Misc is right to be paranoid about opposite sex friends

[Luc1fer]

All of my experiences thus far confirm this.

If your girlfriend has a guy friend, it's a red flag. Be on alert, especially if they hang out. One or both of them probably has some level of sexual interest.

Start with that default, and then work back towards exceptions. There are exceptions, but they're typically very long term decade+ relationships.

[Legz422]

I agree to an extent. I know that I could keep a guy friend and not do anything besides just friendship type stuff like chatting here and there through texting. If they ever tried to say anything sexual I'd shut that chit right down. I also wouldn't meet up with them in person. I think that's definitely crossing the line.

[Kev1972]

Yeah my stripper ex told me her customers spending the night at her house were 'just friends' lol.

[Luc1fer]

Guys, at least be funny if you're gonna chitpost

[FemaleWarriorxo]

The oppoiste sexes can only be acquaintances, but not friends

[HockeyBacon18]

All of my experiences thus far confirm this.

If your girlfriend has a guy friend, it's a red flag. Be on alert, especially if they hang out. One or both of them probably has some level of sexual interest.

Start with that default, and then work back towards exceptions. There are exceptions, but they're typically very long term decade+ relationships.

bro if she'll cheat with a guy friend, she'll cheat on you with a guy who's not her friend too.

but yes typically platonic guy/girl friendships have evolved from elementary age.

[cannon300]

Agreed. No straight guy would invest time/effort into a girl who he isn’t smashing or wants to down the road, unless he’s a beta wk or orbiter. And for girls who do have guy ‘friends’ I’m sure it’s just an ego boost for them knowing guys want them when they can’t have them.

[StyleGent]

All of my experiences thus far confirm this.

If your girlfriend has a guy friend, it's a red flag. Be on alert, especially if they hang out. One or both of them probably has some level of sexual interest.

Start with that default, and then work back towards exceptions. There are exceptions, but they're typically very long term decade+ relationships.

I would disagree, probably not a great situation in most cases. I can say that I have girls who I would consider friends but don't look at them like that but I am staunchly catholic, I would see most people who are not much into religion will have more difficulty.

[FU3L]

A 'close friend' of the opposite sex is always a large red flag.

[Imnew1]

I agree to an extent. I know that I could keep a guy friend and not do anything besides just friendship type stuff like chatting here and there through texting. If they ever tried to say anything sexual I'd shut that chit right down. I also wouldn't meet up with them in person. I think that's definitely crossing the line.

Sounds like a girl that hardcore friendzoned me years ago. Only confusing thing is that she has zero problems hanging out with me alone one on one and smiling and flirting, all while I know she has zero interest. I quit hanging out with her years ago to stop the rejection and misery. Now I just talk to her to get chick advice over the phone. At least you shut anything one on one down with them vs confusing the hell out of them.

Yeah to OP, I would never want to deal with a girl who has one of their closest friends as a straight male. Red flag like crazy. He and she are in total delusion. She’s narcissistic and enjoying the attention and knowing she’s desired by a beta, and he’s a beta waiting for his turn who’s not genuinely interested in being only friends.

[Luc1fer]

Sounds like a girl that hardcore friendzoned me years ago. Only confusing thing is that she has zero problems hanging out with me alone one on one and smiling and flirting, all while I know she has zero interest. I quit hanging out with her years ago to stop the rejection and misery. Now I just talk to her to get chick advice over the phone. At least you shut anything one on one down with them vs confusing the hell out of them.

Yeah to OP, I would never want to deal with a girl who has one of their closest friends as a straight male. Red flag like crazy. He and she are in total delusion. She’s narcissistic and enjoying the attention and knowing she’s desired by a beta, and he’s a beta waiting for his turn who’s not genuinely interested in being only friends.

Thanks for providing your perspective from the male side. I think women can delude themselves into thinking a guy just wants to be friends. I know guys that are good friends with women, but when the guy gets a bit drunk he can flirt a bit with her, get's that courage to put his real desires out there. The woman will just reject him. Sounds brutal.

