Matches have pretty much died ³

[DustinTheHuss]

Both types are fun in different ways.

Sluts are fun because they're... sluts. They're hyper sexual and are fine with being objectified (go feminism). They're vapid and have low integrity, so you never intend to marry them. The lesson is not to even allow it to get to girlfriend stage, break it off early, or keep distance so you don't catch feels.

BPD types are fun because they adore you. They feed your ego and look up to you. They can't believe how lucky they are to be with you. Again, important to break this off before you catch feels. Break it off at the first sign of BPD type behavior or gaslighting. Don't go back no-matter how tempting it is. Block. NC and stick to it. They will suck you back in otherwise.

BPD types also mirror you so that you will like them. I've been through a year of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy groups so I've been around a lot of BPD people. They really suffer from their illness. I was the only one in the groups who could keep a full-time job. They're in and out of work and on disability, have unstable relationships, frequent drug use, suicide threats, cutting...basically all of this stuff I don't do. Most of the women are extremely attractive and charming. I can see how a man can get sucked in but unless they are successful with DBT, the man will just go through a nightmare.

I remember your ex and those texts you posted brought back those memories. She was a challenge, that's for sure.

[NitrogenWidget]

Have you introspected on why you're into bad boys? Maybe there's something about the chaos that appeals to you. e.g. triggers high emotion, creates drama and makes you feel alive.

I feel like my "BPD traits" ex created drama where it didn't need to exist, to emulate her chaotic childhood. i.e. a comfort zone.

my close friend's last GF was like this.
He moved in with her, became a dad to her son.
she was hot as hell also.
but I could see it was wearing on him.
everything would be great and she would look for things to start fights about.
it just pushed him away and turned him off and he hit the point where he would rather jerk off in the shower than have sex.

[Luc1fer]

everything would be great and she would look for things to start fights about.

This repeatedly stood out to me. I even had a term I used, "incidents".

I have several examples, including gaslighting where I felt like I was defending my own sanity.

"wearing on him" is a perfect way to describe it. You feel it wearing away at your self and your boundaries.

Really unhealthy. Thankfully I am a stable person with strong boundaries, and never got broken, but I can imagine a man just breaking down.

I probably would have if I married her and had kids.

[DustinTheHuss]

This repeatedly stood out to me. I even had a term I used, "incidents".

I have several examples, including gaslighting where I felt like I was defending my own sanity.

"wearing on him" is a perfect way to describe it. You feel it wearing away at your self and your boundaries.

Really unhealthy. Thankfully I am a stable person with strong boundaries, and never got broken, but I can imagine a man just breaking down.

I probably would have if I married her and had kids.

She was definitely a gaslighter and made it seem like everything was your fault because you were hesitant to marry her. Then, if I recall correctly, she wanted an expensive engagement ring because her sister had one and a lot of it was to show off on social media. She made it sound like you were the one with all of the problems and she was the reasonable one.

Yes, you are stronger than most men that I know who have been involved with BPD types (she may not have been diagnosed as BPD). Many untreated BPD women cheat, too.

If you married her and had kids, imagine the texts you would get at work when she was home with the kids? If I recall she would freak out when you didn't reply to her right away and text over and over. There's a funny cartoon book for those involved with BPDs that was in the therapist waiting room which showed how they would text and text and text if they didn't hear back from you and assume the worst with, "why aren't you replying to me?" "what did I do wrong?".

My uncle was diagnosed as BPD by the VA right before he died, so it's not just women. Medication wouldn't help him as it was all behavioral. Boy did he put my aunt through the ringer and he lived a shorter life due to his untreated mental illness.

On the flip side they tend to be more feeling and caring than others because of their emotion side is so strong. The cartoon book went into that, too.

[Luc1fer]

She was definitely a gaslighter and made it seem like everything was your fault because you were hesitant to marry her. Then, if I recall correctly, she wanted an expensive engagement ring because her sister had one and a lot of it was to show off on social media. She made it sound like you were the one with all of the problems and she was the reasonable one.

