google the grind. i got one and its tight.
    Thanks for the suggestion. Actually googling it now and they don’t look bad.

    Originally Posted by DustinTheHuss View Post
    The date with the Bumble 52 year old went well. We have a lot in common and enjoyed walking along the beach.

    It was odd though that he kept stroking my hair saying that he liked it, put his arm around me and kissed me and grabbed boobs at the end. He said he wants to go to his beach house and play tennis next.

    Then he told me that he's spending the night at his ex-wife's house as they go skiing together and their daughter mostly lives there? I mean not like I can talk, but I certainly don't go on trips with my ex lol. He would kill me. I guess it's good if they are civil, but I hope he's not a married guy trying to cheat at his beach house.

    I thought about Lucy's and SS's disagreement about sharing wealth with new dating partners. This guy shared his investments and made it clear that he's set to retire now, and he has traveled a lot. It seemed that he really wanted me to know all of this, plus he had photos of his car and travels on his Bumble profile. Why should he put that out there if he attracted gold digger?!



    The 38 year old is really dense if he doesn't understand what he said was wrong.
    So, you let him feel you up on the first day? Seems odd he stroked your hair and did that lol
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