Ended it w/ girlfriend of 1 year

[Luc1fer]

Sorry Luc, breakups suck

I’m not going to comment beyond that cos I don’t know either of you but you have to trust what you believe and what lead you to this.

You made a decision and guilt and second guessing should play no part. Neither should extrapolating the things you know into bigger or wilder accusations. What happened was enough for you to lose trust. Trust is vital in a relationship,

So grieve the relationship loss and then you get up and out.

Even in the best case scenario, it breaks my trust. So ye, no point speculating further.

[PepperedAngus]

Always, and I do mean always, trust your gut.

Its uncanny how many times my gut has told me the inevitable truth but my head has tried to reason me out of it and I end up cursing myself for not paying attention to my first instinct the whole time.

[skinnyfat88]

I don't get it.
I pretty much put any and all women i know at arms length whether i slept with them or not when i'm exclusive with someone.
I don't text with them or hang out alone with them either.
sometimes i'd see them at group things at which i'm friendly but don't give them much attention other than a quick catch up.

i'm not that guy.

though, I have had women I used to bang living with dudes who still hit me up randomly trying to flirt and whatnot and I'm honestly turned off by it.
i've also had women with BF's want to come "hang out" because they were bored and i'd ask if they were still with that guy and .....nothing. LOL!

More common for women to exert that behavior because they'll feel less like they were "just" a booty call if they remain friends after being FWB or w/e.
Also more common in young and naive people who don't understand cheating isn't just about the physical act, it's about trust and perception as well. Sometimes you have to go through an unhealthy relationship to learn what is and isn't appropriate in your next relationship.

[JoshLV]

Hate to say it boyo but if you’re a good looking chad, chances are high you’re going to get cheated on. They do it because they think you can cheat so you will. So they cheat to even the score and to make themselves feel more attractive. They also will always have dudes waiting on the back burner.

Most western chicks have serious mental issues.

[sapdori]

Hate to say it boyo but if you’re a good looking chad, chances are high you’re going to get cheated on. They do it because they think you can cheat so you will. So they cheat to even the score and to make themselves feel more attractive. They also will always have dudes waiting on the back burner.

Most western chicks have serious mental issues.

I mean they don't even need to actively "manage" their backup plans. The moment they post a story of their breakup or delete pics of their BF, there will be tons of guys dm'ing these girls for an easy lay.

[Luc1fer]

Hate to say it boyo but if you’re a good looking chad, chances are high you’re going to get cheated on. They do it because they think you can cheat so you will. So they cheat to even the score and to make themselves feel more attractive. They also will always have dudes waiting on the back burner.

Most western chicks have serious mental issues.

Interesting theory, but it's difficult to know the truth here. That's like the opposite of monkey-branching. I do know that a couple of weeks ago she said to me "I feel like I'm not good enough for you" and was anxious I might not stay. So I think she did perceive me as higher value. I met her parents, and saw messages she sent talking about marrying me. She talked about kids too and how it would work, where we should move etc.

Maybe it's just simpler than all that. She wanted to have her cake and eat it too, meet with this guy who she also liked.

The only real theory that seems to hold through is women like to have options, and keep them open.

[randomuser12345]

That's the only way to break up imo. Boom, done. Not living years in denial being afraid of confrontations. Gratz.

[Mr Beer]

Maybe it's just simpler than all that. She wanted to have her cake and eat it too, meet with this guy who she also liked.

Yep, this is the motivation of most cheaters. I got what I want and I want more as well.

Traditionally that's been a male perogative and women could go fist themselves if they didn't like it. Kind of interesting that now legal and societal restrictions have been lifted, turns out men and women like to cheat.

[Muzzlrpress]

You did good bro. Looks like it's drinks this weekend boyo!

[DarthCholo]

Interesting theory, but it's difficult to know the truth here. That's like the opposite of monkey-branching. I do know that a couple of weeks ago she said to me "I feel like I'm not good enough for you" and was anxious I might not stay. So I think she did perceive me as higher value. I met her parents, and saw messages she sent talking about marrying me. She talked about kids too and how it would work, where we should move etc.

Maybe it's just simpler than all that. She wanted to have her cake and eat it too, meet with this guy who she also liked.

The only real theory that seems to hold through is women like to have options, and keep them open.