Yes, you are stronger than most men that I know who have been involved with BPD types (she may not have been diagnosed as BPD). Many untreated BPD women cheat, too.

If you married her and had kids, imagine the texts you would get at work when she was home with the kids? If I recall she would freak out when you didn't reply to her right away and text over and over. There's a funny cartoon book for those involved with BPDs that was in the therapist waiting room which showed how they would text and text and text if they didn't hear back from you and assume the worst with, "why aren't you replying to me?" "what did I do wrong?".

My uncle was diagnosed as BPD by the VA right before he died, so it's not just women. Medication wouldn't help him as it was all behavioral. Boy did he put my aunt through the ringer and he lived a shorter life due to his untreated mental illness.

On the flip side they tend to be more feeling and caring than others because of their emotion side is so strong. The cartoon book went into that, too.

Yes BPD traits are typically triggered by abandonment fears from childhood. Her mother was either NPD or BPD and I heard some awful stories.

She went to a therapist though and was not diagnosed with it. You have to meet certain checkboxes to officially be diagnosed, but she clearly carried some of the traits.

One massive difference between her and most BPDs was her ability to admit fault, recognize her own issues and seek therapy. There’s no way I would’ve stuck around otherwise.

She did improve, but not enough to give me confidence long term. Like you said, I imagined life with her at home with the kids; could I trust her to stay calm, do her duties, etc. while I was working? No.. and wouldn’t be fair on my kids tbh if any of those behaviors got passed down. I’d never forgive myself..

[DustinTheHuss]

Yes BPD traits are typically triggered by abandonment fears from childhood. Her mother was either NPD or BPD and I heard some awful stories.

She went to a therapist though and was not diagnosed with it. You have to meet certain checkboxes to officially be diagnosed, but she clearly carried some of the traits.

One massive difference between her and most BPDs was her ability to admit fault, recognize her own issues and seek therapy. There’s no way I would’ve stuck around otherwise.

She did improve, but not enough to give me confidence long term. Like you said, I imagined life with her at home with the kids; could I trust her to stay calm, do her duties, etc. while I was working? No.. and wouldn’t be fair on my kids tbh if any of those behaviors got passed down. I’d never forgive myself..

That is true. I have the abandonment issues myself and tend to completely panic and go into emotional hell if a guy ignores or blocks me. However, I know that happens at work since I do it myself when I'm under the gun. I'll at least let the texting person know I'm swamped and I will get back to them after work. So many people just go dark and ignore.

Yeah BPDs often say:

- I often feel “empty.”
- My emotions shift very quickly, and I often experience extreme sadness, anger, and anxiety.
- I’m constantly afraid that the people I care about will abandon me or leave me.
- I would describe most of my romantic relationships as intense, but unstable.
- The way I feel about the people in my life can dramatically change from one moment to the next—and I don’t always understand why.
- I often do things that I know are dangerous or unhealthy, such as driving recklessly, having unsafe sex, binge drinking, using drugs, or going on spending sprees.
- I’ve attempted to hurt myself, engaged in self-harm behaviors such as cutting, or threatened suicide.
- When I’m feeling insecure in a relationship, I tend to lash out or make impulsive gestures to keep the other person close.


I have someone close (not blood related) who falls into all most of the checkboxes but is thankfully getting therapy and outpatient hospital help now at a young age. I feel bad for them as they seem tortured just to live day to day when they have the full blown symptoms.

I think the admitting fault, recognizing her own issues and seeking therapy is something that those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (another Cluster B) cannot do. NPDs and BPDs are commonly attracted to one another. We see that in this sub forum all of the time, as many NPDs obviously gravitate towards bodybuilding. You don't seem NPD to me though at all, but others who have posted in this sub forum do.

[NitrogenWidget]

This repeatedly stood out to me. I even had a term I used, "incidents".

I have several examples, including gaslighting where I felt like I was defending my own sanity.

