Married/LTR miscers - lets discuss how great our partners are (incels take heed)

[northernlights7]

Unless you live in some cucked state/country that screws you over with common law marriage, there is absolutely zero reason to get married outside of having children with someone. Or if you want them to officially be fully entitled to any inheritance you might leave behind in the event that you died, and you for sure want them to have basically all of it.

I seriously don't know why people rush marriages when they aren't even going to have kids with that person for at least several years into the future. I've seen no greater success rates among people who are married for 5+ years before having children than those who start popping kids out almost as soon as they get married. Thus, if you're going to wait to have kids regardless, then you might as well hold off on getting the government involved in your relationship until it gets closer to that time.

Also, I get a kick out of the guys talking about how they've got life figured out just because they've been with some chick for 2-5 years. That's still not even enough time for her to truly get bored of you. Just wait until it lasts a little beyond that, let alone if you start a family with her. Then you realize that 90% of keeping your sex life with her decent falls on you. Then if you ever slip up and get a little complacent about it, they start pondering the fact that there are many thousands of desperately thirsty guys who wouldn't hesitate to give them some of that exciting new D they haven't had in years since the honeymoon phase of their relationship with you.

So, marriage can be good, no doubt. But they are a lot of work, and a lot of legal risk financially.

[MarinoMike]

Marriage is for suckers.

Hate to tell you this fellas but you will have a full time job keeping her sexually enthusiastic for 60 years.

It's doable but all the work rests with the man.

Oh no I have to **** all the time... how terrible.

Really though man, I’m up for that job!

[WoofieNugget]

At what point did you notice the sexuality declining? I haven't experienced that yet. Maybe a bit in myself. I'm not as horny as I was when I was 18 only seeing my girlfriend 1-2x a week.

Currently averaging banging once every 2 days.

Usually I find sex declines after the first year or so or after you move in and things become more routine. Which is why you need to spice it up regularly. My current girl and I used to keep a sex journal and did it over 400 times Year 1. Year 2, probably half that. Then we stopped counting but it's probably down to once or twice a week. But that's actually okay for me and her currently.

[Try2Maintain]

down to once or twice a week

after 2 years? oof

men are forced into submission after marriage. "happy wife happy life" meanwhile the man is so sexually frustrated just LOL

[SoutheastBeast1]

Gonna be honest if you actually have one of the few girls that isn’t terrible to be around then I’m sure life is great.

But real talk, I know for a fact most women are awful to be around for any significant period of time.

Which means a lot of you are probably coping or delusional.


Being single sucks too don’t get me wrong.

[lightsarefallin]

TBH, I don't know how people have sex with the same person for 20 years.

I guess every one really is different.

I can see why people might think this, particularly if they've never tried it. You can try a bunch of different things with your spouse/partner. Things don't have to get stale. You might both get into your own routine but actively trying to schedule fun, new stuff is important. Plus it's nice to do so with someone you trust. When you're dating or pursuing one night stands, you don't really know who you'll come across and what that individual will be like.

Gonna be honest if you actually have one of the few girls that isn’t terrible to be around then I’m sure life is great.

But real talk, I know for a fact most women are awful to be around for any significant period of time.

Which means a lot of you are probably coping or delusional.


Being single sucks too don’t get me wrong.

I think being around any one person for extended periods of time can become difficult. My wife and I were stuck in quarantine together working at home for months. We surprisingly did not get on each other's nerves because we had our own space and our own thing going. We actually thought it was nice to have this time together and we appreciated it. We work different schedules so it's rare that we have a day off together.

We bicker now and again, mostly about house chores and banal topics like that. I find it's really important to keep it light when the arguments begin. When my wife will complain that I didn't do a certain task after she gets home from work, I can tell she's stressed and tired from a long day of work, so I don't argue back. I might just leave and walk back into the room repeating what she said in a comical way - "hey look at me I walk in and I complain immediately, yadda yadda." Usually it makes her chuckle and lightens the mood. It's also important to be willing to admit that you were wrong and made a mistake, and apologize for it. Women are notoriously talented at holding a grudge. You can't play that game.

[ChknFrydMFer]

6 years in November...not married yet

BIG same to the OP...couldn't imagine having to join the cesspool of the 2020 dating world

strong 7/10 most the time.

Also lold at this^...~7/10 when she wants to be tmrl

[Weezy32]

Marriage with a good girl is obviouslly great but its better to be single then be married to a ****ty person.

