Spark fades EVERY time I meet a girl. Has been happening for 15 years.

[David2112]

Alright....I created this account, because I wanted to talk to some people here that can help me out on what I should do. I'll begin....

I just turned 35 years old, but I still have the fight in me, and do not want to give up. All throughout my life, every time I meet a woman, the spark instantly fades within 5 minutes of the girl showing on my radar, sometimes within 24 hours, etc. This has been happening for 15 years, and it put me into a state of depression where I nearly committed suicide back in 2012. Getting back into gear, and back on my feet, I stumbled upon PUA. PUA ended up not working out for me, because too much of the beliefs revolved around stereotypes. One example was them saying you had to play the male gender role, and I found out this was false when I got deeper into spiritual studies, because men were getting women that had feminine traits. PUA opened the door to the Law of Attraction, and this is where things got interesting.

So after my long journey of driving out of state (nearly flew to another country), spending thousands of dollars, going on stage before 500 people, and thousands of hours going crazy reading books and talking to people, I came across a spiritualist that was very advanced in spirituality and the law of attraction. What he told me was going on, was that these sparks that were fading was something I was creating with my mentality. He told me that because my mentality revolved around thoughts such as "I'm not compatible" or "she has a boyfriend" or "she's just wanting to be friends", he said this mentality was what was sabotaging myself, so the law of attraction responds to these emotions, and the women pick up on it. As a human being, as I sit in this chair typing this, I strongly and firmly believe deep inside myself that this is the truth. He said in order to stop this, I would have to "make a choice", meaning choose different emotions for the law of attraction to respond. He said I do not need focus or anything like that, but only that I make the simple choice to not think these thoughts or have these feelings when someone was interested. The MAIN issue I've been having is that these emotions are automatic, meaning I've trained myself for this to go on auto-pilot, and I have to figure out how to turn it off. He said this is very simple to do, and I've made it way harder than what it is.

I'm getting ready to return to my community, but I have a feeling they are going to tell me what this spiritualist has said. If I don't make this choice.....this will continue..... Interestingly, I did find out where all this was coming from. For many years I was heavily into fiction that revolved around break ups, or the girl leaving, so it looks like the universe is responding to these vibes I am sending out. This needs to end, and I am being serious on this. I cannot go through life living like this. I am also at the point I feel that happiness is something that comes from within a person, and that a girlfriend is not something that automatically gives you happiness. Is there anyone on here that has experienced something similar or know someone that also went through this? I've spoken to many couples about my situation, and they have told me that I am intellectualizing relationships instead of going by what my heart tells me, that I need to stop withholding my emotions, and be myself. One thing I forgot to mention, there was actually one person I met where the spark didn't fade and something was there, and that was my female therapist. However, I was the one that turned my back on her, because she was already married and tried to use me for sex. It sounds to me like escalation is something that happens over time, meaning we cannot intellectualize it.

What should I do? I have no issue attracting women, it's what happens after they appear. I've felt this whole spark fading thing happen with friendships as well, so whatever is going on here, it's not limited to romantic situations, but also platonic.

[AdikinBawls]

Work on your creative writing skills brah, that was dull af, I gave up two lines into the second paragraph ffs.

I went ahead and read the last sentence anyway. If people, both men (as friends) and women (as friends or love-interests) are losing interest in you within a day of meeting you, then the most likely answer is that you're one dull, boring-ass mf. And it's obvious af in the way you write. Go out and do something with your life.

[David2112]

Work on your creative writing skills brah, that was dull af, I gave up two lines into the second paragraph ffs.

I went ahead and read the last sentence anyway. If people, both men (as friends) and women (as friends or love-interests) are losing interest in you within a day of meeting you, then the most likely answer is that you're one dull, boring-ass mf. And it's obvious af in the way you write. Go out and do something with your life.

The entire thing explains what is going on, and what you just wrote, that's not what it is. The reason I wrote the paragraphs like this into detail is to explain exactly what has been happening.

EDIT: "Go out and do something with your life."

I'll take that into consideration. I think I spend too much time dwelling on the situation, which is why the spark fades. Escalation gets ruined if there is an interruption of the flow, meaning trying too hard, etc.

[drvillain]

Work on your creative writing skills brah, that was dull af, I gave up two lines into the second paragraph ffs.