"wearing on him" is a perfect way to describe it. You feel it wearing away at your self and your boundaries.

Really unhealthy. Thankfully I am a stable person with strong boundaries, and never got broken, but I can imagine a man just breaking down.

I probably would have if I married her and had kids.

one time, we spent half the week at a lake house and everything was great then our families left and the second half of the week was just guys.
she got home and called him up bitching there was no laundry detergent at home and trying to start a fight over that.
that's when he opened up about not wanting to be with her anymore.
shortly after they were done.

if it wasn't for that one aspect of her personality he probably would of married her.

he stayed away from women for a yr after they split and just worked on himself.
gym, school, ect.

[randomuser12345]

Were on a date with a girl few weeks ago. After 1st date she was reaching to me every single day. Few days later after a 2cnd date i invited her to my place on a weekend to cook and watch movies. She agreed, but i feel how her attitued has changed. No more messaging 1st, and even when i reached to her it was pretty cold. Guess 70\30 she will flake. Oh well.
Looked promissing at first.

[redliner9]

Were on a date with a girl few weeks ago. After 1st date she was reaching to me every single day. Few days later after a 2cnd date i invited her to my place on a weekend to cook and watch movies. She agreed, but i feel how her attitued has changed. No more messaging 1st, and even when i reached to her it was pretty cold. Guess 70\30 she will flake. Oh well.
Looked promissing at first.

Cold as in one word responses?

A girl i had been seeing for the past 4 months said she doesnt want to see me anymore due to being scared of Covid, although we were seeing each other all through Covid, lmao.

Go figure...

[randomuser12345]

not exactly 1 word, but before she was engaging. asking me qustions, giving full answers etc. Now it was weird.
me: how you're doin
her: okay. Having some wine with my girl
me: ah, okay, have a nice evening
her: yeah. Why even ask where i am or with who)
me: em, but i didn't ask you that
her: exactly. Why?

I was like. What the f*ck are you even talking about in my mind.

[redliner9]

not exactly 1 word, but before she was engaging. asking me qustions, giving full answers etc. Now it was weird.
me: how you're doin
her: okay. Having some wine with my girl
me: ah, okay, have a nice evening
her: yeah. Why even ask where i am or with who)
me: em, but i didn't ask you that
her: exactly. Why?

I was like. What the f*ck are you even talking about in my mind.

Such an odd convo, almost sounds like she thought she was talking to someone else.

[randomuser12345]

or wanted to force argument to justify flake.

[Rebel012]

Both types are fun in different ways.

Sluts are fun because they're... sluts. They're hyper sexual and are fine with being objectified (go feminism). They're vapid and have low integrity, so you never intend to marry them.

That's not necessarily attributable to feminism. Maybe one brand of liberal feminism, but another type of "gender feminism" (which has its own issues) basically argues that since women are physically vulnerable in society they can never truly experience sex as a conquest like men, and so are just devaluing and putting themselves at risk when they consent to being objectified in that fashion.

[Luc1fer]

not exactly 1 word, but before she was engaging. asking me qustions, giving full answers etc. Now it was weird.
me: how you're doin
her: okay. Having some wine with my girl
me: ah, okay, have a nice evening
her: yeah. Why even ask where i am or with who)
me: em, but i didn't ask you that
her: exactly. Why?

I was like. What the f*ck are you even talking about in my mind.

I wouldn't read too much into that tbh. I think she meant to say, why aren't you asking me more about where I'm at etc. i.e. inviting you to be more engaged.

It's impossible to tell whether she wanted you to engage more, or if she's starting an argument to distance herself.

In these situations, drop your expectations, and just go about your business. You can't control either outcome.

That's not necessarily attributable to feminism. Maybe one brand of liberal feminism, but another type of "gender feminism" (which has its own issues) basically argues that since women are physically vulnerable in society they can never truly experience sex as a conquest like men, and so are just devaluing and putting themselves at risk when consent to being objectified in that fashion.

