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  1. #1
    From Bones to Brawn SkinnyBeast24's Avatar
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    Exclamation Back after a long covid break. Great first date per usual but now I always f up

    Amazing date Wednesday. We hiked in the rain of all things. Made out at top.

    Wanted to keep it going and took her out for dinner. Strong 3 hours. Amazing girl. Cool. Easy to talk to. Kissed for a little before we parted ways.

    We discussed doing it again near end of date and I said i’d Think of something.

    So Thursday, I hit her up with rock climbing and she says that sounds good to me.

    I text “awesome, my schedules a bit crazy coming up but hopefully Monday or Wednesday works at 8:15. Hope that’s not too late for you”

    Nothing since. I know it’s holidays and I always **** up during the texting between dates so I’m trying so hard not to ****ing text.

    My play now is wait until tomorrow evening if she hasn’t responded and say

    “Hey, hope you had a good July 4th with the friends and fam. Wanted to check in to see if Monday or Wednesday might stilll be on the table to hanging out again”

    Good?
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  2. #2
    Copeaesthetic HangingChad's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SkinnyBeast24 View Post
    I text “awesome, my schedules a bit crazy coming up but hopefully Monday or Wednesday works at 8:15. Hope that’s not too late for you”

    Nothing since. I know it’s holidays and I always **** up during the texting between dates so I’m trying so hard not to ****ing text.

    My play now is wait until tomorrow evening if she hasn’t responded and say

    “Hey, hope you had a good July 4th with the friends and fam. Wanted to check in to see if Monday or Wednesday might stilll be on the table to hanging out again”

    Good?
    No, not good. Well, the first two dates sound like they went great so that's awesome. Not trying to knock you.

    IMO your texting needs work. Too much "hoping", "might", etc. Your texts comes across as very unsure of yourself. Nice thing about texting is that you can think before you write it. I'd be more assertive/dominant. Not sure why you are so uncertain given that she was clearly interested based on your first two dates. Why are you giving her all these choices on when to get together? Just propose a day/time (politely). If it doesn't work for her, she'll tell you and then you can try to find something that works with both your schedules.
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  3. #3
    Copeaesthetic HangingChad's Avatar
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    I don't like this at all: "Wanted to check in to see if Monday or Wednesday might stilll be on the table to hanging out again"

    How about: "Does Wednesday at 8:15 work for you?"

    See the difference?

    Sunday night is too late to make plans for Monday anyway. You're a busy guy too or you at least want to appear that way. If she hasn't gotten back to you by Sunday, too bad, you've got other things going on.
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  4. #4
    From Bones to Brawn SkinnyBeast24's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by HangingChad View Post
    No, not good. Well, the first two dates sound like they went great so that's awesome. Not trying to knock you.

    IMO your texting needs work. Too much "hoping", "might", etc. Your texts comes across as very unsure of yourself. Nice thing about texting is that you can think before you write it. I'd be more assertive/dominant. Not sure why you are so uncertain given that she was clearly interested based on your first two dates. Why are you giving her all these choices on when to get together? Just propose a day/time (politely). If it doesn't work for her, she'll tell you and then you can try to find something that works with both your schedules.

    Word. This is why I Misc.

    “Hey, hope you had a good weekend. You down to chill tomorrow night?”

    Then that makes her reschedule if tomorrow isn’t good.
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    From Bones to Brawn SkinnyBeast24's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by HangingChad View Post
    I don't like this at all: "Wanted to check in to see if Monday or Wednesday might stilll be on the table to hanging out again"

    How about: "Does Wednesday at 8:15 work for you?"

    See the difference?

    Sunday night is too late to make plans for Monday anyway. You're a busy guy too or you at least want to appear that way. If she hasn't gotten back to you by Sunday, too bad, you've got other things going on.
    Very smart. I’ll go with this. Hopefully she agrees and then can throw in a little small talk about July 4th
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    Originally Posted by SkinnyBeast24 View Post
    Very smart. I’ll go with this. Hopefully she agrees and then can throw in a little small talk about July 4th
    Perfect brah.
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    Registered User dolvioblue's Avatar
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    If a woman didn’t care to message me back or didn’t like me saying hope then F it. That’s not the type of heart and core I want in someone. Not a chance. I’m sure she’s great but greatness sees beyond a word or a message.
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    First, good job on the first date. You lead the date to multiple fun events and clearly she was enjoying it.