I'll re-iterate, I think it's possible but extremely rare. And if the girl is even reasonably attractive, it's close to 0%.

[Legz422]

Thanks for providing your perspective from the male side. I think women can delude themselves into thinking a guy just wants to be friends.

I'll re-iterate, I think it's possible but extremely rare. And if the girl is even reasonably attractive, it's close to 0%.

I agree that it's pretty rare. I have a friend who lives far away and we'll most likely never meet. We're strictly platonic friends through texting. We just talk about normal stuff and send each other memes/gifs. The other guys try to slide stuff in there (hehe I had to leave that wording) so I'm sure if I was onboard they would be as well.

[Imnew1]

Thanks for providing your perspective from the male side. I think women can delude themselves into thinking a guy just wants to be friends. I know guys that are good friends with women, but when the guy gets a bit drunk he can flirt a bit with her, get's that courage to put his real desires out there. The woman will just reject him. Sounds brutal.

I'll re-iterate, I think it's possible but extremely rare. And if the girl is even reasonably attractive, it's close to 0%.

My particular situation felt unique to me but I’m sure it’s happened to many of men before me and I regret putting myself through all the frustration. It was complicated because she and I worked together and she had a bf when we met and a kid and was also about 5 years older than me. I never really viewed her as an option or anybody I was interested in but she and I naturally hardcore flirted and played around at work on a different level than any other coworkers. So we were legit friends that cared about each other.

After about 2 years of working together we started hanging out one on one, and it’s nobody’s fault but yeah.....feelings really start changing once that line is crossed. Usually it’s always the guy like me. The girl will always want to act confused like they never knew, but they know all along exactly what they’re doing. And the guy knows as well and ends up pissed off that it was all for nothing, and usually drops that level of friendship committment moving forward. The girl becomes a close aquaintance vs a friend at that point. It’s kind of sad but it is what it is. No guy is going to go out with a girl one on one, and call and talk if they’re not going to be dating the person. You can care about them but have to accept they don’t want you and your desires aren’t the same and keep in touch as you each feel like.

I have nothing but love and care for my girl “friend”, but I’ll never give her the time of day again like a girlfriend.

Any guy thinking otherwise is deluded thinking these feelings won’t happen to them. “She’ll come around eventually, I really just care about her as a friend, I don’t care who she’s dating blah blah.” As is the woman. “He loves talking to me, he loves going out and hanging out, he’s like my brother and we’re great friends, he’s always there to help me move, fix some handy man thing for me bc we’re friends.” Yeah that’s a lovely delusion.

Also about the woman being even reasonably attractive.....I’ve yet to me meet any guy interested in being friends with somebody they don’t find attractive. Most people are attracted to people as friends and romantic partners on their own physical level. So no guy is usually hanging around a sub 7 on their hot scale.

[Luc1fer]

I agree that it's pretty rare. I have a friend who lives far away and we'll most likely never meet. We're strictly platonic friends through texting. We just talk about normal stuff and send each other memes/gifs. The other guys try to slide stuff in there (hehe I had to leave that wording) so I'm sure if I was onboard they would be as well.

Bolded facts. Are you saying this far away friend would say No to your advances?

My particular situation felt unique to me but I’m sure it’s happened to many of men before me and I regret putting myself through all the frustration. It was complicated because she and I worked together and she had a bf when we met and a kid and was also about 5 years older than me. I never really viewed her as an option or anybody I was interested in but she and I naturally hardcore flirted and played around at work on a different level than any other coworkers. So we were legit friends that cared about each other.

After about 2 years of working together we started hanging out one on one, and it’s nobody’s fault but yeah.....feelings really start changing once that line is crossed. Usually it’s always the guy like me. The girl will always want to act confused like they never knew, but they know all along exactly what they’re doing. And the guy knows as well and ends up pissed off that it was all for nothing, and usually drops that level of friendship committment moving forward. The girl becomes a close aquaintance vs a friend at that point. It’s kind of sad but it is what it is. No guy is going to go out with a girl one on one, and call and talk if they’re not going to be dating the person. You can care about them but have to accept they don’t want you and your desires aren’t the same and keep in touch as you each feel like.