There's no need to "keep in touch" just in case. Girls know they can have any guy on a moments notice. If you meet somebody else and you just have to find out if it can lead somewhere romantically, it's your duty to break up with your current significant other before you peruse that other relationship. Trying to monkey branch is so disrespectful in the sense that they are wasting your time. And time is the only true limited resource we have. If a girl monkey branches to you from another man, you know she's low quality and will do it to you if the opportunity arises in the future.

[Austin317]

When I look back through my own messages for the same day that (I know of) that they met up, she even has a message to me saying "Mike says the next episode of bla is good". I think at the time I had just assumed she was messaging some friend of hers. So idk how to make sense of that... did she think it was okay to meet with him? Or just realize I wouldn't think anything of it, which I didn't.

She had a couple of long term guy friends too, and I had no issue with them at all. They were cool, so it wasn't like I was just super paranoid about any guy.

But I never met this guy, I never knew about the meetups (which I think were semi-regular based on one of his messages "usual at <restaurant> this week? Sorry I've been super busy").

So in any case, she was hiding the fact she was meeting this guy from me AND lied point blank when I asked her if they had met at all. That alone is enough to end it. She admitted it was suspect, but kept saying they didn't have sex. I just said I can't believe a thing you tell me now, now that I know you're capable of lying to my face.

I mean she might’ve slipped up when she said it and after she said it she might’ve realised you wouldn’t take notice of it anyway. She got lucky you didn’t call her out on that at the time.

Absolute best case scenario is she didn’t sleep with him and they were just friends. Worst case was she slept with him. However the worst or best case scenario are 100% grounds for dismissal regardless. As you stated....she was meeting up with him without telling you, on top of that she lied about it. Game over, no second chances it’s done.

I have the utmost respect for people like yourself that have boundaries and when they are crossed then that is it. Cut ties and done. There’s been many a times with previous girlfriends I should’ve said “nah you know what after doing what you’ve just done I’ve gotta say that’s it for me. It’s done.” Then cut it off with immediate no contact but I’ve never done it and I wish I had that respect for myself at the time to do so.

Myself along with every other person replying to this thread are all in agreement you’ve made the right decision. Hope all goes well going forward man!

[Luc1fer]

I mean she might’ve slipped up when she said it and after she said it she might’ve realised you wouldn’t take notice of it anyway. She got lucky you didn’t call her out on that at the time.

Absolute best case scenario is she didn’t sleep with him and they were just friends. Worst case was she slept with him. However the worst or best case scenario are 100% grounds for dismissal regardless. As you stated....she was meeting up with him without telling you, on top of that she lied about it. Game over, no second chances it’s done.

I have the utmost respect for people like yourself that have boundaries and when they are crossed then that is it. Cut ties and done. There’s been many a times with previous girlfriends I should’ve said “nah you know what after doing what you’ve just done I’ve gotta say that’s it for me. It’s done.” Then cut it off with immediate no contact but I’ve never done it and I wish I had that respect for myself at the time to do so.

Myself along with every other person replying to this thread are all in agreement you’ve made the right decision. Hope all goes well going forward man!

Thanks for the support

Bolded, yes. Especially when we have no real ties; kids, marriage. This is why you date. It just really sucks because you wish they were a different person in that aspect, and I've learned from my past relationship that you can't expect someone to change, even on the off-chance they might. Just take them as they are.

For the girls which you regret not cutting it off immediately, I assume they didn't pan out. Was it for the same reason/s?

[backinthegymbro]

Whatever you do, don't take her back. Don't believe her lies either. When a woman lies about meeting a guy, she always lies about not having sex either.
Get rid of her and never look back or you'll regret it. Once a cheater always a cheater. Srs.

[MuzzieChik786]

Do you think your now natural skeptical nature is going to hold you back from ever finding a long term relationship?

I have massive trust issues too. But I've learned to tone them down. I may be thinking something, doubting something, but it won't come out unless I have proof to back it up. I no longer "fish" for lies someone is telling me.

[Luc1fer]

Do you think your now natural skeptical nature is going to hold you back from ever finding a long term relationship?

I have massive trust issues too. But I've learned to tone them down. I may be thinking something, doubting something, but it won't come out unless I have proof to back it up. I no longer "fish" for lies someone is telling me.