    @HangingChad rightly pointed out the mistakes of not making definite plans and leaving it up in the air. The best way to make definite plans is to ask her "When are you free this week?" and then when she goes "I'm off thursday and Friday" you go great how about Thursday at 7pm I'll pick you up at your place. That way you're not guessing random days back and forth.
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    From Bones to Brawn SkinnyBeast24's Avatar
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    Well she hit me up saying she wasn’t ready for commitment and going farther. Better than a ghost.

    Such is life. On to the next.
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  10. #10
    From Bones to Brawn SkinnyBeast24's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DharmaYoung19 View Post
    First, good job on the first date. You lead the date to multiple fun events and clearly she was enjoying it.

    @HangingChad rightly pointed out the mistakes of not making definite plans and leaving it up in the air. The best way to make definite plans is to ask her "When are you free this week?" and then when she goes "I'm off thursday and Friday" you go great how about Thursday at 7pm I'll pick you up at your place. That way you're not guessing random days back and forth.
    Yea I gotta do better for next time. I keep getting solid first dates but then **** goes haywire after.

    Thought this chick was promising, but ya just never know once the dates over.
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    Originally Posted by SkinnyBeast24 View Post
    Yea I gotta do better for next time. I keep getting solid first dates but then **** goes haywire after.

    Thought this chick was promising, but ya just never know once the dates over.
    Bummer brah, but your attitude is good. Don't blame yourself, honestly doesn't sound like you did anything wrong. You had two great dates with chemistry. Only thing I thought was questionable was your expectation that things wouldn't work out and the text you sent. Dolvioblue is right that if a text is enough to throw her off than f her. Sometimes they'll hit you with the "no commitment" and then come back interested months later after a trip to NC. Anyhow, you'll never know the real reason but a lot of times it has nothing to do with you. Just keep grinding.
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    What you have to realize with girls that are fresh out of LTR is that they are very HOT AND COLD. They still have strong attraction to their ex and much more history and connection than with you. This means that sometimes her attraction for him will raise and she won't message you back for a bit, and sometimes he will turn her off and she will be all over you. You have to be calm and let her come and go as she pleases. That means not coming unglued when she doesn't text you back for a couple days and leaving it until she responds.

    The biggest mistake you made is that you didn't wait long enough after your first date to reach out. You had a great date Wednesday night and then the Next Day you are already reaching out to her. That communicates that you are super attracted to her after only 1 date and that you probably don't have much else going on in your personal life. It's a scientific fact that woman are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. When you communicate through your actions that after one date you're infatuated with her by rolling out the red carpet for her, there is no mystery involved she already knows she has you whenever she wants. This is the same way her ex probably treated her (it's most common) and she probably got bored of it, so if you show any sign that you are the same then her attraction is going to drop like a rock, just like it did here with her completely ignoring you.

    Woman need time and space away from you in order for their feelings to grow. They need to think about your date and wonder about you, talk about you with their gfs and then when they can't take it anymore, they reach out to you. Think of it like baking a cake, you must wait a certain amount of time for the cake to rise and there is nothing you can do once the cake is in the oven to make it rise any faster. Opening it up early to check only makes it take longer. What you should do after a date is wait 3-4 days and if she doesn't reach out by then, then reach out to her. This gives her time to wonder about you and communicates that you have other things going on.