I have nothing but love and care for my girl “friend”, but I’ll never give her the time of day again like a girlfriend.

Any guy thinking otherwise is deluded thinking these feelings won’t happen to them. “She’ll come around eventually, I really just care about her as a friend, I don’t care who she’s dating blah blah.” As is the woman. “He loves talking to me, he loves going out and hanging out, he’s like my brother and we’re great friends, he’s always there to help me move, fix some handy man thing for me bc we’re friends.” Yeah that’s a lovely delusion.

Also about the woman being even reasonably attractive.....I’ve yet to me meet any guy interested in being friends with somebody they don’t find attractive. Most people are attracted to people as friends and romantic partners on their own physical level. So no guy is usually hanging around a sub 7 on their hot scale.

I can see how that could happen in your situation. It's not like you chased her, you were just working with her.

I try to avoid those situations because they can become ethically tenuous. Let's suppose you've known this girl for years and get kinda close, she breaks up with her boyfriend, is devastated and wants to cry on your shoulder. What do you do? You're in a really fuked up situation because it eats you up inside that she won't be intimate with you and will probably start dating other guys at the same time. You'll feel like absolute chit while trying to do the right thing and support her.

[Legz422]

Bolded facts. Are you saying this far away friend would say No to your advances?

Hmmmmm..... well, if he were single I really can't say for sure. He's my age and we've joked that if we're both still single at 60 we'll get married. lol But really, we're way too far away to ever even consider anything.

[Imnew1]

Bolded facts. Are you saying this far away friend would say No to your advances?



I can see how that could happen in your situation. It's not like you chased her, you were just working with her.

I try to avoid those situations because they can become ethically tenuous. Let's suppose you've known this girl for years and get kinda close, she breaks up with her boyfriend, is devastated and wants to cry on your shoulder. What do you do? You're in a really fuked up situation because it eats you up inside that she won't be intimate with you and will probably start dating other guys at the same time. You'll feel like absolute chit while trying to do the right thing and support her.

Let’s flip the script. Say she calls to tell you that her mom died. Any decent person is going to extend as much love as possible to that “friend” that didn’t work out as a gf or wife.

There’s zero reason to be there as the shoulder to cry on for a woman that you’re interested in as a romantic possibility if she isn’t.

It’s also completely self demeaning to let a woman like this reach out to you for comfort only when she’s broken up with after getting plowed, swallowing cum, taking it raw, facials, etc. You wanna be that shoulder to cry on?

You can love and care about women, but not everybody deserves your sacred time.

[Luc1fer]

Let’s flip the script. Say she calls to tell you that her mom died. Any decent person is going to extend as much love as possible to that “friend” that didn’t work out as a gf or wife.

There’s zero reason to be there as the shoulder to cry on for a woman that you’re interested in as a romantic possibility if she isn’t.

It’s also completely self demeaning to let a woman like this reach out to you for comfort only when she’s broken up with after getting plowed, swallowing cum, taking it raw, facials, etc. You wanna be that shoulder to cry on?

You can love and care about women, but not everybody deserves your sacred time.

Right, but do you agree it becomes an ethical dilemma? If someone in her family dies, you’d be there for her. But then you won’t be there if she’s devastated by a breakup?

I’m suggesting to not get in these types of friendships at all. Make your feelings known early, if they aren’t reciprocated, bail.

[Imnew1]

Right, but do you agree it becomes an ethical dilemma? If someone in her family dies, you’d be there for her. But then you won’t be there if she’s devastated by a breakup?

I’m suggesting to not get in these types of friendships at all. Make your feelings known early, if they aren’t reciprocated, bail.

I dunno man. At the end of the day be a good guy, but also do what’s best for you. My friendzoned chick....if her family died or she needed legit friendship help thing that I could do, well then why not be a good man to all humanity. If you’ve accepted that you care about the girl and just don’t care anymore then why not?

