2 years later and she still brings up a bad occurrence

[Visel]

2 years ago the GF and I were a couple of months into our relationship together. One day during that time frame I went to a hotel by a beach by myself, taking off work, and didn't bring her along because she didn't have the money to go and I wasn't willing to pay for her. I was there for less than 48 hours, and the occurrence being 2 years away from today, some of the details aren't fully in the brain. The first night I was watching the sunset, taking a video of it via SnapChat, and there were a group of foreign girls, the ugliest of the group (likely to impress her friends in hindsight) decided to approach me, acknowledging that I was on my phone taking a video through SnapChat Story of the sunset. She asked to add me and vice versa on the platform, and I obliged, thinking "cool now I've got a pen pal from another country." Nothing in a flirtatious manner occurred (from my perspective), nor did I ever hangout with her / see her again for the rest of my life, though we did type about things/differences between each other's countries for a few days.

Not long after the trip my GF notices notifications of the "pen pal" and I, so I explain the situation in its entirety, and she thought I was an idiot for adding her, and asked me to remove her. I did. This occurrence had been brought up multiple times over the next year, and I think even a little into the 2nd year of our relationship. Again, at this point I'm feeling obligated to re-explain the situation to the best of my ability, which gets harder over time, and makes me more suspect to her I'm sure.

Its been 2 years and she brought up the occurrence AGAIN, triggered by reading something about a scenario that reminded her of it (FYI: I don't care what "triggered" it). At this point I'm just fed up with it. If I'd known this would be brought up 2 years later, or 4 years later, or forever, I honestly probably would've just ended our relationship, called myself an idiot for adding a random girl (no matter how innocent I was) and creating suspicion, learned from it, and not have to deal with feeling like I'm dating an insecure accusatory girlfriend.

There's my rant. Am I in the wrong? What should I do? To add more sting to the burn, I was actually cheated on by my most recent ex girlfriend (over 2 years ago), and I'd never want to cause someone to feel like how I did (hence why I've tried my damnedest to appease my GF and re-explain things).

[snailsrus]

That’s pretty innocent

She sounds insecure

If you want to stay with her, you’ll have to address it or she’ll keep looking for reasons why she’s not “enough” for you. She may even try to test you if you care by doing something destructive to see if you stay /help

[Visel]

That’s pretty innocent

She sounds insecure

If you want to stay with her, you’ll have to address it or she’ll keep looking for reasons why she’s not “enough” for you. She may even try to test you if you care by doing something destructive to see if you stay /help

So far my reaction to this nonsense has been to tell her if she thinks I've cheated after all this time, then I'm breaking up with her. I'm not dating someone who, after 2 years, questions my trust and loyalty. It seems like an irreparable relationship forever dramatically tainted by one occurrence that'll never be let go.

If she tries to push further I'm calling quits (fun fact she reads my posts behind my back on here by the way, hello if you're reading, insecure?).

[skinnyfat88]

If you legit still want to be with her, tell her she has to accept the incident (which sounds innocent AF) and stop bringing it up as it's adding unnecessary negativity to your life.
If she wants to talk about it further go to a therapist together and said therapist will tell her the same thing and perhaps uncover her insecurities/trust issues.

[snailsrus]

So far my reaction to this nonsense has been to tell her if she thinks I've cheated after all this time, then I'm breaking up with her. I'm not dating someone who, after 2 years, questions my trust and loyalty. It seems like an irreparable relationship forever dramatically tainted by one occurrence that'll never be let go.

If she tries to push further I'm calling quits (fun fact she reads my posts behind my back on here by the way, hello if you're reading, insecure?).

is there any reason you know of why she’d be so insecure about herself

[Visel]

is there any reason you know of why she’d be so insecure about herself

She's not the biggest fan of her own physical appearance. She uses that to explain why she doesn't like going out to the pool/beach in swimwear, for example. To be fair she is clinically underweight and has vocalized multiple times that she is upset about that.

Career wise, she has chosen to redirect herself towards a whole other career that is very different than what she was setting up for herself over the last 3-4 years. This isn't due to negligence or sudden problems, but is instead a realization of physical limitations having been in the line of work for a while and seeing what the seniority/managerial ranks have to handle physically.

[AceRok]

A healthy relationship is built on love, trust and communication.

Ultimately it's a matter of her not trusting you (even if it's partly because her insecurities).

Did you goof? Sure, but that was 2 years ago, you apologized and when relationships are starting out their can be some bumps, and that should be expected, so you forgive and forget. If you can't forget you sure as hell don't bring it up and you don't continue to punish the other person for it over and over.

It's up to you if you want to continue building upon this shaky foundation.

[snailsrus]

She's not the biggest fan of her own physical appearance. She uses that to explain why she doesn't like going out to the pool/beach in swimwear, for example. To be fair she is clinically underweight and has vocalized multiple times that she is upset about that.

Career wise, she has chosen to redirect herself towards a whole other career that is very different than what she was setting up for herself over the last 3-4 years. This isn't due to negligence or sudden problems, but is instead a realization of physical limitations having been in the line of work for a while and seeing what the seniority/managerial ranks have to handle physically.

ah body imagine issues explains a lot of it she probably compares herself to every girl she sees. Constantly tearing herself down, wondering why you would want her and not someone else “better” looking. Therapy m8 at least couples. The trust issue has absolutely nothing to do with you or your actions. She’s finding reasons you can’t love her cause she doesn’t love herself. Self fulfilling prophecy of shell never be good enough

[Beararms]

My wife does the same thing. For a while I would just apologize constantly and beat myself up. The past year I've found myself getting upset and resentful about it. I told her if she is not going to get over the stuff then we need to go our separate ways. I told her that she obviously cant heal/get over the past and Im not going to live my life filled with anxiety waiting for her to go off or for something to remind her.

If your gf is anything like my wife, they wont forgive or forget. They'll just stay quiet about it.

[user3657]

If you legit still want to be with her, tell her she has to accept the incident (which sounds innocent AF) and stop bringing it up as it's adding unnecessary negativity to your life.
If she wants to talk about it further go to a therapist together and said therapist will tell her the same thing and perhaps uncover her insecurities/trust issues.

This. And honestly bro, come on, what do you expect a girl to think if you got a random girls snapcat while on a beach by yourself? I wouldnt want my girl to do that so I would expect the same from her...

[RagnarChadbrok]

Well, obviously you're telling the truth. At the same time, from her perspective all she knows is you went to a hotel, didn't bring her, then came home with some new girls on Snapchat. Objectively it doesn't look great and let's not kid ourselves - if a miscer posted this story from her POV, EVERYONE would be telling OP he's getting cucked. Situations like this happen. I've never cheated on my girl but over the years, there have been a few instances where it looked plausible that I did. Ball is in her court, she has to decide to fully trust you on this lol

She probably legit thinks you cheated and is just overlooking it because she loves you srs

[Titansfan08]

If you deleted her I don't see whats the big problem. Shes definitely insecure and a woman