Misc is right to be paranoid about opposite sex friends

[Luc1fer]

Sounds like you need to meet someone who knows the importance of boundaries and mutual respect, OP. Someone can have NO friends of the opposite sex and still cheat if they have an inclination to do so. Women and men do have acquaintances** of the opposite sex these days. It just is and is especially prevalent in office type environments. That doesn't necessarily mean that, it will automatically lead down a path of infidelity.

FYI, I really wouldn't place the 'Misc' that up high on a pedestal when it comes to this topic. Most of these people are insecure as hell.

** I.E. Work colleagues that you wouldn't have a beer one-on-one with, but possibly go out in a social/office related fuction within a group.

Acquaintances, sure. Anything 1:1 though, nope.

Sure, my last ex was horrible in this regard. I don't want to bias too hard on her, but I thought about other instances outside of her and it seems to hold true.

[skinnyfat88]

Start with that default, and then work back towards exceptions. There are exceptions, but they're typically very long term decade+ relationships.

I agree with the part about the exceptions usually being longlasting friendships from college or earlier.

I agree to an extent. I know that I could keep a guy friend and not do anything besides just friendship type stuff like chatting here and there through texting. If they ever tried to say anything sexual I'd shut that chit right down. I also wouldn't meet up with them in person. I think that's definitely crossing the line.

If you can't trust someone of the opposite sex to meet 1on1 and be strictly platonic (assuming that's what you want and what has been implied by every interaction with them) then I dunno what the point investing into the friendship via phone communication is either.

[Rebel012]

All of my experiences thus far confirm this.

If your girlfriend has a guy friend, it's a red flag. Be on alert, especially if they hang out. One or both of them probably has some level of sexual interest.

Start with that default, and then work back towards exceptions. There are exceptions, but they're typically very long term decade+ relationships.

Haven't read the whole thread, but I'll say this. You had a bad experience. It is true that in general, if the girl is attractive and the guy friend is single, he'll have feelings. However, if you trust her in your gut, that shouldn't matter to you. Most females don't harbor more than platonic feelings for their guy friends, they're just oblivious to the reality of male sexuality.

[Luc1fer]

Most females don't harbor more than platonic feelings for their guy friends, they're just oblivious to the reality of male sexuality.

Bullchit

[smashedurgfx10]

Bullchit

this

[rikugunchusa]

Haven't read the whole thread, but I'll say this. You had a bad experience. It is true that in general, if the girl is attractive and the guy friend is single, he'll have feelings. However, if you trust her in your gut, that shouldn't matter to you.

lol.

all it takes is a little bit of alcohol and its game over

[NitrogenWidget]

Bullchit

this.

almost every time, the chick and her sketchy guy friend ended up together eventually.
turned out that guy friend was an ex, someone she slept with who wouldn't commit, or someone she wanted but couldn't have because he had a GF.
either way, i was a placeholder.

then you have the guys stuck in the friendzone.
those guys just end up trying to cokblok you.

and opens up another issue as to why women keep guys around who want to sleep with them but they have no interest in.

[Luc1fer]

Just have to find someone with similar values to you or stay single.

Yup, I'm single.

[Rebel012]

this.

almost every time, the chick and her sketchy guy friend ended up together eventually.
turned out that guy friend was an ex, someone she slept with who wouldn't commit, or someone she wanted but couldn't have because he had a GF.
either way, i was a placeholder.

then you have the guys stuck in the friendzone.
those guys just end up trying to cokblok you.

and opens up another issue as to why women keep guys around who want to sleep with them but they have no interest in.

Upon reflection you guys are right, I'll revise my post. Most women, who aren't attention whores, understand male sexuality, but avoid confronting this truth because they genuinely want platonic, opposite sex friends. They sometimes act selfishly as as result.

Women who keep numerous male friends they had a sexual past with are usually a red flag.

[Luc1fer]

Upon reflection you guys are right, I'll revise my post. Most women, who aren't attention whores, understand male sexuality, but avoid confronting this truth because they genuinely want platonic, opposite sex friends. They sometimes act selfishly as as result.

Women who keep numerous male friends they had a sexual past with are usually a red flag.

Right, every woman plays the "I had no idea he was sexually interested" card. I believed it when it first happened years ago, but not anymore.

