UPDATE:
So I spoke with her again and she admitted that she's been hanging out with a new dude and still talking to her ex. I actually ran into them (new guy) near the place I moved into since it is down the block from her which I planned when I met her. The guy seemed like a huge ass at first but we were having drinks and had a 1on1 with him. I basically got to know him better and since I really care about this girl I gave him my approval. He gave me a weird look when I told him but he doesnt understand the special connection that me and the girl had. When we got back to the table with Sarah she was randomly talking to another guy (this made me kind of laugh, she really is the inclusive type) and we all had a good time as they drank and I didn't, just had a spritzer. Long story short, at the end of the night we agreed that if I take her out with a +1 we can continue to be friends and see where our relationship could possibly go. I actually really appreciate her coming to her senses and realizing I am the one she should be with. I left her with a hug (I know she liked it bc she was against me the entire time) and the 2 guys and her went back somewhere for a last minute drink until they all separated. Sent a text the next morning of a flower emoji and she hearted it. Things are looking good and we have a date set up with the guy she met at the bar this Friday, gonna take them out and show her that she can take her time and I will be there for her.
Sometimes things just workout fellas, if you need any advice on how I got to this point, let me know.
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09-14-2020, 09:23 AM #121
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09-14-2020, 09:36 AM #122
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09-14-2020, 09:39 AM #123
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09-14-2020, 09:42 AM #124
Not to be a dick but the simple truth is while OP felt a lot of 'chemistry' with her. She didn't feel anything. While you were falling in love with her, she never developed those feelings towards you. While you are thinking about how attractive/amazing she is and that you may never find anyone like her again, she's thinking about how she's looking for someone attractive and amazing. And it aint you.
The fact that you consider it 'four months down the drain' is just bizarre to me. That's how women think/talk when they are getting older, are still single, want kids and they know their biological clock is ticking. Instead you should think of it as a good four months that you enjoyed. And now on to the next best thing.
She's most likely still in love with her ex and she never felt anything for you. I'd really just move on because at this point you've just been used as an emotional tampon.
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09-14-2020, 10:20 AM #125
Unfortunate truth.
Also, she probably actually believes all the things she said when patronizing OP in that breakup text about him being attractive, funny, good in bed, blah blah, but just didn't get those crazy love feels that she felt in her previous relationship. Thing is, like you said, she's still in love with her ex and probably can't get those feels from anyone anyways and nothing OP did/didn't do would have changed that.
OP one thing you DON'T want to do is blame this on yourself. This was NOT your fault. Thinking it was your fault in some way or thinking it would have been different if you had done this or not done that will destroy you. This is on her. This girl has issues she needs to work out on her own and dating is not going to help her.
Honestly, for the sake of the next guy(s) she dates, I hope to God that text about her needing to be alone is the truth and she actually takes some time to heal. Otherwise there's going to be more dudes in OP's position because of her.
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09-14-2020, 10:23 AM #126
Not sure that's accurate. Seems more likely she felt chemistry with him, but had longer term reservations for whatever reason.
It is what it is, compatibility is weird.
The fact that you consider it 'four months down the drain' is just bizarre to me. That's how women think/talk when they are getting older, are still single, want kids and they know their biological clock is ticking. Instead you should think of it as a good four months that you enjoyed. And now on to the next best thing.
She's most likely still in love with her ex and she never felt anything for you. I'd really just move on because at this point you've just been used as an emotional tampon.
Yes, ex was probably top of mind the entire time. It's actually very selfish from her perspective.𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖘𝖊 𝖆 𝖈𝖍𝖊𝖈𝕶, 𝖓𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖗 𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖘𝖊 𝖆 𝖇𝖎𝖙𝖈𝖍
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09-14-2020, 10:40 AM #127
She probably had longer term reservations because, like you said, her ex was top of mind the entire time. Fun/chemistry should turn into more as time goes on. It's the natural progression. Did you see the red flags he posted on the last page? Two stuck out:
She admitted to still talking to her ex "as friends".
One night she was wearing a shirt that her ex gave her. And it wasn't just a normal shirt. It was a navy shirt with his last name on the back (he's in the navy). She also gave me a shirt to wear one night that he had made for her. It had a graphic of a spider she kept as a pet or something and she told me it was an inside joke between them.
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09-14-2020, 10:42 AM #128
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09-14-2020, 11:00 AM #129
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09-14-2020, 12:20 PM #130
I'm not trolling. I swear on my life that everything I've posted is real and has happened. It might seem troll as I write these things out because it makes everything seem obvious, but nothing was this obvious in real life as it actually happened. And I didn't go into this thinking I'd want a relationship with her. During the first month I just thought she was cute, fun, and a good f*ck. I was also talking to/seeing/f*cking other women during this time. After that first month it started becoming more and we started doing more couple-like things together and it spiraled away from me from there. She was at the top of my mind, and apparently her ex was at the top of hers.
And yeah, I've been compiling a list of the red flags that I now see as I look back. I'll repost them:
-The posting of salacious pictures/videos publicly on social media (mainly snapchat). She would randomly post pictures showing her ass in yoga pants. And the one video she posted was of her pole-dancing in short shorts with half her ass hanging out as she swung around the pole. She hasn't posted any of these in the last month after our "talk", but I'm sure it'll start again soon now that we're over. I even remember back when she was still with her ex before we met she would randomly post pictures showing her ass in tight pants. I think this shows that she may have some self-esteem issues and requires attention/validation from others to make herself feel attractive.
