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  1. #1
    PHD in Broscience Tough92's Avatar
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    Exclamation How to handle this situation

    Been dating a girl for a few months now. Everything seems to be going great. Seems like a very loyal faithful girl no complaints except one minor thing.

    I’m unsure how to handle this minor thing because I know that one thing you never ever want a girl to see is that you’re Butt hurt. A girl should never see a guy butt hurt so that’s why I’m always confident and positive even when I really don’t feel that way.

    Anyway lots of times we will be watching tv or a movie and she will say a celebrity is hot or that she loves this movie star,etc I never respond to her, usually ignore the comment or don’t pay much mind to it. Genuinely don’t care.

    The other day we are at a fancy restaurant and the owner is walking around. Early 40s dressed very nice and obviously very wealthy. She made a comment along the lines of “he’s hot you better look like him at that age” something like that I don’t really remember. So I made a comment and was like “oh well if you’re interested you should see if he wants to take you out to dinner tonite” in a joking manner. I brushed it off made it seem like I didn’t care.

    Fast forward an hour later we’re having an amazing night, she telling me she loves the restaurant, and can’t wait to get in bed when we get home, etc


    The owner comes by to each table to see how the guest are likening the place. He comes to our table. I was friendly with him telling him what town where from etc since he asked. She engaged a little more then I would like. He leaves after 2 mins or so and she goes “ I love him” something along those lines.


    I low key short circuit bc that turned me off so much. I knew the right thing todo was act naturally but I couldn’t. I tired my best but I was so annoyed my whole attitude changed and she could see it. I got quiet and brief. She kept asking me what’s wrong and I denied anything and just said I ate to much. After dinner she kissed me and said thanks so much for dinner. In the car she kept saying “baby what’s wrong” after denying several times I cracked.

    I told her she said something that turned me off tonight and it’s not a big deal. She begged me to tell her what she said bc she didn’t know. I didn’t budge. Again I don’t her it’s not a big deal bc if it was I would of addressed it. Sat in silence 20
    Mins then I had to get her in a “cheerful” mood when we got home so the night wasn’t ruined.

    Finally got her to come around and had great sex and everything was fine the next day.

    The next day she goes “I didn’t like you last night” so I replied “I didn’t do anything wrong you were the one who made stupid comments” she replied “stop throwing it in my face, you made me want to cry last night” “I said then stop saying you didn’t like me last night lulz”


    Thoughts on the situation and how to handle this if she does this again?
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    She gave you a chit test and you failed. Granted it was extremely disrespectful the way she did it, but now she knows she can manipulate you through jealousy.

    You need to try to always remain aloof and cool. Should have said something like, do you often fall in love with old rich strangers like a common streetwalker? And bert stared her right in the eyes.
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    Registered User skinnyfat88's Avatar
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    If you couldn't address it in a cocky/witty way, being direct is better than holding it in then being passive aggressive.

    If she overdoes it though I agree it's disrespectful.
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    PHD in Broscience Tough92's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Kev1972 View Post
    She gave you a chit test and you failed. Granted it was extremely disrespectful the way she did it, but now she knows she can manipulate you through jealousy.

    You need to try to always remain aloof and cool. Should have said something like, do you often fall in love with old rich strangers like a common streetwalker? And bert stared her right in the eyes.

    Chit test 3 months in when it’s clear I’m in charge of this relationship? I mean I guess that’s possible but it’s a fact I control this relationship so I’m unsure if it was a chit test esp since she legited looked like she wanted to cry and told me so.

    Agreed tho I should of came up with a better witty response and I KNOW I should of remained cool but I couldn’t it is what it is. Next time I’ll bite my tongue and remain cool
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    PHD in Broscience Tough92's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by skinnyfat88 View Post
    If you couldn't address it in a cocky/witty way, being direct is better than holding it in then being passive aggressive.

    If she overdoes it though I agree it's disrespectful.

    So if she does it with a celebrity let it go?