Sorry OP, I also stopped reading around this point as well^

After reading AdikinBawls (lol) response, I tried to skim through it so I could at least give some type of advice and hope it's relevant:

Possibly try just having fun instead of being so serious about the "date." If you just be true to yourself, and have 0 expectations, I think youll find that the woman will be more at ease and just enjoy the moment and how you make her feel.

I'm assuming that you come across as dull or boring.

[David2112]

Sorry OP, I also stopped reading around this point as well^

After reading AdikinBawls (lol) response, I tried to skim through it so I could at least give some type of advice and hope it's relevant:

Possibly try just having fun instead of being so serious about the "date." If you just be true to yourself, and have 0 expectations, I think youll find that the woman will be more at ease and just enjoy the moment and how you make her feel.

I'm assuming that you come across as dull or boring.

No no no, that's not it. I've held many video game tournaments and parties at my local university along with outside the university, and I have had A LOT of people tell me I'm an extremely fun party guy to be around. I'm actually the life of the party, and I've even done dancing in front of hundreds of people on stage. You guys are completely missing the point here, and are not even reading what I am typing. It looks like I may have to wait a little while, and go back to my community for more questions.

Like I said, the spark fades when a woman appears on my radar within like 5 minutes or 24 hours, because I go into a state of depression/fear (or anger) that cancels it out. I can't get a date, and haven't had one in six years, because I can't even get past this first hurdle. The game LITERALLY ends the moment she appears. The spiritualist said the women are responding to the vibes I'm sending out, and he said I would have to get rid of those vibes if I wanted this to stop. Now, the part I seem to be struggling with is that those vibes are automatic, but this guy says it's not, and it's just a focused thought (belief) that I keep repeating.

[drvillain]

Like I said, the spark fades when a woman appears on my radar within like 5 minutes or 24 hours, because I go into a state of depression/fear (or anger) that cancels it out. I can't get a date, and haven't had one in six years, because I can't even get past this first hurdle. The game LITERALLY ends the moment she appears. The spiritualist said the women are responding to the vibes I'm sending out, and he said I would have to get rid of those vibes if I wanted this to stop.

OK yes, that is a problem, and OBVIOUSLY they are responding to the vibes you're putting out. The only thing I can suggest is to keep trying to expose yourself to these scenarios, or seek therapy. This is definitely above my pay grade, but I hope you make it.

[David2112]

OK yes, that is a problem, and OBVIOUSLY they are responding to the vibes you're putting out. The only thing I can suggest is to keep trying to expose yourself to these scenarios, or seek therapy. This is definitely above my pay grade, but I hope you make it.

Same here. After doing a lot of research into spirituality and the law of attraction, I'm finding insane stuff that psychologists with Ph'Ds don't even know. But yeah, the good news is that after years of research we found what was going on, it's just a matter of how to address it.

I know where these vibes are coming from. I used to be crazy heavy into break up fiction, and my subconscious copied stuff from those stories. I would spend hours on my bed crying after a girlfriend died in a story, moved away, or broke up with the main character. There was even one story I got into where this guy's girlfriend got murdered, and I had to seek therapy after trying to find someone in real life that matched the description of the guy's girlfriend. But yeah, I got too deep into fiction, and my mind copied a lot of that stuff. That's why those vibes keep repeating......

EDIT: If he said a person is in 100% control of their emotions, then that means I would have to choose not to give out those emotions. And if this doesn't require focus, this should make it easier. I just heard the Zelda chime on my computer, so this may be a sign that this is the key to end this.

[AdikinBawls]

^A lot of strong mental illness there, I'd go the 'seek therapy' route.

Good luck OPie.

[skinnyfat88]

You put women on a pedestal once you're interested in them and it triggers the change in how you act in that moment which causes them to lose any potential interest they may have had.

Therapy may be required. You could also try flirting/escalating with women you're not interested in just for practice.

[David2112]

You put women on a pedestal once you're interested in them and it triggers the change in how you act in that moment which causes them to lose any potential interest they may have had.

Therapy may be required. You could also try flirting/escalating with women you're not interested in just for practice.

One thing I noticed was that I was attracting women all these years that were women looking for a hookup, meaning a woman that was attempting to seduce me right on the spot. I noticed a lot of anxiety kicked in at this point, but it's not coming from the moment happening too fast, it's just negative thoughts in general. This attraction was coming from PUA, so I wrote a command down in my book to turn this off. I really feel that if I knew a girl for at least six months, this would remove any anxiety or negative thoughts that would ruin the spark/escalation.