Problem is finiding a girl worth marrying in 2020 is hard af. Its not their fault but young attractive girls have the world as their oyster so they will drop you the minute you do something they dont like or they get slightly bored because they have 1000's of options out there. Eventually they get older and dating starts sucking for them as well.

I am happy being single for now and if i decide to get married ill probably go eastern europe where i am from or asia....i am not gonna be looking for a needle in a haystack here in USA.

[northernlights7]

I can see why people might think this, particularly if they've never tried it. You can try a bunch of different things with your spouse/partner. Things don't have to get stale. You might both get into your own routine but actively trying to schedule fun, new stuff is important. Plus it's nice to do so with someone you trust. When you're dating or pursuing one night stands, you don't really know who you'll come across and what that individual will be like.

While we're on the subject of sex, I would strongly advise against marrying someone who is a prude sexually. They don't need to be into super freaky chit, but they need to at least be willing to do some basic things to keep things interesting. For example - I would never again get serious with a woman who was a prude about BJ's, wearing some lingerie once in awhile, or doing different basic sex positions. It gets really boring really fast when all they ever want to do is missionary, doggy, and basic woman on top sex. And really boring if they won't ever wear some sexy clothes once in awhile. Like, how am I supposed to want to put the effort into building her up for an entire day to get her in the mood for sex on a regular basis if she can't even show me some lingerie or give me a decent unprovoked bj with some regularity?

The prude behavior is another major reason I suggest not rushing into marriage. There are a ton of women who are down for a lot of good sex during the honeymoon phase of a relationship, only to taper off as things go on. Obviously, a man can't just let himself go and be an effortless slob while expecting his girlfriend/wife to continue being interested in him sexually the same way they were when the relationship was new. But it gets really old really fast when one party puts the vast majority of the respobsibility of putting effort into the sex life on just the other person. It should be close to 50/50 in terms of effort for keeping the sex life good.

I know so many guys with wives who haven't kept themselves in any better shape than the husbands, who moan about not getting much sex. I know one guy who is constantly posting social media bs about how amazing his family and life are, and will crack jokes about single/divorced brahs and how he thinks marriage is so great. Meanwhile, he's also told me that his wife doesn't put out much, especially since they started having kids. He told me they she basically never had sex with him during her pregnancies, and that he's gone over an entire year without sex with her as his worst dry spell in the marriage. Also says he's lucky if he gets one or two bj's a year under the best circumstances. This dude is in his early 30's and brags about his marriage when his wife never blows him and he's lucky to get laid once a month.

[WoofieNugget]

While we're on the subject of sex, I would strongly advise against marrying someone who is a prude sexually. They don't need to be into super freaky chit, but they need to at least be willing to do some basic things to keep things interesting. For example - I would never again get serious with a woman who was a prude about BJ's, wearing some lingerie once in awhile, or doing different basic sex positions. It gets really boring really fast when all they ever want to do is missionary, doggy, and basic woman on top sex. And really boring if they won't ever wear some sexy clothes once in awhile. Like, how am I supposed to want to put the effort into building her up for an entire day to get her in the mood for sex on a regular basis if she can't even show me some lingerie or give me a decent unprovoked bj with some regularity?

This is bang on. I married a woman with a radically different sex drive than me and it's one of the main reasons I'm divorced today. I just couldn't stand the fact she could go months without sex happily and we never did anything even close to kinky.

You have to keep the sexual spark going. Flirt, sext, make sure that when you do have sex it's not just routine and you both enjoy it.

I honestly believe it's why so many older long term couples get into things like swinging. Variety and new experiences.

I know so many guys with wives who haven't kept themselves in any better shape than the husbands, who moan about not getting much sex. I know one guy who is constantly posting social media bs about how amazing his family and life are, and will crack jokes about single/divorced brahs and how he thinks marriage is so great. Meanwhile, he's also told me that his wife doesn't put out much, especially since they started having kids. He told me they she basically never had sex with him during her pregnancies, and that he's gone over an entire year without sex with her as his worst dry spell in the marriage. Also says he's lucky if he gets one or two bj's a year under the best circumstances. This dude is in his early 30's and brags about his marriage when his wife never blows him and he's lucky to get laid once a month.

Men need to stay attractive to their partners. This is why so many women cheat, because the guy becomes a routine slob who gains weight. Another guy comes along who flirts and gives her feels and it is easy for her to cheat emotionally, and most of the time physically. I know a literal TON of women who had affairs just because they met up with a sexy guy who turned them on.