    And if she does it with someone IRL again should I just drop the hammer and tell her that’s disrespectful and put a stop to it? She knows I’m willing to leave at a drop of a hat and she knows she’s free to leave whenever she chooses.

    So wether I’m serious about something or bluffing she will know I mean business.
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    Originally Posted by Tough92 View Post
    Chit test 3 months in when it’s clear I’m in charge of this relationship? I mean I guess that’s possible but it’s a fact I control this relationship so I’m unsure if it was a chit test esp since she legited looked like she wanted to cry and told me so.

    Agreed tho I should of came up with a better witty response and I KNOW I should of remained cool but I couldn’t it is what it is. Next time I’ll bite my tongue and remain cool
    Women chit test occasionally man it doesn’t matter how long in a relationship you’re in. My grandma still chit test my grandpa and he just laugh it off. Dude’s alpha as fuk.

    It’s that complacent “im in charge of the relationship” mindset that made you failed the chit test.
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    Registered User skinnyfat88's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Tough92 View Post
    So if she does it with a celebrity let it go?

    And if she does it with someone IRL again should I just drop the hammer and tell her that’s disrespectful and put a stop to it? She knows I’m willing to leave at a drop of a hat and she knows she’s free to leave whenever she chooses.

    So wether I’m serious about something or bluffing she will know I mean business.
    That's up to you man.

    In general yes I think it's normal to comment on attractive celebrities here and there.
    When it comes to people in real life, I think a respectful partner wouldn't make comments in a way that would make you feel insecure or question their loyalty to you.

    Commenting on their style or something is a lot more appropriate than saying they're hot or implying they have something you never could.

    If you get caught glimpsing an attractive person look at your SO in the eyes with the "oops you caught me look" and give them your undivided attention for a few seconds and a peck so they know you're still very much attracted to and into them.

    Gray area here but those are some of my thoughts.
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  8. #8
    Registered User MirinCanadian99's Avatar
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    Sounds like she's not the one. That chit is downright disrespectful and I'm surprised you didn't put her in her place when the time was right. Now she's gonna act like the victim and you've failed her childish test.

    If you're scared of showing your emotional side to a girl because you're scared that she will call you a beta, that relationship is already dead. As two grown arse adults you should be able to tell her what's bothering you and she as a grown arse adult should respect that.

    However, you know her best and try talking it out. If she plays the victim card, I would say that's a red flag. I've been dating a girl for a month and almost 2 weeks now and we can usually own up to our mistakes. I'd say the both of you need to apologize. She's an idiot who needs to think more about your feelings and you need to apologize for not being direct to her about what was bothering you. She can't read your mind.
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  9. #9
    PHD in Broscience Tough92's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by yokecel View Post
    Women chit test occasionally man it doesn’t matter how long in a relationship you’re in. My grandma still chit test my grandpa and he just laugh it off. Dude’s alpha as fuk.

    It’s that complacent “im in charge of the relationship” mindset that made you failed the chit test.

    True but I am in charge it’s a fact. Sounds cocky but it’s the truth this is the one relationship I’ve played majority red pill and it’s working and working very well
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  10. #10
    PHD in Broscience Tough92's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by skinnyfat88 View Post
    That's up to you man.

    In general yes I think it's normal to comment on attractive celebrities here and there.
    When it comes to people in real life, I think a respectful partner wouldn't make comments in a way that would make you feel insecure or question their loyalty to you.

    Commenting on their style or something is a lot more appropriate than saying they're hot or implying they have something you never could.

    If you get caught glimpsing an attractive person look at your SO in the eyes with the "oops you caught me look" and give them your undivided attention for a few seconds and a peck so they know you're still very much attracted to and into them.

    Gray area here but those are some of my thoughts.
    Celeb thing idc about but At this point I don’t rly see her making comments about ppl IRL but if she does I’m just gonna address it in a non insecure manner
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    PHD in Broscience Tough92's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MirinCanadian99 View Post
    Sounds like she's not the one. That chit is downright disrespectful and I'm surprised you didn't put her in her place when the time was right. Now she's gonna act like the victim and you've failed her childish test.