-She told me she was drugged and raped in college, which prompted her to take a year off school. I have a lot of empathy for her here, but I'm sure this caused a lot of emotional trauma and baggage.
-She told me her older sister has borderline personality disorder and might even be a sociopath, and said she has trauma and trust issues because her sister would do REALLY messed up things to her when they were younger.
-The antidepressants and lorazepam. I have NO problem with these medications, but it does signify she has depression/anxiety issues she couldn't deal with without them, so her anxiety/depression must have been bad.
-She admitted to still talking to her ex "as friends".
-One night she was wearing a shirt that her ex gave her. And it wasn't just a normal shirt. It was a navy shirt with his last name on the back (he's in the navy). She also gave me a shirt to wear one night that he had made for her. It had a graphic of a spider she kept as a pet or something and she told me it was an inside joke between them.
-The time 3 weeks ago when she canceled our friday date night because she said she had to babysit, then I saw snaps of her having a party at her place, which she didn't tell me about or invite me to. Her excuse being she DID babysit, and afterward a girlfriend wanted to hangout so they did, then other people got invited and it turned into a party, and she didn't invite me because "I don't really drink so she didn't think I would have fun". I found the excuse ridiculous, but had fallen for her at that point and was willing to move past it.
-she told me she stripped at one point. She either said it was a very brief stint or she only did it like 1-2 times, but I didn't ask much about it and can't remember exactly what she said.
-she wanted to be dominated and humiliated in bed. Like the usual rough sex, but also wanted me to call her a dirty/stupid little sl*t/wh0re/f*cktoy. Then as time went on she told me she wanted me to slap her in the face (lightly) during sex too. I actually didn't really think this was a red flag then because a lot of people are into crazy ****, but looking back combined with all the other stuff it probably was.
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09-15-2020, 07:51 AM #131
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09-15-2020, 11:44 AM #132
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09-16-2020, 11:30 AM #133
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09-18-2020, 11:36 AM #134
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09-18-2020, 02:01 PM #135
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09-18-2020, 03:05 PM #136
It did sting, but I didn't have a total breakdown because I know the kinda of person she is. Even is her last relationship and the relationship with me she was posting risque pics to her FB/SC story. She needs attention and validation pretty much constantly because she has low self-esteem. She could be dating/f*cking dudes from it, or she could just be using it for an ego boost. Or both. Honestly, I didn't expect her to go more than two weeks without at least starting to go out with other guys.
All I hope is that when she goes out with these dudes she realizes the chemistry we had was much better, and when she f*cks these dudes I hope she realizes that the sex we had was much better and she was much more comfortable and turned on with me. I hope she ends up at least missing me a little bit.
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09-18-2020, 05:38 PM #137
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09-18-2020, 07:24 PM #138
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09-18-2020, 08:17 PM #139
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09-18-2020, 08:19 PM #140
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09-19-2020, 07:10 AM #141
I disagree. Rebound or not. If OP was a high value male in her eyes, she wouldn’t take the risk of losing him to another woman. Facts. She just didn’t see a future with OP. He was prob beta and not his true masculine self. OP most likely didn’t make her pussy tingle like the chads do. It happens. Move on and learn from your mistakes op.
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09-20-2020, 05:00 PM #142
I've now seen her on bumble and hinge, and she posted a vid on her snap story of her in tight jeans and high heels looking hot and sticking out her ass, but it was from her camera roll a year ago. Not even new. She's obviously looking for attention again. She's also looked at the snaps I've posted to my story, which I didn't expect and I'm not sure why
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09-20-2020, 09:16 PM #143
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09-20-2020, 10:09 PM #144
Fukkin stop it bro.
Get angry. The chick used you and lied to you. The truth is what you thought was special was not at all for her, not the chemistry (stop saying that) not the sex, none of it.
I know this because I've been in your shoes.
Delete her from your life, repair and learn for the next one.AP#3
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09-20-2020, 11:15 PM #145
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09-20-2020, 11:48 PM #146
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09-21-2020, 01:32 AM #147
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09-21-2020, 04:27 AM #148
4 months is nothing OP
Youre a man and have the ability to think logically and ignore the emotions pouring in, use that natural advantage that women dont have to understand what is going on.
4 months is at that point where its long enough to start getting attached (and you being a soy ******* got extra attached too soon) but also still early enough were everyone is on their best behavior. So you have blinders on, she was putting in extra energy to not do anything to offend or turn you off, you dont even know her yet. It would have been easier if it was like 10 months in and she was ripping farts in front of you and came in while you were in the shower and dropped a deuce without saying anything you cant even see her but you can smell it thinking wtf, pull the shower curtain and there is your princess dropping a massive turd with fumes that hit you like a brick wall. It would have been easier to see that woman leave than the one you convinced yourself was perfect.
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09-21-2020, 04:42 AM #149
why is this thread still going
this is probably the most thorough advice anyone in RH section has been given in the last year, at least that ive seen
a thread full of serious logical replies - not one troll post or someone taking the piss - and op still cant get it
why cant you get it op srsMotorcycle Crew
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09-21-2020, 09:30 AM #150
What else can I do? I'm NC, back on dating apps, and even hooked up with an old FWB saturday night. I wish I could just be over this chick but it's not that easy to forget about everything in those 4 months considering I saw her multiple times a week, did a lot of stuff with her, slept over, and have been deeply infatuated for a while.
And the ****** my doc gave me doesn't do sh!t.
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