It was mostly a denial thing: denial that she liked the attention, plus denial that he only liked her for non-sexual reasons.

[Legz422]

I agree with the part about the exceptions usually being longlasting friendships from college or earlier.



If you can't trust someone of the opposite sex to meet 1on1 and be strictly platonic (assuming that's what you want and what has been implied by every interaction with them) then I dunno what the point investing into the friendship via phone communication is either.

Oh, I'm saying if I was in a relationship I wouldn't meet up with a male friend one on one. I'm single, so would and have at this time.

Upon reflection you guys are right, I'll revise my post. Most women, who aren't attention whores, understand male sexuality, but avoid confronting this truth because they genuinely want platonic, opposite sex friends. They sometimes act selfishly as as result.

Women who keep numerous male friends they had a sexual past with are usually a red flag.

I've not had a sexual past with any of my male friends. If one of them expresses an interest in more, I simply say I don't feel more than friendship for them. If they decide to stick around that's on them. I would totally understand if they peace out, though. I also don't do anything to tease them or anything. I keep it strictly platonic talk.

[Imnew1]

Oh, I'm saying if I was in a relationship I wouldn't meet up with a male friend one on one. I'm single, so would and have at this time.



I've not had a sexual past with any of my male friends. If one of them expresses an interest in more, I simply say I don't feel more than friendship for them. If they decide to stick around that's on them. I would totally understand if they peace out, though. I also don't do anything to tease them or anything. I keep it strictly platonic talk.

At least you do the honorable thing of not leading them on and not hanging out one on one. I can respect that. If they get the wrong idea when all you're doing is talking to them and trying to be a friend in that regard then that's completely on them.

It's the women that hang out with guys one on one and purposely put on a brain blinder or whatever, to where they just suddenly delude themselves into being one of the dumbest chicks on the planet in thinking that this is just like hanging out with their brother, or one of the girls or something that are just awful. I don't see how any woman could ever live in and justify that kind of fantasy in their mind. Especially if a guy is paying or anything and they let it happen. No way a woman is confused and surprised at that point and thought there was no sexual interest.

[sandman2019]

Girls who always need attention/male friends = run far far far far far far far away

[Luc1fer]

At least you do the honorable thing of not leading them on and not hanging out one on one. I can respect that. If they get the wrong idea when all you're doing is talking to them and trying to be a friend in that regard then that's completely on them.

It's the women that hang out with guys one on one and purposely put on a brain blinder or whatever, to where they just suddenly delude themselves into being one of the dumbest chicks on the planet in thinking that this is just like hanging out with their brother, or one of the girls or something that are just awful. I don't see how any woman could ever live in and justify that kind of fantasy in their mind. Especially if a guy is paying or anything and they let it happen. No way a woman is confused and surprised at that point and thought there was no sexual interest.

It’s difficult to tell if the woman is intentionally deluding herself or is consciously exploiting the situation. Depends on the woman, most probably fit the former category to rationalize the behavior.

But I don’t see much wrong with Legz’s position, if they are purely platonic it isn’t on her to step away, it’s on him to state his desire.

I think if the girl gets flirty or leads the guy on with zero intention of pursuing anything, it crosses the ethical boundary.

[DustinTheHuss]

It’s difficult to tell if the woman is intentionally deluding herself or is consciously exploiting the situation. Depends on the woman, most probably fit the former category to rationalize the behavior.

But I don’t see much wrong with Legz’s position, if they are purely platonic it isn’t on her to step away, it’s on him to state his desire.

I think if the girl gets flirty or leads the guy on with zero intention of pursuing anything, it crosses the ethical boundary.

What about online conversations between the opposite sexes, like you replying to Legz in this thread? Maybe you then PM each other and realize you have a lot in common to be platonic friends (not saying you do with Legz, just using her as an example).

Is that a red flag to your next girlfriend, that you communicate with Female Miscers?

I'm just trying to gauge PMs on here from my own perspective, if it's perceived as inappropriate or not?

[Luc1fer]

What about online conversations between the opposite sexes, like you replying to Legz in this thread? Maybe you then PM each other and realize you have a lot in common to be platonic friends (not saying you do with Legz, just using her as an example).