    If you're scared of showing your emotional side to a girl because you're scared that she will call you a beta, that relationship is already dead. As two grown arse adults you should be able to tell her what's bothering you and she as a grown arse adult should respect that.

    However, you know her best and try talking it out. If she plays the victim card, I would say that's a red flag. I've been dating a girl for a month and almost 2 weeks now and we can usually own up to our mistakes. I'd say the both of you need to apologize. She's an idiot who needs to think more about your feelings and you need to apologize for not being direct to her about what was bothering you. She can't read your mind.

    Not the one off a minor thing? Lulz

    I agree she may have slightly pulled the victim card but it didn’t work for her. I didn’t put her in her place bc I didn’t wanna come off butt hurt and didn’t think of it on the fly but you’re right if I did put her in her place in a cool way it would of worked and the incident would of been dead and prob never brought up again.


    “ If you're scared of showing your emotional side to a girl because you're scared that she will call you a beta, that relationship is already dead.”

    Wholeheartedly disagree, I DONT think she will call me beta BUT I will never show my emotional side to girl bc sharing you’re “emotions” and “feelings” with a female is the worst thing you can do. How do I know? I’m living proof of it dating the last 11 years of my life. Woman want a man made of stone not some beta who talks about feelings.


    Is that to say I will never ever show my feelings? No but it would be extremely rare for me todo so
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    Originally Posted by Tough92 View Post
    Not the one off a minor thing? Lulz

    I agree she may have slightly pulled the victim card but it didn’t work for her. I didn’t put her in her place bc I didn’t wanna come off butt hurt and didn’t think of it on the fly but you’re right if I did put her in her place in a cool way it would of worked and the incident would of been dead and prob never brought up again.


    “ If you're scared of showing your emotional side to a girl because you're scared that she will call you a beta, that relationship is already dead.”

    Wholeheartedly disagree, I DONT think she will call me beta BUT I will never show my emotional side to girl bc sharing you’re “emotions” and “feelings” with a female is the worst thing you can do. How do I know? I’m living proof of it dating the last 11 years of my life. Woman want a man made of stone not some beta who talks about feelings.


    Is that to say I will never ever show my feelings? No but it would be extremely rare for me todo so
    I didn't say over do it tho. I simply said you should open up and let her know what's up. She will probably do it again because she has zero clue how you feel about it.

    There's a difference between being an emotional loser and being open about the things she does that hurt you.
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    Stop being jelly and insecure.
    She can tell you're butt hurt.
    She's talking to you like this because she's honest with you, like a best friend ... though she isn't socially intelligent.
    Instead of punishing her or getting even or revenge use that energy to work on yourself.
    You should be working hard on being hot chick yourself, and she should be the jelly insecure one chasing you.
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    Originally Posted by Tough92 View Post
    True but I am in charge it’s a fact. Sounds cocky but it’s the truth this is the one relationship I’ve played majority red pill and it’s working and working very well
    if you were in charge this chit wouldn't be happening 3 months in.

    I haven't had to deal with this chit-test nonsense from a woman I've dated exclusively in yrs.
    the reason why is because women can tell i just won't put up with that type of nonsense.

    yeah there will be some in the beginning, but a woman who wants me to stick around will stop doing that chit past a certain point.

    last chick who tried chit-testing me after we became exclusive was single right after.
    i'm not going to answer to a disrespectful woman. f-that.

    if she's a FWB, casual hookup, or just someone i'm having fun with then she can try to ****-test me.
    but when we both know our situation is short term i just lol at them wasting their time.
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    Originally Posted by MirinCanadian99 View Post
    I didn't say over do it tho. I simply said you should open up and let her know what's up. She will probably do it again because she has zero clue how you feel about it.