I've already tried therapy, and the therapist wanted to go to bed with me. The woman did not have credentials, and the spiritualist told me that I should get someone that had credentials. But if I was to ever get a therapist, I would never settle for a regular psychologist and would get a spiritual therapist, because psychology is not as advanced. For example, I recently learned that the human mind actually has "God powers", meaning everything in the universe is actually possible, but it's based on how strong your belief is. This is something they never ever would teach in a university.

[David2112]

^A lot of strong mental illness there, I'd go the 'seek therapy' route.

Good luck OPie.

Already tried it, and didn't work. I got a spiritual therapist, and I actually knew more than she did.

However, going to her really showed a giant piece of the puzzle. Like I said, this was the ONLY woman all these years where the spark/escalation didn't die. The reason why is because she made me comfortable, and we didn't jump into anything right off the bat. This is why PUA doesn't work for everyone, because it puts you in a state of mind where you sleep with women right on the spot, and this can cause a man to freak out if he's not used to this mentality, plus it throws in a new vibe where this is not the real vibe that has to be addressed.

[David2112]

I have an idea, and it's going to work.

I agree with the above poster. I am putting way too much focus into getting a girlfriend, and that could be what is causing anxiety of when the girl becomes interested. At my job, I threw a party where 20 people showed up, and I approached a girl that liked me, only I ended up freaking out which ruined everything. This is why sports coaches tell their players to meditate before the game and to "act without thinking". The anxiety is coming from over analyzing the situation, and this creates fear by making assumptions such as "she just wants friends", "she has a boyfriend", etc. Becoming outcome independent is actually key, and the law of attraction even teaches about the Buffer of Time which is the waiting and receiving period you must go through.

The second thing I am going to do is make a rule where I have to actually know a girl until I am comfortable with her, meaning a good 3 months and no less. This will remove any anxiety, or any women that just want sex on the spot. The women looking for hookups want quick sex, but the reason why I freak out at those women is because I have no idea what could happen by jumping into a stranger that quick like that. I've had fantasies about sleeping with every woman I knew, but I really would have to figure a way to stay calm if I wanted to do hookups. In all honesty, the hookup thing is no different than the girlfriend situation above. It's pretty much the same thing, because fear cancels out manifestations.

[DharmaYoung19]

Ever been to a circuis?

The all mighty Elephant is attached to a tiny stake in the ground. Yet it never tries to break free, even though if it tried, it could easily rip the peg out of the ground and get away.
Why?
Because when the elephant is a small child it is tied to the peg and it struggles and pulls and tries to break free relentlessly, yet cannot. Eventually the elephant gives up.

People tend to act how they view themselves to be, whether that view is true or false. And people tend to attract others who are on the same wavelength.

You are caught in a negative mindset, in other words a self fulfilling prophesy, that has hijacked your train of thought in regards to your romantic relationship with woman and it's sabotaging you. Where this comes from is an interesting academic concept, but one that is for you and a therapist not the misc.

PUA is great for one night stands but it's teaching are surface level and fake. It basically tells you how to act initially to appear like a highly confident, attractive male to seduce woman, but sooner or later your real self comes out. You need to work on your self What I recommend is Tony Robbins and Coach Core Wayne. Watch youtube videos constantly throughout your day and read the books. Start taking action to apply what you learn. It will take time but eventually you will reinforce the new, more productive ways of thinking that will help you attract the kind of romantic relationship you are looking for.

Coach Corey Wayne (Youtube)
-How to be a 3% Man READ IT ASAP

Anthony Robbins (Youtube)
-Many books, just start reading and applying.

[David2112]

Ever been to a circuis?

The all mighty Elephant is attached to a tiny stake in the ground. Yet it never tries to break free, even though if it tried, it could easily rip the peg out of the ground and get away.
Why?
Because when the elephant is a small child it is tied to the peg and it struggles and pulls and tries to break free relentlessly, yet cannot. Eventually the elephant gives up.

People tend to act how they view themselves to be, whether that view is true or false. And people tend to attract others who are on the same wavelength.

You are caught in a negative mindset, in other words a self fulfilling prophesy, that has hijacked your train of thought in regards to your romantic relationship with woman and it's sabotaging you. Where this comes from is an interesting academic concept, but one that is for you and a therapist not the misc.