[CanardMedic]

Biggest advise I’d give you is don’t take your partner for granted, you can’t treat your spouse with less respect or attention than you would a random stranger

And that goes to sex too, what keeps you interested may be primarily visual, but women’s sex drive is different. Flirting, sexting, grabbing kisses or fondles, laughing at risqué jokes and treating them like a sexual desire, when it doesn’t even lead directly to sex counts more than you may know

Boils down to don’t ignore someone all day then turn over in bed and expect a quick pump

^ This man speaks the truth.
Took me years to learn that...and we've been together for 13 years.

[AlexSays]

Hear you man, have got an awesome girlfriend of nearly 7 years.

Couldn't imagine life without her. Would be so lonely not to have someone who knows you like they know themselves and to share everything with even if its a boring night in with a lame TV show.

I do the cooking usually, its way more motivating to try and make stuff that someone else will enjoy too. I go through phases of being very inventive.

Fuk being out there and finding that from someone from the ground up

[shesprints]

I've been with my gf for 2.5 years and we definitely do need to put in the work to make sure we keep up a sexy mood. We plan date nights, have a google doc with lists of kinks to try, and make a concerted effort to carve time out for holding/touching/cuddling etc. We also regularly buy new lingerie--sometimes for each other--and clothing and make "dates" to dress up. Living together DOES make it easier to fall into ruts, especially because my sex drive absolutely craters when I'm a) stressed [near-constantly early in corona] or b) cutting.

I feel guilty sometimes because I definitely have a lower sex drive; some of it is because my hormones are messed up. I lost about 20 pounds last year and my period vanished for the duration (over a year now) meaning my estrogen levels are just... low. Ah well, deer diary stuff.

In any case, it's a good reason for me not to go on super-aggro cuts for awhile especially as I'm fairly lean now. Plus it means ability to enjoy dinners with her, cooking together, etc. We've both kept in good shape, at least, actually better because we train together and plan healthy meals.

[Fingon]

Been together 11 years. Been married 8 years.

She has raised our three children (8,9,11) and done the housework every day, shopping, chores and cooked hot meals almost every night. We eat out or have take away maybe twice a month. She cooks all the rest. Including cooking my meal prep 3 times a week for work.

Couldn’t of picked a better wife. She has bad days like all people when she can snap like a bitch. But we have never gone more than an hour after an argument before apologising and making up

[MarinoMike]

While we're on the subject of sex, I would strongly advise against marrying someone who is a prude sexually. They don't need to be into super freaky chit, but they need to at least be willing to do some basic things to keep things interesting. For example - I would never again get serious with a woman who was a prude about BJ's, wearing some lingerie once in awhile, or doing different basic sex positions. It gets really boring really fast when all they ever want to do is missionary, doggy, and basic woman on top sex. And really boring if they won't ever wear some sexy clothes once in awhile. Like, how am I supposed to want to put the effort into building her up for an entire day to get her in the mood for sex on a regular basis if she can't even show me some lingerie or give me a decent unprovoked bj with some regularity?

The prude behavior is another major reason I suggest not rushing into marriage. There are a ton of women who are down for a lot of good sex during the honeymoon phase of a relationship, only to taper off as things go on. Obviously, a man can't just let himself go and be an effortless slob while expecting his girlfriend/wife to continue being interested in him sexually the same way they were when the relationship was new. But it gets really old really fast when one party puts the vast majority of the respobsibility of putting effort into the sex life on just the other person. It should be close to 50/50 in terms of effort for keeping the sex life good.

I know so many guys with wives who haven't kept themselves in any better shape than the husbands, who moan about not getting much sex. I know one guy who is constantly posting social media bs about how amazing his family and life are, and will crack jokes about single/divorced brahs and how he thinks marriage is so great. Meanwhile, he's also told me that his wife doesn't put out much, especially since they started having kids. He told me they she basically never had sex with him during her pregnancies, and that he's gone over an entire year without sex with her as his worst dry spell in the marriage. Also says he's lucky if he gets one or two bj's a year under the best circumstances. This dude is in his early 30's and brags about his marriage when his wife never blows him and he's lucky to get laid once a month.

He’s gonna be bald in a year

[DeepHatred]

Cos we aren’t kids with a new toy, and we’ve sown those oats. We know what we have is worthwhile

We have pushed limits and tried things over time we wouldn’t have tried with lack of knowledge of each other’s bodies, zones, reactions and innate mutual trust

Honestly I don’t know how you continue to have whambams with randoms - that’s some pale imitation of what can be. Sex improves with knowledge of each other and care for each other and love.