    There's a difference between being an emotional loser and being open about the things she does that hurt you.
    Ok this makes Sense will do.


    Originally Posted by nineOHnine View Post
    Stop being jelly and insecure.
    She can tell you're butt hurt.
    She's talking to you like this because she's honest with you, like a best friend ... though she isn't socially intelligent.
    Instead of punishing her or getting even or revenge use that energy to work on yourself.
    You should be working hard on being hot chick yourself, and she should be the jelly insecure one chasing you.
    I’m fine m8, and she’s doing all the chasing. I’m doing amazing tbh just last week she said “you never complement me” and a couple weeks before that she said “you never talk or share you’re feelings”. Those are prob the 2 best things a girl can say to you.
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    Originally Posted by NitrogenWidget View Post
    if you were in charge this chit wouldn't be happening 3 months in.

    I haven't had to deal with this chit-test nonsense from a woman I've dated exclusively in yrs.
    the reason why is because women can tell i just won't put up with that type of nonsense.

    yeah there will be some in the beginning, but a woman who wants me to stick around will stop doing that chit past a certain point.

    last chick who tried chit-testing me after we became exclusive was single right after.
    i'm not going to answer to a disrespectful woman. f-that.

    if she's a FWB, casual hookup, or just someone i'm having fun with then she can try to ****-test me.
    but when we both know our situation is short term i just lol at them wasting their time.
    You can’t make that statement off of this 1 thread I’ve made lol she knows I don’t put up with chit. She knows 1 false move I’m gone like the wind. I think she’s just clueless on what she said tbh.

    I’ve never felt more control in a relationship in my whole life. I’m almost thinking I’m going to hard on the “red pill”. Although lately I been throwing her a bone her and there.

    I do not doubt you’re expertise I’ve seen you post for sometime now but when I tell you I’m the shot caller I’m in 100% control. I just didn’t handle this situation well

    Can you actually offer advice on this specific incident if it happens again?
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    Starvation Mode GO! NitrogenWidget's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Tough92 View Post
    You can’t make that statement off of this 1 thread I’ve made lol she knows I don’t put up with chit. She knows 1 false move I’m gone like the wind. I think she’s just clueless on what she said tbh.

    I’ve never felt more control in a relationship in my whole life. I’m almost thinking I’m going to hard on the “red pill”. Although lately I been throwing her a bone her and there.

    I do not doubt you’re expertise I’ve seen you post for sometime now but when I tell you I’m the shot caller I’m in 100% control. I just didn’t handle this situation well

    Can you actually offer advice on this specific incident if it happens again?
    you already made it clear to her you didn't like her comments during during the argument.

    If she does it again just tell her, you don't like it when she does that in a normal voice outside of an argument.
    don't beat around the bush, try to flip the script or get clever.
    if she keeps doing it after that then you either bail or live with it.
    you may not be compatible if this is a part of her personality.

    has she done this before?
    pointing out an older guy or any guy she finds attractive?
    or just all of a sudden did it one night?
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    Originally Posted by NitrogenWidget View Post
    you already made it clear to her you didn't like her comments during during the argument.

    If she does it again just tell her, you don't like it when she does that in a normal voice outside of an argument.
    don't beat around the bush, try to flip the script or get clever.
    if she keeps doing it after that then you either bail or live with it.
    you may not be compatible if this is a part of her personality.

    has she done this before?
    pointing out an older guy or any guy she finds attractive?
    or just all of a sudden did it one night?
    “you already made it clear to her you didn't like her comments during during the argument.“

    We never had an argument and when she asked me what was wrong I didn’t specify anything I just told her “she made comments tonite that turnt me off but it’s not that serious” so unless she figured it out herself she doesn’t know what annoyed me.

    “has she done this before?
    pointing out an older guy or any guy she finds attractive?
    or just all of a sudden did it one night?“

    Yup all of a sudden one night. She has only done it when we watch TV with a famous celeb which I usually don’t acknowledge.