PUA is great for one night stands but it's teaching are surface level and fake. It basically tells you how to act initially to appear like a highly confident, attractive male to seduce woman, but sooner or later your real self comes out. You need to work on your self What I recommend is Tony Robbins and Coach Core Wayne. Watch youtube videos constantly throughout your day and read the books. Start taking action to apply what you learn. It will take time but eventually you will reinforce the new, more productive ways of thinking that will help you attract the kind of romantic relationship you are looking for.

Coach Corey Wayne (Youtube)
-How to be a 3% Man READ IT ASAP

Anthony Robbins (Youtube)
-Many books, just start reading and applying.

I actually have an extremely strong psychic power that allows me to tap into source, and I can speak to the spirit of the planet.

It has revealed to me that the reason why the women keep losing interest is because I am emitting a powerful emotion that cancels it out, and the way to stop this is I would have to stop sending out those emotions. I've already mentioned this above, but if people read Abraham Hick's Law of Attraction, it explains what's going on here. It's a "trained vibration", meaning a pattern of thought that is so strong that it sends out a signal. Yeah, I may have to get a therapist, but it's going to have to be a spiritual therapist, or one that's familiar with the law of attraction.

[David2112]

Not gonna believe this. I just had a night terror where a female banshee came into my room, and I heard my keyboard typing all night. She then wrote something on my wall in blood in a different language, and I used Google to interpret it. It came out as "the baby boy" when I translated all the words. Jesus Christ, what in the hell did I do for women to hate me like this? She looked like this, only her hair was black: (h)ttps://i.pinimg.com/originals/fc/f8/13/fcf813116e35f2f5ad3b1b75713c5550.jpg. You have to remove the parenthenses around the "h", because my post count is not high enough yet. Based on my wisdom of this ghost, there's some sort of hatred/resentment associated with females.

Whatever this thing is, it's like what you said. There's some sort of negative belief that's repeating again and again, and it continues to repeat. This is what that spiritualist said by that I had to "believe" if I wanted this to end. But yeah, it's some sort of self fulfilling prophecy of constantly failing with women, no matter how many tries or attempts is made.

One thing that was really interesting, a serial killer tended to appear in my dreams and murder me before each woman rejected me. The interesting pattern I've noticed is that the girl seduces me, and then right after she does, she kills the attraction due to some fear or anger. It's like a black widow spider. Seduce, then kill. Then after my emotions are shredded, people bust up laughing, and then think it's funny. These women are MIRRORING my emotions, so that spiritualist was right. I just had a dream where the serial killer died on the ground, so it may be possible this is coming to an end.

The KEY to ending this is to use the law of attraction to get rid of this entire thing. It's not the women I have to work on, but my mentality. The spirit of the planet said to focus on two things; 1, release resistance, 2, change my beliefs and emotions. It said once those two are done, this would stop.

[BullittEV]

OP one of those people that needs to hit rock bottom first. Sad, he's lucky we live in a society now-a-days that allows this to happen. Youre a self sabotaging weirdo, the traits of usually crazy females.

Few centuries ago you would've been eaten alive by cannibals.

[David2112]

OP one of those people that needs to hit rock bottom first. Sad, he's lucky we live in a society now-a-days that allows this to happen. Youre a self sabotaging weirdo, the traits of usually crazy females.

Few centuries ago you would've been eaten alive by cannibals.

I busted up laughing reading this. Thanks.

[David2112]

Looks like we're getting somewhere. The spirit told me this.

"If you're walking around work thinking a female is coming to get you, and then you turn on horror clips involving female ghosts, what do you think you're inviting? You're inviting dreams and sounds into your experience. Resistance means to 'push' against, meaning a struggle. You should not have any attention towards this subject during the day, because it's adding to stress and anxiety. All of this that happened in your life, the serial killers, the rejection, the laughing, they are your creations that came from your mind. However, you have the power to end this, and you have to listen to me."

[GJLuke]

The spark instantly leaves within 5 minutes of meeting a girl

It seriously takes a long time to really get to know someone. You are projecting onto women, rather than actually really getting to know who they really are. You gotta give women more chances.

And seriously OP, checkout the book Cupid's Poisoned Arrow by Marnia Robinson. I thought the book was brilliant. Connected so many dots for me and gave me new paradigms about relationships. The book explains why attraction falls in relationships over time, and how to solve it. I honestly think the book is revolutionary.

Reading that book will help your mindset and thoughts regarding relationships. If you're into law of attraction, this book has a fair amount of spirituality. Reading Cupid will help put your thoughts more in alignment about healthy and lasting relationships. It's an excellent book on healthy relationships and how to make relationships last.