I think my instincts can be off track sometimes, but I've also learned to trust mine. I had a bad instinct about a co-worker of hers which was kinda wrong (but not completely). Now I think that instinct was just directed at the wrong guy, but it was generally correct.

My gut was actually telling me not to fully trust her. With my longer term ex, my gut trusted her. So it's not like it ALWAYS fires.

I can walk away still knowing that I sensed something, so I think that will help with future potential trust issues if that makes sense.

[Luc1fer]

By the way, I don't think the 'gut instinct' is necessarily that mysterious.

This is just your reptilian brain making assessments and calculations based on many sweeping and complicated factors in your world, for which your logical brain may have trouble even articulating.

It's wise to at least listen to it. But past experiences do shape that gut feeling, so you have to factor them in. For example, if you got cheated on many times, I think your gut may be prone to firing in a similar circumstance. I've witnessed this many times in previous relationships. I'd do something innocuous, but she'd have a bad emotional feeling. Then it mapped back to a similar instance where the guy did cheat on her.

[Luc1fer]

Yep, this is the motivation of most cheaters. I got what I want and I want more as well.

And that's a lack of values/principles guiding her actions. I might want to cheat and meet another woman, but I won't do it since it will break my values.

[sapdori]

And that's a lack of values/principles guiding her actions. I might want to cheat and meet another woman, but I won't do it since it will break my values.

I'm curious what does she do for her work?

[EctoPlasmic217]

my guess is, you had to hit on her first.

[DustinTheHuss]

And that's a lack of values/principles guiding her actions. I might want to cheat and meet another woman, but I won't do it since it will break my values.

Did she seem like a woman of high moral character? I know you're not religious, yet was she? I mean you don't have to be religious to have morals, yet they do teach that there vs. with girls who are just clubbing with their friends and riding the cawk carousel.

[Luc1fer]

One of her best friends felt the need to message me: "she never cheated on you and you're an idiots"

[DustinTheHuss]

One of her best friends felt the need to message me: "she never cheated on you and you're an idiots"

Her best friend sucks. Block her. Of course her friends end up taking her side. Sigh.

[AlexNYC7]

One of her best friends felt the need to message me: "she never cheated on you and you're an idiots"

Ah, the full court press has begun. We also call this “damage control.”
Anyway you slice it, she lied and she admitted she lied.

And she was caught meeting with another man while she had a bf. She can’t salvage this.

Probably is panicking because she has no place to stay. I’m figuring there are some sob stories upcoming to get you to crack.

[Luc1fer]

Her best friend sucks. Block her. Of course her friends end up taking her side. Sigh.

I asked my friends if I could be in the wrong. I want to know the truth.

But ye, all her friends just immediately took her side and I was untrusting etc.... they are really fake friendships she has anyway.

[Brosnbroccoli]

One of her best friends felt the need to message me: "she never cheated on you and you're an idiots"

Just letting you know that she’s not writing anything your girlfriend didn’t pre-approve. There’s no way she went on multiple secret meetings with this guy without doing something out of line (aside from meeting up with him in secret, which in itself is messed up).

[AlexNYC7]

I asked my friends if I could be in the wrong. I want to know the truth.

But ye, all her friends just immediately took her side and I was untrusting etc.... they are really fake friendships she has anyway.

Doesn’t matter if they did or didn’t at this point. The lies alone are enough to dump her. They are steering the conversation in an attempt to make it seem she is innocent.

Ask her friend why she lied about it, and why she went to see someone behind your back. They don’t have a good answer for those questions.

[Mr Beer]

One of her best friends felt the need to message me: "she never cheated on you and you're an idiots"

I hope that's a direct quote and that she called you "an idiots".

TBF, in the version of events that your ex- told her, I'm sure you were an idiots.

[Luc1fer]

Doesn’t matter if they did or didn’t at this point. The lies alone are enough to dump her. They are steering the conversation in an attempt to make it seem she is innocent.

Ask her friend why she lied about it, and why she went to see someone behind your back. They don’t have a good answer for those questions.

Nah, cba

I hope that's a direct quote and that she called you "an idiots".

yes it is, this is her friend who gets lipo, is still a whale, and thinks she's thikk and hot.

[Mr Beer]

yes it is

LOL!

She already got a big dopamine hit from the drama and pink knighting your ex-, now she's hoping you reply so she can have a text war.

[FemaleWarriorxo]

Aww damn luci I’m sorry