had an interesting convo with a chick i smashed (dear diary)

[smashedurgfx10]

backstory:

-smashed this girl around 3 weeks ago. i'd known her for about 2 years, but back then i was with a GF so i didn't do anything.
-chemistry and sex were good despite the time we hadn't seen each other and it felt very natural.

-after i dropped her back that evening, i didn't make much effort toward her as she isn't really my type (bit too skinny, and also slightly older) so because of that i didn't pursue her. that in no way means i didn't like her, just that i wasn't into her THAT MUCH to schedule dates etc so soon after

-she hit me up twice to do stuff with her but each time i was busy and never offered to reschedule.
-these 2 invites were in the space of 1 week, which really isn't long, so to me it felt a bit too much too soon from her side

-2 weeks go by and i hit her up, ask her to come over a few days later. we agree.
-the day comes, i get no response to my text telling her what time to come over
-she replies following morning apologising, saying she didn't see it. im like ok cool (bs)

-few days later we arrange a meeting again. the day comes and she flakes. i decide she's lost interest or seeing someone else so i forget about her

-week later she hits me up once again asking to come over, this was yesterday. she comes but seems a bit cold and distant which is as i'd expect given she's already flaked twice on me

about halfway through (and we were actually studying, not fooling around, which was getting boring AF) i tried to kiss her and she turns away. im like hmm ok bit weird.

eventually she says do you want to go on a walk and i decline. so she's like ok i'll head off then. as she's leaving i say lets talk about what happened last time

cliffs on convo we had:

-both agree that we have great chemistry, we like each other and the sex was good
-i say, in light of the above, i assumed this was going to be a regular thing with us
-she tells me she got the impression i didn't want a serious relationship (i don't), on the basis i didn't make an effort to ask her out again after out last date or talk to her
-i replied to her that i might want one, but after not seeing her for a year, and just sleeping with her once, really isn't enough time for me to invest myself like that
-she said she would expect commitment immediately if she was going to sleep with someone, to which i say that isn't natural and certainly isn't normal for me
-i tell her it takes time to get to the level where we dont want to see other people, and im not prepared to invest in someone i've just slept with once

-the main sticking point was she expected commitment (i.e. we would only be sleeping with each other)
-i felt that was way too soon (despite the fact im actually on a dry spell, i thought it seemed really cucky to commit myself like that) so i said im not ok with it
-i say under normal circumstances, this wouldn't even be discussed. two people would just keep seeing each other and eventually reach a mutual decision they're only seeing each other, it isn't really spoken about from the get go. which she agreed to, but then said now that we have spoken about it and i know you're probably sleeping around, i definitely cant be with you (lol, cucked myself here)

-i tell her that because of last time i will always see her in a sexual way now, and i can't just turn off that part of me - so it'd be weird if we met up just as friends
-she says she understands

we parted ways

conclusion

point of this thread was really a bit of a learning experience for me and anyone else.
clearly this chick has a bit of self respect (which adds up, she's pretty intelligent and mature as well). and it would appear girls like this dont like being smashed and then not pursued/asked out afterwards
i wasn't even trying to get rid of her, i just wasn't interested enough to ask her out so soon after
it would appear that if you want to keep smashing a girl you need to appear a bit invested (even if you're not) otherwise she'll jet
it is worth noting that in a past life i may have lied/or manipulated to smash again, but im not that person now. i could have made up some bs about how i never knew she thought that way etc. and im happy to only sleep with her etc
but i cba with lying to people now and being untruthful. i know i wouldn't stay loyal to only her so im not gonna put up that facade.
but, if i had just made a bit of effort with her afterwards, i wouldn't have needed to put up any facade because she wouldn't have gone cold on me in the first place and none of this would have happened

cliffs of thread
you need to make a tiny bit of effort with chicks if you still want to smash them, after the first time, even if you're not interested in them for anything else.
even if that effort isn't genuine, it'll stop any problems arising later

[fukc]

Tbh sounds like you both handled this in a mature, reasonable way.

[MrMummyou]

Wat

[smashedurgfx10]

Wat

as per title, bit of a dear diary

go from bottom to top for an easier read. i put cliffs

[tripod29]

Tldr

[LtGoose]

Should have just lied to her, smashed then dashed yet again.

These hoes ain't loyal bruh

Spoiler!

not entirely srs
Semi srs

[smashedurgfx10]

Tldr

no offence taken srs

Should have just lied to her, smashed then dashed yet again.

These hoes ain't loyal bruh

Spoiler!

not entirely srs
Semi srs

ive done that with girls before, and i felt bad about it in the end
this one seems to have her head screwed on so i felt like being honest- if it was a run of the mill sloot, i might have

and as it goes, i wouldn't have even tried to have such an open and honest dialogue with 90% of girls. i knew this one was very open and introspective though, and she would give me an honest reply. that's why i found it so interesting

its funny because having that conversation actually brought us much closer together - you could feel it in our eyes. thought we were gonna bang then and there once we had agreed we weren't gonna see each other anymore.

Spoiler!

we didn't, but i didn't try either

[BigElephant]

Good read and good information OP. You did the right thing.

[thatsnarf]

In on subtle brag.

[smashedurgfx10]

In on subtle brag.

How am I bragging

[JGats]

You can't control other people's expectations and you should know that talking about these things with women kills all romance.

[smashedurgfx10]

You can't control other people's expectations and you should know that talking about these things with women kills all romance.

if she isn't DTF the romance is already dead anyway

i figured i might as well get something out of it before we stop seeing each other

[skinnyfat88]

Respect for honesty.

Good chance she comes back if she is ever single and horny and wants to get some without the guilt of a one night stand or w/e.

I agree that the "unspoken/implied monogamy" if it's clear you're both putting time and effort into getting to know each other is often how things go (basically what you said). If monogamy is what she wants, she has every right to ask that from you at an early stage though as well, even if it doesn't mean you're serious/official at that point. I can understand if you've been burned in a situation like that before you would rather scare someone off early than go through it again.

Even if I'm not actively pursuing anyone else, being explicitly asked not to see anyone else can feel pretty restrictive if it's asked of me too soon.

In for updates (if there are any).