Be there for a breakup with a woman?????
She should have family and friends for that. Why you, the guy who would gladly entertain more if she would?

If it’s an ex that’s wants the companionship. Yeah sure I’ll be nice if something tragic happened to their family. Definitely not being there as a shoulder to cry on bc they’re lonely or all their new dating options suck like I’m now just a gay male that they think they’re friends with.

[Luc1fer]

I dunno man. At the end of the day be a good guy, but also do what’s best for you. My friendzoned chick....if her family died or she needed legit friendship help thing that I could do, well then why not be a good man to all humanity. If you’ve accepted that you care about the girl and just don’t care anymore then why not?

Be there for a breakup with a woman?????
She should have family and friends for that. Why you, the guy who would gladly entertain more if she would?

If it’s an ex that’s wants the companionship. Yeah sure I’ll be nice if something tragic happened to their family. Definitely not being there as a shoulder to cry on bc they’re lonely or all their new dating options suck like I’m now just a gay male that they think they’re friends with.

Hang on, there's a huge contradiction in your position. You said about her family member dying: "If you’ve accepted that you care about the girl and just don’t care anymore then why not?" - ye, that's correct.

But then you claim you won't be there if she's similarly devastated by a breakup. Let's apply your logic back onto this: If you’ve accepted that you care about the girl and just don’t care anymore then why not?

That's the ethical dilemma. That's why I'm suggesting you avoid the situation completely and don't become good friends at all.

[MediocreGains]

Not even a misc or red pill thing. Hell, there was an entire scene about it in When Harry Met Sally.

I don't even see it merely as a possible cheating issue. There's just something off-putting about someone with a lot of friends of the opposite sex. If a woman has a lot of guy friends, even if she never has and has no intentions of ever fuking them, it at least implies that she cannot get along with other women. That's a big red flag in my opinion. Same thing for a man with a lot of female friends.

[mcboo2]

I moved to a new city. My best friend right now is for sure the first girl I met here. She's now single. We will def have sex at some point lol. It's inevitable. I agree with Luci

[smashedurgfx10]

I’ve had some great male friends in my life

because neither of you were attracted to one another or one of you was compromising on your true desires.

end of

[smashedurgfx10]

And?

and that is the reason you were able to maintain these friendships. I really dont think that's commonplace though.

Or as i later added above, one of you was compromising on what you truly desired which in itself isn't healthy.

if you have two people of equal attractiveness chances are they'll eventually be into each other with enough time spent (physically).
if you have one of much higher attractiveness, the other will be into that person. and so creates a power imbalance on a subconscious level.

however you look at it opposite sexes are either going to be mutually attracted to each other, or one will be moreso to the other than vice versa and they'll end up getting exploited at worst or just be in an uncomfortable situation at best.

[smashedurgfx10]

So extrapolating, you can never have a friendship with a man who is homosexual or bisexual either

I don’t have such a hang up about sex and attraction, it’s part of the human condition. It doesn’t rule you though. Your moral and ethical centre does.

This is just another sloots gonna sloot cos vagina thread

I agree with you that your sexuality doesn't rule you, I just try and avoid uncomfortable situations in my life and this is most definitely has the potential to be one of them under the right circumstances.

And no, sloots for once aren't the only perpetrators here. The attraction can be one-sided from either spectrum.

but in such a scenario the onus is on the person who feels their attraction isn't matched to leave if they've at least stated or made an effort to show how they feel.

This is what a lot of men can't do today, and they just get absorbed into the friendzone. They either don't have the balls to make their intentions known, or don't have the balls to leave when they do and it isn't reciprocated

[DustinTheHuss]

What if it's some type of distance/forum thing? Would a new gf get mad if you're posting or PM'g Female Miscers?