The solution the author gives is quite unconventional and most people aren't ready to be open to it, so this book isn't for everyone. But I really think the author is onto something big.

Here's a good website too: https://synergyexplorers.org/

All the best.

[David2112]

It seriously takes a long time to really get to know someone. You are projecting onto women, rather than actually really getting to know who they really are. You gotta give women more chances.

And seriously OP, checkout the book Cupid's Poisoned Arrow by Marnia Robinson. I thought the book was brilliant. Connected so many dots for me and gave me new paradigms about relationships. The book explains why attraction falls in relationships over time, and how to solve it. I honestly think the book is revolutionary.

Reading that book will help your mindset and thoughts regarding relationships. If you're into law of attraction, this book has a fair amount of spirituality. Reading Cupid will help put your thoughts more in alignment about healthy and lasting relationships. It's an excellent book on healthy relationships and how to make relationships last.

The solution the author gives is quite unconventional and most people aren't ready to be open to it, so this book isn't for everyone. But I really think the author is onto something big.

Here's a good website too: (h)ttps://synergyexplorers.org/

All the best.

Abraham Hicks books blows everything else out of the water. Basically this....

-OP reads PUA books
-Energy from PUA books draws in women on the spot looking for sex
-OP gets anxiety, because there's thoughts clashing with this new belief
-Attraction fails instantly
-OP meets a female therapist, and this is the only woman where this doesn't happen

We have a winner. It's not so much as the player mentality, but the thoughts surrounding it. Abraham says we even have to try different things, so I'm thinking something I could do here would be to get to know a woman first before doing anything sexual. The anxiety is related to betrayal, meaning moving in too fast without trust.

[David2112]

One interesting thing was when this spiritualist said "these are not misfires, they are creations."

So in other words, the women flake if I vibrate emotions such as "my living conditions aren't great", or "she has a boyfriend". Because I've trained myself to think thoughts like this combined with fear/anger that happens within 5 minutes, it's no wonder why this pattern keeps repeating. It's similar to when the owner of a dog tosses a bone again and again, and the dog has been mentally trained to do that for years.

I have to UN-TRAIN myself from this behavior, and how this is done is by making the choice to do it. It doesn't require focus, just choice......

[Kev1972]

Try men

[MarkJ28]

lower your expectations, bruh

[p100]

Focus on yourself. Get a good career. Learn skills to improve the house like installing faucets, putting on doors, etc. Set a goal for yourself and get a couple of hobbies that require some knowledge, like martial arts or fishing or hiking or camping, etc.

This 'spark' doesn't exist. It's a myth. The 'spark' is the honeymoon phase when people first meet. Past 2 years it disappears for everyone, no exceptions.

Focus on yourself, gain confidence in yourself, have goals for yourself, and live life for yourself. If you meet a girl and she wants to join you on your journey then that is nice, but she is only an addition, just as you are an addition for her. Be your own person and once you are confident being by yourself, then you can bring someone else along.

Take a break from women and don't even think about them until you are at least 40. Very srs. You come across as very confused in your posts. Drop all this spirituality stuff too it is made up of scam artists (spirituality does not equal religion and to be fair there are lots of scummy people that use religion also).

[20Mavs11]

Yeah, you need to focus on yourself. The "Spark" just sounds like you're too scared of being rejected or turned down once they find out who you really are and to protect yourself, you reject them as quick as possible.

Also how you mentioned you read a lot into stories that had strong break ups. I noticed this a lot with the anime/manga crowd. They tend to do things they see in comic books, but they do that **** in real life. You're reading a story that some virgin dude wrote in Japan. Not saying you read anime, but it sounds like you glorify this type of behavior in the stories you read.

Also you mention PUA. PUA are losers. Straight up losers. You should not follow the action of a man who has based his entire life on picking up women as if it takes that much effort. The girl I love and had required just me being myself and signing up for a subscription on match lol. No PUA bs. If you follow the mannerism of a guy who actually gets a ton of female attention, they are usually big on self improvement. They usually have hobbies, sports to follow, passion in their work etc. Women gravitate to men who have a lot going on for them. If you invest all of your time in trying to get a woman, you'll turn it into a video game. Once you "beat the game" aka get the girl on a date, you tell yourself "I won" and you lose that passion. GO get a ****ing hobby! A real one you can invest thousands of hours into that doesn't involve women.

[elterrible987]

TLDR is that OP claims PUA made him unable to ever have an enjoyable first date.

whatever dude