    Overall you did great on the date but where you're ****ing up is just the time in between the dates and with a girl like this fresh out of a relationship you can't do much ****ing up. What you need to do is NOTHING. You already left a message. Wait for her to get back to you. If her attraction is still above a 5 she will get back to you, but if your mistake made her interest drop below a 5 than you won't hear from her again. And that's okay, you can chalk it up to experience.
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    From Bones to Brawn SkinnyBeast24's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DharmaYoung19 View Post
    What you have to realize with girls that are fresh out of LTR is that they are very HOT AND COLD. They still have strong attraction to their ex and much more history and connection than with you. This means that sometimes her attraction for him will raise and she won't message you back for a bit, and sometimes he will turn her off and she will be all over you. You have to be calm and let her come and go as she pleases. That means not coming unglued when she doesn't text you back for a couple days and leaving it until she responds.

    The biggest mistake you made is that you didn't wait long enough after your first date to reach out. You had a great date Wednesday night and then the Next Day you are already reaching out to her. That communicates that you are super attracted to her after only 1 date and that you probably don't have much else going on in your personal life. It's a scientific fact that woman are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. When you communicate through your actions that after one date you're infatuated with her by rolling out the red carpet for her, there is no mystery involved she already knows she has you whenever she wants. This is the same way her ex probably treated her (it's most common) and she probably got bored of it, so if you show any sign that you are the same then her attraction is going to drop like a rock, just like it did here with her completely ignoring you.

    Woman need time and space away from you in order for their feelings to grow. They need to think about your date and wonder about you, talk about you with their gfs and then when they can't take it anymore, they reach out to you. Think of it like baking a cake, you must wait a certain amount of time for the cake to rise and there is nothing you can do once the cake is in the oven to make it rise any faster. Opening it up early to check only makes it take longer. What you should do after a date is wait 3-4 days and if she doesn't reach out by then, then reach out to her. This gives her time to wonder about you and communicates that you have other things going on.

    Overall you did great on the date but where you're ****ing up is just the time in between the dates and with a girl like this fresh out of a relationship you can't do much ****ing up. What you need to do is NOTHING. You already left a message. Wait for her to get back to you. If her attraction is still above a 5 she will get back to you, but if your mistake made her interest drop below a 5 than you won't hear from her again. And that's okay, you can chalk it up to experience.
    Yea this is def a pattern I’m continuosly ****ing up.

    This was my first date in a while cause of covid and she was so dam chill so I ****ed up. Gotta stay cool for the next one
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    Absolutely do not send a follow up txt again.
    Years back I started deleting a woman's number right after the first date no matter how it went.

    The only good txt after a 1st date is no txt. It doesn't matter what you say, that is not the point.

    "This guy txt me back right away, he has nothing going on. I am going to **** some other guy"
    "This guy didn't txt me back after we made out?? I will show him, I am going to **** him"

    Those are the two options. Take your pick.

    Just delete this girl's number and then if she does respond delete that txt too. She needs to txt you to see if YOU are too busy to txt back.
    The next txt from you after a time lag needs to be "Hey sorry, I have been really busy the past few days. I am still interested though."

    This is our mating ritual. No different than birds doing some goofy thing that doesn't make much sense.
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    Originally Posted by DharmaYoung19 View Post
    What you have to realize with girls that are fresh out of LTR is that they are very HOT AND COLD. They still have strong attraction to their ex and much more history and connection than with you. This means that sometimes her attraction for him will raise and she won't message you back for a bit, and sometimes he will turn her off and she will be all over you. You have to be calm and let her come and go as she pleases. That means not coming unglued when she doesn't text you back for a couple days and leaving it until she responds.

    The biggest mistake you made is that you didn't wait long enough after your first date to reach out. You had a great date Wednesday night and then the Next Day you are already reaching out to her. That communicates that you are super attracted to her after only 1 date and that you probably don't have much else going on in your personal life. It's a scientific fact that woman are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. When you communicate through your actions that after one date you're infatuated with her by rolling out the red carpet for her, there is no mystery involved she already knows she has you whenever she wants. This is the same way her ex probably treated her (it's most common) and she probably got bored of it, so if you show any sign that you are the same then her attraction is going to drop like a rock, just like it did here with her completely ignoring you.