So I get there’s thrill in the new and unknown, I will miss never having that first kiss, or encounter with someone. But I would far prefer to give up that than this

this

would you rather play with a new toy each week

or one toy where you can learn every part about the toy and the toy cares about you as well

[TypeNirvash]

I think the best relationships are the ones where both partners take the time to listen to each other, and understand each other. It's these relationships, where problems get solved, that often succeed.

And of course you both need to be progressing in your lives.

I am happy to say my SO and I have been together for almost five years and it's only gotten better. That's usually the opposite for me, so it's been nice. Chit brahs, even sex has only gotten better and better.

She had my back when I was broke, unemployed, and carless. She's always been incredibly good to me.

And she makes cookies that are to die for. I've eaten trays of them in one sitting. Chit, she even cooks like a champ. But it really isn't even just that, she's a genuinely good person. She genuinely cares about how she impacts the world, and that's important to me. Beyond that, she's super smart and has a doctorate. Her work ethic is pretty wild, and she has that go-getter attitude which is both admirable and the source of a small amount of frustration. She doesn't take days off, nor does she call out. I, on the other hand, like to take personal liberties where I can Not often, but every now and then

And whether or not she agrees with my hard headed decisions, she always stands by me when I deal with the results (good or bad). She doesn't go "I told you so" because she understands that when I set my mind to something, I'm going to do it and nobody is going to stop me.

I'm honestly probably fully prepared to commit.


/simp

[Aristotelian]

I honestly think that every great relationship has an ineffable quality to it.

I don't think I could explain to anyone why I'm so happily married, but sometimes women come to me and say: "I wish a guy would someday speak about me the way you speak about your wife".

[gtrzrus]

I advocate for lifelong cohabitation without marriage.

That piece of paper should be avoided.

I would normally agree with this, but when you throw the huge tax breaks in the US for married couples. It does make consider the options.

I guess it really based on the relationship itself. I love my alone time, but I also found a wife who also wants her alone time so it works.

[Ayz33]

Getting married next weekend. 3.5 years of knowing her. Most times I feel she takes better care of me than I even deserve so that drives me to do more for us. Cooks, loyal, family oriented, smart, driven (6 figures at 24), lots of the same interests in life, and best of all we are best friends. I still have my friends and she has hers and we both encourage each other to spend time with them. We aren't attached at the hip and we hardly do the social media thing or need validation...we're still single on FB. I'm very confident in my decision. She has to put up with the unknown of the future of moving around the world every few years as a pilot wife and that is a lot to ask and I emphasize the fact that I don't want to take away her ability to have control over her life and future because she has to follow me everywhere and take control of the house while I'm deployed.

[TypeNirvash]

Don’t do the /simp thing

It doesn’t suit you, your relationship or this thread.

It was a joke Being in a relationship does not mean you're a simp, but that's the joke.

My relationship is, and always has been a partnership. However, like any good partnership, it functions properly when both people are doing what they need to be doing as individuals. The amount of effort put forth is a slider, it's not always 50/50, and we know that sometimes things get done that are above/beyond what is expected of us because we're partners.

I love my SO, but I also understand that she is only a human, just as I expect her to understand that about me. We have always maintained this understanding and there has never been a moment of animosity, or anger at each other due to genuine mistakes. We balance each other out; I'm too laissez faire about things, and she is very precise. Together we find a good balance.

We work to create a space, together, where we can grow both individually and as partners.

We have clear and obvious boundaries, and there is a lot of communication, because neither of us expect the other to read minds.

[sapdori]

Common law marriage partners are not entitled to spousal support if the relationship ends.

Don't you live in Ontario? I've got some bad news for you...

https://nationalpost.com/news/canada...l-court-rules/

[wave_length]

Sounds a bit similar to my situation. Things just work. We're like a team. We've been through a few really difficult things together and had each other to lean on and that made us stronger as a unit. We're raising a few animals now. I think we complement each other's weaknesses/strengths.

However, relationships are also rife with compromise and give or take. You have to be willing to go out of your way and be selfless. My wife works hard and, on one of her off days, I might not want to get up early to take my puppy out in the rain, but I know she's appreciate it if she could sleep in for an extra hour, so I just do it.

We also have been through some rough times but stuck together. The one who was stronger in a certain situation supporting the other one. The good thing about it is that you don't sweat the small stuff anymore. You just know the other one's there for you no matter what.