    “If she does it again just tell her, you don't like it when she does that in a normal voice outside of an argument.“

    This seems like the best approach more ppl I talk to. Just address it short and sweet. I truly believe if it happens again and I address it she will respect me and won’t make comments like that again.
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    Originally Posted by Tough92 View Post
    “you already made it clear to her you didn't like her comments during during the argument.“

    We never had an argument and when she asked me what was wrong I didn’t specify anything I just told her “she made comments tonite that turnt me off but it’s not that serious” so unless she figured it out herself she doesn’t know what annoyed me.

    “has she done this before?
    pointing out an older guy or any guy she finds attractive?
    or just all of a sudden did it one night?“

    Yup all of a sudden one night. She has only done it when we watch TV with a famous celeb which I usually don’t acknowledge.

    “If she does it again just tell her, you don't like it when she does that in a normal voice outside of an argument.“

    This seems like the best approach more ppl I talk to. Just address it short and sweet. I truly believe if it happens again and I address it she will respect me and won’t make comments like that again.
    ok.
    strange how she just came out with that and never did it before.
    i ignore that celebrity is hot BS also.

    maybe one of her friends told her to chit-test you?
    IDK on this one.
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    Your girl is being really disrespectful.
    Calling other people hot in front of your partner / telling your partner “X” is hot is ridiculous.

    If it’s a celebrity in a movie and it happens VERY rarely you can let it fly, but it sounds like your girl does this a lot.
    Whats the point of saying stuff like that if not to hurt your partner?

    Do you also tell her “yeah we can watch that, Scarlett Johansson is so sexy” ?

    If you wanna talk alfa / beta, then the beta behaviour is NOT telling her to stop doing those things since they clearly bother you.
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    As others have said you have two options:

    1) be direct and call her out on it AT THE TIME assertively. Something like 'i find that really disrespectful and im not ok with it', and ignore all her inevitable attempts to minimise what she said.

    Or

    2) stay aloof and unphased

    In your situation, given what exactly happened, and given youre in a committed relationship, I'd go with option 1. Even if you didnt care much, given youd gone to the effort to be out at dinner with her thats really disrespectful. There's a difference between being outcome independent and having a strong frame and allowing someone to dish disrespect to you.

    Call her out for being rude swiftly and assertively and be willing to walk away if she gets rude or starts minimising what she said. Youll see a change in her behaviour

    Your outcome independence, contrary to popular belief, actually is exhibited in being able to walk away if she challenges your belief system - not by your ability to take and contain blatant disrespect

    A lot of guys don't understand that
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    Good replies guys


    If she does it again I’m just gonna tell her In a calm cool manner BUT assertively that it’s disrespectful and I don’t like it.

    This seems like the best option from what everyone ITT is saying and friends I spoke to in real life.


    I was just hesitant at first bc I didn’t wanna come off butt hurt
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    Originally Posted by Tough92 View Post
    You can’t make that statement off of this 1 thread I’ve made lol she knows I don’t put up with chit. She knows 1 false move I’m gone like the wind. I think she’s just clueless on what she said tbh.

    I’ve never felt more control in a relationship in my whole life. I’m almost thinking I’m going to hard on the “red pill”. Although lately I been throwing her a bone her and there.

    I do not doubt you’re expertise I’ve seen you post for sometime now but when I tell you I’m the shot caller I’m in 100% control. I just didn’t handle this situation well

    Can you actually offer advice on this specific incident if it happens again?
    LOL! If you are gone like the wind with one false move, then why did you get butthurt, stay with her and make this thread?

    Women don't think like Miscers in terms of alpha or beta lulz.
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    PHD in Broscience Tough92's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DustinTheHuss View Post
    LOL! If you are gone like the wind with one false move, then why did you get butthurt, stay with her and make this thread?

    Women don't think like Miscers in terms of alpha or beta lulz.
    You fukin wot m8?

    This is a minor situation lmao, you new to dating or sum?
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