    Woman need time and space away from you in order for their feelings to grow. They need to think about your date and wonder about you, talk about you with their gfs and then when they can't take it anymore, they reach out to you. Think of it like baking a cake, you must wait a certain amount of time for the cake to rise and there is nothing you can do once the cake is in the oven to make it rise any faster. Opening it up early to check only makes it take longer. What you should do after a date is wait 3-4 days and if she doesn't reach out by then, then reach out to her. This gives her time to wonder about you and communicates that you have other things going on.

    Overall you did great on the date but where you're ****ing up is just the time in between the dates and with a girl like this fresh out of a relationship you can't do much ****ing up. What you need to do is NOTHING. You already left a message. Wait for her to get back to you. If her attraction is still above a 5 she will get back to you, but if your mistake made her interest drop below a 5 than you won't hear from her again. And that's okay, you can chalk it up to experience.
    You been listening to Corey Wayne haven't you.....

    P:S I agree with you
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  16. #16
    Sry babe no cardio sloppyjoe1's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SkinnyBeast24 View Post
    Well she hit me up saying she wasn’t ready for commitment and going farther. Better than a ghost.

    Such is life. On to the next.
    I'll give it to her for having the respect to let you know the deal.

    I wouldn't worry about your text game dude, I've talked to a lot of girls and the only one I fell in love with for 5 years was the one where no games were played. I didn't have to think about what I was going to say, I was just myself and so was she. If you're trying to smash then yeah I'd say it's important to capture a female in a certain way, but to me that's also manipulative. If you're trying to find one to form a relationship with then I think it's important to you that you remain yourself as much as possible. You can always pick apart what you say but in the end if you changed a word out would it have really mattered? Getting girls has a lot to do with timing, they're emotional so if you're just the right guy at the right time it'll happen, whether it's for a few days, weeks, months, who knows. With guys if we see a hot girl every day we have the same feelings about her, unless she's psycho or something. Anyway man, just be yourself and be a man.
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  17. #17
    "Let's Rock" jackflag's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DharmaYoung19 View Post
    What you have to realize with girls that are fresh out of LTR is that they are very HOT AND COLD. They still have strong attraction to their ex and much more history and connection than with you. This means that sometimes her attraction for him will raise and she won't message you back for a bit, and sometimes he will turn her off and she will be all over you. You have to be calm and let her come and go as she pleases. That means not coming unglued when she doesn't text you back for a couple days and leaving it until she responds.

    The biggest mistake you made is that you didn't wait long enough after your first date to reach out. You had a great date Wednesday night and then the Next Day you are already reaching out to her. That communicates that you are super attracted to her after only 1 date and that you probably don't have much else going on in your personal life. It's a scientific fact that woman are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. When you communicate through your actions that after one date you're infatuated with her by rolling out the red carpet for her, there is no mystery involved she already knows she has you whenever she wants. This is the same way her ex probably treated her (it's most common) and she probably got bored of it, so if you show any sign that you are the same then her attraction is going to drop like a rock, just like it did here with her completely ignoring you.

    Woman need time and space away from you in order for their feelings to grow. They need to think about your date and wonder about you, talk about you with their gfs and then when they can't take it anymore, they reach out to you. Think of it like baking a cake, you must wait a certain amount of time for the cake to rise and there is nothing you can do once the cake is in the oven to make it rise any faster. Opening it up early to check only makes it take longer. What you should do after a date is wait 3-4 days and if she doesn't reach out by then, then reach out to her. This gives her time to wonder about you and communicates that you have other things going on.

    Overall you did great on the date but where you're ****ing up is just the time in between the dates and with a girl like this fresh out of a relationship you can't do much ****ing up. What you need to do is NOTHING. You already left a message. Wait for her to get back to you. If her attraction is still above a 5 she will get back to you, but if your mistake made her interest drop below a 5 than you won't hear from her again. And that's okay, you can chalk it up to experience.
    Knowledge status: dropped

    OP, my current girlfriend and I were talking about dating a while ago, and I mentioned that when I was dating around, I'd usually send a "had a good time, get home safe" text after a good date.

    She then mentioned that I didn't send one to her after our first date, which was incredible. Long, different venues, multiple makeouts, all the same **** you did on yours.