Certainly, the brand of feminism I've encountered is the type that promotes hypersexuality.

I've literally never seen a feminist say that women are devaluing themselves via sexual conquests.

[DustinTheHuss]

Certainly, the brand of feminism I've encountered is the type that promotes hypersexuality.

I've literally never seen a feminist say that women are devaluing themselves via sexual conquests.

I don't understand that at all, as I grew up with a different type of feminism and we didn't ride the cawk carousel back in the day. It was mostly relationships back in the 80s. There was no feminism preaching for us to have a lot of sex, and I was younger and considered myself a feminist then. I don't now.

It really is devaluing oneself with sexual conquests and causes a lot of mental illness to be honest, as the feeling of a guy ghosting or blocking us after sex is pretty terrible. Men don't get that same type of feeling if a female ghosts him after sex. We crave stability.

[FemaleWarriorxo]

Cleaning out my email and came across an old email from an ex

Emotions.

[Legz422]

Emotions.

That was nice of him to send that. gives good closure.

[DustinTheHuss]

Emotions.

Agree. That's great that he did that.

************************************************** *******************************


Dilemma. Good looking blonde 23 year old I've seen 2 times since August 2019 has texted me several times to get together over the years but I was seeing someone or not interested. I'm not one who likes to block someone easily unless they're sending nudes. Plus he's nice and will wish me well on holidays.

On the flip side he's legit insane. He drives his car like a maniac and even drove my car like a maniac once. He seems very unstable so he's definitely not relationship material, plus with the age and a blue collar job living with his parents. He also decides to text me and he'll text over and over and FaceTime me until he gets a response. It's really annoying.

He's been texting me about my injury and texted this morning "I'm so glad you're doing better. I can't wait to see you." I don't want to see him, but I'm stringing him along in case my sex drive decides to return. What do I reply to him?? Ugh.

[Legz422]

Agree. That's great that he did that.

************************************************** *******************************


Dilemma. Good looking blonde 23 year old I've seen 2 times since August 2019 has texted me several times to get together over the years but I was seeing someone or not interested. I'm not one who likes to block someone easily unless they're sending nudes. Plus he's nice and will wish me well on holidays.

On the flip side he's legit insane. He drives his car like a maniac and even drove my car like a maniac once. He seems very unstable so he's definitely not relationship material, plus with the age and a blue collar job living with his parents. He also decides to text me and he'll text over and over and FaceTime me until he gets a response. It's really annoying.

He's been texting me about my injury and texted this morning "I'm so glad you're doing better. I can't wait to see you." I don't want to see him, but I'm stringing him along in case my sex drive decides to return. What do I reply to him?? Ugh.

I say don't string him along. That's not the right thing to do and you don't like it when people do that to you.

[Luc1fer]

He's been texting me about my injury and texted this morning "I'm so glad you're doing better. I can't wait to see you." I don't want to see him, but I'm stringing him along in case my sex drive decides to return. What do I reply to him?? Ugh.

You text him the exact truth. If he's up for waiting for your sex drive to return, then it's his choice.

[MediocreGains]

Agree. That's great that he did that.

************************************************** *******************************


Dilemma. Good looking blonde 23 year old I've seen 2 times since August 2019 has texted me several times to get together over the years but I was seeing someone or not interested. I'm not one who likes to block someone easily unless they're sending nudes. Plus he's nice and will wish me well on holidays.

On the flip side he's legit insane. He drives his car like a maniac and even drove my car like a maniac once. He seems very unstable so he's definitely not relationship material, plus with the age and a blue collar job living with his parents. He also decides to text me and he'll text over and over and FaceTime me until he gets a response. It's really annoying.

He's been texting me about my injury and texted this morning "I'm so glad you're doing better. I can't wait to see you." I don't want to see him, but I'm stringing him along in case my sex drive decides to return. What do I reply to him?? Ugh.

Stop talking to him. Stringing along a man who's unstable and clingy is never a good idea.