[smashedurgfx10]

What if it's some type of distance/forum thing? Would a new gf get mad if you're posting or PM'g Female Miscers?

depends on the messages you're sending and why you'd want to do that. All 'friendships' start with innocent conversation at first. depends if it progresses beyond that stage

when i was with my last gf and things were going good, i.e. in the beginning, i genuinely had no desire to even associate with girls other than her. I saw no benefit in it and had all my needs that a woman could potentially meet, met by her.
later of course that changed, as it inevitably does when you begin to see flaws that you couldn't see before and things get more routine. and also that was a terrible attitude for any man to have, but that was the naivety of my younger years.

the other side of the coin is how would she feel if you had these associations. Even if your behaviour is innocent you have to consider how it makes them feel and respect that. otherwise be single.

[newbuck]

All of my experiences thus far confirm this.

If your girlfriend has a guy friend, it's a red flag. Be on alert, especially if they hang out. One or both of them probably has some level of sexual interest.

Start with that default, and then work back towards exceptions. There are exceptions, but they're typically very long term decade+ relationships.

The first mistake men make is entering a LTR with a woman who has guy friends. Set boundaries

[Imnew1]

Hang on, there's a huge contradiction in your position. You said about her family member dying: "If you’ve accepted that you care about the girl and just don’t care anymore then why not?" - ye, that's correct.

But then you claim you won't be there if she's similarly devastated by a breakup. Let's apply your logic back onto this: If you’ve accepted that you care about the girl and just don’t care anymore then why not?

That's the ethical dilemma. That's why I'm suggesting you avoid the situation completely and don't become good friends at all.

Well a family member dying is kind of an extreme example of a life situation. What decent person wouldn’t be there for a guy friend, a girl that friend zoned them, or hell even an ex if a family member died and they had nowhere else to turn for sympathy? I believe I can put aside anything for a person in that moment.

But to be there for them during a breakup, or if life has them down......they should have family or chick friends for those moments. No guy should relegate themselves to being that much of a beta to being the shoulder to cry on during a girl’s drama moments. That goes beyond relegating yourself to just not caring anymore about them friendzoning you. That’s just demeaning as a man bc it’s drama no guy should really get a thrill out of hearing and giving advice about like women do.

I was basically getting at that if you no longer care about dating them, then sure you can talk and catch up if and only if they reach out to you. You should be putting your efforts towards friends that you know you’re not attracted to, and women you want to date. It ends up not being much of a friendship at all but it’s neither sides fault. It just becomes what it is.

If a guy and a girl are friends long enough this is what will happen. One side will become attracted, get frustrated, the other side will force a talk and then that will be the end of the friendship that they once knew.

From there it will settle into way less like I described above where you can be there during extreme stuff, or if they reach out to you, and hell girls love hearing about all our dating drama as guys bc they feed off of that stuff just like the stupid reality tv shows they watch. Meanwhile men hate hearing about that stuff from women they wanted to be with or even our own guy friends really so we’re not there for that. They can catch up every few months or it can be every 6 months or a year. You can always be funny, charming, and nice and have a genuine care, but realize that you’ll never not be attracted to this person and too much time spent around them will bring it all out all over again. Not being around them is the only thing in my experience that even let’s this part of the friendship become a possibility, and that’s the best to not caring anymore that it’s gonna get.

It’s not that they’re useless as a true friend or anything, it’s just your friendship goes from like 100% down to 10% and both sides are hurt and realize it will never be the same but accept the 10% for what it is or they cut it off to 0%.

That’s a lot of typing to basically say men and women can’t be friends like we are with are guy friends. Something will happen one way or another, and then you’ll never be friends again like you are with your guy friends.

[Brosnbroccoli]

Currently seeing a girl who has guy friends, and so far it hasn’t been an issue but I already know it’s likely gonna be a problem. I’ll break up with her instantly if anything remotely inappropriate happens, even if she 100% shuts it down.
That being said, they never meet one on one in person, and that’s the only reason I even gave it a chance to see what happend.

[NitrogenWidget]

yeah I don't date women who have close guy friends anymore.
it's always bit me in the ass.