Is that a red flag to your next girlfriend, that you communicate with Female Miscers?

I'm just trying to gauge PMs on here from my own perspective, if it's perceived as inappropriate or not?

Obviously flirting with any woman IRL or online is inappropriate. Why? Because I wouldn’t be comfortable with my partner doing it.

Beyond that, I’d say any type of message content that could be differentiated from how I’d message a guy (I.e not purely platonic) is inappropriate.

If I DM’ed a girl online on a regular basis, I’d consider that more of a gray area. The content and frequency would matter a lot.

The essential rule here is the golden rule. What would you be comfortable with your partner doing?

[DustinTheHuss]

Obviously flirting with any woman IRL or online is inappropriate. Why? Because I wouldn’t be comfortable with my partner doing it.

Beyond that, I’d say any type of message content that could be differentiated from how I’d message a guy (I.e not purely platonic) is inappropriate.

If I DM’ed a girl online on a regular basis, I’d consider that more of a gray area. The content and frequency would matter a lot.

The essential rule here is the golden rule. What would you be comfortable with your partner doing?

I see your point. That makes sense. The content and frequency matter. If it's mostly platonic banter about others Miscers or dating stories, then I don't see that as a problem.

If it's flirting, then that's a different story.

[Imnew1]

It’s difficult to tell if the woman is intentionally deluding herself or is consciously exploiting the situation. Depends on the woman, most probably fit the former category to rationalize the behavior.

But I don’t see much wrong with Legz’s position, if they are purely platonic it isn’t on her to step away, it’s on him to state his desire.

I think if the girl gets flirty or leads the guy on with zero intention of pursuing anything, it crosses the ethical boundary.

In both scenarios the woman is still making sure that no matter what her motives are, either way she is going to walk away being the victim and not having feel like a bad person, as nobody in life ever wants to feel bad about themselves.

So just because she intentionally deludes herself into thinking the guy was never interested and both were just happy hanging out together one on one like bf/gf do vs purposely exploiting a guy clearly interested in her vs what she can get for fun out of him, it's still complete and utter bs either way on the woman's part. And yeah the guy is at fault to for not being upfront and direct from the get go.

In both scenarios she kind of gets to be the victim of a guy who she views was never really her friend, or he should have been more honest before taking me out and doing things if he didn't want me to accept kind of attitude.

I believe that women mainly do it bc most women don't have a lot of true friends, and they want to live in the delusion that both sides got the platonic connection and were both looking for in having a friendship. There's never any excuse for them crossing the line of hanging out one on one over and over with a guy and basically doing the same stuff a bf/gf would do and living in delusion thinking we're just friends.

We both agree Legz does it the right way because she won't hang out one on one. Talking on the phone isn't leading anybody on.

[Legz422]

At least you do the honorable thing of not leading them on and not hanging out one on one. I can respect that. If they get the wrong idea when all you're doing is talking to them and trying to be a friend in that regard then that's completely on them.

It's the women that hang out with guys one on one and purposely put on a brain blinder or whatever, to where they just suddenly delude themselves into being one of the dumbest chicks on the planet in thinking that this is just like hanging out with their brother, or one of the girls or something that are just awful. I don't see how any woman could ever live in and justify that kind of fantasy in their mind. Especially if a guy is paying or anything and they let it happen. No way a woman is confused and surprised at that point and thought there was no sexual interest.

Well, to be clear, I have met one on one with guy friends. While being single. One of them we've gone to dinner, lunch and movies. We both pay for our own. I would not expect someone who I'm not romantically interested in pay for anything for me. Although if someone wants to buy me something like a coffee or drink (like a first meet from online dating) I'd let them.

It’s difficult to tell if the woman is intentionally deluding herself or is consciously exploiting the situation. Depends on the woman, most probably fit the former category to rationalize the behavior.

But I don’t see much wrong with Legz’s position, if they are purely platonic it isn’t on her to step away, it’s on him to state his desire.

I think if the girl gets flirty or leads the guy on with zero intention of pursuing anything, it crosses the ethical boundary.

Yes, I agree. I think it would be really wrong to do that to someone.

Obviously flirting with any woman IRL or online is inappropriate. Why? Because I wouldn’t be comfortable with my partner doing it.