[DustinTheHuss]

^^^ Thanks everyone. This will help me figure out what to respond to him.

[Luc1fer]

Stop talking to him. Stringing along a man who's unstable and clingy is never a good idea.

She gets off on the drama. That's the problem.

[DustinTheHuss]

She gets off on the drama. That's the problem.

I find him irritating though when he texts over and over and FaceTime's me. He's good looking and the sex was good. I'm just not good with ending it with guys. Even on Thursday night I was messaging 2 guys I haven't seen for 15 years. They said they see me come on Facebook messenger and remember the good ol' times. I don't like blocking people.

I just saw my therapist and my main focus is to find a life partner. I've been scared to do that given what that means in my life and hesitant to pursue a man my age. I told her that guys in their 20s text a lot and make it easier to just reciprocate, whereas men over 40 want to talk on the phone and don't like texting as much. I told her I texted the 50 year old on Tuesday about his offer to get together for coffee a couple of weeks ago. She just wants to see me go out on more coffee dates with men over 40.

[Mr Beer]

"Guys there's this kid less than half my age who is irrational, displays dangerous behaviours and I just find him annoying in general. He's after some more of the gushy but I'm not up for it. Should I string him along for a while? I don't see how that could go badly wrong."

Never change DLB.

[DustinTheHuss]

"Guys there's this kid less than half my age who is irrational, displays dangerous behaviours and I just find him annoying in general. He's after some more of the gushy but I'm not up for it. Should I string him along for a while? I don't see how that could go badly wrong."

Never change DLB.

LOL. I always love Mr. Beer! You have the funniest posts.

[MediocreGains]

She gets off on the drama. That's the problem.

Ha, true.

I find him irritating though when he texts over and over and FaceTime's me.

He keeps doing it because you're responding to him.

"Guys there's this kid less than half my age who is irrational, displays dangerous behaviours and I just find him annoying in general. He's after some more of the gushy but I'm not up for it. Should I string him along for a while? I don't see how that could go badly wrong."

Never change DLB.

It's funny because it's true.

[Luc1fer]

I find him irritating though when he texts over and over and FaceTime's me. He's good looking and the sex was good. I'm just not good with ending it with guys. Even on Thursday night I was messaging 2 guys I haven't seen for 15 years. They said they see me come on Facebook messenger and remember the good ol' times. I don't like blocking people.

I just saw my therapist and my main focus is to find a life partner. I've been scared to do that given what that means in my life and hesitant to pursue a man my age. I told her that guys in their 20s text a lot and make it easier to just reciprocate, whereas men over 40 want to talk on the phone and don't like texting as much. I told her I texted the 50 year old on Tuesday about his offer to get together for coffee a couple of weeks ago. She just wants to see me go out on more coffee dates with men over 40.

You aren't even trying imo, and are just continuing the behavior using excuses like "I don't like blocking people". It's one thing not to block, it's another to continually engage. You keep engaging because you tell yourself it's "irritating" but subconsciously enjoy it.

That's my take anyway; sounds like your therapist has a similar take.

[DustinTheHuss]

That's true. Guys used to get mad that I would respond to them but wouldn't have sex with them, and I said that if you had sex with a person you shouldn't block or ignore them as that's rude if you were willing to take your clothes off and be intimate with them. But this one guy said to me that he got a mixed message that if I responded to him, then that means I want to have sex with him.

Yeah maybe I like the attention and the drama. I definitely like the attention. Guys never seem to disappear, either. Even 15 years later. I don't go back years and hit up that guy for sex lol.

[FemaleWarriorxo]

That was nice of him to send that. gives good closure.

I guess I can see it that way? We liked each other in high school then finally tried something when we’re older. His parents forced him to be in a marriage lol Traditional Asian parents rather see their kids unhappy apparently. Can’t imagine forcing my child stay in a marriage that their own partner encourages their bad behavior and belittles them ¯\_(ツ)_/¯