    I then said it was because we had talked about texting on that date, and how both of us said we hate clingy, over-texters. Because of that, my gut told me not to text her that night after we parted ways.

    She said it ended up being a good thing, because when I didn't send her a text that night (which she said she was hoping for at the time), it made her confused, which made her like me even more. When I didn't send one the next day, she was even more confused. And then when I finally did text her, it was a huge relief because it'd made her think about me constantly and second-guess herself. Which made her like me even more.

    Her words.

    And this is from what I would consider textbook "good girl". Doesn't party, almost nonexistent body count, church goer, etc.

    Lesson being, all these bishes are exactly the same, no matter how "good" or "cool" you think they are.

    They all want what they don't have, and more importantly, they all like to wonder if you like them, whether they're conscious of it or not.

    You got excited after a great first date and probably blew it being too overzealous. I've done it plenty of times. Did it right before I met the current gf with a chick I thought was amazing.

    And let me say one other thing. When I say "overzealous", I mean in the eyes of a woman. Girls have this perception that if we text them too soon, or too much, it means we're in love with them and/or want a relationship right away. To us, texting the next night or too soon can just be because we want to get to smash sooner, or because we have other plans we're trying to schedule and need an answer sooner than later. Or because we're bored. Or because it just doesn't occur to us that it could come off needy.

    To her, it means you're erecting a shrine to her and imagining her having your kids.

    Just be aware of the ways wires can cross between the sexes. You probably just wanted to set something up with a cool chick because you had fun and quarantine is boring, so the sooner the better.

    To her, you were trying to get married.

    Dealing with women is counter-intuitive. Doing what you think is sensible is often the wrong road. They like games, uncertainty, and chaos. Crave it. Until they get too old and/or ugly to discriminate.

    Remember that going forward. You don't have to play ALL of the games. Its exhausting and you shouldn't care that much to begin with. But remember that less is always more. Even with the ones you think are "different".
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  18. #18
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    Originally Posted by jackflag View Post
    all these bishes are exactly the same, no matter how "good" or "cool" you think they are.

    You got excited after a great first date and probably blew it being too overzealous. I've done it plenty of times. Did it right before I met the current gf with a chick I thought was amazing.
    theres nothing one can do. if you don't take the initiative, she'll think you're not interested. if you do, then you may come off as overzealous.
    L.A. LAKERS
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  19. #19
    Registered User azwealth's Avatar
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    These are questions you can ask her

    https://lovematters.ng/love-nwantint...ow-them-better
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  20. #20
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    Originally Posted by sloppyjoe1 View Post
    I'll give it to her for having the respect to let you know the deal.

    I wouldn't worry about your text game dude, I've talked to a lot of girls and the only one I fell in love with for 5 years was the one where no games were played. I didn't have to think about what I was going to say, I was just myself and so was she. If you're trying to smash then yeah I'd say it's important to capture a female in a certain way, but to me that's also manipulative. If you're trying to find one to form a relationship with then I think it's important to you that you remain yourself as much as possible. You can always pick apart what you say but in the end if you changed a word out would it have really mattered? Getting girls has a lot to do with timing, they're emotional so if you're just the right guy at the right time it'll happen, whether it's for a few days, weeks, months, who knows. With guys if we see a hot girl every day we have the same feelings about her, unless she's psycho or something. Anyway man, just be yourself and be a man.
    His text game was pitiful. You should be able to know when a girl is playing games, and the GUY ideally should be playing games with them first. This chit about HOPE you MIGHT want to MAYBE hang out again is god awful. Be a fuking man and have a killer date with them and escalate as far as you can get. You'll know when it's a girl you actually can date long term as you'll click different.

    In the mean-time, if he improves his text game and overall dating skills, he can casually date more girls and become a more experienced guy as time goes.

    Someone mentioned above a girl just getting out of a LTR. THESE GIRLS JUST WANT TO FUK. They don't have the mental energy to think about romance and chit. They want attention and fresh dik. The 3 hour dates at a arcade with them are plain retarded. Get drinks and take them home.
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