Beyond that, I’d say any type of message content that could be differentiated from how I’d message a guy (I.e not purely platonic) is inappropriate.

If I DM’ed a girl online on a regular basis, I’d consider that more of a gray area. The content and frequency would matter a lot.

The essential rule here is the golden rule. What would you be comfortable with your partner doing?

Also agree with all of this. It's pretty obvious if you're crossing the line, IMO. I treat people how I want to be treated, so if it's something I wouldn't want a partner doing to me, I don't do it.

[NitrogenWidget]

In both scenarios the woman is still making sure that no matter what her motives are, either way she is going to walk away being the victim and not having feel like a bad person, as nobody in life ever wants to feel bad about themselves.

So just because she intentionally deludes herself into thinking the guy was never interested and both were just happy hanging out together one on one like bf/gf do vs purposely exploiting a guy clearly interested in her vs what she can get for fun out of him, it's still complete and utter bs either way on the woman's part. And yeah the guy is at fault to for not being upfront and direct from the get go.

In both scenarios she kind of gets to be the victim of a guy who she views was never really her friend, or he should have been more honest before taking me out and doing things if he didn't want me to accept kind of attitude.

I believe that women mainly do it bc most women don't have a lot of true friends, and they want to live in the delusion that both sides got the platonic connection and were both looking for in having a friendship. There's never any excuse for them crossing the line of hanging out one on one over and over with a guy and basically doing the same stuff a bf/gf would do and living in delusion thinking we're just friends.

We both agree Legz does it the right way because she won't hang out one on one. Talking on the phone isn't leading anybody on.

personally it really grinds my gears when women pull the "he's just a friend, i'd never date him" card while allowing the guy to spend money on her knowing full well he is doing it because he wants to date her.
yes, it's the guys fault for being a dumbass.

but it boggles my mind how a woman could just pretend she is a good person while using someone like that.

[Luc1fer]

I believe that women mainly do it bc most women don't have a lot of true friends, and they want to live in the delusion that both sides got the platonic connection and were both looking for in having a friendship.

Before Rabbitjb jumps in here and criticizes this statement, there are cases where women can have good/true friends. I do think amongst the younger crowd of women that's very rare though. There's something about female psychology, especially at that age, that sets them up in very superficial and gossipy 'friendships'.

I think women find men to be refreshing in that sense, we're much more direct and upfront. So I get that angle, to give women some credit for wanting male friends.

personally it really grinds my gears when women pull the "he's just a friend, i'd never date him" card while allowing the guy to spend money on her knowing full well he is doing it because he wants to date her.
yes, it's the guys fault for being a dumbass.

but it boggles my mind how a woman could just pretend she is a good person while using someone like that.

People are great at rationalizing and inventing narratives that save their conscience.

[Luc1fer]

I don’t have such a hang up about sex and attraction, it’s part of the human condition. It doesn’t rule you though. Your moral and ethical centre does.

Circling back here, we both agree that the moral and ethical center is the critical piece here.

But do you believe there is zero correlation worth noting with a highly promiscuous person, who evidently diminishes the value of sex to mere pleasure?

I think it's worth noting the disconnect at least.

[Thebunz]

Wow how insecure and how you have not developed in 2 years. If you are insecure about your gfs guy friends it shows that you have 0 options. IF a girl does some shady **** I don't like, regardless of true or not, gone. Can find a literal billion others with better qualities including, but not limited to, looks.

Keep them on the fence, they aren't worth a **** until they prove themselves. A pretty face literally means nothing. Can find one prettier same day and move on.

[Luc1fer]

Wow how insecure and how you have not developed in 2 years. If you are insecure about your gfs guy friends it shows that you have 0 options. IF a girl does some shady **** I don't like, regardless of true or not, gone. Can find a literal billion others with better qualities including, but not limited to, looks.

Keep them on the fence, they aren't worth a **** until they prove themselves. A pretty face literally means nothing. Can find one prettier same day and move on.

Argue the point or don't post.

[pumpmunads]

What kind of girl needs guy friends? So ****ing stupid. If you’re a heterosexual male you don’t have friends that are girls and if you do you want to **** them. It has nothing to do with being evolved. If given the chance you’d **** them.