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    Registered User ctackett6407's Avatar
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    Exclamation 40 and Finally Ready - Bariatric Patient overcoming Depression & loss

    Prior to the year 2000 I was extremely fit. I was in college and did powerlifting. I could move around and was so confident in myself.

    I got a job that paid an amazing amount of money and at 19 I focused all my energy in making the money and found that I was eating garbage and just lost my way.

    By 2002 I went from 200lbs to 315lbs and never left my room. I worked crazy hours because the money was great but I didn't realize that my body was falling apart. My teeth were chipping, my bed was breaking, my chairs were giving way. My family said that it was like a different human was living in my room. They said they blinked their eyes and I went from being this physically fit person to someone they didn't even recognize.

    That is when the depression started. I became a shut in. I was so embarrassed to go outside. When friends seen me they were shocked because I spent all my time in the gym and playing sports and now I was mid 300s.. by 2010 I was in my early 400's. I stayed in the 400's until August 2019 when I had bariatric surgery.

    Now I'm 270lbs and still trying to find my confidence.

    This past year has been the hardest year in my life.

    When I was 26 years old my nephew had a friend whose parents abandoned him. I ended up adopting a 15/16 year old and his 17 year old brother. I became a full time dad focused on getting two boys through high school and college. In August 2019 I had bariatric surgery which did not go smooth. I had a lot of complications and my mental stability was shaken to the core as I became chemically imbalanced and my depression worsened.

    My oldest son told me right before the surgery, after graduating college, that he was going to join the Marines and that I was just a vehicle for him to get where he needed to go and that he didn't want to "use me" anymore. I then was told by my youngest that after my oldest leaves the day after my birthday that he was going to move as well.

    So this was an overwhelming amount of change that happened all at once. I was breaking down. I thought of self-harm, depressing was very bad, and I was reacting to everything like a person who was losing everything.

    For a few months I literally lost my mind.

    I sought help and got myself back on track. I no longer have a relationship with the two boys I adopted as they stated they were only with me to help them get to their end goal. Both are college graduates and one is now in Japan as a Marine and the other is doing very well at his job, but both stated that they didn't want to continue having a relationship with me and my family as they felt they would be using me. My psychologist tells me that it's very mature of them to realize what they were doing and at least identifying that to me.

    it still doesn't take away the hurt. I do not regret having them in my life but I do regret forgoing having my own family and now I'm 40 and I'm literally starting over.

    That's why I'm here. I'm at a point where I'm open about where I am in my life and who I want to become. I'm in an empty house and besides working a job that I'm not too enthused about, it's good pay, I have the drive and determination to improve myself and work on my happiness.

    I have my depression under control. I'm not doing great with my weight loss. I went from 450 to 270 and in the past two weeks I've been up to 280 and back down.

    I WANT to get back into the gym by I still suffer from fear. I get overwhelming nervous about going to the gym and embarrassed. I signed up for a 24 hour place so I could go in the middle of the night to avoid people, but I tried to do the cardio and felt like I was dying after 10-15 mins.

    I know my ego is also not helping as I used to be able to bench 475 but now I'm 40.. and I haven't lifted since my late teens and early twenties.

    Anyway, that's my introduction.

    My goal is to find a way to get a workout and follow it. I'm lost and overwhelmed on what I should be doing as my body can't do the things it used to. I'm finding that my range of motion in my shoulders is limited and I get hurt a lot easier.

    Anyway, if anyone has any tips. let me know.

    I'm pretty open and own who I am and what I was.
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